Dem feels again.

[Doclector]

Grrr. I seem to be going into one of those phases where I have feelings that aren't humourous grumpiness, or awesomeness. I don't like it.

People keep pissing me off one or another. People in the street having no manners or giving me funny looks, people online being assholes, some friends being more stupid than I thought they were, all of them pissing me off. Even people who I've never met are pissing me off, I can't stop thinking about tearing apart that ignorant ***** who leads westboro baptist church protests.

It goes beyond my usual level of anger. last couple of days, I've barely been an hour without thinking about how somebody deserves to suffer. I play violent videogames, which helps, but still, within a few hours of not playing, I end up angry again.

Part of it's the ignorance people have displayed recently. Some of it on here. The sexism arguments have stirred up some who will gladly say that because you have one or the other set of genitalia, you're a terrible person. I fucking hate people who discriminate, sexism is no exception. Some of my friends have expressed certain views on facebook that seem to insult me. "If you can't get a girlfriend, you're obviously a 'nice guy' who wants to exchange friendly favours for sex". Honestly, it wasn't that surprising knowing the guy who said it (a self admitted manwhore. He doesn't lie to anyone about his intentions, he just has sex a lot with a lot of different people), but I still thought he had more respect for other people's feelings. Some girl who I thought wasn't so fucking stupid decided to accuse me of only caring about sex, because I didn't want to never lose my virginity. She continued to do so, even when I completely explained, and then tried to lie that she never said it was about me.

I know I ain't perfect myself before someone accuses me of being up myself, but I'm so fucking pissed off with it all. Feels like somebody should pay for it. Today I had to fight off an urge to fucking strangle someone down town who gave me a dirty look when I tried to get past them.

I need a way to calm down more permanently. Or at the very least, recommendations for a very, very, violent game.

 

[Xeraxis]

Seems like you're letting stuff get to you too much. So many people are always going to act in such manners that you just explained, whether you like it or not. Just the way it is. Best thing you can do is to just brush it off or stay away from it. Those who act stubborn or like an asshole aren't worth your time anyway.

Maybe you should try releasing your outrage in a different form other than through games? Go punch something (not a person) repeatedly or take a long jog to push your mind away from stress.

 

[Moxxi]

I used to be in the same shoes you were in. I still am, and it's really hard to move on from this. I used photoshop as a way to blow off some steam. Killing floor helped a bit. Mass Effect 2 and 3 calmed me down a lot. As well as last of the wilds by nightwish. I did however calm down when I got engaged to my fiance. So maybe you just need a girl to love you, and be a more permanent part of your life?

 

[Doclector]

I used to be in the same shoes you were in. I still am, and it's really hard to move on from this. I used photoshop as a way to blow off some steam. Killing floor helped a bit. Mass Effect 2 and 3 calmed me down a lot. As well as last of the wilds by nightwish. I did however calm down when I got engaged to my fiance. So maybe you just need a girl to love you, and be a more permanent part of your life?

That really isn't going to happen anytime soon. Or ever, most likely.

 

[Moxxi]

That really isn't going to happen anytime soon. Or ever, most likely.

That's what I thought. But it happened. Just got to find the right one. Trust me, I used to feel the same way.

 

[Phasmal]

I've said it before, I'll say it again...
Get some therapy.

I'm not saying that to be nasty, I honestly believe you could benefit from it. You seem pissed or upset or down a lot and it couldn't hurt to talk to someone.
Talk to your GP about it and they can schedule you an appointment with a councellor. If you don't want to go on meds tell them that straight away, they can't force you.

 

[Moxxi]

Therapy didn't work for me. Helped a little bit, but not much.

 

[Phasmal]

Something is surely better than nothing.
I ended up not going to therapy because I managed to open up about my situation to my family and since depression runs in my family anyway, many of them are well versed in helping someone who is down.
But just the act of talking to them about it was very helpful for me.
Worth a try, imo.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

That really isn't going to happen anytime soon. Or ever, most likely.

Why not?

 

[Doclector]

That really isn't going to happen anytime soon. Or ever, most likely.

