[HEADING=2]Umineko no Naku Koro ni[/HEADING]
Magic and logic; murders and crime-solving; manly tears and trollfaces.
[img alt=I WANT THAT SUIT]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/Unimeko-no-naku.jpg[/img]
Come play with us, Battler. Forever and ever and ever...
Repeat it for me in red, if you can.
This's a bit of a weird one. Not to imply anything I've previously reviewed wasn't weird; it's just that this one is an exception. For simplicity's sake, let's just call it a murder-mystery-fantasy-detective-thriller, except that it's actually just a love story. The thing is, this series spends the better part of its 8-part run just telling you who the main couple in question is. Perhaps some of you connoisseurs of the weird have read House of Leaves; that's a decent Western analogy for Umineko. There's varying meta-levels of narration, all kinds of fantastical supernatural events occurring bleeding the different timelines together - but in the end, it's really just a love story.
So if you like your romances like you like your sex - unconventional, surprising, occasionally being dragged kicking and screaming through completely incomprehensible twists, all while backed by a badass soundtrack - then look no further. I can definitely guarantee it'll be entertaining. And not at all like sex, now that I think about it.
First off, some background information is in order. Umineko no Naku Koro ni (When the Seagulls Cry) is a doujin (self-published) visual novel series produced by 07th Expansion back in 2007. Since the first, there've been a total of 8 games, or episodes, the last of which has just recently been given an English translation. Since the episodes are now grouped into 1-4 and 5-8, I'll be sticking to 1-4 for this review. Strictly speaking, they're kinetic novels, or sound novels in this case, where the emphasis is on creating atmosphere through bitchin' music and sound effects. There are no choices, no branching routes, no real player input whatsoever except for save/load, TIPS (which I'll explain later) and pressing the spacebar to make the text scroll by.
[img width=600, height=480, alt=ZA WARUDO]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/tokiotomare.jpg[/img]
Midnight? Nothing bad ever happens then!
I'll just throw one last disclaimer in here. It's virtually impossible to discuss a lot of what goes on without revealing details you don't learn until after the first episode. While I'll of course refrain from spoiling any of the actual plot twists, there are certain things that become the main focus of the entire series that just can't be ignored. So yeah, if you're deathly allergic to spoilers, you have been warned.
So there you have it. Time to see what's got those seagulls all riled up.
You can't, can you!
[HEADING=2]PLOTS[/HEADING]
Umineko's plot centers around the events that take place during the annual family conference of the Ushiromiyas, a wealthy Japanese family coasting off the riches of their eccentric grandfather Kinzo. Legend has it, Kinzo made all of his money after forming a contract with a witch, who gifted him staggering amounts of gold, but most sane people simply attribute it to his incredible business intuition. The conference takes place on the otherwise uninhabited island of Rokkenjima, where Kinzo whiles away his twilight years with only his doctor and friend Nanjo and his loyal servants to keep him company. Taking part in the conference are Kinzo's offspring and their families, each of whom is quickly revealed to be in dire financial straits with less than noble intentions on the family inheritance. To top it all off, a record-breaking storm whips up shortly after the guests arrive, grounding the only boat off the island and cutting off all communications with the outside world.
[img width=600, height=480, alt=You couldn't possibly be upset, could you?]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/umad.jpg[/img]
The "fun" in "family function" is also in "dysfunctional relationships." What a coincidence!
So here we have the perfect murder-mystery setup: lots of suspicious, paranoid, money-hungry people, stranded on an island. Naturally, people start turning up dead.
However, the culprit starts off by pretending to be the Golden Witch Beatrice, with whom Kinzo supposedly formed a contract with. Things start to take a turn for the supernatural. Locked room murders, impossible escapes, and logic-defying surprises start popping up all over the place, and the survivors are overwhelmed not only by the casual slaughter of family members, but the sheer logical impossibility of it all. Could it really be the work of a witch? Maybe. Maybe not. After all, witches don't exist, do they?
