I describe depression as such (I do suffer from mild depression, haven't been diagnosed, but it doesn't sound like it could be anything but.) Depression is the lack of emotion, energy and motivation. What once brought you joy or entertainment, evokes no such emotion. Depression is not just as state of sadness, it is a state of emptiness.
Depression: Describing it and anyone here ever have it?
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Depression is like drowning in a septic tank.Quiet Stranger said:
Everything is shit, you're surrounded by shit and everything you try to get out just stirs up more shit.
Depression is a weird thing. I can't really explain the way I feel. At it's most base level it's just lack of interest in everything and everyone. I don't 'hate' anything I just don't feel like anything is worth it, I don't feel like I'm worth it. Mild troubles get blown out of proportion and it feels like the world is conspiring against you even though it's just you in your own little bubble... suffering from god knows what and nobody can seem to help but yourself.
There is so much more to it whenever I go through it but those are the few reasons or explanations I can give.
There is so much more to it whenever I go through it but those are the few reasons or explanations I can give.
Well, I've been officially derpressed for 5 years now. See, when you aren't depressed you worst fear is that something bad might happen to you and you might die. When you are depressed, you are afraid that you might live. Life just seems like a shitty prospect to you.
For me it was feeling that every effort you made to make other people happy resulted in rejection. A constant fog of self-doubt, constantly trying to grasp the light at the end of the tunnel, but falling further away with every action.Quiet Stranger said:
It's not that I wanted to be sad, or wasn't aware of how depressed I was - it just felt as though there was nothing in my life to get happy over, if that makes sense. So instead of the usual spectrum of "Happiness ---- Content/Neutral ---- Unhappy", while depressed it was just "Neutral ---- Unhappy" and oscillating between the two, falling deeper into unhappiness after life got worse.
Getting back to normality was a monstrous act, but it involved moving more towards "Neutral" until I was "Neutral" most of the time. Then, slowly, things started making me happy again. It's been about 7 years since I was depressed, and 5 years since I was mostly "Neutral." These days I call myself a passive optimist, since I'm "Content" most of the time and fill my life with a lot of laughter. I still get sad now and then, but it's quick dip and then back into Neutral or Happiness these days. Lovin' it.
If I were to sum up what "Depression" feels like, at least my experience described above (which isn't the same as the 5-Stages of Grief, which I also went through a few years back and involves a Depression component) in a single paragraph it would be:
It was like being on drugs while being in a dark dream that I knew was a dream, but couldn't control it. Your actions just happen, like a dream, with that same erratic passage of time and "frosted glass" worldview. Like being prepped for surgery, right after they start the anesthetic - even though you might want to do something, the drugs prevent you from focusing on the most basic tasks, even talking or moving. It takes so much willpower and physical effort to do simple things. Then every time something goes wrong - even tiny things - the knowledge of something going wrong makes the dream-world just a little bit darker. All you want to do is get out; sleep, watch your favorite shows, play games, anything to try and make a bubble where you don't have to face a thousand tiny failures on a daily basis. You're not even happy sleeping or watching movies all day, but it brings you to 'Neutral' - and 'Neutral' is a lot better than 'Unhappy' in that state. You're aware there will be consequences, but thanks to an odd sense of time you start thinking there's always a little bit more time to stay inside your bubble.
If it comes crashing down, you have a crisis - after which things will change for the better or for the worse. Reality might never come crashing down, though, and you just continue the best you can while feeling like every action is lifting a heavy weight.
Speaking on the other side of things, I am a person that does not really DO depression, mentally speaking. It's the wrong personality and mindset for it. I get mad, not sad.
I think I may have been a few years ago... Went really off the rails for a while, got really miserable, drank a lot, that whole thing... I was never diagnosed, I never went to a doctor so I'm not sure if it was proper 'depression' or just an extended patch of feeling like shit.
I've never been diagnosed with depression but I believe I went through something like it. It came upon me very slowly, in my second year of uni, after a string of crappy events over a month: first I got a very crappy mark for a quiz I thought I did very well in, then my internship applications came back all rejecting me, then a close friend who I knew for a very long time went away forever, and she was also basically my only female friend.
It wasn't until the stress of the final exams came when everything started to crash. Up until that point I had gotten marks that I was proud of, but I couldn't find the motivation to study, and had a very messed up sleep cycle. For the first time I barely scraped passes.
The biggest barrier for me was the thought that no matter how hard I tried, the outside world would screw me. So I started to stop putting effort into everything and became more and more sheltered, and more and more unwilling to socialise. I decided to take a gap year. I never told anyone about the stuff that happened to me and tried to put on a brave face, in spite of feeling miserable about everything. Basically it felt hopeless. What really shocked me was how gradually these thoughts took over my life, the line between regular me and depressed me was very blurry, if that makes any sense.
