Depressed times when I have nothing to be depressed about?

[Doclector]

I've been at university for a few months now, and it's been great, the best decision I ever made. I live here, and it's really finally broken me out of the shell I had been imprisoned in for quite some time by a considerable amount of trauma gained from a youth of vicious bullying and some other quite lovely people who saw my broken state and decided I wouldn't mind being broken a little more so they could further their own interests.

I have more friends here than I have ever done. My unhinged sense of humour and tendency for absurdity have suddenly become things that make me popular rather than just wierd. I've even attained a somewhat legendary status in my halls apartment.

The problem is that occasionally, I become depressed. I have no idea why.

This is nothing new. Back home, I would often have periods of time in which I would become incredibly depressed, for hours at a time, it sometimes becoming so bad I physically felt sick, screamed at nothing, and occasionally rabidly bit myself to try and stop myself from crying. It was understandable, I was chained to my past, aware that it was unhealthy to cling to such unpleasant experiences and yet unable to stop, I was lonely, the only contact with humanity outside my own family being xbox live, this fine website, and the occasional chat with local game store till assistants, who I'm sure were fed up of my incredibly awkward ways, but here, it doesn't make any sense for me to be so depressed.

It isn't quite as bad here. Back home it would seem that almost every day I'd have some time where I'd start to feel bad, then worse. Here it's more like once a week or so, and the severity is nothing like at home. I don't feel the need to scream, although it does physically feel bad, it doesn't feel like my insides want to become my outsides. But still, it bothers me enough for me to want to know why.

I can only think of a handful of things that it could be. Simple work stress could be one thing, the load is immense and seemingly non stop, but I asked for that by signing up, and besides, I enjoy most of my work. I could be homesick, I haven't had a chance to come home for a weekend yet due to either work or social plans, but my parents visit every few weeks or so, and that's the only reason for me to miss home. It could be that I don't have a girlfriend and probably never will, but quite frankly, I accepted that ages ago. I debated it in my head and decided such things would be harmful to my work and mental state, and besides, my chances of success were too slim to consider.

It seems most likely that I become depressed due to wondering whether I am any more than a novelty to the people who claim to like me, but I left such paranoia behind a while ago, and even I couldn't be cynical enough to deny that I have more unquestionably "true" friends here than I ever have at any point in my life.

TLR; I have no plausible reason to be depressed, and yet I occasionally am. Any ideas as to why?

Thanks for the help, and sorry for being such an ungrateful bastard. I know there are people with far more to be depressed about who are never depressed.

 

[Insobriety]

Are you depressed all year through, or is this something you've been feeling lately? If its just recently then it could be S.A.D (seasonal affective disorder) It's quite common as the days get shorter and it gets colder to be depressed.

I used to suffer from manic depression. I would have these incredible swings where I'd be so happy, like dancing and singing literally, and smiling wide for no reason at all and then 10 minutes later I'd be crying, listening to music that made me more depressed, almost intentionally and drinking. I also used to be physically bullied by a family member and at the time I assumed it was due to that because it was said family member who always seemed to crop up in my mind when I felt bad. So it could be related to unresolved personal issues you have with your past. Luckily for me, after years of dealing with this on a monthly basis, it just stopped out of nowhere and I havent had an episode for like 9 months now, which is nice =]. I hope it gets better for you too. It sucks to be down and out, especially when you're lonely and there's nobody around to pick you up.

 

[Frezz]

Don't be ashamed about feeling bad sometimes, that's a pretty natural thing. But when it's irrationally severe and seems to come and go without triggers, that's often a sign of something clinical. I obviously can't judge that over the internet, but this sounds like it could be serious enough to be worth seeing a professional to better gauge your situation.

I can say all I want about how paranoia about people's intentions usually does more harm than good, and how you should think positively or whatever, but having dealt with some very real depression myself, I know that changing moods isn't something you can do with a conscious flip of the switch. The best advice I can offer is to keep your friends close, and if you can, open up to someone about what's going on. A lot of times we inflate things in our heads, so having someone to talk to for both encouragement and perspective is invaluable.

Best of luck to you. c:

 

[Doclector]

Are you depressed all year through, or is this something you've been feeling lately? If its just recently then it could be S.A.D (seasonal affective disorder) It's quite common as the days get shorter and it gets colder to be depressed.

Well, when I was back home it was all year round, and I doubt it could be that, I love winter, always have done.