That's just the first episode. Finishing this unlocks two much shorter segments: the Tea Party, and ????????. The Tea Party section starts off with the characters discussing their own deaths, and then it goes even further downhill from there. And you'll just have to see the ???????? for yourself.
Somewhere between episodes 1 and 2 someone hit the reset button and suddenly everyone is alive and well, and gathering on Rokkenjima for the family conference as if nothing ever happened. To make a long story slightly less long: The Golden Witch Beatrice has challenged Battler, the closest thing to a protagonist the series has, to a game. The two will duel a sort of magic-witch-chess-logic-game...thing. Beatrice will play out the three days of the family conference in varying ways, and kill off characters as if it was being done by magic. Battler will attempt to solve the murders as if a human had done them. Essentially, Beatrice's job is to convince Battler that magic exists; Battler's job is to prove it doesn't. And from Episode 2 on, the series veers off into several different directions, as the "murder mystery" aspect gets swamped with increasingly flashy magic duels, battles of logic and theories represented by swords of red truth and arrows of blue theory. Sequel escalation is in full effect, but is given a legitimate reason for its existence. The more Beatrice manages to wear down Battler's resolve, the more of a foothold the magic world gains on the real one, and things start to spill over. Namely, more characters in an already giant cast; which for once I'll refrain from individually discussing so as to not make this review any more of a doorstopper than it already is.
uu...uu...
[HEADING=2]PRESENTATIONS[/HEADING]
Since there's no gameplay to speak of, I'll talk about the technical aspects instead...of which there barely are any either. Umineko is a doujin series, which means these guys pretty much did it themselves, which means don't go in expecting Rembrant to be doing the character sprites. I mean, it's a step up from Higurashi (their previous work)'s enormous flesh mitts and hilarious proportions, but there's no lack of derpy expressions and they still haven't quite mastered the art of "fingers" yet. The odd thing is, it works better because of this. Give it maybe half an episode to get used to the ranges of expression and you'll find the designs growing on you more and more. Give it 2 episodes, tops - enough time to get to love Battler's manly tears expression and Beatrice's troll face - and you won't want it any other way.
[img width=600, height=480, alt=And Erika hasn't even shown up yet]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/sm.jpg[/img]
More fun facts: Consensual S&M, no matter how depraved, is mentally and emotionally refreshing for all parties involved.
Then there's the music. Oh god the music. This is the main draw to the series. Without this soundtrack to back it up, Umineko would lose the majority of its emotional clout, the fights would be de-fanged, and the atmosphere would dissipate like that one asshole opening the door when you're trying to hotbox a car. Suffice to say, the music is phenomenal. Have a sampling of some of the greats:
(as a quick aside, for the love of god don't look at the comments, people on Youtube don't believe in spoilers)
system0 [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dageEHN2OqU&feature=related]
worldenddominator [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAKkw71ff3U]
dreamenddischarger [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuRRe1moVhY&feature=related]
miragecoordinator [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p85zQLOMlUY&feature=related]
Hope [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsHL0Lp-5QY]
answer [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsHL0Lp-5QY]
Dread of the Grave [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWog9PSm3rM&feature=related]
And that's just a few of what this series has to offer. There are not enough superlatives known to this reviewer to properly describe the effect of reading the ending of Episode 2, then suddenly worldenddominator kicks in and somehow the words, the music and even the once-goofy looking sprites blend together into an adrenaline-rushing, fist-pumping, head-banging experience. Okay, I guess I can think of a few superlatives.
The sound effects are rather like the art itself, only even more limited. There seems to be no more than a dozen different ones: door opening/closing, footsteps, clanging, glass breaking, some sort of blood-dripping noise, the infamous "ahaha.wav" [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnH9Gbw4ybk] that is Beatrice's laugh, and others. But strangely enough, despite them being used and reused in progressively more outlandish fashions, they work. It takes some real MacGyvering to use a door-opening soundbyte when someone gets stabbed in the chest and yet have it sound every bit as intimidating as a time-lapse sound capture of a semi-ripe watermelon being poked with a fire-hardened Neanderthal spear, or whatever it is Foley artists [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foley_artist] get paid obscene amounts of money to do.
