I'm pretty pleased with where I am right now. Found a nice groove and I'm riding high. The only problem I've got right now is that I'm not dating my gorgeous best friend, but I'm working on winning her over so with a bit of luck that'll change soon.
Describe your current thoughts on your life
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So far I'm better off than most people my age, but there's always room for improvement. I should seek out a job next week and start saving up some money for the time I move out of my parents' house. Probably should start looking into a military career after college as well...
I also need to more mature more as well. I haven't had much of a social life and I know that's something I need to take care as soon as possible. I also need to start driving more whenever I get the opportunity. Though I'm not sure if I'm confident about that or I'm content with perishing in an accident. Overall life's been good to me so far.
I also need to more mature more as well. I haven't had much of a social life and I know that's something I need to take care as soon as possible. I also need to start driving more whenever I get the opportunity. Though I'm not sure if I'm confident about that or I'm content with perishing in an accident. Overall life's been good to me so far.
Kinda in a wierd position with my new job. On the one hand it is wonderful to have a non-minimum wage job where i actually feel useful and get to use my head (rather than just repetive physical labor).
On the other hand, i live in hotels in the middle of nowhere for months at a time and work is literally the high point of my day as it is the only time i get any social interaction (but the few people that i do work with are great).
usually, very rarely get to see my friends or family, and i end up missing most social events/holidays/parties/weddings/etc. I say usually because as of right now ive been home for nearly 6 months without pay. They told me after the last job was finished that there would be a month or so until the next one is ready. Well 1-2 months turned into 3 months yadda yadda yadda.
While the job is satisfying, it is not something i could do for a long time as it ruins my personal life. Problem is, im working for my friend's father, and the company is in a rough spot so i feel obligated to stay until things patch up or they finally find a professional replacement. That said, im not sticking around too much longer.
So im kinda in a limbo state. That and im really REALLY not looking forward to finding another job. The least enjoyable thing ive ever done. It is expensive to go on interviews out of state, i HATE playing "the game" (you know the one. oh im perfect in every single way, my one flaw is that im too perfect!). I played the interview game once, and i was so sick of myself that i became physically sick for a day.
Oh, and i have been getting really bored as of late.
On the other hand, i live in hotels in the middle of nowhere for months at a time and work is literally the high point of my day as it is the only time i get any social interaction (but the few people that i do work with are great).
usually, very rarely get to see my friends or family, and i end up missing most social events/holidays/parties/weddings/etc. I say usually because as of right now ive been home for nearly 6 months without pay. They told me after the last job was finished that there would be a month or so until the next one is ready. Well 1-2 months turned into 3 months yadda yadda yadda.
While the job is satisfying, it is not something i could do for a long time as it ruins my personal life. Problem is, im working for my friend's father, and the company is in a rough spot so i feel obligated to stay until things patch up or they finally find a professional replacement. That said, im not sticking around too much longer.
So im kinda in a limbo state. That and im really REALLY not looking forward to finding another job. The least enjoyable thing ive ever done. It is expensive to go on interviews out of state, i HATE playing "the game" (you know the one. oh im perfect in every single way, my one flaw is that im too perfect!). I played the interview game once, and i was so sick of myself that i became physically sick for a day.
Oh, and i have been getting really bored as of late.
Doclector is always real, the dude has his share of problems but he keeps working at them. We are all in your corner, man.Glass Joe said:
OP: I've had a really weird revelation tonight, just getting back together with some of my friends helped me realize the change. When I'm alone too long I just end up grinding deep within the recesses of my own mind, until the point where I feel I am literally standing in the corner of my mind, where a fiction I've created for myself becomes reality. Being the cynic that I am, this almost always ends up leaving me worse for wear. I guess I've realized that I am more than I give myself credit for, other people see it and I only manage it when I'm willing to look past myself.
locked in a endless loop of job hunting despite my skills
overweight to the point that electric scales cant read me
stressed to the point that I have strands of grey hair since I was 17 (im 20 now) and i harbor a deep hatred of my brother
random suicidal impulses at the lowest of my depression
but I'm not giving up!
I've got my buddies and I've got something to work on outside of jobsearch
ill but my hopes in the now and work for my future
overweight to the point that electric scales cant read me
stressed to the point that I have strands of grey hair since I was 17 (im 20 now) and i harbor a deep hatred of my brother
random suicidal impulses at the lowest of my depression
but I'm not giving up!
