Ditching someone who friend zones you (Edited)

[IceStar100]

Ok knowing this will likely end up causing a shit storm but I really do want to hear others thoughts. Ok I?ve seen before some say that ditching someone after you find out they don?t want to have relationship with you is for the best since it will end up just making you bitter. Others say that you should stick it and let the feeling go away since you?ll still have a friend afterwards.
So how do you feel about this?

EDIT

Ok I want to clear some things up thanks for the advice but what brough it up was this. I just though it'd be an intresting point of conversation. So please stop mailing me I'm not even looking for a relationship. Thank you for the support tho.
Spoilers for watch dogs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5AP_tkSx84

Too as a said in a later post you can be friend with benfits and still. Devolpe feeling for someone with out it being returns. To quote Jeff Foxworthy. ?Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.?

Last I used friendzone becuase people know what that is the bigger words escaped me at 12 midnight.

That all thank you everyone back to the debate.

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

If you're after a relationship and you aren't going to get one, it's best to just back out. Yes it'll be awkward, but it's better than months or years of resentment and awkwardness concluding in frustration and embarrassment.

 

[username sucks]

It really depends on you. If you can't let go of your feelings enough to just have a friend, you shouldn't force yourself to stay friends with them. If you think you can, friends are still valuable and are always a good thing to have.

Myself, I would rather have a friend than lose someone completely. But it is completely understandable if someone can't bring themselves to just be friends with someone they love as more than a friend. It depends completely on the people involved.

 

[Elfgore]

I'm not sure who rejected who, but it sounds like maybe you are the one who was rejected. So I'll right my respone that way.

The ball is almost entirely in your court. Can you move on from your feelings and realize they are just as good as a friend as they would be significant other? Can you abandon any sense of bitterness at their rejection? If you can do these things then you should remain with them as a friend. If you can't then it may be best to move on before things get worse. I say the ball is mostly in your court because they can just decide to leave because of how awkward it is between you now.

Anyway, that's my advice. This is from someone who has been friend-zoned as well. I'm still friends with the person.

 

[Longing]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

 

[Thaluikhain]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Seconded. Acting the part of someone's friend in the hopes they'll fuck you, and being terribly hurt when they don't...don't do that.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Don't use friendzone in any serious form on the Internet anymore, it's a real fast way of labeling yourself as shallow and entitled to having someone touch your penis.

Depends on the person, as any other encounter. Talk to them when they're in the room, but don't go out of your way to invite them to a mardi gras if you sincerely don't want them to be with you at a mardi gras. There's a part of treat people like regular people that should be respected, bruv.

 

[Bofus Teefus]

Well... I guess it depends on the situation. If you let chicks know you're into them by creeping around their yard at 3am with a flashlight and a sandwich, then it may make a friendship a bit awkward if she doesn't bite.

Y'know...

"Get off my lawn or I'm calling the cops!"

"Can we still be friends?"

Just saying, your personal approach to the mating ritual might inherently disqualify you from being a friend.

 

[Vault101]

Ok knowing this will likely end up causing a shit storm but I really do want to hear others thoughts. Ok I?ve seen before some say that ditching someone after you find out they don?t want to have relationship with you is for the best since it will end up just making you bitter. Others say that you should stick it and let the feeling go away since you?ll still have a friend afterwards.
So how do you feel about this?

it probably sucks for her if she actually thourght you were freinds

on the otherhand somtimes "we can still be freinds" is really just a "lets cauterise the wound and move on" statment

I always find it interesting in the past when guys complained about the "freindzone" that they seemed to hang around women they didn't really like as people

 

[Colour Scientist]

It depends, are you planning to stick around and continue to hope that you can convince them to change their minds or can you really just be friends with them?

Can you fully accept that they have no romantic/sexual interest in you, legitimately accepting it, not just pushing your romantic pursuits to the backburner and pretending you're totally over it.

