Depression: Describing it and anyone here ever have it?

[Madgamer13]

Greets!

Depression isint really something that is easily described, since all people with any form and strength of personality has elements of depression. To start, Depression at the core of things is a 'low' or simply when you dont feel as good as you did a moment before, or a day before, or a month before. Chemical environment in your body can contribute, especially in women, but most manifestations of depression are constructed within the consciousness of the mind, influenced from all other areas.

When my low several years ago was bad enough to be considered depression, mine manifested as a form of logical thinking that painted me as an individual I wasn't. I looked at my life as the best it could be, overly coveted the responsabilities that I had and put far more of myself into my career than I had actually wanted, believing that this was all life had for me.

My 'low' would find it's peak in something that could be considered 'depression' when I resolved to take opportunities that would lock me into a lifestyle that I did not want, earnestly believing that I could not aspire to anything different and that I needed to produce the next generation of my family before I would no longer have the chance.

Despite cries from deeper within to change my way of thinking and recognise who I am, as well as what my potential may be, I turned away from things I enjoy in life to embrace highly unplesant ways of living that I believed at the time I wholly deserved.

Unfortunately for me, my mind wouldn't take this one laying down and given how analytical I am, deeper recesses of my mind figured a plan of attack and quite literally launched an assault against my consciousness, taking me totally by suprise and sundering all the mechanisms I was using to cope at the time. This event has changed my life forever and my recovery is also a developing process to meet potentials I had blinded myself to before.

This sudden change in my life is also making me happier as I gain more evidence that contridicts established principles that fueled my former 'depression' which is definately a good thing. As for my 'depression' itself, the coping mechanisms that fueled it's progress were literally torn to shreds by this collapse and their elements have been reformed and realigned into positive concepts, instead of the negative.

As such, I cannot really say what Depression actually is beyond a personal experience of negativity and how to 'fix' it, as it seems that my own inner mind chose to take action, which is something that is not too common with others I've spoken to about this type of issue. I think it is possible for depression to develop into other conceptual issues within the mind, but they cannot solely formulate an incrediably more serious issue than before, concepts of depression could only ever influence a more serious issue.

An example of this influence is how my own mind attacked itself to rectify my own use of strength.

I hope this long rant can give some material for your research. =]

 

[VinnyKings]

It's sorta like when you're sick and you have lethargy, but constantly and not because you're physically sick if that makes sense.

And basically everything doesn't matter. Nothing in the long term makes you happy. Like you can laugh and smile like any other person but it only lasts for a little while. You have nothing to live for. Just imagine that. And most of all you don't care if you die tomorrow.

Wow... that post is freaking sad. On the upside I'm no longer depressed =P. Now mentally healthy (sorta anyway)

 

[SomeLameStuff]

Wait, what? "Regain control"? So you basically had to engage in some sort of internal, psychic battle-of-the-minds against your evil personality?

And how does MPD work even? Are those other personalities still YOU or are they basically separate entities sharing the same body?

Eeeeh, kind of. If you ever read the Wheel of Time, it was something like what Rand went through. Except with more voices. And they weren't all evil, in fact, I probably wouldn't say they were evil in the first place. Just kind of violent...

 

[T3hSource]

I guess I'm part of the "apathetic young" group,who just don't care about what's happening,while knowing very well that it will affect us.I don't think it as "depression" per say,but a form derived from it.Even in a chat that literally devolved into a 4chan discussion I characterize myself as the "/care" guy who just isn't interested in anything and doesn't show any kind of emotion.

 

[smithy_2045]

To keep it as succinct as possible, it drains me of the motivation to do things that know I enjoy.

 

[5ilver]

*raises hand*
It's difficult for me to describe because I haven't ever been not-depressed. I guess it's about feeling tired, sad, gray, drained and spent. Pointlessness and melancholia creep in, you try to remember what happiness felt like and you can't. Can't feel it, can't remember it. In a way, you don't even want to. Everything you touch seems to turn to dust and you just want everyone and everything precious as far away from you as possible so as to not blemish it.