I've got my buddies and I've got something to work on outside of jobsearch
ill but my hopes in the now and work for my future
Well I guess it's about time as any to unload things off my chest.
Simply put, I feel like I'm at a terrible point in my life. I have a wonderful wife and son, but I can't be with them.
I met my wife three years ago now, over an online game, getting into detail would just make this even more of a book, but we hit it off, over time our feelings grew for each other and that we wanted to date. It was long distance however, I'm an american, at the time, living in Arizona, and she's canadian. This was all while I was going to the University of Advancing Technology (protip: don't go there for a game design degree, it's toilet paper basically, most other courses are OK, but it's a glorified daycare imo). I eventually dropped out when I realized I was going to be paying out the ass for nothing and didn't want to be too far into debt at the time.
Back on track, my wife, then girl friend, never met face to face for over a year. I lost my apartment after some financial trouble blindsided me, and now to this day am on a Debt Collector's hit list for over 3.5k. I was able to move in with my old college roommate after he'd given up on going to school as well, at his dad's house, which was an experience to say the least. In no time at all I got a job, at Dunkin' Donuts, pay was shit, but I was able to start picking up the pieces, managing to get my Passport and eventually take time off to go up and see her. During all of this, we decided that we wanted to be with each other forever. I went up there, and right at the airport I proposed to her, she knew because we had talked about it, but it was nice regardless, we had Tim Horton's employees as witnesses lol.
Those two weeks was probably the best time of my life so far.
While I was up there, my wife had quit her job because she was tired of being harassed by her employers for things that weren't her fault.
Eventually, she had moved back in with her parent's while I was back in Arizona, and as a couple of months passed, we found out she was pregnant with my son. (Birth control never showed positive with her until she had a blood test.)
We finally married the next month, May 13th, 2011, it was a nice, small ceremony.
The next month I quit my job and moved up there, because I wanted to be with my wife as she went through her pregnancy, which was really rough on her and because her parent's weren't really there for her, even though she lived with them.
That should have been my hint, but as I am ever oblivious to things, I decided that I would go through the Immigration process during my stay. Suffice it to say, that never happened, because I thought my in-laws would be able help me or rather not use me. I'm part native american, I receive monthly income from my tribe because of the casino it owns. I know I am lucky for this and appreciate it every time I receive it. Though while I was there, living with my in laws, who didn't work, lived in a shitty farm house that had no hydro (electricity) other than a gas powered generator used occasionally. Over the months of using my income to feed a family of six (My In-laws, sister-in-law, wife and unborn son and myself), not to mention the unnecessarily large amount of animals (Think at the time it was 6 dogs, maybe 2 dozen barn cats and a few horses?). My wife and I were finally able to get our own apartment between my income and her EI.
Skipping the next 7 months, my son was born, I was being worked to the brink of insanity at an exotic pet shop (how? A month without a day off AFTER my new born son was born). My wife's EI ran out and we eventually (and disdainfully) moved back in with my in-laws. Now remember how I mentioned that I was planning on my immigration being done up there? Well I never could manage to afford it (it costs about 1200 before any costs to get the necessary information for it). While we were living there, my in-laws still sucked any money I had out of me as I still tried to support my wife and son and all the animals, but eventually my in-laws eventually got fed up with me because I couldn't work (yadontsay.jpg) and told me I had to be out the following month, that was last april.
So I made arrangements, I got in touch with my old roommate from college (not the same one I lived in before I moved to canada.) and told me there was room where he lived, rent was cheap. I took a bus, from Toronto to Boston, stayed in Massachusetts for a week to see some old friends in family, before I went back to Boston and took a train to Connecticut, where I am now.
I got a job relatively quickly, guess where? Dunkin' Donuts.
Now here I am, posting a quick run through of the past three years of my life. I'm writing this at 3:33am, I got off work at midnight (3hrs and 30mins ago), and am going back in at noon today.
I haven't seen my wife or son since, though my wife and I text each other constantly, she doesn't have internet so we can't Vid Call, but she sends me pictures of my son so I can see how big he's getting, he'll be a year in November.
I'll be 22 in a couple weeks. I've saved up nearly enough to start my immigration process, but likely I won't be able to get it, because there are places I need to go that are too far away and I don't have a vehicle, my roommates are usually busy and we don't have the same time off.
My wife and I are both back to work and I send her money every month (sometimes more often if she needs a hand) to help her purchase the things she and my son need. She still lives with her parents too.
