Depression and friendships

[Booze Zombie]

I had been telling a friend on and off about some issues I have. He seems to think it's all me being paranoid about what people think about me, blaming every instance of grief I get on paranoia. Probably doesn't help that I only get stress from social situations.
One day I'm just casually mentioning my mood and he kind of just blows up at me, says he's sick of this depression bullshit and asks what happened to me from since we first met. Didn't exactly improve my day, being quite frank about it.

I've now worked up the very distinct impression that he's a goodtime friend, not one of the ones I want to help me when I'm in emotional turmoil and confused, angry or whatever. But I've come to this conclusion whilst angry and mentally unhinged, so I'm not entirely sure if I should act upon this feeling.

Anyone else have friends go off the deep end about one of your issues? What happened, how did you resolve it?

 

[Booze Zombie]

I guess everyone else in the world has perfectly happy times, then? Great for you guys, seriously!

 

[photog212]

Sometimes people have their own shit to deal with and don't feel like dealing with yours all the time. People who sit around and mope all day can be difficult to handle.
I am currently going through the toughest time of my entire life. I have never experienced more stress or depression.
However, I understand that people don't want to hear about my problems all the time. Sure it helps to talk things out every now and again, but when I'm with other people I want to enjoy myself and try to forget my problems and focus on the good in my life including my friends.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Sometimes people have their own shit to deal with and don't feel like dealing with yours all the time. People who sit around and mope all day can be difficult to handle.
I am currently going through the toughest time of my entire life. I have never experienced more stress or depression.
However, I understand that people don't want to hear about my problems all the time. Sure it helps to talk things out every now and again, but when I'm with other people I want to enjoy myself and try to forget my problems and focus on the good in my life including my friends.

A fair and concise post, I thank you.

 

[Sprinal]

To me it sounds as if your friend is in a bit of state himself the way you phrase it there. To me it would apear that he is on a short fuse (not neccesarily your fault). the way you say it. it would appear that he just blew up on you.

Whenever you have issues I would try talking to your familly because you can always count on them. Especially if they are your parents as they are older (works for me). Another idea (these ideas are cleche but cleche's are cleche for a reason) is to write it down. Maybe as a diary or as a poem etc. Or just post it on /SOC/ or somewhere else with anonymity.

Now OT

My friends often did a couple years back. But now i just keep silent to avoid me having to put up with their incompitence and shallow nature. And in some cases write down examples of it then let them read it a few weeks later (recording with a phone is another good idea). This is usually very funny.


but...

I guess everyone else in the world has perfectly happy times, then? Great for you guys, seriously!

I wish man I wish

 

[HardkorSB]

I had been telling a friend on and off about some issues I have. He seems to think it's all me being paranoid about what people think about me, blaming every instance of grief I get on paranoia. Probably doesn't help that I only get stress from social situations.
One day I'm just casually mentioning my mood and he kind of just blows up at me, says he's sick of this depression bullshit and asks what happened to me from since we first met. Didn't exactly improve my day, being quite frank about it.

I've now worked up the very distinct impression that he's a goodtime friend, not one of the ones I want to help me when I'm in emotional turmoil and confused, angry or whatever. But I've come to this conclusion whilst angry and mentally unhinged, so I'm not entirely sure if I should act upon this feeling.

Anyone else have friends go off the deep end about one of your issues? What happened, how did you resolve it?

the ones that overreact to these kind of things are probably going through similar situations (emotionally similar, that is).

Sometimes people have their own shit to deal with and don't feel like dealing with yours all the time. People who sit around and mope all day can be difficult to handle.
I am currently going through the toughest time of my entire life. I have never experienced more stress or depression.
However, I understand that people don't want to hear about my problems all the time. Sure it helps to talk things out every now and again, but when I'm with other people I want to enjoy myself and try to forget my problems and focus on the good in my life including my friends.