I used to suffer from manic depression. I would have these incredible swings where I'd be so happy, like dancing and singing literally, and smiling wide for no reason at all and then 10 minutes later I'd be crying, listening to music that made me more depressed, almost intentionally and drinking. I also used to be physically bullied by a family member and at the time I assumed it was due to that because it was said family member who always seemed to crop up in my mind when I felt bad. So it could be related to unresolved personal issues you have with your past. Luckily for me, after years of dealing with this on a monthly basis, it just stopped out of nowhere and I havent had an episode for like 9 months now, which is nice =]. I hope it gets better for you too. It sucks to be down and out, especially when you're lonely and there's nobody around to pick you up.

I had considered manic depression, I do tend to have quite hyper periods of time as well, but then again, it's not as if it's one or the other, I have the grey area in between most of the time.

Thanks for the support anyway.

 

[Insobriety]

I had considered manic depression, I do tend to have quite hyper periods of time as well, but then again, it's not as if it's one or the other, I have the grey area in between most of the time.

Thanks for the support anyway.

Yeah I did too. Manic depression isn't just about being high, and being low and no inbetween. It's a chemical imbalance at times that just makes you swing in your mood, dramatically. I assume your university has a councellor or a health clinic? I really can't stress enough how helpful it is to talk to a shrink about your problems. It's nothing to be embarresed about, and chatting openly to a stranger about your problems and just getting it all out, and hearing it aloud will probably do you a world of good. It's not for everybody but its something to consider =].

 

[Doclector]

I had considered manic depression, I do tend to have quite hyper periods of time as well, but then again, it's not as if it's one or the other, I have the grey area in between most of the time.

Thanks for the support anyway.

Yeah I did too. Manic depression isn't just about being high, and being low and no inbetween. It's a chemical imbalance at times that just makes you swing in your mood, dramatically. I assume your university has a councellor or a health clinic? I really can't stress enough how helpful it is to talk to a shrink about your problems. It's nothing to be embarresed about, and chatting openly to a stranger about your problems and just getting it all out, and hearing it aloud will probably do you a world of good. It's not for everybody but its something to consider =].

I've been considering a counsellor, but not a doctor. I've heard so many horror stories about drugs that made things worse and stuff like that. One of my online friends was even almost sectioned because he felt depressed about breaking up with his GF. And then theres the possibility of people judging me, and admittedly, by people I largely mean employers. I already have aspergers weighing me down on that front, I don't want more things for idiot desk workers who know nothing about the subject to judge me on.

 

[Insobriety]

I've been considering a counsellor, but not a doctor. I've heard so many horror stories about drugs that made things worse and stuff like that. One of my online friends was even almost sectioned because he felt depressed about breaking up with his GF. And then theres the possibility of people judging me, and admittedly, by people I largely mean employers. I already have aspergers weighing me down on that front, I don't want more things for idiot desk workers who know nothing about the subject to judge me on.

No, I wouldn't recommend anti-depressants. I'm not sure about the US but here in europe quite a lot of the anti-depressants on the market contain small amounts of amphetamines and can be quite addictive - moreover, they don't help at all. My sister was on anti-depressants years back and it made her a whole lot worse. Wont go into details other than to say that her doctor swiftly took her back off them and sent her to see a psychiatric therapist instead which helped her a lot.

 

[Doclector]

I've been considering a counsellor, but not a doctor. I've heard so many horror stories about drugs that made things worse and stuff like that. One of my online friends was even almost sectioned because he felt depressed about breaking up with his GF. And then theres the possibility of people judging me, and admittedly, by people I largely mean employers. I already have aspergers weighing me down on that front, I don't want more things for idiot desk workers who know nothing about the subject to judge me on.

No, I wouldn't recommend anti-depressants. I'm not sure about the US but here in europe quite a lot of the anti-depressants on the market contain small amounts of amphetamines and can be quite addictive - moreover, they don't help at all. My sister was on anti-depressants years back and it made her a whole lot worse. Wont go into details other than to say that her doctor swiftly took her back off them and sent her to see a psychiatric therapist instead which helped her a lot.

I'm in europe, specifically england, and the main problem in most of the stories I heard was that some doctors would say "take the drugs, or don't get any treatment at all". It's all very disturbing.

 

[Frezz]

I'd like to offer the opposing side to antidepressants, I can say that medication helped me to get through the worst of my own depression. It's not a magic feel better pill, and it won't solve underlying problems, but it did stop me from spiraling so hard that I couldn't even think about my own issues.

Definitely talk to a psychiatrist about this kind of issue, rather than a physical doctor. They're much more qualified to tell you whether or not medication is a good option, and tend to be more well-versed in the science surrounding the various meds they have now. Whether medication will help or not depends on a very wide range of individual factors.

Even if you're thoroughly opposed to medication, there are still several options as far as non-chemical therapy goes, and counseling is a vital part of treatment even if you do end up on medication.

Also, if you're afraid of people judging you, just tell them you're going to the doctor. If they demand an explanation, just say you'd rather keep it private. It's not their business.