I'm still not sure if I've recovered, and I still haven't told any of my friends. But I still have a few close friends I can occasionally forget my troubles with, so I'm at least optimistic.
It wasn't until the stress of the final exams came when everything started to crash. Up until that point I had gotten marks that I was proud of, but I couldn't find the motivation to study, and had a very messed up sleep cycle. For the first time I barely scraped passes.
The biggest barrier for me was the thought that no matter how hard I tried, the outside world would screw me. So I started to stop putting effort into everything and became more and more sheltered, and more and more unwilling to socialise. I decided to take a gap year. I never told anyone about the stuff that happened to me and tried to put on a brave face, in spite of feeling miserable about everything. Basically it felt hopeless. What really shocked me was how gradually these thoughts took over my life, the line between regular me and depressed me was very blurry, if that makes any sense.
I'm still not sure if I've recovered, and I still haven't told any of my friends. But I still have a few close friends I can occasionally forget my troubles with, so I'm at least optimistic.
I have it along with other mental illnesses,
the only way i can describe it is a complete lack of interest in life and being alive. couple that with mega negativity and bad thought patterns about yourself i.e. your worthless, useless ect.
hope this helps.
if you need any more info/help message me (this offer is open to anyone)
the only way i can describe it is a complete lack of interest in life and being alive. couple that with mega negativity and bad thought patterns about yourself i.e. your worthless, useless ect.
hope this helps.
if you need any more info/help message me (this offer is open to anyone)
Well I made a similar thread last year and my description for my depressive phases is that a hole just opens up infront and drags you in, dragging you further and further down into the darkest depths with no hope of ever escaping.
Also, lots and lots of apathy.
Also, lots and lots of apathy.
Well, there is some statistical research that might link the rise in depression with the major introduction of low fat diets to society.Vault101 said:
But bear in mind it's statistical research only at this point, and hasn't been explored properly yet. Tangentially, the rise in diabetes might also be attributed to low fat diets too, due to the blood sugar spiking from eating a lot of carbohydrates to balance the energy loss from not eating fat.
Can't say I've ever been depressed, or at least clinically so. But I'm generally flaky in my moods anyway. I can't even summon the effort to hold a grudge for longer than a day. Had a spell of bad luck running from secondary school all the way to a year after university, but then I got out of England, moved to quite literally the other side of the world, and made a new name for myself here.
Things have been tough, but immensely satisfying since then.
Judging from what's been posted so far It seems to vary.
For me it was sadness/self loathing along with no motivation and wanting to seclude myself.
Then it evolved into paranoia and hate of everyone and everything around me.
Then came the Insanity. I was literally two weeks away from killing my parents and sister and perhaps myself, luckily though I got to a counsellor.
It was good to have someone to talk to on the outside. Nowadays I'm on antidepressants which tend to make me drowsy and have mood swings. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth guzzling pills every night.
God damn it...
Captcha: top drawer
That's where the knives are kept...
For me it was sadness/self loathing along with no motivation and wanting to seclude myself.
Then it evolved into paranoia and hate of everyone and everything around me.
Then came the Insanity. I was literally two weeks away from killing my parents and sister and perhaps myself, luckily though I got to a counsellor.
It was good to have someone to talk to on the outside. Nowadays I'm on antidepressants which tend to make me drowsy and have mood swings. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth guzzling pills every night.
God damn it...
Captcha: top drawer
That's where the knives are kept...
It's probably neither.Vault101 said:
More people are being diagnosed because the social taboos around it are slowly fading.
My depression is a distaste of those around me and of myself. I get incredibly 'meh'-ish and become philosophical then usually apologizing to my friends for being unlikable, it's dialed down recently though. But ultimately it just feels like you're getting worn out by what is happening.
I've had depression pretty much since my memory starts. I'm fairly sure I've had mild depression starting in elementary school, then through high school it turned into severe depression. For me though it came in waves. Always up and down, half the time I would be okay then usually for no reason, though there might be a trigger in some cases, I would be down as low as I could go according to my brain.
For me being depressed was like having everything washed in grey. The world itself feels less vibrant, and nothing interested me. Doing simple things like brushing my teeth, having a shower, or eating felt like impossible tasks. Schoolwork was basically the last thing on my mind in those periods. And generally every thought I had became twisted, and moved from okay, to negative. Thinking back on it, it seems like a lot of my thoughts were fine, but from generation rapidly turned dark and depressed. It also feels like you bring people around you down to some extent as well. It's kinda like it rubs off a little on those who are trying to help you, or deal with you. Which makes you feel worse about yourself, empowering the cycle of staying depressed.