Why not?

I suck at "being attractive". I'm not physically attractive by a million miles, and while I'm capable of being funny and all, it's not good enough. Ever.

Furthermore, the risk is too great to try. I hate to fail at anything. Failure is shame. Especially ay something everyone else has little problem with, especially at something that always ends up being made public. The harm of failure is disproportionate with the chance of success.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

I suck at "being attractive". I'm not physically attractive by a million miles, and while I'm capable of being funny and all, it's not good enough. Ever.

Furthermore, the risk is too great to try. I hate to fail at anything. Failure is shame. Especially ay something everyone else has little problem with, especially at something that always ends up being made public. The harm of failure is disproportionate with the chance of success.

Men and women aren't all that different. When you're sitting in worried about how you look or what the opposite sex think of you, there's a girl somewhere in the same situation. It used to be me.

As for trying and failing. There is no harm in failing, nothing blows up or sinks and burns or dies. You just reset and try again. I might turn down half a dozen men on some nights, then see them leaving with other women. As for what everyone else thinks, cowards are less respected than failures, because at least they summoned up some gumption and went for it. No shame in failure, but much in cowardice. I know it can be daunting, but that's what wingmen are for. Or online dating. Or going for the low hanging fruit, people you know you can score with.

I hate to come across as all Freudian, but I think a good lay would help you a lot. I used to view sex as just another biological routine, until
I started having it. It's awesome.

 

[Jonluw]

I know this sounds silly, but:
Watch Clannad and Clannad after story. It certainly changed how I feel about things in general.
The first season (Clannad) is a bit slow (though it's good if you just relax and get into it), and the beginning of after story can feel sort of irrelevant, but just watch it. It's great. You'll understand when it's over.

 

[MidnightCat]

Do you have someone around who you can easily vent to? When I'm annoyed about something I rage about it to my sister, and after we chat for a while I'll usually calm down. Or if there's no one available, you could talk to someone in your head (does this sound strange? It's something I used to do a lot), or write about how you feel on paper. It can provide some release and maybe help you to understand why you're feeling the way you are.

As for getting angry at posts in the forums, maybe do what I do and avoid the threads you know that are going to annoy you, or when you begin to rage just step away from the computer and do some menial task while writing a response in your head. You may find that when you return you've lost the urge to respond to the posts, or you can dismiss them more easily. It took me a while to get it, but when I realised that arguing on the Internet rarely achieves anything and usually just results in frustration, I found it much easier to avoid and ignore the stupider posts and threads.

Anyway, if you need someone to talk and/or vent to feel free to send a pm my way, I'll do my best to help

 

[Geekiest]

I suffered from a lot of excess anger before I sat down and talked to a Therapist about why. I was at the point where I was reacting with anger to people trying to help me and asking how I am. When dealing with anger, while having outlets is beneficial and healthy, really the only 'solution' for it is to talk and thing yourself all the way through it. A therapist is great for asking just the right questions to get you thinking in the right direction about the source of a lot of your anger.

My own had a lot to do with not feeling like I could talk to the people I cared about and feeling helpless in a lot of things. Talking through things and coming to realizations didn't change the fact that a lot of things still annoyed me, but now I can respond to these things, and more often than not improve them, rather than react and generally provoking the kind of responses that annoy me even more. And surprisingly? I find that monotonously challenging games help. Things that are pure accomplishment.

 

[Doclector]

Do you have someone around who you can easily vent to? When I'm annoyed about something I rage about it to my sister, and after we chat for a while I'll usually calm down. Or if there's no one available, you could talk to someone in your head (does this sound strange? It's something I used to do a lot), or write about how you feel on paper. It can provide some release and maybe help you to understand why you're feeling the way you are.

As for getting angry at posts in the forums, maybe do what I do and avoid the threads you know that are going to annoy you, or when you begin to rage just step away from the computer and do some menial task while writing a response in your head. You may find that when you return you've lost the urge to respond to the posts, or you can dismiss them more easily. It took me a while to get it, but when I realised that arguing on the Internet rarely achieves anything and usually just results in frustration, I found it much easier to avoid and ignore the stupider posts and threads.

