Do you know the Collyer brothers? They are our time's archetypal case of hoarding. The sort of thing you read about in the Weekly World News, writ large. Unchecked men who died when their piles of busted baby carriages and Canoe Society journals finally collapsed upon them. (Well, one of them. The other one starved to death in his bathrobe.) To see them, or to think back upon Vicki, has inspired me to create this quick but, I feel, rather informative "Are You a Hoarder" questionnaire. Take it, and see if you don't have a tendril or two of this psychosis gently slipping down into your own life.
1. You have a wooden chair. Lately, it has become a shambles of its former self, and is no longer usable (the back is delaminated from rain, and one of the legs has split in two). You lack the tools and funds to have it repaired. Do you:
a) Break it up for kindling
b) Place it at the curb
c) Keep it in the house, thereby protecting it from the unfeeling world for the rest of your lives together
2. There is a sale on a particularly horrid breakfast cereal at the supermarket. It is made of waxed acorn caps and features the entire roster of the United Nations General Assembly smiling on the box. Do you:
a) Ignore the product
b) Read the nutritional information, then place it back on the shelf
c) Buy it, because maybe you'll make a friend, and if they came over, they might laugh about how funny of a thing it is
3. You are out for a walk, and you see a perfectly good used calendar sitting in a rubbish pile. The theme seems to be, "public domain pictures of vintage automobiles." Do you:
a) Not habitually rifle through trash
b) Using a twig, lift a page or two to see if they've written anything juicy in it
c) Immediately snatch it up, with giddy dreams of the small bistro-type table to which you will one day lacquer a collage of the photographs
How did you do? If answers marked "c" in any way rent at your deeper recesses, you should probably go into your closet, find a shirt you haven't worn in fifteen years (anything "Hawaiian" is a good place to start), and drop it straight into the kitchen trash. There. How did that feel? A little snag of remorse as it hit bottom? That feeling is your salvation. Come to know it, and embrace it, and recognize that it, like a burning muscle the day after a good run, is actually the feeling of healing.
(Original article: http://techland.time.com/2009/11/17/are-you-a-hoarder/)