I don't know if it's just me but I like when people talk to me about this kid of stuff (I guess it makes me feel like they trust me enough to share their sorrow and... or something. I mean, it's easy to share your happiness with everyone, sadness is a totally different thing).

 

[Booze Zombie]

To me it sounds as if your friend is in a bit of state himself the way you phrase it there. To me it would apear that he is on a short fuse (not neccesarily your fault). the way you say it. it would appear that he just blew up on you.

Whenever you have issues I would try talking to your familly because you can always count on them. Especially if they are your parents as they are older (works for me). Another idea (these ideas are cleche but cleche's are cleche for a reason) is to write it down. Maybe as a diary or as a poem etc. Or just post it on /SOC/ or somewhere else with anonymity.

Now OT

My friends often did a couple years back. But now i just keep silent to avoid me having to put up with their incompitence and shallow nature. And in some cases write down examples of it then let them read it a few weeks later (recording with a phone is another good idea). This is usually very funny.


but...

I guess everyone else in the world has perfectly happy times, then? Great for you guys, seriously!

I wish man I wish

I honestly think he gets very distressed by emotions, he doesn't seem happy unless we're messing about, doing nonsense things and saying nonsense things. Not to say I don't have a problem, I do and I think he's got this perception that it's all just me assuming things about what others think.

Well, little does he know... it's mostly me trying to figure out what the hell other people even mean half of the time. I never had any of this stress when I just talked over the internet and was reclusive.

My family listen to me, but the only thing that's going to solve this all in the end is me. I've got to want to destroy the various negative thought cycles and this idea I've got that people might just be faking liking me because they're too polite. Yes, I know that sounds utterly silly.

Anyway, thank you for sharing and that writing it down and winding them up does sound a bit... malicious. But maybe.

I don't know if it's just me but I like when people talk to me about this kid of stuff (I guess it makes me feel like they trust me enough to share their sorrow and... or something. I mean, it's easy to share your happiness with everyone, sadness is a totally different thing).

My friend seems to resent my being unhappy, he views it as pointless and exaggerated. There's no "I'm so happy you're telling me this, I'll help you" the time before last it was "I'm too tired for this" and then it's "I'm pissed off with this". He just wants me to be happy and "like I was" again, I'm guessing that's either because he's pissed off about hearing it or me being like this pisses him off because he doesn't see the issue.

He probably is going through some issues as well, but he never told myself.

 

[KarlMonster]

Afraid I can't help much. My low point was an epicenter of alcoholism and zero real friends to talk to. [Not that I would have listened to them much.] I've always had few friends, and I became estranged from my last good friend (at the time), when I finally told him that he was a good pal and everything, but I just wasn't interested in going with him to the movies on weekends. He insisted on seeing chick-flicks and other cinematic tripe, when I'd much rather sit down to a David Lean film and a bottle of whiskey.

Naturally my funk lasted until after I put the bottle down.

 

[steeple]

when I'm having a rough time myself, I almost never talk about it. just a reflex from the past that forced me to deal with my own sorrow by myself. not that it's any good, it's just that I find it difficult to talk to people about myself, even to close friends or family...

as for the reverse, I have no problems talking with people about what's going on in their mind, and in fact I quite like having a discussion with a person about what's going on with him, but I understand that not all people are like me, meaning that not everyone want (or even can) talk about deeper subjects with their peers...

so I wouldnt give your friend too much of a hard time about it, since I'm sure it's not because he's just being an ass or something like that...

 

[Erana]

I know I come to my friends to complain, prolly more than I feel I should. But talking to someone who cares winds up infinitely better for my emotions than just mulling on the matter.

But they're not just a collective wall I use to talk to. They are my friends first, and I hope they enjoy me casually as much as I do them.
Most importantly, I try to be there for them just as well as they have me if they choose to use me to voice their woes.

Your friend probably feels like you haven't reciprocated the attention they've given you. If this is true, don't be defensive. Apologize and let them know you value them as a friend. If not, then they're probably dealing with their own problems. Try to help them through. And be understanding of how they feel.

