Debate; Modern technology and networking has made dating/relationships harder instead of easier?

[Marik2]

A bit of both

 

[barbzilla]

I am going to say that it is directly proportional to both your looks and what you are looking for out of a date. The largest issue most people face is finding the correct site to put their profile on for online dating, but a few google searches gets that one cleared up pretty easily. The next hurdle people often have is just based off of personal preferences. Most people look for fit, attractive people of the opposite gender with similar interests and an interesting or entertaining about them section. If you are overweight, underweight, have some form of physical asymmetry, or are otherwise unappealing in your photos (I.E. bad hygiene, poor lighting, multiple people in photo with no explanation or other photos, or just have nude posters hanging in the background) you will find online dating significantly more difficult. Likewise if you often find words to be unwieldy or are the type of person that makes things uncomfortable with your wordplay, you may have issues finding that special someone.

All of the other issues are pretty well a minimal issue in my opinion. If you don't like or can't do the online scene, there are still tons of places to go where you can meet people for the purposes of finding a potential date. Grocery Stores (these are number 1 pick up spots in my location), bars, cafes, parks, animal parks, hobbyist shops, and schools are all perfect examples of local places you can go to find people. In fact I would say that online communication and networking has actually made this easier as well. Instead of trying to get that girl's (or guy's) phone number at the grocery store that you just hit it off with it (AKA had a conversation lasting more than 1.5 minutes about something other than food), ask for their social media name or link (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc...). It is usually easier information to attempt to receive than a phone number as most people have a ton of people they don't know or talk to on their social media pages. Once you have said connection, then try to reignite the conversation from earlier and see where it leads. Conversely apps like Skype and HeyTell are also easy to give out since they can easily block you if things don't work out and they end up not enjoying your conversational skills.

After a few conversations, see if they are interested in joining you and some friends when you guys go out somewhere. If so, try to get the phone number on that occasion and then move in for the date after a few phone chats. Many people have become so used to instant gratification that they may be over zealous when it comes to the approach in public, and for those people there are plenty of online dating apps that may make things easier or at least less complicated, but now we are back where we started.

The only places that I see really having been affected in a negative way are with the instant gratification issue I stated previously, and with people being more interested with their phones/tablets/portable gaming than they are in the date or even with paying attention to have the opportunities to actually converse with someone in public that might be a good match for you. I suppose that with the new generation of children growing up with online schools, tele-commute jobs, video over IP interviews and the like, they may not be as socially adept at talking to people in public, but that is easily remedied by just going out and doing it until you do have the experience (this is literally what I am working with my Godson on, as he is a youtube-a-holic).

The places where it has helped outside of the places previously mentioned are:
If you live in a remote area or have a bad reputation in your area, the online scene as well as instant video communication makes it tons easier to find a date without your past or location biting you in the rear.
If you are in a relationship and have to relocate or get deployed somewhere else (hell even if you just go on an extended vacation), you have the most intimate way of long distance communication that we have ever experienced on most of your devices (video chatting).
People can go online and find chat buddies to talk to and maybe get a phone number for, to help with interpersonal skills development for those either too afraid or unable to just walk up to someone and strike up a conversation.

I am sure the list could go on forever, just as I'm sure I missed some detriments as well, but I would almost guarantee that the pros far outweigh the cons on this subject.

 

[FalloutJack]

I think social networking has made things harder, being a wasted existence and all.

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

I'd think it has the potential to generate a very shallow selective process when it otherwise wouldn't be there in an individual due to the ease and efficiency of doing it. Similar to the phenomenon of a job interview being harder to get in part due to it being made so impersonal. Everyone is a picture and nothing more with no real ability or even drive to examine their honesty or presentation in person.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Well I don't know about technology - not convinced smartphones inherently make someone unlikable - but certainly social media has all but salted and burned dating for me. The idea that someone needs to keep updating their status, post new photos for random people to see, that someone, anyone, cares what they ate for breakfast. And there are clear links between depression and social media accounts. The more you have, the more depressed you are. Not to mention almost all the dating apps and sites are scams. What was it on Ashley Madison? Less that 1% of all the women profiles were real, the rest were bots run by admins to get guys to continue renewing the subscription.

It makes my blood itch.

I remember reading once that the average millennial woman spends 5 hours a week taking selfies. Not even posting them, just taking pictures. Dozens and dozens of pictures, and posting like 1 a day.
And just that level of self obsession I find creepy and completely off-putting.