And to answer the question now that I got that off my chest. I feel like a failure, of a husband, of a father. Though I work everyday for a better future for my family, clinging to whatever hopes I have left of a successful future. Next year, I hope to be with my family again, though it's hard to see that happening even if I do manage to get my application in. Is life frustrating or pleasant? It's a roller coaster, it's whatever you make it. I'm frustrated in myself but even though, there's nothing I would change, as dreadful as this may be. I love my wife very much and I love my son, I miss them both and would suffer anything just so I can make them happy.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Now I need to get some sleep before it gets too late, I really need to talk to my boss about putting me on afternoon shifts right AFTER I work the night/midnight shift lol. I'm used to going to bed at 5am and waking up around noon lol.
Simply put, I feel like I'm at a terrible point in my life. I have a wonderful wife and son, but I can't be with them.
I met my wife three years ago now, over an online game, getting into detail would just make this even more of a book, but we hit it off, over time our feelings grew for each other and that we wanted to date. It was long distance however, I'm an american, at the time, living in Arizona, and she's canadian. This was all while I was going to the University of Advancing Technology (protip: don't go there for a game design degree, it's toilet paper basically, most other courses are OK, but it's a glorified daycare imo). I eventually dropped out when I realized I was going to be paying out the ass for nothing and didn't want to be too far into debt at the time.
Back on track, my wife, then girl friend, never met face to face for over a year. I lost my apartment after some financial trouble blindsided me, and now to this day am on a Debt Collector's hit list for over 3.5k. I was able to move in with my old college roommate after he'd given up on going to school as well, at his dad's house, which was an experience to say the least. In no time at all I got a job, at Dunkin' Donuts, pay was shit, but I was able to start picking up the pieces, managing to get my Passport and eventually take time off to go up and see her. During all of this, we decided that we wanted to be with each other forever. I went up there, and right at the airport I proposed to her, she knew because we had talked about it, but it was nice regardless, we had Tim Horton's employees as witnesses lol.
Those two weeks was probably the best time of my life so far.
While I was up there, my wife had quit her job because she was tired of being harassed by her employers for things that weren't her fault.
Eventually, she had moved back in with her parent's while I was back in Arizona, and as a couple of months passed, we found out she was pregnant with my son. (Birth control never showed positive with her until she had a blood test.)
We finally married the next month, May 13th, 2011, it was a nice, small ceremony.
The next month I quit my job and moved up there, because I wanted to be with my wife as she went through her pregnancy, which was really rough on her and because her parent's weren't really there for her, even though she lived with them.
That should have been my hint, but as I am ever oblivious to things, I decided that I would go through the Immigration process during my stay. Suffice it to say, that never happened, because I thought my in-laws would be able help me or rather not use me. I'm part native american, I receive monthly income from my tribe because of the casino it owns. I know I am lucky for this and appreciate it every time I receive it. Though while I was there, living with my in laws, who didn't work, lived in a shitty farm house that had no hydro (electricity) other than a gas powered generator used occasionally. Over the months of using my income to feed a family of six (My In-laws, sister-in-law, wife and unborn son and myself), not to mention the unnecessarily large amount of animals (Think at the time it was 6 dogs, maybe 2 dozen barn cats and a few horses?). My wife and I were finally able to get our own apartment between my income and her EI.
Skipping the next 7 months, my son was born, I was being worked to the brink of insanity at an exotic pet shop (how? A month without a day off AFTER my new born son was born). My wife's EI ran out and we eventually (and disdainfully) moved back in with my in-laws. Now remember how I mentioned that I was planning on my immigration being done up there? Well I never could manage to afford it (it costs about 1200 before any costs to get the necessary information for it). While we were living there, my in-laws still sucked any money I had out of me as I still tried to support my wife and son and all the animals, but eventually my in-laws eventually got fed up with me because I couldn't work (yadontsay.jpg) and told me I had to be out the following month, that was last april.
So I made arrangements, I got in touch with my old roommate from college (not the same one I lived in before I moved to canada.) and told me there was room where he lived, rent was cheap. I took a bus, from Toronto to Boston, stayed in Massachusetts for a week to see some old friends in family, before I went back to Boston and took a train to Connecticut, where I am now.
I got a job relatively quickly, guess where? Dunkin' Donuts.
Now here I am, posting a quick run through of the past three years of my life. I'm writing this at 3:33am, I got off work at midnight (3hrs and 30mins ago), and am going back in at noon today.
