Discusting Family

[TitanAtlas]

So escapist, first of all merry holidays.

Second of all i want to ask you a question on a matter. I'm a growned man, that lives with the family (20 years), and i'm the most calm person that there could exist. But my family... is horrible... the kind of people that annoy you over and over again till you either explode or go crazy.

My father is a ex-military, now police, that instructed me with values that i will never reach and thus undermines me with comments such has: "It discusts me that you're my son, and i prefer to die then to be your father!" and "You will die alone under a goddam bridge!" (i know happy fella isn't he?)

And my mother is a overly-controlative idiot that considers that the world should kneel before her, because you know she wants it. The sort of person that's ALWAYS right and if not starts to get agressive, till she is again. The sort of person that NEEDS to have the final opinion in EVERY discussion.

So here goes my story. I was calmly watching TV (watching over the hedge, considering there was NOTHING good on tv). With this they sit next to me. Ask me to change the channel. I change it normally. Start complaining that there isn't anything good on tv, and it becomes my fault. I continue changing channels and they say don't change to tthe downer channels change to up. I do it. They continue complaining there isn't anything good on tv.

So i saied while laughing (Like i said i'm very calm and always avoid sounding like an asshole) "What do you want me to do? We have 300 channels and the good stuff is not on..."

From this my mom starts to get angry, like the end of the world was coming and i was teh asshole that pulled the trigger that was going to end the human existence, and she saied "If you talk to me like that again i'll break your teeth off..."

I see that it's a ridiculous situation so i started to change the conversation, but it was too late. The nag had started and the hate flood was released. "You discusting idiot, i hope you die, you will never be anything, and bla bla bla"

I start to get annoyed cuz the situation was ridiculous. All started because of channel changing. I get up and go to my room to avoid. She then goes to the room makes threats and starts yelling....

She then procceds to lie that i hit her... me.. one of the calmest people that everyone could ever known hitting my own blood? Not even i could believe this... I rage i pick my money and start heading out from the house, but then everyone comes to prevent me and they jsut would not leave me alone. I punch the door, break it (and possibly my wrist, considering it hurts like hell).

I start yelling that why do people have to mess with me, i was calm watching tv... why do they had to bother me, i didn't do anything to start that crap.

So now, with the neightbours here, she goes on to lie and say i hit my parents (Seriously WTF?), and making me threats. Everyone against me.

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS CRAPPY FAMILY?

Sure i'm a 20 year old giant but i'm calm... heck i still cry to pixar movies, love community and my favourite race in every single game are the GORONS the coolest and most gentle/ badass creatures ever....

I never hit people, always avoid trouble, always nice to everyone, i always trust almost everyone cuz i like people, and crap like this always comes to haunt me!!

I help people when i can, and the only thing i ask, since this sort of crap started, was for me to be alone with no care in the world.

You know when you see those cartoons of those guys that survived a shipwreck, and live on a tiny island with only one coconut tree? I envy that perspective.... i just want to be alone...

I'm using this forum thread just to escape a little from the insanity that his my home, and going to.... well... doing better stuff that could grant me some peace... So thank you escapists it was a honour to be along side you, and if TL;DR:

My family sucks... really really sucks...

So brothers and sisters of the keyboard i bid you farewell, and that you all have a merry goddam holiday... Cuz i sure wont...

EDIT: I would happily leave the house... except one thing... I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY NOT EVEN FOR PLACE WITH 1 ROOM. Wouldn't you think i would go away if i could? I don't even own my own car...

 

[Duck Sandwich]

If I was in your position, I'd most likely want to move as far away as possible. Did they give any actual reason as to why they were stopping you from leaving?

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

You're twenty and you're complaining about your family?

Leave?

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

MOVE! seriously MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE! Dont worry if its not the perfect time for it, it never will be!

 

[Carnage95]

Since I don't know about your financial situation, if you're able to, I suggest you leave and move into your own place. However, if that's not possible yet, perhaps try talking to them? Maybe telling them about how you feel might change how they treat you, hopefully a positive one. If they are still being unreasonable, seek help from those who know you very well personally or from someone professional.

In my opinion, I think it's best that you move into a place of your own.

 

[Hazy992]

That is not an environment you deserve to be living in, but as you can't afford to move I don't know what to suggest. Do you have any friends or relatives that you can stay with until you can afford your own place? And TBH I think your mom needs to see a psychiatrist. I'm not saying that to be a dick I honestly think she has some sort of mental health problem.

 

[krazykidd]

Since I don't know about your financial situation, if you're able to, I suggest you leave and move into your place. However, if that's not possible yet, perhaps try talking to them? Maybe telling them about how you feel might change how they treat you, hopefully a positive change. If they are still being unreasonable, seek help from those who know you very well personally or from someone professional.

In my opinion, I think it's best that you move into a place of your own.