Anyway, if you need someone to talk and/or vent to feel free to send a pm my way, I'll do my best to help

I try to ignore stupid threads, but either the thread title enrages me in such a way that I have to post, if only to feel like there's a chance I made the OP suffer even a little, or the thing that enrages me is in one of the posts in an otherwise reasonable thread. It's like the instant I see something that makes me angry, the reasoning that arguing is pointless goes out the window. I want the person who said it to suffer, in some way, somehow. Later when I get a response, I tend not to reply to it, because usually with the kind of people that annoy me, I recieve proof that they're too arrogant/moronic to feel guilty or ashamed by what they said.

As for people to talk to, the closest I have is the advice forum, I guess. In real life it's kind of my job to make people laugh when they're down, perhaps provide advice from my own "unique" perspective, I feel like people would feel they couldn't rely on me that much if they knew I had my own serious problems. I guess, also, I kinda don't want people in real life to know. I can't really describe why. I guess I like being seen as happy-go lucky (or murderous-go lucky, such is my sense of humour).

I've said it before, I'll say it again...
Get some therapy.

I'm not saying that to be nasty, I honestly believe you could benefit from it. You seem pissed or upset or down a lot and it couldn't hurt to talk to someone.
Talk to your GP about it and they can schedule you an appointment with a councellor. If you don't want to go on meds tell them that straight away, they can't force you.

That's the thing, they can. They can put me away if they feel there's reason for it. Both things would ruin my university course. They put me on meds, I'll be turned into a fucking shell. I fear my creativity would die with my neuroses, possibly along with the majority of my personality. And if they put me away...well, they won't let me watch the kind of films I write my essays on, that's for sure. I doubt they'd let me film, either. The way I hear it, those places are like jail with less rights.

I appreciate that it helped you, and thanks for trying to help me, but it's too big a risk for me. Besides, even if they don't put me away or force me to take pills, I know damn well there's more fucked up with me than aspergers, and just that is enough to have anyone who finds out (Or, in the cases of employers, they force me to tell them) assuming I'm a dribbling invalid who occasionally eats puppies. If I get diagnosed with anything else, I can say goodbye to any possibility of employment, and any hope of respect from anyone else who finds out.

I suck at "being attractive". I'm not physically attractive by a million miles, and while I'm capable of being funny and all, it's not good enough. Ever.

Furthermore, the risk is too great to try. I hate to fail at anything. Failure is shame. Especially ay something everyone else has little problem with, especially at something that always ends up being made public. The harm of failure is disproportionate with the chance of success.

Men and women aren't all that different. When you're sitting in worried about how you look or what the opposite sex think of you, there's a girl somewhere in the same situation. It used to be me.

As for trying and failing. There is no harm in failing, nothing blows up or sinks and burns or dies. You just reset and try again. I might turn down half a dozen men on some nights, then see them leaving with other women. As for what everyone else thinks, cowards are less respected than failures, because at least they summoned up some gumption and went for it. No shame in failure, but much in cowardice. I know it can be daunting, but that's what wingmen are for. Or online dating. Or going for the low hanging fruit, people you know you can score with.

I hate to come across as all Freudian, but I think a good lay would help you a lot. I used to view sex as just another biological routine, until
I started having it. It's awesome.

Hate to say it, but you might be right. Problem is, even if I had a wingman worth a damn (that would mean admitted to real life friends that I feel that "loneliness" thing) even if I didn't see online dating as a surefire way to get conned or worse, even if I wasn't the lowest hanging fruit (at least I think so, anyway), I'm stuck in this shitty little town for the next month at the very least before going back to uni. Most people here are chavs. Not just, "they like shitty music, wear shitty expensive clothes, but they're nice people otherwise", I mean proper scumbags. And even if I just had a one night thing with someone here, well, frankly, it'd be more hygenic to stick my dick in a sewage pipe. running from the toilet of a burger king. On "free spicy wings" day. Honestly, I don't want to sound like I have standards, because I have no right to them, but there's standards and then there's personal safety.