It's kept me out of the dating pool for years, but I refuse to go on even a first date with someone who has taken a selfie. The entire practice is inherently narcissistic, unhealthy and I believe the sign of a insecure and immature mind.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Well, not specific to dating websites or apps but I mean online gaming helped me find people who had similar interests to me and that's how I ended up with Boyfriend (though I guess it's Fiance now? I've never liked that word though).
So in that way I think it's made it a lot easier. I suppose it's harder if you look just at "people I could potentially date" and not "people I have shared interests with". While yeah it's easier to get rejected it's also easier to meet new people. I don't see the problem personally, but I've also not been single in a long time so I'm not really qualified to say anything about the dating scene.

And while of course now nearly any women who can operate the filter on her camera can basically scroll and pick and reject mates left and right like some Queen or Princess of old

I read this bit like five times. What a weird thing to say. I know you didn't write it but still. Like. Eh?
Ah yes, a woman rejecting a dude, how decadent, how like a queen.
"Not this dick-pic, squire, bring me another."

I think it's intended to mean that women today now have a similar power of mas rejection/dismissal of men/suitors without having to know them or even really see them like how royalty of old did.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

It's made it easier to meet people, that's for sure. Relationships are hard to pull one way or the other.

 

[the December King]

Honesty time: I signed up for some online matchmaking services a few months ago, and I've basically already given up on them. It's not really a problem with the service, but just that I'm still not even sure I want a relationship (the sign-up was very spur of the moment and exploratory). I think I mostly signed up because I'm sitting here, 27 years old, never been on a date let alone had sex, thinking "that... shouldn't be fine, right?"

I've thought through all the various reasons for being the way I am, of course. I'm shy. I'm a loser. I'm just a loner. I'm happier on my own. None of them seem to encapsulate the whole scenario perfectly. I'm certainly not UNhappy, but I feel like I COULD be happier... maybe?

So, maybe I'll die alone. Who knows?

Ease up on yourself, good sir. Media has taught us that we all have to be sex-crazed and experienced sluts by 17 or something- and that's just from a man's perspective. That shit is all a fucking hassle- some sort of race to see who is more adult, more mature. Stuff that.

I have been lonely, I was late to the sex jamboree... but I'm not going to pretend to have any solutions for you, though. Each life is different. I met my first girlfriend the old fashioned way (she was a freelance assassin, I was a black-ops ninja, and we were hired to kill... EACH OTHER?!?) ... but my wife was met digitally.

A suggestion, if I may? Keep trying new things, IRL or OL. It can open you up to new groups of people- keeps things entertaining, at least.

 

[Sonmi]

I owe my last relationship due to modern technology... so, I suppose so?

I'd still much rather meet someone the old fashioned way, but that's not always possible with the way life is now, sadly.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I owe my last relationship due to modern technology... so, I suppose so?

I'd still much rather meet someone the old fashioned way, but that's not always possible with the way life is now, sadly.

I thought of this conversation for some reason

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I met my SO on a dating site.

While we do run in similar circles, have a largish number of mutual friends and have recounted past instances where we've been in the same place at the same time and theoretically could have met each other the old fashioned way, it took the dating site to actually put us on the radar in a single people looking for relationship sense.

I don't personally think online dating has made getting a date harder, but it comes with its own challenges and advantages that are different than the way things used to be.

As for the shallowness of it all, dating has always had degrees of shallowness, modern technology hasn't changed that or made it worse, only highlighted it. While any free site or app is going to invite a large audience just looking for flings, it still helps to put your information on the platform that will give you the most success. If you're looking for a LTR, Tinder and Facebook probably aren't the right places for it.

 

[Phasmal]

And while of course now nearly any women who can operate the filter on her camera can basically scroll and pick and reject mates left and right like some Queen or Princess of old

I read this bit like five times. What a weird thing to say. I know you didn't write it but still. Like. Eh?
Ah yes, a woman rejecting a dude, how decadent, how like a queen.
"Not this dick-pic, squire, bring me another."

I think it's intended to mean that women today now have a similar power of mas rejection/dismissal of men/suitors without having to know them or even really see them like how royalty of old did.

Then it's dumb about relationships and dumb about history.
Referring to women having the ability to decide they're not interested in a dude without having to hear his sales pitch first as a "power" is creepy.
And also mass rejection for the lulz is not even close to how "royalty of old" did marriage.

