SimCity, it's like watching grass grow.
Starcraft, it's the RTS with ADHD where you must do at least 3 things at the same time.
Starcraft, it's the RTS with ADHD where you must do at least 3 things at the same time.
Describe your favourite game and make it sound like a VERY bad game.
- Thread starter SweetShark
- Start date
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Borderlands
Run around 6 different giant versions of Blood Gulch, re-envisioned with more texture pop and the color palette of Quake 2. Fight well over two enemies, like men with guns and ugly space dogs, as you take missions from NPCs you will never meet to assemble guns you will never use. In the drawn-out conclusion, experience a stunning recreation of the canyon level from Shadows of the Empire, then shoot a monster in its big face button while it fails to hit you. The story continues in 4 DLC packs, one of which isn't a total chore to finish!
Borderlands 2
Play the exact same game over again, but now bigger, and with the color green. Meet thrilling characters like a cute girl who spouts memetic catchphrases that will get old after your first conversation, or at least three other cute girls who spout memetic catchphrases that will get old after your first conversation. Arm yourself to the teeth with a shield so good it makes other gear meaningless, and the best gun in the game, a gag weapon that you get as a quest reward, and which you can't fire directly at enemies! Then get ready to go toe to toe with Handsome Jack, a villain so thunderously un-involved in the plot that you meet him exactly twice before he dies. If you pay extra, you can have good versions of two of the characters in the stock game, as well as playing 4 exciting DLC packs that have almost no content but hide it by being way too long!
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel
Return to Pandora, which you will look at as you run around Elpis, a barren moon made of tedious looking rock. Enjoy classic Borderlands gameplay, like emptying dozens of clips into each bullet-sponge enemy and opening box after box without finding loot, now with the added mechanic that you can drown AT ANY TIME. LEarn tricks like double-jumping, which is only useful for puzzles and never for exploring levels, and the new damage type Cryo that replaces an old damage type that nobody liked, thus adding zero damage types. Load up with the new laser weapon class, which you will not use, new grenades which are useless, new vehicles which are useless, and 5 dull new Vault hunters, all but 2 of whom you already murdered in Borderlands 2. Then its time to fight the end boss, a dumb guy in a funny hat who turns into a dumb giant guy in a funny hat. When you finish the game, you can continue the proud Borderlands tradition of super tough bonus bosses with three new raid boss enemies: a guy with a gun, an easily killed big lizard who conveniently spawns right next to town for all the grinding you'll be doing, and the same boss the game already ends with, only slightly harder to kill! New features to this release: half the length of the last installment, all swearing has been censored for Australians, your expansion character now counts as one of the DLCs in your season pass.
Run around 6 different giant versions of Blood Gulch, re-envisioned with more texture pop and the color palette of Quake 2. Fight well over two enemies, like men with guns and ugly space dogs, as you take missions from NPCs you will never meet to assemble guns you will never use. In the drawn-out conclusion, experience a stunning recreation of the canyon level from Shadows of the Empire, then shoot a monster in its big face button while it fails to hit you. The story continues in 4 DLC packs, one of which isn't a total chore to finish!
Borderlands 2
Play the exact same game over again, but now bigger, and with the color green. Meet thrilling characters like a cute girl who spouts memetic catchphrases that will get old after your first conversation, or at least three other cute girls who spout memetic catchphrases that will get old after your first conversation. Arm yourself to the teeth with a shield so good it makes other gear meaningless, and the best gun in the game, a gag weapon that you get as a quest reward, and which you can't fire directly at enemies! Then get ready to go toe to toe with Handsome Jack, a villain so thunderously un-involved in the plot that you meet him exactly twice before he dies. If you pay extra, you can have good versions of two of the characters in the stock game, as well as playing 4 exciting DLC packs that have almost no content but hide it by being way too long!
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel
Return to Pandora, which you will look at as you run around Elpis, a barren moon made of tedious looking rock. Enjoy classic Borderlands gameplay, like emptying dozens of clips into each bullet-sponge enemy and opening box after box without finding loot, now with the added mechanic that you can drown AT ANY TIME. LEarn tricks like double-jumping, which is only useful for puzzles and never for exploring levels, and the new damage type Cryo that replaces an old damage type that nobody liked, thus adding zero damage types. Load up with the new laser weapon class, which you will not use, new grenades which are useless, new vehicles which are useless, and 5 dull new Vault hunters, all but 2 of whom you already murdered in Borderlands 2. Then its time to fight the end boss, a dumb guy in a funny hat who turns into a dumb giant guy in a funny hat. When you finish the game, you can continue the proud Borderlands tradition of super tough bonus bosses with three new raid boss enemies: a guy with a gun, an easily killed big lizard who conveniently spawns right next to town for all the grinding you'll be doing, and the same boss the game already ends with, only slightly harder to kill! New features to this release: half the length of the last installment, all swearing has been censored for Australians, your expansion character now counts as one of the DLCs in your season pass.
Diablo III
Did you love Diablo 2? Then get ready for a game that takes almost everything innovative about Diablo 2 and blows it out an airlock to DIE IN SPACE. Meet 4 exciting and totally new heroes: a black Necromancer, a goth Amazon, an old Barbarian, and an Asian Sorceress- plus their new expansion ally, the white Paladin! Discover awesome new gear with tons of new affixes, only 4 of which matter! Hate juggling stats? You'll love a new system where enemy resistances don't matter and you only have to worry about ONE STAT. Then, when you've mastered the exciting new system, get ready to explore all new locations, like:
-The Desert from Diablo 2
-The Countryside from Diablo 2
-The Frozen North from Diablo 2
-Hell from Diablo 2
-and Heaven which is 10 minutes long.