And I ain't sure that there's no harm in failing. It is my own problem, but not one that's easy to overcome. The last time that something went wrong in relationships for me (which would be also, the last time I tried) I retreated into being a semi-hermit out of shame. To say I don't deal with rejection well would be a bigger understatement than saying Nick clegg is a bit of an arsehole. Worst thing is, I was doing well at the time. I had just started to be more socially active. I was going out regularly. I had friends. That one thing went wrong, and all my confidence flew out the window. It took me two years and moving to university to get it back and then some. The only way I can prepare for rejection is by getting rejected. Which could cost me everything. It's a massive mindfuck. It's funny, all those PSAs and teachers telling me not to engage in relationships in school seems to have done nothing but harm me in the long run. Now I'm playing a game of catch up against people who are on another continent by now. Not that I would be having much more success, but at least I might be more used to failure.

Shite, I've got a lot to think about.

 

[Phasmal]

[

I've said it before, I'll say it again...
Get some therapy.

I'm not saying that to be nasty, I honestly believe you could benefit from it. You seem pissed or upset or down a lot and it couldn't hurt to talk to someone.
Talk to your GP about it and they can schedule you an appointment with a councellor. If you don't want to go on meds tell them that straight away, they can't force you.

That's the thing, they can. They can put me away if they feel there's reason for it. Both things would ruin my university course. They put me on meds, I'll be turned into a fucking shell. I fear my creativity would die with my neuroses, possibly along with the majority of my personality. And if they put me away...well, they won't let me watch the kind of films I write my essays on, that's for sure. I doubt they'd let me film, either. The way I hear it, those places are like jail with less rights.

I appreciate that it helped you, and thanks for trying to help me, but it's too big a risk for me. Besides, even if they don't put me away or force me to take pills, I know damn well there's more fucked up with me than aspergers, and just that is enough to have anyone who finds out (Or, in the cases of employers, they force me to tell them) assuming I'm a dribbling invalid who occasionally eats puppies. If I get diagnosed with anything else, I can say goodbye to any possibility of employment, and any hope of respect from anyone else who finds out.

You know you cannot get sectioned unless you are a danger to yourself or others, right?
(Or you agree to be, but that's another matter).

As I mentioned further downthread, I've not been to therapy but lunacy is a family trait so I know plenty about it. I've never heard of anyone being forced to take pills, unless they are in an institution. In the UK they will just pescribe you stuff.

Either way, if not therapy perhaps you should consider one of those phone lines you ring to talk to people when things are fucked up. (I dont mean the suicide one, there are others for when your life is in the shitter). You really seem like you should talk to someone.

 

[StBishop]

I used to be in the same shoes you were in. I still am, and it's really hard to move on from this. I used photoshop as a way to blow off some steam. Killing floor helped a bit. Mass Effect 2 and 3 calmed me down a lot. As well as last of the wilds by nightwish. I did however calm down when I got engaged to my fiance. So maybe you just need a girl to love you, and be a more permanent part of your life?

Co-dependant relationships are rarely healthy. If you're feeling like harming others regularly, it might be a good idea to worry about yourself for a while. Relationships can be quite hard, especially if you're new to being in a committed relationship. It might not be best to put more on your plate right now.

OT: I'm another person who recommends therapy. I whole heartedly support it.

I had some therapy when I was about 16 for similar issues and although I ended up angrier after the session than when I went in, it was short term. Long term I became much happier and, years later, I realise my life is immeasurably better thanks to that dude.

You might find that it affects you completely differently to how it affected me, so don't let me saying that I found it stressful immediately after put you off. It's very likely that my anger had different roots to whatever is making you angry.

 

[Galletea]

You know violent games just make you more violent right? It's a fact, it's just the levels are exaggerated in the press. So for calming you down, you might respond better to something less stressful, but still challenging. You could try playing something more peaceful like minecraft or Katamari.
Or don't bother with the stimuli of games and write down everything that pisses you off after a stressful day.

 

[Arakasi]

Protip? Don't read the feminism threads.
It angers me also.