Describe your favourite game and make it sound like a VERY bad game.

[SweetShark]

*This is an old Thread I originally created for GT, so I decided to create a similar one for here*

Describe one of your favourite games and make it sound as sh*tty as possible.

Me first:

Doom 2: Hell on Earth

What a retarded game!!! The whole part of the story it to take revenge for the death of your pet rabbit. And the rabbits name? Daisy?!?!?!? WTF were they thinking?!?!?!?
Did they expected to believe a story about a Space Marine go to Hell to murder all the demons inside, just only for his rabbit?

Also the gameplay is boring as hell [oh the irony]!!! You kill the same enemies over and over and you have only few weapons for that.
Also one of the guns have the name "BFG". Do you know what the fans decided to name it base on the letters? "Big F*cking Gun"!!! How stupid and childish.....

Also the ending.....THE ENDING!!!!!
Just a wall of text.....that it!!! I WAS PLAYING THIS RETARTED GAME FOR SO MANY HOURS AND I GET A WALL OF TEXT!!!!


Your turn please ^^

 

[Mutant1988]

You're overdoing the expletives. I'm not sure the moderators will approve of a topic that seemingly encourages swearing at games.

I like the concept however.

Timesplitters 2 - A First Person Shooter where you can't aim straight.

Spoiler

Use a non-fixed crosshair when zooming, akin to the aiming of Goldeneye, except with 2 separate analog sticks

Ziggurat - A First Person Shooter without guns.

Spoiler

You use magic instead

Valkyria Chronicles - A strategy game where you can only control a single character.

Spoiler

At a time

 

[SweetShark]

You're overdoing the expletives. I'm not sure the moderators will approve of a topic that seemingly encourages swearing at games.

I like the concept however.

Timesplitters 2 - A First Person Shooter where you can't aim straight.

Spoiler

Use a non-fixed crosshair when zooming, akin to the aiming of Goldeneye, except with 2 separate analog sticks

Ziggurat - A First Person Shooter without guns.

Spoiler

You use magic instead

Valkyria Chronicles - A strategy game where you can only control a single character.

Spoiler

At a time

Oh, thank you for telling me. In GT it was more "light" with the rules I will admit.
I will change it a little to make it more suitable for here.

 

[Mutant1988]

Tvtropes have something akin to this as well, if you want to read it for your own amusement.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/SugarWiki/BetterThanItSounds

Basically, describe exactly what it is, in a way that makes it sound bad, trivial or just plain wrong. Hours of fun.

Let me try another one (Not a favorite game):

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - You are the chosen one because of your ability to shout at things.

Spoiler

which makes awesome magic happen.

 

[SweetShark]

Tvtropes have something akin to this as well, if you want to read it for your own amusement.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/SugarWiki/BetterThanItSounds

Basically, describe exactly what it is, in a way that makes it sound bad, trivial or just plain wrong. Hours of fun.

Let me try another one (Not a favorite game):

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - You are the chosen one because of your ability to shout at things.

Spoiler

which makes awesome magic happen.

Look interesting, but I will admit I prefer a small "review" of game than a small description.

 

[Neverhoodian]

You're overdoing the expletives. I'm not sure the moderators will approve of a topic that seemingly encourages swearing at games.

I like the concept however.

Spoiler: NSFW language

You'll actually find the mods around here are pretty lax with regards to profanity, so long as it isn't racial slurs or whatnot and you aren't attacking other users or staff members.

Anywho, I'll take a stab at it.

Tie Fighter:

Have you ever watched Star Wars and found yourself thinking "man, I wish I was one of those faceless Imperial mooks that get blown away left and right?" This is the game for you! Revel in the thrill of flying the unshielded death traps that are the Tie series of starfighters. Watch in awe as you're one-shotted by a random laser blast that wasn't even aimed at you. Experience the rush of colliding with debris of the ship you just destroyed. Bask in the unforgettable experience of putting your fist through the monitor because you just died for the twentieth time trying to clear a minefield filled with bullshit aimbot turrets.[footnote]But seriously though, fuck those missions.[/footnote]

Then approximately halfway through the game the difficulty goes from teeth-grindingly hard to insultingly easy as you're suddenly flying prototype super-duper-wtf-these-were-never-in-the-films Ties that can wipe out entire fleets just by looking at them! It's okay though, they artificially increased the difficulty via confusion! You end up fighting a bunch of traitorous Imperial forces that fly the same ships and have the same IFF color as loyalist forces. Your sensors will look like they came down with a bad case of the chicken pox with all those red dots clouding the screen! You might as well play X-Wing at that point. At least there you won't get a migraine trying to tell friend from foe.