Normaly , i would say this . But judging from your post i say , get a job and move out asap . It might not seem like a sensible thing to do , and i usually would agree , but in this ciircumstance i highly suggest it . Before you get sent to prison for something you didn't do OR one of your family memebers lose it and does something terrible . If you have any friends with their own place see if you can crash there for awhile, or find a roommate and get an appartment together.

I personally moved out when i was 19 ( i'm 23 now) and have little connections to my family , my situation wasn't as bad as your but i just wasn't happy there ( and my mom is batshit insane also ). It will be tough at first but the great thing about humans is we can adapt to almost any situation . Seriously , lay out your options , find a way ( any way ) to get as far away as possible . If you go to school , live on campus . If you work , try and find a appartment with cheap rent . When i first moved out i was in a 1 bedroom appartment and all i had was a couch tv and a laptop( with internet but i didn't have cable for my tv) . It was hard at first i won't lie . Sometimes i cursed my fate and wanted to end myself because i felt miserable , i felt like i was between a rock and a hard place but i eventually shit got better. I saved up as much money as i could and bought the necessities when i could eventually afford them . Now i am 23 and i live with my girlfriend and everything is great and i have no one on my life that bothers me so .

When i read your post i thought of myself when i was arounf your age and felt the need to share my experience . I found it funny that you envy people that were stuck on an island alone , because i too have had this thought . You can do it , i just wanted to give you some encouragement , but don't expect it to be easy .i am also a calm and easygoing guy but somehow everything was my fault at home , one day i said it was enough and that was the most important day of my life.

Honestly good luck , you can do it.

 

[vidirg]

I personally think you should get a job immediately (like what everyone says), until then you seem like a good guy who easily makes friends, but there might be good things in this and you should always try to stay positive, in the future do something great, show the old man he's wrong, but importantly do what you want (that is legal of course).

First priority move out of this house.

 

[orangeban]

Wow, that is one heck of a shit family. Not sure what I can suggest, but I feel for you.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

I don't know what I would do to get out of that situation forever, but for Christmas at least, could you have possibly gone and had it with someone else? Ask one of your friends if you could share christmas with them instead to get away from your parents?

 

[figday]

Don't worry your family loves you.
Think about it! Your dad is ex-military right? What if years ago they decided to treat you like shit so you would rise up like a strong man to prove them wrong? They want to see you be a man. I don't mean throw shit and go ballistic I just mean talk with your chest more. Also if you can't afford a place just move in with somebody. Parents need breaks.

Well, Shaggy here has quite a point. Although from the OP, your parents are pretty harsh. As some people already mentioned, move out man, save up, endure the pain until you can get the hell out of the house. Hell, you're 20, you still have a lot ahead of you.

If any consolation, I can pretty much relate with what you're going through. Here's my side of life (was). http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.277833-Hows-life-treating-you?page=1

 

[Ashendarei]

I hope your resume is better phrased then this post was.

 

[Grospoliner]

Act with all alacrity to obtain employment. Try to move in with friends or look for people seeking room mates.

 

[Chalacachaca]

Where are you from OP? I'll assume you're from a developed country, so just try to take a job and work hard until you have enough money to afford living at your own place. I don't know anything about your mother, but your dad reminds me of a really terrible version of my dad. All I hope is that once your father retires, he can get back to his senses just as my old man did.

 

[Saltyk]

Well, I won't try to give you advice. Looking at your edit, I don't think that's what you're looking for. Instead, I'll share a fun little story from my Christmas today. Or yesterday, now, I guess.

I arrived to my parents a little later than I intended. I'm always so easily distracted that I tend to be late unless I really have/want to be on time. When I get there one of my uncles is there, that I didn't expect. Apparently, he has been there all day and was the first to arrive.

While I was there, he basically spent the whole day complaining and trying to get people to sympathize with him. I get it. His life has fucking sucked. But two things. At least some of it is self-inflicted, for one. Two, it was fucking Christmas and no one wanted to have a family intervention/cry or whatever he was looking for. We just wanted to eat, trade gifts, talk, and watch/play with the two babies in the family (one of whom loves me to death and actually made it difficult to eat my small second plate as she tackled me and didn't wanna let me back up). Is that a lot to ask for?

Sadly, he really seems to like/respect me. I was willing to lend him an ear some, but honestly, I couldn't tell what he was trying to say some of the time. He apparently had a bit to drink and at one point, I was literally having trouble understanding what he was saying which only made the incoherent rambling more difficult to understand. "This isn't about to today, it's about tomorrow. Forget tomorrow, what abut next year? This isn't about next year, it's about tomorrow." Seriously, that's pretty much what he was saying to me at one point. And, no, I haven't a clue what he was going on about.

Actually, it really started to bug me when he was claiming that he tried to teach me right. Say what? He has no right to that claim. For one, no, he did not! Two, my own mother later told me that the one most responsible for me, is me, and while she likes to think she helped, I'm my own person. Three, this same person has literally told my older sister since she was five, that if she was never born, our mother would have paid for him to go to college and she basically ruined his life (HA!). And that's just the surface of this iceberg.