And sometimes you do have fair-weather friends. If you like their company, just don't talk to them about bad things and deal with it.

 

[Jordi]

Maybe your friend has issues of his own. I find that it is very easy to miss such things when you are absorbed in your own troubles. But even if that isn't the case, maybe he just has a hard time dealing with emotions, or he prefers not to think to much about the negative sides of life. In the first post you wonder whether you should act on your suspicion that he's just a good-times friend. What do you mean by that exactly? Because I really don't think you should break off your friendship even if that is true. Having a friend that you can be happy with is far better than having none at all. It's too bad if you can't talk to him about more serious stuff, but you'll just have to find other people for that.

As for me, I'm pretty much never happy and I like almost nothing. I do like being with my friends though, but if I constantly give my opinion about things they like (i.e. that it's stupid), or talk about how my life sucks, that is no fun for them (and not that much fun for me either). I (can) still give my opinion on stuff, or talk about my problems, but I find that I should take care for it not to be a constant stream of negativity.

I think you should always ask what you are adding to the friendship. If you're always depressed, you will just drag your friends down with you. I don't know your situation, but if it's taking long enough, and stays the same, I think that people around you will get tired of it. And then, when it's no more fun to hang out with you, all you have is loyalty, and that will run out eventually too when your friends figure out they don't really owe you anything.

TL;DR: think about your friends' feelings, even if that means not always talking about yours. Some people will be more open for that than others, and you should seek them out, while keeping the others around to have fun with.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I guess everyone else in the world has perfectly happy times, then? Great for you guys, seriously!

Okay, so it took you one hour to revert to a passive-aggressive response. Does that not raise some doubts about the integrity of your position here?

I'm not sure if you are depressed, but depressed people are horrible. I know because I've been one for my entire adult life. One of the first things I learned, and am still learning today, is that you can't expect other people to look after you.

If your emotions are overwhelming people, then you need to control them if you care about those people. If you don't care about those people, why are you trying to talk to them about your problems anyway?

One common symptom of depression is that everything becomes all or nothing. Either people have to put up with everything you throw at them or you can't be around them. It's not really like that, you have total control over how much of your life you choose to share with someone, and if they can't take certain things then just don't talk to them about it.

If you need to be able to talk about what's making you miserable with someone in order to be friends with them, then maybe that misery is a bigger part of your life than you thought. Part of controlling that misery is refusing to let it be that important to you.

 

[Shadowhawk77]

I had been telling a friend on and off about some issues I have. He seems to think it's all me being paranoid about what people think about me, blaming every instance of grief I get on paranoia. Probably doesn't help that I only get stress from social situations.
One day I'm just casually mentioning my mood and he kind of just blows up at me, says he's sick of this depression bullshit and asks what happened to me from since we first met. Didn't exactly improve my day, being quite frank about it.

I've now worked up the very distinct impression that he's a goodtime friend, not one of the ones I want to help me when I'm in emotional turmoil and confused, angry or whatever. But I've come to this conclusion whilst angry and mentally unhinged, so I'm not entirely sure if I should act upon this feeling.

I made an account to tell u that I had the same problem. It may have been in middle school. But I did have my own problems that i told noone of. Sure everyone knew about it(i ended up crying alot in those days). 2 years like that and i told myself i was never going to be like the way i felt those days again. So i did the only thing i needed to stop it. I made new friends and i held back any need to do anything that would show my old self pity and doubt. And it wasnt about making friends to talk to, it was that i made friends that were fun and different and crazy like way your explaining your friend. After a month i wasnt hiding any emotions from anyone, i was genuinely happy with the way things worked out.

The moral of the story it that if you make more friends to talk to and hang with other then the one that you have then you mood may lift and your current friend wont be pushed by anything he doesnt want you to say.


O.T i heard in another thread there was a buffet for new members can anyone point me in the direction?