Idk, if I ever find a way to be happy, I might be able to give you a better description.

 

[The Funslinger]

I know this is a serious topic so I'm gonna try to sound not too...I can't think of the word.

Anyways, I'm doing a research paper on depression and right now (In my research draft for the paper) I'm trying to describe depression itself. I'm not that great when it comes to describing something so I was wondering if anyone here knows a lot about depression or has had it (I have had it but it's been so long) It'd really help me and I can't get any help from anyone I know right now.

Interesting. Is this like... a university thesis or something? Just curious.

OT: I'm still somewhat coping with the effects of a bout of depression that followed a nervous break down caused by two years of actual psychological torture.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's not as bad as it was. I've gotten through it without the aid of drugs, which I think is making my recovery stronger and more independent than it would be otherwise.

When it does raise its head, usually during situations when I feel alone, or unaccomplished, it feels like I'm trapped. It's a very claustrophobic sensation. There's no getting away from it until it passes. Usually this culminates in me sat on the floor, staring at something blankly for god knows how long.

 

[ProtoChimp]

My mother gets it really bad and I probably have a mild case of it. But you're right, it is very hard to explain to people who don't get it.

For my mother she just has crippling self doubts, where she thinks everyone thinks she is hopeless, she believes that she can't do anything right and she is just constantly worried. I know when she's having a bout of depression because she never looks me in the eyes and always looks down when talking and says things like "I'm sorry I'm such a bad mother (which she's never been). You must be ashamed of me." All she'll do is skulk around the house all day and is too afraid to do anything. It's a horrible thing to watch and it's incredibly hard on my dad because there's not much he can do to help her. After a few months it seems to go away.

For me, it's just more a lack of interest in things that I really enjoy; playing bass, writing stories, having sex, etc. Nothing seems to lift me up and I'm just in a constant state of "blah". I can still function, i.e. go to work, look after the kids, go shopping, etc; but if someone asks me to go out somewhere and socialise I tend to decline them. I just mainly hang around the house.

I figured I didn't have it and I was just overreacting but the way your mother acts is how I act.

OT: I thought for a while I didn't but I wonder if I convinced myself that I did, I have trouble expressing my thoughts and I always say sorry for what I've done. One thing I wonder if can other people influence someone to develop depression. My brother always shouts at me to do stuff, he never says thanks and he talks to me like I just killed someone if I do the slightest thing wrong. He shoots down any ideas I have and always calls me stupid, and when I try to tell him I'm upset he says I'm overreacting. I know this really doesn't seem like much but I couldn't take the way he treats me anymore and I tried to kill myself last summer. I don't know if I have been overreacting or if I actually have it because when I talk to anyone I know they either coddle me to shut me up or refuse to listen to me.

 

[Alcoholidayer]

I'm not really depressed, but I do deal with a significant amount of self-loathing and the lethargy that accompanies it on a daily basis.

It's like you've been sedated and you're trying to wake up but you simply can't resist the urge to sleep. And when you wake up you're so ashamed of not waking up earlier that you end up going through the whole cycle once again. I don't know how to describe it any better, sorry.

 

[gh0ti]

Depression is a kind of persistent hopelessness. It's closely tied in with despair and anxiety. It's the feeling that something is broken inside you, or going to break at some point, and that the fallout from that is more than you can take as a person. It's the belief that nothing can make it better.

I think, in contrast to normal ranges of emotion, you appear normal on the outside. For instance, if you were "depressed" due to a specific event, then you'd show physical signs of being upset. Clinical depression tends to be a lurker. It takes small bites at you constantly, then comes on strong when things are quiet and you're alone.

Above all, depression is exhausting. During a bout of depression people can shut down for days at a time. The constant effort of beating back the illness can have physical implications, making you more likely to get ill, and mental changes, such as warped thoughts and paranoia which add up to a circle of negative feeling and behaviour.

 

[Dwarfman]

Snip

Sir Winston Churchill described his depression as 'The Black Dog'. That nightmarish creature upon the edge of reality always there watching. Waiting. Judging.