I haven't seen my wife or son since, though my wife and I text each other constantly, she doesn't have internet so we can't Vid Call, but she sends me pictures of my son so I can see how big he's getting, he'll be a year in November.
I'll be 22 in a couple weeks. I've saved up nearly enough to start my immigration process, but likely I won't be able to get it, because there are places I need to go that are too far away and I don't have a vehicle, my roommates are usually busy and we don't have the same time off.
My wife and I are both back to work and I send her money every month (sometimes more often if she needs a hand) to help her purchase the things she and my son need. She still lives with her parents too.
And to answer the question now that I got that off my chest. I feel like a failure, of a husband, of a father. Though I work everyday for a better future for my family, clinging to whatever hopes I have left of a successful future. Next year, I hope to be with my family again, though it's hard to see that happening even if I do manage to get my application in. Is life frustrating or pleasant? It's a roller coaster, it's whatever you make it. I'm frustrated in myself but even though, there's nothing I would change, as dreadful as this may be. I love my wife very much and I love my son, I miss them both and would suffer anything just so I can make them happy.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Now I need to get some sleep before it gets too late, I really need to talk to my boss about putting me on afternoon shifts right AFTER I work the night/midnight shift lol. I'm used to going to bed at 5am and waking up around noon lol.
Steadly getting worse but It's not terrible, just kinda crappy. I've pretty much failed education/ given up on it. I've been looking for a job for a while now and it's not going so good considering I have no qualifications, training or experience. I've been in a new city for a year now and know no one and don't go out and my few friends are getting fewer as we become more distant or they move on and soon I will have no friends. I'm becoming increasing isolated and lonely but I've learned to live with some of it.
I've been in a rut the last few years, everyone else has changed and moved on while I haven't.
I feel like I've been left behind.
I need to find some friends in cambridge and a job or go back into education.
I've been in a rut the last few years, everyone else has changed and moved on while I haven't.
I feel like I've been left behind.
I need to find some friends in cambridge and a job or go back into education.
I've just come out of a romantic relationship that lasted four years, and didn't end on good terms.
I don't think I've ever been this depressed before- but thankfully I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow so maybe he can convince me that I shouldn't kill myself.
But those are my current thoughts on life. How much I want it to end.
I don't think I've ever been this depressed before- but thankfully I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow so maybe he can convince me that I shouldn't kill myself.
But those are my current thoughts on life. How much I want it to end.
I graduated from university 6 months ago. I have no actual job, but I did projects for several different people. I haven't got paid for any of them, even though some of my work was shown to government officials and approved, bringing a lot of money to the architect I helped (I did the 3d modelling and visualization stuff). Lost several job opportunities thanks to my master's degree in architecture. Already hate my chosen profession.
Annoyance, frustration and perhaps a little depression. I feel like such a lazy shit as I don't have a job yet and I don't even know what I want to do or where to go for University yet. Results day for my first year of sixth form is very soon and i'm shitting myself.
So yeah, not very good lately.
So yeah, not very good lately.
Well I just got back to work after 2 months sick leave, and as a result my boss has decided he's going to make my life hell.
Because I've had 2 months off I've very little money, and had to cancel the holiday I'd planned with my friends. They've all gone, don't expect them to cancel because of me, but still, it sucks.
Noticed yesterday that my abcess has returned, and when I went to hospital I was told I also have a fungal infection and then I need to be tested for diabetes.
Still, happy birthday, right?
Because I've had 2 months off I've very little money, and had to cancel the holiday I'd planned with my friends. They've all gone, don't expect them to cancel because of me, but still, it sucks.
Noticed yesterday that my abcess has returned, and when I went to hospital I was told I also have a fungal infection and then I need to be tested for diabetes.
Still, happy birthday, right?
I'm in the prime of my life, and I'm wasting it with constant work.
Here's the kicker; despite all the work I do, I'm still mediocre in school.
I can't get a girlfriend to save my life, and am socially inept.
I'm depressed due to all the bad choices I've made with my life thus far.
On the other hand, I'm pretty damn good at Dark Souls, so there's that.
But overall, I'm not overly happy. What guy is depressed at seventeen?
Here's the kicker; despite all the work I do, I'm still mediocre in school.
I can't get a girlfriend to save my life, and am socially inept.
I'm depressed due to all the bad choices I've made with my life thus far.
On the other hand, I'm pretty damn good at Dark Souls, so there's that.
But overall, I'm not overly happy. What guy is depressed at seventeen?