 

[Galletea]

It seems to me that you are effectively getting over your depression. You can't expect things to completely vanish with just a change of scenery. Obviously your change of lifestyle is making you better, but sometimes you will have these episodes. As for the cause, it's likely to be a combination of things; exhaustion, stress, whatever.

I think going to a doctor might be a good idea if you're worried about it. Most doctors only go for drugs as a last resort and if you explain how you used to feel then they would probably prescribe exercise and healthy eating. Especially when you have these paranoid episodes, exercise is a great way of clearing your head.

 

[Ando85]

snip

I skimmed through the other responses so I'll apologize in advance if things I say have already been covered.

Your depression sounds like it isn't really based on any situation, it sounds more like a physiological problem. Everyone has problems in their life, but not everyone is depressed. Depression makes the negative aspects of one's life come roaring forward and masking the positives.

Although you might have heard this a million times exercise and exposure to sunlight naturally send chemicals to your brain that improve your mood. If you don't exercise or if you stay indoors get into the habit of taking a brisk walk everyday. Something that simple can work wonders. I know when someone is depressed even doing that seems like too much effort, but you just have to force yourself. You will probably be glad you did.

Finally, do not blame yourself for this or feel guilty about it. It is a physiological problem that is well beyond your control. You can't just simply will yourself out of depression. There are people in the world who have it much worse off than you and are happy. There are people in the world who seem to have a perfect life bounds above yours and mine that are depressed.

Hope that helps a bit.

 

[Doclector]

I'd like to offer the opposing side to antidepressants, I can say that medication helped me to get through the worst of my own depression. It's not a magic feel better pill, and it won't solve underlying problems, but it did stop me from spiraling so hard that I couldn't even think about my own issues.

Definitely talk to a psychiatrist about this kind of issue, rather than a physical doctor. They're much more qualified to tell you whether or not medication is a good option, and tend to be more well-versed in the science surrounding the various meds they have now. Whether medication will help or not depends on a very wide range of individual factors.

Even if you're thoroughly opposed to medication, there are still several options as far as non-chemical therapy goes, and counseling is a vital part of treatment even if you do end up on medication.

Also, if you're afraid of people judging you, just tell them you're going to the doctor. If they demand an explanation, just say you'd rather keep it private. It's not their business.

Here's the thing, the people I'm worried about are the damn employers, and they put in this thing in every application that says if I lie to them, they can bring legal procedings on me. So I essentially have to tell them everything they demand, and pray they're not gonna judge me on it, and by the fact I've been looking for a job for four years and only got two replies with a heap of experience and good grades, I'm guessing they are judging me, so I don't want to give em any more ammo than I have to, if I don't get an official diagnosis, they can't prove a thing.

I think I have started to zone in on a trigger, if not a cause. I have a habit of self depricating when I like someone. I gotta be honest, there's alot of great girls here, funny, smart, pretty. Ugh, I feel like a perv just writing that. Perv or not, with my new found social life, I find myself around girls alot more, but every time I get an idea about approaching a girl romantically, I start self depricating, because I don't want to get into that mess, I have to remind myself of all the reasons it could never work so I don't do something stupid. Most of the time I can just shrug it off, but sometimes it seems to work all too well, and I get down again. I wonder why I didn't think of this before, but I guess it's something I'm so used to doing that it didn't occur to me as a major problem.

 

[Phyaran]

I'd like to offer the opposing side to antidepressants, I can say that medication helped me to get through the worst of my own depression. It's not a magic feel better pill, and it won't solve underlying problems, but it did stop me from spiraling so hard that I couldn't even think about my own issues.

Definitely talk to a psychiatrist about this kind of issue, rather than a physical doctor. They're much more qualified to tell you whether or not medication is a good option, and tend to be more well-versed in the science surrounding the various meds they have now. Whether medication will help or not depends on a very wide range of individual factors.

Even if you're thoroughly opposed to medication, there are still several options as far as non-chemical therapy goes, and counseling is a vital part of treatment even if you do end up on medication.

Also, if you're afraid of people judging you, just tell them you're going to the doctor. If they demand an explanation, just say you'd rather keep it private. It's not their business.

Here's the thing, the people I'm worried about are the damn employers, and they put in this thing in every application that says if I lie to them, they can bring legal procedings on me. So I essentially have to tell them everything they demand, and pray they're not gonna judge me on it, and by the fact I've been looking for a job for four years and only got two replies with a heap of experience and good grades, I'm guessing they are judging me, so I don't want to give em any more ammo than I have to, if I don't get an official diagnosis, they can't prove a thing.