 

[Mutant1988]

To each his own. I'll stick to shorter descriptions since I think they are funnier and more likely to be read.

 

[Alhazred]

Ok, lets give this a go...

In this game, you play as the metrosexual son of Count Dracula instead of the far manlier vampire hunter you usually play as. The voice acting is unbelievably cheesy (the first spoken line is 'Die Monster! You don't belong in this world!', which should give you an idea of the script's quality. The written text in the game (item descriptions and such) is likewise amateurish at best; monsters are given the wrong names, and at least a quarter of the equipment seems to have been named after stuff from Lord of the Rings.

The gameplay is equally terrible. Instead of a nice, focused, linear succession of stages, everything exists on one huge-ass map. The game gives you no directions, so its easy to get lost or go some place you aren't meant to go yet. You only have to visit like half the areas to finish the game anyway (the ending is a rubbish anti-climax, but I've come to expect that of most games nowadays).

I could go on. There are lots of weapons to choose from, but almost all of them are swords. Your magic is damn near impossible to use. Your familiars are useless retards. And you have to turn into an animal like some dirty other-kin. Shame on you Konami for ruining your best series with all these terrible changes! You should never have made Castlevania: Symphony of the Night!

...hehe, I haven't posted on here in ages. SweetShark makes the best threads.

 

[The Madman]

In the Baldur's Gate series the gameplay is based on the 2nd edition D&D ruleset, which was notoriously bad in a number of ways. Who the hell ever thought THACO was a good idea for example? Meanwhile mages and casters are absolutely useless early game while fighters are basically relegated to right clicking their opponent and waiting to see who gets the worse dice-rolls and dies. Thrilling.

By the time the gameplay actually gets interesting you're talking over 30ish hours and quite possibly skipping an entire game, not exactly good pacing or balancing there. Doesn't help that the tutorials are crap and you're basically expected to learn the details as you go in a game so unforgiving that you can die during the introduction section quite easily. That goes for both games. Hell the entire early game experience relies on you either already being familiar enough with the game to know what to do and how to do it or using the quick-load/save features as a clutch, no wonder so many people give up trying to play this series within the first few hours.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

My favorite game is about rescuing the president's daughter from zombie Spain. There's no health regen, no auto-saving and QTEs will ambush you with one-hit kills in most cutscenes. The game is annoying as it is before it goes into escort mission mode and you're getting Game Overs all the time, whether it's because your escortee - who has an incredibly irritating cry, by the way - gets nabbed or accidentally killed by you. Also, most boss battles can end before they even start with a rocket launcher, if not wholly skipped by waiting for the elevator.

My other favorite game put you in a big, empty wasteland with nothing to do but go from boss battle to boss battle. There's no money, no XP, no towns, no shops, no NPCs and no side missions. It's the most boring thing ever, brah.

 

[ninja666]

Dark Souls is an RPG that doesn't explain anything to you - its story, its lore, how it works. It only gives you one direction throughout the whole thing. It's also extremely tough and full of enemies that can simply one shot you. There's also a number of times present where you get yourself into failstates because of the way you distributed your stat points.

Another favourite of mine is Tomb Raider 2013 - a complete ripoff of the famous Uncharted series, but with an annoying, whiny teenager as a protagonist instead of a cool action hero.

There's also Saints Row 2 - a shitty GTA clone that tries to compensate for lack of personality with some lowbrow humor.