The TIPS section also does a nice job of providing information on terminology, obscure Japanese folklore/cultural stuff, and gives a short bio of each character and their current status in each particular episode.
[img width=640, height=500, alt=I wrote on both of them. ZING]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/letter.jpg[/img]
Riddle me this, Batman. Why is a Beato like a Writing-Desk?
Now that all that boring objective stuff is out of the way, let's get to the fun subjective stuff!
Without love, you'll never know which of them has the penis.
[HEADING=2]OPINIONS[/HEADING]
Umineko is pretty schizophrenic. Theme-wise, mood-wise; it just has a fair bit of trouble settling on a particular tone. The first episode might almost qualify as horror; there's some definite elements of fear as an unknown killer stalks the family, picking off survivors in gruesomely unique ways despite all their efforts to the contrary. And then when the magic world invades you have goofy-looking bunny-people in absolutely ridiculous outfits shooting glowing golden pipecleaners at people through the Magic Internet.
On second thought, I think it's just the outfits in general. Skirts go all the way around, people. The front part is especially important, otherwise you might as well just prance around in your undies. Which some characters do. You know how SquareEnix has pretty much invented the Belts 'n Zippers clothing line? Well, Umineko goes for the Frills 'n Rips look. There's big poofy Victorian dresses - y'know, the kind you could smuggle several exotic animals under - mixed with ties and schoolgirl skirts. Like Alice fell through the rabbit hole and ended up in a Japanese punk concert.
[img width=640, height=500, alt=Mind the Gaap.]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/questions.jpg[/img]
That's a very good question, George.
And then there's the plot. It'll go from dead serious murder mystery to witches having magic duels to Battler and Beatrice having what amounts to a "pitched logic battle" except their theories are now slashing blue swords and paralysing webs of red, and suddenly there's duels and explosions and sparkles and the music is thumping out some incredibly badass theme...and then you realize it's essentially two people having a shit-fit over who the culprit is in a detective novel. It's like Michael Bay directing a "NO U" fight. But here's the really weird part. It's entertaining as fuck. To its credit, Umineko does a great job of slowly sneaking the weirder bits in, like a cowardly kid easing himself into a cold swimming pool filled with ridiculous outfits and MAGIC. It's amusingly absurd, but you'll hardly ever find yourself throwing up your hands in the universally accepted symbol for "...the fuck is this?" Well, not till episodes 5-8 at least.
There's also some pacing issues. A fair few people have complained about the first episode taking forever to get going; personally I had no problem with it. It's some great mystery novel-style setup and some nice character introductions, but most people are brought in by the premise of MAGIC FIIIIGHTS and are thus thrown off when realistic people are talking about realistic problems. The main problem comes with some of the later episodes. The more adrenaline-pounding, head-scratching and mind-blowing the ending, the slower and duller the beginning of the next episode will be. 3-4 are the worst offenders. Episode 3 has a magnificent ending that will likely require some brain matter removal from the wall directly behind your head, and then 4 starts up with an agonizingly slow-paced section about an entirely new set of characters before finally getting back to the central plot on Rokkenjima.
[img width=600, height=480, alt=Om nom nom]http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee460/deskimusprime/Umineko/deliciouscandy.jpg[/img]
It is delicious candy, you must eat it.