Do you actually want a platonic relationship or are you continuing to pretend to be their friend because you still just want to have sex with them?

Would you be able to support them if they decided to a pursue a relationship with someone else without being bitter or upset about it? I mean legitimately support, not just bottle up feelings of anger over how their new significant other is an asshole and that they should be with you instead.

If not, get out of there.

 

[IceStar100]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Seconded. Acting the part of someone's friend in the hopes they'll fuck you, and being terribly hurt when they don't...don't do that.

Wow hostile but I didn't say sleep with I said had feeling for as in you want them to be your wife/husband. Someone to have kids ands and a house with. Sleeping with someone easy heck you can feel this way with someone who is friends with benefits. For the record I'm not asking for advice.
Was playing watch dogs and the part where you ease drop on people in their house. One of them has a guy who confesses his love for a girl and she basically said she loves him like a brother. It's just awkward from that point on. made me think this up.

Ok knowing this will likely end up causing a shit storm but I really do want to hear others thoughts. Ok I?ve seen before some say that ditching someone after you find out they don?t want to have relationship with you is for the best since it will end up just making you bitter. Others say that you should stick it and let the feeling go away since you?ll still have a friend afterwards.
So how do you feel about this?

it probably sucks for her if she actually thourght you were freinds

on the otherhand somtimes "we can still be freinds" is really just a "lets cauterise the wound and move on" statment

I always find it interesting in the past when guys complained about the "freindzone" that they seemed to hang around women they didn't really like as people

Intresting but what if you met each other on something like plenty of fish or some other dating website where the expectation is a relationship? Does that chance things.

 

[Batou667]

If the relationship started as platonic friends, and a romantic interest occurs but isn't reciprocated, I think it'd be possible to revert to being just friends.

But a guy/girl who wants a relationship, and is instead offered "just friends" as a consolation prize? I'd say walk away and be honest with what you want.

Also, why the assumption that only males get friendzoned? Do women not approach men who they like, get friendly and familiar with them, and if they feel they'd be compatible, try to escalate the friendship into something more? And do those same women not feel disappointment if they get rejected? And, would a proportion of these women decide that being "just friends" isn't really what they were hoping for, and move on?

Of course that happens. This isn't the 19th Century, women don't just sit around passively waiting to catch the eye of men anymore. So why is the scorn reserved for unsuccessful male suitors exclusively?

 

[Story]

Ah...do you value that person's friendship beyond a romantic relationship?
No? them ditch if you like.
Yes? Then don't and perhaps take a brake from them and pursue other people.

 

[Drizzitdude]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

This, if you are looking for that kind of 'friend' and don't make that clear from that start you are an asshole. Friends have each others back and are there for each other, if you aren't there for them just because the don't reciprocate you feelings that means you are not a friend, you are an asshole pretending to be friends with someone so that you can sleep with them. Telling someone your into them is hard, telling someone you don't feel the same way is even harder if you have any respect for that person you will stick around because they are your friend and that is what friends do.

 

[stroopwafel]

I would personally recommend to just break off contact. It will just make you bitter and frustrated in the end, unless you find someone else first. I've never been 'friendzoned' b/c when I find out a girl isn't interested I simply move on. Also when your interested in being more than friends, make it known early instead of letting it shimmer. I don't think 'platonic' friendship is possible when one is romantically interested and the other one isn't. Unless you want to put yourself through a whole lot of hurt, and why would you want to do that?

Similarly I had a...affaire for over 5 years with a girl I was really in love with(when you don't really 'have' someone it makes it that much more intense for some reason). We met every other week or so and everytime she declined letting this evolve into a serious relationship I decided to no longer see her. Ofcourse, like a fool I couldn't stop pursuing her and felt ecstatic everytime she contacted me. Then one day out of the blue she send me a short lousy email that she had ''found someone'' and that we could no longer see eachother.