Spoiler: 0/10 would not analogy again

 

[Mister K]

I guess it's Fiance now? I've never liked that word though

Just wait for another few years when people refer to him as your 'hubby'. Makes me want to tear my ears off. Well, their ears really, but I don't own those.

...Y'know that was something I hadn't even considered until now. Oh god what have we put in motion.
Hubby is a truly terrible word.

Eh, just hit the person saying "hubby" with a newspaper everytime they say it. They'll learn eventually.

OT: While I agree with many people here who wrote that social media help finding people based on interests, interests are not the foundation of relationship (IMO). I mean, even if you both like, say, videogames it won't stop you from disliking each other when you meet based on what kind of people you are.

 

[DrownedAmmet]

Well I don't know about technology - not convinced smartphones inherently make someone unlikable - but certainly social media has all but salted and burned dating for me. The idea that someone needs to keep updating their status, post new photos for random people to see, that someone, anyone, cares what they ate for breakfast. And there are clear links between depression and social media accounts. The more you have, the more depressed you are. Not to mention almost all the dating apps and sites are scams. What was it on Ashley Madison? Less that 1% of all the women profiles were real, the rest were bots run by admins to get guys to continue renewing the subscription.

It makes my blood itch.

I remember reading once that the average millennial woman spends 5 hours a week taking selfies. Not even posting them, just taking pictures. Dozens and dozens of pictures, and posting like 1 a day.
And just that level of self obsession I find creepy and completely off-putting.

It's kept me out of the dating pool for years, but I refuse to go on even a first date with someone who has taken a selfie. The entire practice is inherently narcissistic, unhealthy and I believe the sign of a insecure and immature mind.

Next time you see someone posting a selfie, check out how many likes and comments it gets. Because people don't just selfishly share pics of themselves online, they are also liking and commenting on other people's stuff, and usually far more often than when they just post selfies. I'm a dude and I update my Facebook pic and cover photo about once a month, and yeah I'm selfish and like when people tell me I look good, but more often than not I'm liking the cool shit my friends and family do, like when my buddy gets second place in an ultimate frisbee tournament, or when my other friend thinks she looks good and just wants other people to fuckin see that

As for dating sites, it's pretty obvious when you're not talking to an actual human being, if you are single and don't want to be, and you're not on a dating site, you're honestly doing yourself a disservice. Because dating sites are filled with people just like you, average people who want a date for whatever average reason they have

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Next time you see someone posting a selfie, check out how many likes and comments it gets. Because people don't just selfishly share pics of themselves online, they are also liking and commenting on other people's stuff, and usually far more often than when they just post selfies. I'm a dude and I update my Facebook pic and cover photo about once a month, and yeah I'm selfish and like when people tell me I look good, but more often than not I'm liking the cool shit my friends and family do, like when my buddy gets second place in an ultimate frisbee tournament, or when my other friend thinks she looks good and just wants other people to fuckin see that

As for dating sites, it's pretty obvious when you're not talking to an actual human being, if you are single and don't want to be, and you're not on a dating site, you're honestly doing yourself a disservice. Because dating sites are filled with people just like you, average people who want a date for whatever average reason they have

Yeah, that's kinda messed up. Posting pictures of yourself online, literally fishing for compliments...That's not healthy, especially if your friends are obligated to praise you regardless of their actual opinion.
Plus it means you value yourself on the compliments of others, meaning if that one awesome selfie you spent hours getting ready for gets less thumbs up than that one of you doing the ice-bucket challenge with a derpy face, you feel the poorer for it. And then people don't know you as the dapper man in the nice new suit, they know you as the derp face who wore an old Star wars shirt and got wet.

There's a reason social media and depression are so linked. It really separates me from my fellow millennials, but I just can't imagine doing so much social media and also being satisfied with your life.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

I think technology has decreased a lot of the fear in hooking up with people. I mean you can practically pre-research people and analyze their livelihoods bygoing onto social media. Well, everybody except me it seems. No Facebook, no Tumblr, no Twitter, just a mobile phone and PC (and student laptop).

Then again I consider myself a pretty private person, because fuck the world of enforced openness. Private in the sense of I like moderating my information feed to others, not private as in asocial and withdrawn (though I do have my moments).

I will say being trans makes online dating annoying. So I prefer hooking up with people in social situations. I figure if someone has my first name and if flirting seems to go beyond a certain degree and they seem interesting enough, I may then tell them I'm trans. Not before... because 'no' to all that pink triangle Nazi rhetoric that you have to out yourself to everyone you meet.