The disease called depression is rife in my family. At one point my Father was hospitalised for it. I HATE hospitals. ... ... ...

Anyway to me depression is like a series of waves. For some reason I have times when I feel I'm on top and then just as regularly I have times when I feel about on par with the mould behind the fridge. To me it really does feel like I'm out there in the ocean at one point floating carefree and then the next breathless, I'm still floating, not sinking, but only just. Like I'm tired and weakened and lonesome despite all that really is. And despite everything that is good and decent in this world the waves keep coming. All the doubts. All the regrets. All the memories. All the niggling worries exacerbated by false perceptions...

Yeah anyways that's depression for me.

 

[II2]

I've had serious year-spanning episodes of it (unipolar clinical depression). It's not really sadness, though that can come up from negative thinking, so much as an anhedonic (no pleasure from what you enjoy) stupor. Low energy, low appetite, low interest, low mood, low level of congition and compromised "higher functioning". Weariness and burn out dialed to 11.

Though you could look at it simply from the perspective of a synaptic processing error of serotonin reuptake, but looking at it from a wholistic standpoint, all systems of the body are effected directly or indirectly by the compromised neurological function.

 

[alexwbyrd]

Lately I've been experiencing some depression but not to the point I want to kill or hurt myself. Just enough to be more irritable when I get all down and broody-like. For me, a Limp Bizkit song sums it up best:

"It's just one of those days,
when you don't wanna wake up,
everything is fucked,
everybody sucks.
You don't really know why,
but you want to justify,
ripping someone's head off".

 

[Whispering Cynic]

Speaking on the other side of things, I am a person that does not really DO depression, mentally speaking. It's the wrong personality and mindset for it. I get mad, not sad.

Mhm, I know exactly what you mean. Very early on in my life I found out it's much better to be angry, than depressed. Sure, there had been many situations when I felt like I was starting to get depressed, hopeless even. And you know what? I *hated* that feeling, that... weakness. I found that anger can be used to burn away your depression, your doubts, that it will give you strength, focus, and motivation to do whatever you want.

Anger, while extremely powerful, can and will overwhelm you (and make you do stupid things) if not carefully managed. If you attain that balance between power and loss of control you'll never experience depression again.

 

[Private Custard]

It's like being stabbed in the heart repeatedly, but not dying.

It's like trying to climb a mountain with a 10m length of rope.

Everything takes so much effort, and all it does is hurt anyway. Something tells me I shouldn't have flushed my Fluoxetine and Cipramil tablets down the toilet last year.

 

[Wolfhowl the shadow lurker]

My mother used her depression to blame everything on me, coming home after being out for days at time and then shouting at me a few days ago kicking me out of the house all together and from what i hear she still blames that on me. So depression does not only hurt the person who has it but everyone around them.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Like everyone said, it's a complete lack of motivation. I go through terrible bouts of it and never come out stronger at the end like I hope.
The worst time I had it was when I had just finished sixth form and had to live in a city I hated without a job therefore no money to see my boyfriend at the time who lived away from me.
I'd lay in the same clothes for 6 days straight most times, without showering and just crying until I dried myself out. I wouldn't eat until mum came in my room and forced me to eat, wouldn't leave until I ate something. I never saw friends and barely left the house. The curtains would always be drawn in my bedroom and if family came to visit I'd pretend to be ill or asleep so I didn't have to speak to them.

It's a bit more than "Oh I feel a bit sad" for me and rather "I feel sad like I have done for the past few weeks and will continue to until something good happens."
You think "Stuff won't happen unless I get off my arse and do it" but then you have no motivation to move. I just felt fatigued all the time. I'd get random pangs in my heart sometimes too, like there was something missing in my life.
It comes back to me a lot, especially when I'm away from people who make me happy.

As for taking anti-depressants, for me it worked in the sense that I didn't feel depressed. I didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel happy, sad or angry. I stopped feeling love for people who I used to adore and I'd regularly sit there with a blank, grey face.

I don't want to go back to that so my other option if it comes back is getting therapy.

It's probably a subjective case though...