 

[Sprinal]

Well, little does he know... it's mostly me trying to figure out what the hell other people even mean half of the time. I never had any of this stress when I just talked over the internet and was reclusive.

Figuring out someone else is in my opinion harder than any of the myst games. To be honest you can get to a point where you can predict them but you can never solve them. So as a result I have just gotten to a point where I just run with it...

Anyway, thank you for sharing and that writing it down and winding them up does sound a bit... malicious. But maybe.

All my methods that are for this sort of thing aren't the nicest but if it is effective it often isn't in my opinion.

My friend seems to resent my being unhappy, he views it as pointless and exaggerated. There's no "I'm so happy you're telling me this, I'll help you" the time before last it was "I'm too tired for this" and then it's "I'm pissed off with this". He just wants me to be happy and "like I was" again, I'm guessing that's either because he's pissed off about hearing it or me being like this pisses him off because he doesn't see the issue.

He probably is going through some issues as well, but he never told myself.

there is always the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark the tunnel is in itself. To be honest though your "friend" doesn't sound like he understand 'you.' If you want to get his attention to the level of it (if it is high) then change your approach to everything suddenly. Go listen to different music (say if you like metal now. go listen to rap even if you hate it). change everything and then he may listen. Or just find someone else to talk to. I've been told that Barkeeps are good listeners.

Good hunting

 

[Booze Zombie]

Quotey stuff

Apologies for cutting the quote, it's just huge.

Yeah, I'm hearing you. Keep moving, run into relationships like a commando, get yourself in the right mindset.

Quotey stuff

Yeah, I was thinking that myself. But I actually meant it as a joke and a bump.

My emotions are overwhelming me, really. So, I've got no idea how other people are feeling because, well, I'm overwhelmed. It's like being in a beserker rage, only without the rage.

No, I don't need to talk about that to be friends, I just wasn't expecting anger when I honestly was looking for advice.

 

[Togs]

Sounds like your a touch self absorbed, which can really get annoying.

EDIT=

I guess everyone else in the world has perfectly happy times, then? Great for you guys, seriously!

Yup definately self absorbed.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Sounds like your a touch self absorbed, which can really get annoying.

EDIT=

I guess everyone else in the world has perfectly happy times, then? Great for you guys, seriously!

Yup definately self absorbed.

Well, that was a joke more than anything. I knew some people would take it seriously, though. I don't mind that.

Good hunting

No, I don't think my friend really knew who I was. I'll try the barkeep suggestion, have a good day.

TL;DR: think about your friends' feelings, even if that means not always talking about yours. Some people will be more open for that than others, and you should seek them out, while keeping the others around to have fun with.

Fair enough, man. Fair enough. Sorry to only quote the TL;DR, I did read it all, just, you know, space effiency.

Quotey stuff

Yeah, I've made the decision. He isn't appreciating it and I'm just feeling worse about myself when he gets angry because of me, probably better for both of us if I pretend to be okay and just don't talk to him about private issues anymore.

Quotey stuff

I have tamed the quote, fear me! *Cough* Sorry.

Yeah, he's not trying to be like that, he's just frustrated I'm not the happy-go-lucky sort of joke-making machine I was when he met me. It's not like he's just blustering at me because depression is just invented, man or something.

Anyway, thanks for the replies, everyone. This is quote master Booze, trying to be funny. It's not working.

 

[Womplord]

You may be right about your friend, but it may be that he is just confused, like it is something that he has never experience and therefore cannot empathise. It's difficult to tell. But try not to end the relationship you have because social withdrawal can increase depression (and is a symptom of depression). It sounds like you're quite depressed though, I wouldn't doubt that.

 

[djs.specs]

We're only getting one half of the story here, so its really hard to make a judgement call about your mate's conduct. But basically, if you're having problems and you have access to a counselor then I suggest you make use of them. While its great to talk to friends and family, sometimes its even more useful to spill your guts to someone who is totally independent of your entire life. They can offer a perspective on things that you might not get from your loved ones.