I think I have started to zone in on a trigger, if not a cause. I have a habit of self depricating when I like someone. I gotta be honest, there's alot of great girls here, funny, smart, pretty. Ugh, I feel like a perv just writing that. Perv or not, with my new found social life, I find myself around girls alot more, but every time I get an idea about approaching a girl romantically, I start self depricating, because I don't want to get into that mess, I have to remind myself of all the reasons it could never work so I don't do something stupid. Most of the time I can just shrug it off, but sometimes it seems to work all too well, and I get down again. I wonder why I didn't think of this before, but I guess it's something I'm so used to doing that it didn't occur to me as a major problem.

As a late-stage student in Health (specifically Pharmacy, but we look at more than just the drugs), and as someone who has spent the better part of two years supporting a girlfriend with anxiety disorder and depression, so I may be able to offer something (obviously everyone else in this thread has their own basis and background for giving advice, I merely offer mine so you know where I'm coming from).

A lot of your post has been answered so far so I'll just go with the overview.

TLR; I have no plausible reason to be depressed, and yet I occasionally am. Any ideas as to why?

It could certainly be physiological, which would explain why you feel worse than you reason you should. Mood is regulated by a careful balance of neurotransmitters (notably serotonin and noradrenaline (norepinephrine for our north american friends), although others are involved as well. If those are out of balance you would feel bad even if you had a set of circumstances anyone else would deem satisfying.

snip

I skimmed through the other responses so I'll apologize in advance if things I say have already been covered.

Your depression sounds like it isn't really based on any situation, it sounds more like a physiological problem. Everyone has problems in their life, but not everyone is depressed. Depression makes the negative aspects of one's life come roaring forward and masking the positives.

Although you might have heard this a million times exercise and exposure to sunlight naturally send chemicals to your brain that improve your mood. If you don't exercise or if you stay indoors get into the habit of taking a brisk walk everyday. Something that simple can work wonders. I know when someone is depressed even doing that seems like too much effort, but you just have to force yourself. You will probably be glad you did.

Finally, do not blame yourself for this or feel guilty about it. It is a physiological problem that is well beyond your control. You can't just simply will yourself out of depression. There are people in the world who have it much worse off than you and are happy. There are people in the world who seem to have a perfect life bounds above yours and mine that are depressed.

Hope that helps a bit.

I couldn't agree more with everything you've said. Serotonin is the chemical released on exposure to sunlight. Most first line antidepressants on the market currently work by increasing the levels of serotonin, so boosting that through other means is a good non-pharmaceutical start.

Also as you said, when a problem is physiological (which it sounds like it may be) it's entirely beyond your control, and you shouldn't for a second feel guilty for feeling the way you do. No matter how you feel on a day to day basis you shouldn't feel stupid or selfish or otherwise negative about things you can't influence. If you're not happy with how your life is going at the moment (or how you feel about it), it's well within your rights to want to do something about that.

I would strongly recommend seeing a health professional. At least one session with a psychiatrist would be a good idea to determine exactly what it is you're dealing with, and from that point on they would be able to advise on a course of action (whether it's counselling, medication etc).

Regarding your worries about medication, I've studied all the antidepressants on the market and most of them are quite safe. There are potential side effects as with everything, but for the most part the benefits outweigh the risks (or they wouldn't be approved for sale). No antidepressants contain amphetamines, but some can have capacity for developing a physiological dependance. That means that you don't crave the drug, but your brain may not adjust appropriately if you stop taking the drug suddenly. If you stop treatment, or change to another drug, for example, you would need to gradually step down the dose. That may sound scary, but all I mean is that when the brain has the drug to help it perform a task it sometimes stops performing the task on its own, and when the drug is suddenly taken away, all of a sudden that task isn't being performed by the drug and the brain can't immediately take over. If the drug is stepped down gradually the brain is able to take over responsibility to compensate and you don't have any issues. Once again though, that isn't a problem unless you stop taking it suddenly, and it *isn't* the same as an addiction - you don't feel a craving for the drug.

Also regarding pharmaceutical treatment, it's most effective in combination with other treatment such as therapy, so you'd be supported as well as having the medication. There's a lot of negative stigma about taking medication for depression but from the sound of your description, it may well be something you'd benefit from greatly, if it were recommended to you by a professional.

With regards to your issues with employment, I don't know anything about legal matters in the UK but it seems strange to me that they can legally demand to know whether you're seeing a counsellor or taking medication. What I believe may be the case is that the clause regarding lying on the application may be aimed more at people who misrepresent their qualifications or experience, rather than people who have medical conditions they'd prefer to keep private.


I do know quite a bit about antidepressants and could possibly offer some more targeted advice if you like, so feel free to ask me anything you want an answer to, or if anything I've said is unclear.