This all started to come to a head at the end of the night. His twin brother had arrived and has no love for his brother. He was actually hoping he wouldn't show up. There's a long story here that I don't want to get into for the sake of time, and the fact that I don't know all the details, so it wouldn't be accurate. I was more or less trying to ignore him when he started getting a little too aggressive with my mom and apparently my father had his fill of it when he told her shut up and listen. At this point, my father decided my uncle was going to leave. And my uncle only made it worse when he told my father to shut up. It took a good ten minutes, but he finally got my uncle out of the house and started escorting him to his truck. I went along as I wanted to ensure things went well. My father had already pushed him once which resulted in him falling over and "playing dead". Seriously, I don't think he pushed him that hard and there was no way he lost consciousness over it. (Anyone wondering if the push was necessary should be advised that my uncle has a history of violence that includes pulling a butcher knife on my mother, sister, and, apparently, a very young me)

Well walking to his truck took a long time because he still refused to just leave and continued to belligerently demanded to talk to his sister. Now, I simply observed what was happening and didn't act or speak. When we finally reached the truck, and he loaded what he had in it, he simply refused to leave, saying he wanted to talk to his sister. My father had had enough and was no longer explaining things, but simply stating that he had to leave. Well, my uncle got stupid and started insulting my mother, his brother, and even my father, and started taunting him to punch him. Now, my dad was pissed, and he would have done it, I'm sure. Realizing things were about to escalate, I placed myself between them, hoping this would prevent it and told my uncle to go. Still, he refused at which point I produced my cell phone and informed him that I would call the police. When it became apparent that the threat wasn't enough, I made the call. Even then he seemed reluctant to go, but this finally seemed to work.

Now, having made the call, I still had to go through with it. I had to explain the situation, give my name, number, the current address, and even described the vehicle and the license plate, and told them the direction I expected he was traveling in. We also had no less than four police cars arrive about 15 minutes after I got off the phone. My mom simply stated that she knew I acted in the way that I thought best. That, if I called the police, then it was necessary. I have no idea what happened to my uncle. Don't think I care.

Does this help you? No. But it kinda helps me. I wanted to get this off my chest. Also, it shows that you aren't alone. We all have shitty family. Do what you can. If that means moving in with someone else like a grandparent or friend do that. Or if you simply need to avoid your parents and stay in your room when you aren't working or at school, do that.

TLR: My Uncle made a scene at Christmas and I ended up calling the police on him to make him leave. Everyone has family that they wish they didn't.

 

[PrototypeC]

I don't care how hard it is to get a job, get one. In Canada we have lots of services for young men and women to get better resumes and apply to places where they're likely to get hired, but I can't speak for anywhere else. I don't suppose that will earn you any respect from your family but it's a start. The most important part is the money.

I have a 28-year-old friend who has a family like yours. He tells family horror stories like he's talking about the football game or a stubbed toe, and it's actually somewhat worrying. The thing is, he doesn't live there anymore, he's free to do what he wants in his life and he's making real progress to do everything he ever wanted to do.

I don't know how similar your situations are, but all I ask is that you don't let them win. Don't become bitter or sullen, don't go to drugs or alcohol, and definitely don't start throwing punches (although it doesn't sound like you'd do that, and I certainly won't say whether it's deserved...). Most of all, don't hurt or kill yourself. Once you're out, you will feel amazing. I guarantee it.

 

[cerealnmuffin]

Best of luck to you OP. I have a family that has said that I should shoot myself like a man, but even then I feel like your family is far more insufferable. Can you stay with any friends? I will echo what others have said that you should try to find ways to move out. Do you have plans for college, because you can live on campus or nearby and rise above the situation by making yourself better rather than letting them drag you into the mess they thrive in.

 

[Vicarious Reality]

I just don't put up wit stu like tat
Tere's a limit to my tolerance or suc bullsit and i make damn sure everyone knows it

 

[JesterRaiin]

My family sucks... really really sucks...

Pretty depressing, yet, not that uncommon.
Advice ? Nothing what hasn't been already told. Get a job, any job. Sell what you can live without, later you'll buy everything back, only better and newer. Ask friends for help. Move out as soon as possible. Inform parents about your plans, and state that it's beyond discussion and you'll need a month, or two to sort things.
People are right - independency will fix most problems you have.
While at that : DON'T AVOID PROBLEMS AT ALL COST. They're strengthening character. They are what changes a boy into a man. So what that you'll regret some things, or you'll suffer ? That's part of being alive afteral.

For good start : cheer up, everything's gonna be alright.

Best of luck to you OP. I have a family that has said that I should shoot myself like a man

Refresh my memory please. Aren't you that guy who tried to comitee suicide ?