And with the clubs I frequent on occasion, it's not like it's so threatening or places you go that are reflective of who you are in your day to day life. Everybody looks different when they party in a 'scene' than when they're just rocking up to uni or going to the supermarket. And honestly this system is way more my style. Mainly because I find it liberating that most of the people I meet know nothing about who I am on a day-to-day basis, and that I'm flexible enough to blend into any social environment. Punk, rock, student groups, alt scene, etc ...

I like my flexibility of public persona. Because then I don't need to worry about it. I feel more comfortable owning my own information feed and regulating my exposure to be as minimal as possible. So I don't get this selfie obsessed culture. I don't get the desire to tell everyone where you went to lunch, and I especially don't get why people need to know parts of your journal just to hook up and have a drink.

-------

So ... pros and cons;

Pro:

It means a person is armed with the data and they already know you're trans. Which reduces a whole lot of potential garbage.

Con:

The internet represents a reflexive fragmentation of self. A technosexuality that is directed and reflexively conditioned to present people as a template of manufactured engagement. An inevitably false light and false representation.

-------

Pro:

The internet does offer a certain amount of ease in attempting to find someone...

Con:

That ease also births the idea that social engagement is similarly as easy as it is in the flesh. The number of stories I hear of disappointment from meeting the people behind the mask, because inevitably first impressions are crafted through limited information and limited direct interrogation.

-------

Pro:

But then again, not everyone is a social butterfly that feels comfortable with approaching a stranger and simply talking to them.

Con:

... not everyone is a social butterfly that feels comfortable with approaching a stranger and simply talking to them ...

-------

Personally I think online dating is rubbish, but I suppose if you're super busy it might suit the needs some people have to feel connected and receptive to a relationship without having to invest time in directly engaging with people in the flesh.

But for those same reasons, I think it's kind of rubbish.

 

[Kolby Jack]

Honesty time: I signed up for some online matchmaking services a few months ago, and I've basically already given up on them. It's not really a problem with the service, but just that I'm still not even sure I want a relationship (the sign-up was very spur of the moment and exploratory). I think I mostly signed up because I'm sitting here, 27 years old, never been on a date let alone had sex, thinking "that... shouldn't be fine, right?"

I've thought through all the various reasons for being the way I am, of course. I'm shy. I'm a loser. I'm just a loner. I'm happier on my own. None of them seem to encapsulate the whole scenario perfectly. I'm certainly not UNhappy, but I feel like I COULD be happier... maybe?

So, maybe I'll die alone. Who knows?

Ease up on yourself, good sir. Media has taught us that we all have to be sex-crazed and experienced sluts by 17 or something- and that's just from a man's perspective. That shit is all a fucking hassle- some sort of race to see who is more adult, more mature. Stuff that.

I have been lonely, I was late to the sex jamboree... but I'm not going to pretend to have any solutions for you, though. Each life is different. I met my first girlfriend the old fashioned way (she was a freelance assassin, I was a black-ops ninja, and we were hired to kill... EACH OTHER?!?) ... but my wife was met digitally.

A suggestion, if I may? Keep trying new things, IRL or OL. It can open you up to new groups of people- keeps things entertaining, at least.

Yeah, I know. I guess for the longest time I told myself that if I ever had my life in order I'd try online dating since it seemed perfect for me but after trying it I just can't get into it. That doesn't make my prospects seem any better. But I am slowly trying new things now that I have the time. This summer I'm going to my first convention, certainly not with the goal of meeting someone of course, but I'm sure to meet people in general who are more similar to me than I'm used to so who knows?

 

[marioandsonic]

I've never used a dating app or anything like that. I've never been on a date or anything either. Never tried to talk to a girl in public because I always assume they will just call me a creep or just tell me to get lost.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go cry myself to sleep.

 

[BarkBarker]

As long as tech makes it convenient for people to NOT deal with other humans as much or equal as it enables communication, pursuing a meaningful relationship will be down to the individual. I use social media to chat with 1 friend on a daily or so basis mostly just shooting the shit and I have an interest feed tailored to just memes and cute shit I like having in my life. I do lean on the introvert spectrum so I obviously keep everything close to the chest which probably helps.

 

[crypticracer]

I believe the basic premise. Technology has made intimacy harder (less important?) while making socializing easier (less effective?)

I would be interested if the success rates of dates have changed one way or the other. If it's more difficult, but more successful, then that could potentially even things out. (I don't know what I mean by "things" here... yah)