You'll meet exciting new allies, like Adria from Diablo 1 and Cain from every Diablo ever, plus new friends like human Tyrael who is somehow more useful than angel Tyrael, and new enemies like Diablo, Fat Baal, and giant Mephisto. Then, venture to Westmarch, an unoriginal fantasy London, where you'll battle the enigmatic angel of death Malthiel, who is pretty much just Typhon from Titan Quest.
BUT WAIT! When you beat the game the fun doesn't have to end! Welcome to the Paragon system, an exciting new mechanic where you can level up forever because those levels BARELY MATTER. And dominate your enemies in Rifts, new levels made by chopping together bits of old ones and putting green fog on everything. It's Diablo as you've never seen it, except for all the stuff you've seen over and over again before!
Did you love Diablo 2? Then get ready for a game that takes almost everything innovative about Diablo 2 and blows it out an airlock to DIE IN SPACE. Meet 4 exciting and totally new heroes: a black Necromancer, a goth Amazon, an old Barbarian, and an Asian Sorceress- plus their new expansion ally, the white Paladin! Discover awesome new gear with tons of new affixes, only 4 of which matter! Hate juggling stats? You'll love a new system where enemy resistances don't matter and you only have to worry about ONE STAT. Then, when you've mastered the exciting new system, get ready to explore all new locations, like:
-The Desert from Diablo 2
-The Countryside from Diablo 2
-The Frozen North from Diablo 2
-Hell from Diablo 2
-and Heaven which is 10 minutes long.
You'll meet exciting new allies, like Adria from Diablo 1 and Cain from every Diablo ever, plus new friends like human Tyrael who is somehow more useful than angel Tyrael, and new enemies like Diablo, Fat Baal, and giant Mephisto. Then, venture to Westmarch, an unoriginal fantasy London, where you'll battle the enigmatic angel of death Malthiel, who is pretty much just Typhon from Titan Quest.
BUT WAIT! When you beat the game the fun doesn't have to end! Welcome to the Paragon system, an exciting new mechanic where you can level up forever because those levels BARELY MATTER. And dominate your enemies in Rifts, new levels made by chopping together bits of old ones and putting green fog on everything. It's Diablo as you've never seen it, except for all the stuff you've seen over and over again before!
A bunch of nomadic desert dumbasses, accidentally find a ship in the deseret, because they're too stupid to know how to point a satellite in the right direction. They find a rock inside the ship that says "You are here, and over here is something cool, better than the shit you've got." So, like a bunch of dumbasses, they decide to devote their entire culture into this one endeavor, yeah good job guys, way to put all your eggs in one basket. They make a ship, but realized that they didn't have the CPU power to pilot the damn thing. So, they get this nerd chick that nobody would miss, stick some wires in her head, and say "congrats! You're our new engine, now fly this thing *****!" So they do, and woops! Doing so fucks up their entire planet, getting it carpet bombed worse than the Rodney King Riots, so now they're all alone, with a ship full of meat popsicles, with nowhere to go but towards the place that is maybe less shitty than where they are. And while they're at it, they encounter homicidal space thugs who hold a REALLY old grudge, nebula-centric freakbags that hate anyone not part of their social club, and a dude in a jar with a Napoleon complex.
They punk his ass, thaw out the popsicles, and set up shop in the new place. The end.
PS. It hurt my soul to describe Homeworld like that. xD
They punk his ass, thaw out the popsicles, and set up shop in the new place. The end.
PS. It hurt my soul to describe Homeworld like that. xD
I'm having a hard time picking a favorite so I'll go with one I used to play a lot.
You are a man with no voice, no personality, no fear, and no remorse. You are arrested for stalking people and murder your way out of prison. You spend the rest of the game killing everyone in your way. You kill scientists, engineers, soldiers, young women, and generally everyone you don't find submissive enough. After destroying countless research labs, robbing a few graves, murdering husbands and leaving their wives weeping in the next room, and slaughtering everyone at a few religious services, you have left a nation in crisis as a nation in ashes. To celebrate you rush off to kill more people. This game is for wannabe sociopaths only.
Return to Castle Wolfenstein.
You are a man with no voice, no personality, no fear, and no remorse. You are arrested for stalking people and murder your way out of prison. You spend the rest of the game killing everyone in your way. You kill scientists, engineers, soldiers, young women, and generally everyone you don't find submissive enough. After destroying countless research labs, robbing a few graves, murdering husbands and leaving their wives weeping in the next room, and slaughtering everyone at a few religious services, you have left a nation in crisis as a nation in ashes. To celebrate you rush off to kill more people. This game is for wannabe sociopaths only.
Return to Castle Wolfenstein.
Oh, no wonder this has so many posts - it must have been moved into FG from OT, lol. Sure, this looks like fun...
OT: So you play this bloke who picks up the nearest lethal length of steel and decides to batter, hammer and hack at his garishly liveried compatriots for hours on end while screaming oaths to some bird called Agatha. It's like being locked in a room and forced to relive an absurdly visceral Python sketch.
OT: So you play this bloke who picks up the nearest lethal length of steel and decides to batter, hammer and hack at his garishly liveried compatriots for hours on end while screaming oaths to some bird called Agatha. It's like being locked in a room and forced to relive an absurdly visceral Python sketch.
It is Chivalry: Medieval Warfare.
During multiplayer, it is not an uncommon occurrence for you to be trying to impale people with your lance only to have some random naked guy leap over your strike and cut you down.
Mount and Blade Warband
Mount and Blade Warband
So you play this bald white dude - exciting, I know - who dons a trenchcoat and decides to stick it to the man by stealing the cars off of people who are so nice that they don't even seem to mind, then driving said cars into government buildings and detonating them. When that fails, you also swing a big hammer at them, because that is futuristic and you are a renegade man with big ideas who is not afraid to cause grievous injury.
It is Red Faction: Guerrilla!