 

[SweetShark]

My favorite game is about rescuing the president's daughter from zombie Spain. There's no health regen, no auto-saving and QTEs will ambush you with one-hit kills in most cutscenes. The game is annoying as it is before it goes into escort mission mode and you're getting Game Overs all the time, whether it's because your escortee - who has an incredibly irritating cry, by the way - gets nabbed or accidentally killed by you. Also, most boss battles can end before they even start with a rocket launcher, if not wholly skipped by waiting for the elevator.

My other favorite game put you in a big, empty wasteland with nothing to do but go from boss battle to boss battle. There's no money, no XP, no towns, no shops, no NPCs and no side missions. It's the most boring thing ever, brah.

No,no,no, you doing it wrong.
You must post your review of the game like you really hate it like my example and the others.
Like this:

This game is about rescuing the president's daughter for some evil bad. Oh for got shake, even in the Modern Times the f*cking "Strong Male save the Weak Female" Trope never die!!!

 

[ninja666]

No,no,no, you doing it wrong.
You must post your review of the game like you really hate it like my example and the others.
Like this:

This game is about rescuing the president's daughter for some evil bad. Oh for got shake, even in the Modern Times the f*cking "Strong Male save the Weak Female" Trope never die!!!

Imo those descriptions do a better job than those "reviews". It sounds more convincing when you describe it as bad instead of trying to act like a whiny 12-year old hater.

 

[SweetShark]

No,no,no, you doing it wrong.
You must post your review of the game like you really hate it like my example and the others.
Like this:

This game is about rescuing the president's daughter for some evil bad. Oh for got shake, even in the Modern Times the f*cking "Strong Male save the Weak Female" Trope never die!!!

Imo those descriptions do a better job than those "reviews". It sounds more convincing when you describe it as bad instead of trying to act like a whiny 12-year old hater.

Eh, I like the Jim Sterling way more. Ready to hurt the developer's feelings right to their hearts.
But only because I am joking of course. With the exception of Final Fantasy XIII. F*ck Vanille.

 

[MysticSlayer]

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Do you like solving puzzles that the game tells you in advance how to solve? Do you like fighting a stupid camera as much as you fight constantly respawning enemies? Do you like graphics that look they are from the PS2 era? Do you have such contempt for games that you enjoy having at least one conversation in each game dedicated to dismissing the notion that traditional games are meaningful? Are BioWare sex scenes too erotic for you but you still want sex in your games? Do you like having your jump ability locked off except for certain contextual prompts?

Well then, you would love The Sands of Time.

And before anyone claims, "None of that is true!" Yes, it is all true. So just remember, whenever you have a problem with modern games, it all started with The Sands of Time.

 

[Mutant1988]

Okami - It's like Zelda Ocarina of Time except with more Navi.

Spoiler

Not even going to put a funny punch line here. Issun explaining EVERYTHING is just bad

 

[Mimic]

Okay let me try:

Ocarina of Time - is a game about a mute elf with an attention-seeking fairy who goes around breaking pots for money. He visits various dungeons to collect 3 stones and some medallions by hitting enemies (such as plants and guys who try and hump you) in patterns of three to win. Eventually you save the day before then being sent back in time through the power of music while everyone else celebrates without you.

 

[Mutant1988]

Okami - It's like Zelda Ocarina of Time except with more Navi.

Spoiler

Not even going to put a funny punch line here. Issun explaining EVERYTHING is just bad

Issun is the man, or atleast he's more bearable from Navi, having his own story, being badass and not having annoying voice (at least in my opinion).

Let's try Nier:
It's a body cop game starring a guy with oversized weapon wanting to save his girl and a book.

That doesn't make it sound bad though.

Let me try:

Nier - Is about an old man dressed in bondage gear searching for a little girl to take home.

Spoiler

Because it's his daughter

 

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

Someone already put this in a hilariously negative review of Super Metroid, and it could mostly be applied to Metroid Prime as well so:

'All you do is run around in caves and shoot bugs. Why would you want to do that all the time? Boring dull game with no variety or replay value, the protagonist may as well not exist for all the character he shows. I'd rather explore places in my own home town and kill bugs than play this crap again.'