Finally, the overarching plot really spins its wheels for a great deal of the first four episodes. Granted, the series might as well be 8 light novels long, so there's definitely room to faff around, but the constant addition of new characters, plot twists coming out the hoo-ha, and ever-increasing rules, skills, techniques and, well, the fact that at least 3/4ths of each episode has the same general setup: Ushiromiya family goes to conference, weird shit happens, people die one by one, Battler cries a lot, Beatrice cackles and does her trollface, etc., etc. The end result is, up until very close to the end of episode 4, not much has happened. If you've seen the second season of Haruhi Suzumiya, it's like watching the first four episodes of Endless Eight. Okay, that's a little harsh; it's better than that. A lot changes up, there's major character development, cool shit happens, and as I've said many times, the soundtrack makes me forgive everything; but in the end it just goes back to Battler pointing dramatically at Beato and saying "This time I'll get you! This time for sure!" Of course, some spoileriffic stuff happens at the very end that does very much shake things up, and in fact changes the very nature of the game itself, but we're talking about 25-40 hours of reading here depending on how fast/slow you read.
Okay, now that I've torn it apart enough, time to put it back together into some semblance of a recommendation. For starters, the music. I can't recommend it enough - though you the reader might disagree at this point. It's got great atmosphere, does absolutely magic (ha ha) things with extremely limited resources, and there really isn't a lot like it out there. There's some claims that a fair chunk of ideas are lifted from an older visual novel, Forest [http://vndb.org/v599] (which I'll probably review later); claims which may have some merit, but Umineko takes those ideas and runs in a completely different direction with them. Like a good robber should.
After all is said, Umineko is just plain fun. You'll find some deep bits and some outright silly bits, you'll stroke your beard (or lack thereof) thoughtfully at some points and cringe at others, but overall you'll almost certainly enjoy yourself. For extra funs, there's a positively massive fandom that has sprung up around it. Umineko has that wonderful combination of enough serious and stupid to become a kind of memetic Katamari, rolling along picking up all sorts of weird things and absorbing them into itself. So there's that too, if you're into that kind of thing.
You should read Umineko, is what I'm trying to say here.
This has been your host Deskimus Prime with your dietary supplement of niche games and entertainment; Episodes 5-8 will probably take a while as I haven't done 7 or 8 yet. While you're waiting, why not whet your appetite with some old reviews?
Katawa Shoujo [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.337440-Deskimus-Prime-Skips-A-Beat-with-Katawa-Shoujo]
Muv-Luv [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.288229-Deskimus-Prime-Presents-Awesome-Games-with-Stupid-Names-Part-1-Muv-Luv]
Muv-Luv Alternative [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.290270-Deskimus-P-Presents-Awesome-Games-With-Stupid-Names-Part-2-Muv-Luv-Alternative]
Clannad [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.282699-Deskimus-Prime-Spends-A-Day-With-The-Family-In-CLANNAD]
Chaos;Head [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.264914-Deskimus-Prime-Reviews-The-Madness-that-is-ChaoS-HEAd]
Cross+Channel [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.266586-Deskimus-Prime-Dives-into-Cross-Channel]
Planetarian [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.274139-Deskimus-Prime-Reaches-For-The-Stars-and-the-tissues-In-Planetarian]
and Ever17 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.263601-Deskimus-Prime-Presents-Ever-17-ything-You-Ever-17-Wanted-To-Know-About-Ever17]
Muv-Luv [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.288229-Deskimus-Prime-Presents-Awesome-Games-with-Stupid-Names-Part-1-Muv-Luv]
Muv-Luv Alternative [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.290270-Deskimus-P-Presents-Awesome-Games-With-Stupid-Names-Part-2-Muv-Luv-Alternative]
Clannad [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.282699-Deskimus-Prime-Spends-A-Day-With-The-Family-In-CLANNAD]
Chaos;Head [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.264914-Deskimus-Prime-Reviews-The-Madness-that-is-ChaoS-HEAd]
Cross+Channel [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.266586-Deskimus-Prime-Dives-into-Cross-Channel]
Planetarian [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.274139-Deskimus-Prime-Reaches-For-The-Stars-and-the-tissues-In-Planetarian]
and Ever17 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.263601-Deskimus-Prime-Presents-Ever-17-ything-You-Ever-17-Wanted-To-Know-About-Ever17]