Now, it might not be the most 'politically correct' thing to say but it just fucking pissed me off I wasn't that 'someone'. Made me fucking rage(eventhough she never gave me any false expectations). Espescially since I was good enough to pay for her rent, living expenses, studies etc. when she didn't have a job(again, something she never explicitly asked for). Deep down I knew my hope of us having a future together would eventually be in vain..but she was hot beyond belief and I just couldn't resist. When someone is in it just for fun you keep looking for scraps of hope that just..really aren't there.

Moral of the story is and that I unfortunately found out the hard way: when you have feelings for someone and they don't exclusively choose for you(or reciprocate at all obviously), just run away. Preferably as fast as you can.

 

[Random Argument Man]

I'd suggest "move on and cut contact for now" over "the stick around" option. A. It makes things easier. B. You'll move on to other people. C. Friendzoned people tend to hold their feelings in and not make their romantic intents clear to the person they like or love. The best course would be more direct the next time and accept the idea that a quick straight rejection is better.

 

[AntiChri5]

If someone is worth having a romantic relationship with, they are worth having a platonic relationship with.

But, if unable to move past the romantic desire and accept platonic friendship, it would be best to sever contact.

 

[Ickorus]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Seconded. Acting the part of someone's friend in the hopes they'll fuck you, and being terribly hurt when they don't...don't do that.

Nowhere in the OP does he mention sex as a reason for the friendship.

Not every relationship is about sex and believe it or not, not all men have sex as their primary motivator.

Also, have you considered the possibility that people might be friends prior to the development of romantic feelings? I know this has happened to me before except reversed with her being the one to develop feelings and me being the idiot that hadn't realised he'd fallen for her until she said something.

I'll also bring up a rather toxic version of friendzoning which is the reason I don't dismiss what people say off-hand when it is brought up:

A friend of mine knew this guy and they had been friends since they were young, at some point along the way she fell for him but he didn't reciprocate those feelings and instead used her as a fall-back giving her just enough attention to keep her infatuated with him until his other relationships fell through and he could use her as a pick-me-up again. The worst part was she was pretty depressed and suicidal at times, I'm pretty sure he knew this and must have known that what he was doing was pouring fuel on the fire. (I spent more than a few sleepless nights comforting her and talking her down from the edge)

I have seen this happen the other way around too but this case was far, far closer to me; I loved her* and it tore me to shreds to see what that prick was doing to her.

[small]* Not romantically but not like family either, sort of between those. Hard to explain.[/small]

 

[Majinash]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Seconded. Acting the part of someone's friend in the hopes they'll fuck you, and being terribly hurt when they don't...don't do that.

Why do people always go here with this topic? Nothing like this was mentioned.

OT: People and relationships are so diverse so I don't think we can state one approach is the correct approach.

But if we change the question to "Is it possible after attempting a relationship with someone who doesn't return the feelings, but wants to be friends, to have a platonic relationship?" Then I would fully say: yes it is possible. I have some great friends who when I first met them I was interested in a relationship, and they obviously weren't, and other great friends who were really interested in me who I simply didn't feel the same way about. If I had had given up on the ones I liked, or tried to break ties with the ones who liked me I would be a less happy person today because of it.

Will it happen every time? hell no. But I think you would be missing out on some good friends if you always cut ties.

 

[Squilookle]

Just out of curiosity, OP- was it the thread I had just started that kicked this off?

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Seconded. Acting the part of someone's friend in the hopes they'll fuck you, and being terribly hurt when they don't...don't do that.

Personally I'm of the opinion that meeting someone specifically intending to sleep with them, usually at a club or bar on a Saturday night, is perfectly natural and is in no way a bad thing- especially if BOTH people are up for it, and end up agreeing to go home together and have sex. This happens every night, all over the entire world.

Now, you tell me- if you want to sleep with someone and you go up to them and talk for the first time, is it wrong to be friendly? Is wanting sex mutually exclusive from being a friend to someone? Hell no! Whoever said it was an act anyway?