Recently I figured out that my depression is probably a symptom of another mental illness. While I have not been diagnosed, I have nearly every symptom of Social Anxiety Disorder very severely. The extreme stress from trying to handle normal social interactions and situations seems to bring on depression fairly easily. While I don't get depressed as much anymore, it's mostly just caused now by stress from daily life.
For me being depressed was like having everything washed in grey. The world itself feels less vibrant, and nothing interested me. Doing simple things like brushing my teeth, having a shower, or eating felt like impossible tasks. Schoolwork was basically the last thing on my mind in those periods. And generally every thought I had became twisted, and moved from okay, to negative. Thinking back on it, it seems like a lot of my thoughts were fine, but from generation rapidly turned dark and depressed. It also feels like you bring people around you down to some extent as well. It's kinda like it rubs off a little on those who are trying to help you, or deal with you. Which makes you feel worse about yourself, empowering the cycle of staying depressed.
Recently I figured out that my depression is probably a symptom of another mental illness. While I have not been diagnosed, I have nearly every symptom of Social Anxiety Disorder very severely. The extreme stress from trying to handle normal social interactions and situations seems to bring on depression fairly easily. While I don't get depressed as much anymore, it's mostly just caused now by stress from daily life.
Wow, thank you very much for sharing your story.SciMal said:
Thanks to everyone, I know for some of you, it must be hard to talk about.
My next question is what kind of barriers arose for you when you had depression? What impeded you from curing it?
I was diagnosed with depression, but I never felt as though I had it. I was just generally unhappy. It took a good bit of work on my part to improve the aspects of life I was unhappy with, but I tend towards happiness more often now. As for medication, I never felt as though it helped me. I was on everything from wellbutrin and prozac to the heavier medications (I by far prefered the lighter medications as they didn't interfere with my physical/mental state, but I felt more change with the heavier medications).
As for describing it... I don't know how to describe the feeling. I guess "down" would be somewhat accurate. Imagine being down for an extended period of time, to the point where you are so tired of being down that you feel worn out. That feeling wears on you and starts to spread into other aspects of your life until you just feel blah. At least that is how I felt, once again I never felt "depressed" as I imagined it should be, just as previously described. And if you are depressed, I can't say there is any better help than to identify what bothers you and work to change it (though I understand some people are depressed despite external factors just based on chemistry/personality, I don't think this advise applies to you).
Anyway, long story short, if you even think you might be depressed (or if you ever think of suicide) go see someone. It doesn't have to be a therapist, try a priest/monk/rabbi if you are religious or maybe just a good friend. The point is to get it out there and to try to find the root.
As for describing it... I don't know how to describe the feeling. I guess "down" would be somewhat accurate. Imagine being down for an extended period of time, to the point where you are so tired of being down that you feel worn out. That feeling wears on you and starts to spread into other aspects of your life until you just feel blah. At least that is how I felt, once again I never felt "depressed" as I imagined it should be, just as previously described. And if you are depressed, I can't say there is any better help than to identify what bothers you and work to change it (though I understand some people are depressed despite external factors just based on chemistry/personality, I don't think this advise applies to you).
Anyway, long story short, if you even think you might be depressed (or if you ever think of suicide) go see someone. It doesn't have to be a therapist, try a priest/monk/rabbi if you are religious or maybe just a good friend. The point is to get it out there and to try to find the root.
Perhaps.. but suicide rates have gone up as well. More people being depressed may be a result of the fading of the social taboos.Zachary Amaranth said:
But I believe depression rates are indeed rising. Then again I'm not that old, so I wouldn't know about the past that much, but as far as I can remember when I was approx 10 (now 18) teen suicides were more rare.
I thought I read somewhere that the internet may be to blame... more social time is being spent on the internet instead of face-to-face. Thus, people are worse at talking to others and real-life social activity worsens.
Then they start to feel lonely... which worsens into depression.
That's my theory.
I've had depression for about a year, I believe. Wasn't diagnosed though. To me it was believing I was worth nothing to anybody and nothing but a disappointment. Also I believed I was throwing my life away on 'stupid' games. (foolish me, games are awesome)
That's also when I started writing poetry and short stories, like most depressed teenagers nowadays, apparently. I wanted to be sad. It felt good to be sad, it felt real. Everything else seemed fake to cheer me up. To me it was a curse and a blessing at the same time.. :/
Then I got rejected by my crush (long story), cried every night in bed for about a week long.. and then I accepted video games were not stupid. I'd rather live in a fun fictional world than a stupid realistic one.
Up until then the thought had been the other way around.
But that's also when college started.. which is way more fun than high school. That might've solved the issue. ^^
Depression is when you don't get up in the morning because what's the point? When you don't want to anything because you will fail anyway. Depression is when you lose all your vitality & youthfulness and spend your day waiting for the night to come so you can sleep.