Do i love the girl or the idea that she represents?

[Blazer Miles]

So there's this girl I like, or at least, am pretty sure I like (and she shows signs of liking me); but I have a problem:

I'm not sure if I'm attracted to the girl or to the idea of having a girlfriend.

Now I've had a couple of relationships, of varying length, so it isn't like I see them as some kind of holy grail or something; and it's been a while since my last(so this isn't a rebound), but the thought that I might not actually like HER and that I just like the IDEA of her worries me, which is making me hesitant to make any "moves" which in turn is hampering any relationship possibilities.

So my question is:

Has anyone else had a similar experience, if so, what did you do to solve the problem?



Captcha:
"Politically Correct"
Not sure if that's really relevant, I am disappoint.

 

[Supertegwyn]

Never had that experience, but you will have to tell us more for us to form an opinion.

 

[Beldaros]

Take her on a date, learn more about her, then see if it's worth pursuing. If you have nothing in common, leave it. If she turns out to be your perfect girl great. One date doesn't hurt... unless you're good friends, then it changes a little.

 

[Blazer Miles]

Well, just to clarify, we do talk a lot and we do have a lot in common, which is why I'm pretty sure I "like" her. I'm hesitant to take it any further than that because if it IS just the idea that I enjoy; and we were to start going out, then the whole thing just kind of trails off (because there is no longer a "goal"). If I were to take her on a date and if she did like me, then I want to be damn sure about my own feelings before progressing. I'm just not really sure what I can do about it, perhaps time is the answer, but I don't know.

 

[Imthatguy]

Hmm.. you seem to be suffering from a false dilemma. Its a common logical fallacy.

Fictional Example: I enjoy video games so I live and play video games. Do I choose to keep living to play video games?

The point is here that the two concepts are not exclusive and in fact are the almost the same.

 

[Luca72]

If you're that unsure about how you feel about her, then you probably shouldn't consider her a girlfriend or potential girlfriend just yet. I had a similar relationship and things got too deep without me really being invested. So then I had to "break up" even though I really didn't want to be in a relationship in the first place. I felt like a total ass after that.

However, just because you aren't 100% sure now doesn't mean you don't like her! Go out with her a few times, get to know her better. You said you guys have things in common so there's clearly something there. Just don't feel pressured to make anything "official" until you're sure of how you feel.

According to captcha, it's easy as cake.

 

[Rastien]

I nearly made the same mistake recently i wanted to be with this girl to be in a relationship... and it was convieniant as she could move in with me my bills would get easier and life would be easier in general.

Then my mate asked me why i liked her so much...

I couldn't answer, with my ex before i could reel of reasons.

So i ended it, i realise i have issues with being alone but i just have to deal with them and get going.

 

[JKain]

Well, just to clarify, we do talk a lot and we do have a lot in common, which is why I'm pretty sure I "like" her. I'm hesitant to take it any further than that because if it IS just the idea that I enjoy; and we were to start going out, then the whole thing just kind of trails off (because there is no longer a "goal").

Only one way to find out, I guess...

If I were to take her on a date and if she did like me, then I want to be damn sure about my own feelings before progressing.

I don't think that's possible. To be "damn sure" before you get together?
Maybe having sort of a guess/gut-feeling....but that's about it.

I asked myself that question quite a few times with my last GF.
As long as I enjoyed being with her and was happy(and vice versa)...I decided it really didn't matter.
Ended up being the best 4years of my life and we are still good friends.
(although that's not easy to maintain,when still recovering from the breakup - but ya know:
Where wood is chopped, splinters must fall.-'n all that jazz)

Make of that what you will - From my experience in general: Thinking too much regarding (possible) Relationships is your enemy.

 

[bobmus]

Has anyone else had a similar experience, if so, what did you do to solve the problem?

I had a 'bit of both' situation. We're still together, two and a half years later, and I'm very happy. Expect your opinion to adapt and evolve with time.

 

[templar1138a]

My experience was that I went into relationships expecting too much from them and needed to rectify that. What I learned from it may help you here:

Stop thinking about her being your girlfriend and start thinking about going out with her. You may think the two are the same, but they're not.

If you think about her being your girlfriend, that's going to build up a lot of relationship expectations that she (or in this case, you) won't be comfortable with.

However, if you merely think about going on a date or two with her, you'll be much more relaxed. You'll be able to be yourself around her and she around you. You'll both get to know each other better and you'll be more able to determine whether or not you like her. From there, decisions can be made about further dating, and once you're comfortable with the idea, you can think of her as your girlfriend. If all goes well, you'll be pleasantly surprised. And if you're not comfortable with the idea of her being your girlfriend, it'll be easier to end.

Trust me on this. The first girl I tried this with later became my fiancée and is still with me after almost six years.

 

[deathzero021]

um i'm gonna say, just go for it. that's the only REAL way to tell if you like her. either that or list a bunch of things you know about her that you like. that usually does it.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Here's a thought: Why don't you try to be her friend.
That way you can find out if you like really like her or not.

And if you're not into you know, talking to people, here's a pickup line that's guaranteed to work 100% of the time: Hey baby, I wish I was your derivative, so I could lie tangent to your curves.

 

[the abyss gazes also]

Nearly everyone falls in love with the idea of a person because you usually don't know them that well. Here's a great test if you are unsure if you'd work in any sort of lasting capacity: take a long car trip. If you can drive for three days with someone and still want to be in a relationship instead of club them to death you should be on the right track.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I feel I may have inspired a thread. Well, what I'd do is ignore that impulse entirely and try my damndest to see that interaction through to whatever the conclusion may be. Having a girlfriend is nice, I imagine. Maybe she'd be a nice girlfriend. You won't know until you take steps towards finding out that information. A girlfriend doesn't necessarily have to be into all the things you're into. She doesn't have to have the exact same personality. Maybe, just maybe, the two of you might have fun together or get along pretty well. You won't know until you try.

 

[SaetonChapelle]

The idea of a relationship is wonderful, and when you first meet an individual you only really ever see the good in them due to not knowing them very well. You usually don't know an individual for months, even years, sometimes it even takes living with that said individual to truly know who they are. So yeah, maybe you are just in love with the idea of a relationship and not really the girl, but I don't think any of us would be able to clarify that for you.

I would say just go on a few dates with the girl, get to know her, nothing serious. If you still enjoy her company, keep going. You're not going to know the answer until you try. And if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. Just because you start seeing someone doesn't make it concrete.

Good luck hun~