Persevere man. I can't imagine being separated from a family I started in such a way but you'll find a way to be together some how. Love her and your boy as much as you can. Who knows what opportunities will lead you back to them?airwolfe591 said:
You might call me an optimist at heart but I truly do think that something will come up that allows you to go back to them.
I have Trigeminal Neuralgia (otherwise known as 'Suicide Disease') which is horrendous and I have a mysterious leg pain problem which doctors have no idea about but makes my legs constantly feel like the bone is under pressure and might snap.
Two dead children and a dead wife so now I'm the lone parent of a 3 year old.
But screw it, I like my life because I'm damn well not going to waste the time I have left moping about like I did when I was younger.
Two dead children and a dead wife so now I'm the lone parent of a 3 year old.
But screw it, I like my life because I'm damn well not going to waste the time I have left moping about like I did when I was younger.
A few months ago, my answer would be much different. For once, I can say that I'm improving. Throughout my life, I have suffered deep depression and attempted to end my life a number of times. Seeing therapists and taking medicine has never helped. Now, I'm taking it into my hands. I've mostly broken out of my habit of negative self talk and have gotten back into running (up to 9 miles per run, 3 times a week) which helps thanks to happy endorphins.
I used to have such severe social anxiety that I was ever afraid to raise my voice to say 'excuse me'. That caused me to have to get off later bus stops or avoid most public places. I'd cry all the time. Now I am much better though I do become silent in groups.
I'm now acknowledging that I'm actually cute, albeit in a shy bookwormish way. I look a lot like my avatar. In the past, I'd call myself ugly and avoided mirrors due to my prominent nose.
While I'm improving, I'm rather lonely. I never really had any friends save for some online ones. Those I meet in person never share my interests. I'd love to have someone to go to museums with, cuddle and read a book together, and play video games. I'd rather play piano (just learned howl's moving castle theme) than go to a movie theater or a bar (though I'm not opposed to cocktails).
TL
R learning to be my own best friend despite life long depression and no in person friends.
I used to have such severe social anxiety that I was ever afraid to raise my voice to say 'excuse me'. That caused me to have to get off later bus stops or avoid most public places. I'd cry all the time. Now I am much better though I do become silent in groups.
I'm now acknowledging that I'm actually cute, albeit in a shy bookwormish way. I look a lot like my avatar. In the past, I'd call myself ugly and avoided mirrors due to my prominent nose.
While I'm improving, I'm rather lonely. I never really had any friends save for some online ones. Those I meet in person never share my interests. I'd love to have someone to go to museums with, cuddle and read a book together, and play video games. I'd rather play piano (just learned howl's moving castle theme) than go to a movie theater or a bar (though I'm not opposed to cocktails).
TL
R learning to be my own best friend despite life long depression and no in person friends.
Well I was able to get out of the unemployment status and landed myself my first job (months ago) after Uni which was years ago so yeah it's a big improvement on my life.
While I am content where I'm working at but my parent insist I look for a better paid job. I mean seriously? Sure it's part time and the pay is slight above min wages but I ain't gonna risk switching out just because of that! As far I'm concern at least I am getting some cash as oppose to nothing and I intend to worked there for a while (ideally just over a year) just so it look good on my CV.
Also it seen the years of being unemployed had made me so conscious of my money since I am so careful of my spending that I only spend when I really need to. Sure this is a good thing but I don't want to boring all the time (lived life alittle). Sure I'm still single and lived in the middle of nowhere but I get by as I still keep in touch with my closet friends.
These days I'm utterly bored when I'm not in work and got nothing to watch. This is because I got no new games to played (concious of my money again) but that goona change in two weeks time(Guild Wars 2)
While I am content where I'm working at but my parent insist I look for a better paid job. I mean seriously? Sure it's part time and the pay is slight above min wages but I ain't gonna risk switching out just because of that! As far I'm concern at least I am getting some cash as oppose to nothing and I intend to worked there for a while (ideally just over a year) just so it look good on my CV.
Also it seen the years of being unemployed had made me so conscious of my money since I am so careful of my spending that I only spend when I really need to. Sure this is a good thing but I don't want to boring all the time (lived life alittle). Sure I'm still single and lived in the middle of nowhere but I get by as I still keep in touch with my closet friends.
These days I'm utterly bored when I'm not in work and got nothing to watch. This is because I got no new games to played (concious of my money again) but that goona change in two weeks time(Guild Wars 2)