Do you like feeling safe with someone.?

[Da Chi]

What is PTSD?

Really?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Basically: Bad shit happens. Brain breaks. Always expects bad, horrible things to happen.

Its more complicated than that, of sufficient for the purposes of this thread.

Ah, my bad. The concept of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has been difficult to grasp.

But out of curiosity, do you no longer feel the urge to be a protector? Are you simply apprehensive about being a protector or downright against it?

 

[Serenegoose]

Post-traumatic stress disorder. It's common in war veterans or disaster victims.

and long term child abuse victims.

(I wasn't saying you weren't acknowledging that, I just wanted to add it to the end as it's something I feel strongly about.)

 

[DefunctTheory]

What is PTSD?

Really?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Basically: Bad shit happens. Brain breaks. Always expects bad, horrible things to happen.

Its more complicated than that, of sufficient for the purposes of this thread.

Ah, my bad. The concept of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has been difficult to grasp.

But out of curiosity, do you no longer feel the urge to be a protector? Are you simply apprehensive about being a protector or downright against it?

If anything, I have more of an urge to be a protector, and not just to someone I'm dating.

Honestly, if horrible things are to happen, I try my hardest to make them happen to me instead of others. I'm already fucked up, and it hurts me more to think of someone else feeling like I do, than the thought of me getting worse.

 

[Da Chi]

Do go on. I can understand the brother deal. My sister defended me when I was young, now I defend her when a guy breaks her heart. Or when a boss screws her over and I need to step in and throw some weight.
The role kinda switched as I became older and I ended up physically stronger than her (and don't let her hear this) emotionally more grounded as well. Have you noticed that sort of thing with your brother?

Me and my brother live a few hundred miles apart at the moment, but I've offered him moral support whenever he's needed it. (infrequently) He's certainly a lot stronger than me now, but he's not the protecting type, and that means nothing to how I consider situations... For a long time I had to protect him in the manner that a parent would, because nobody else would. I jump in to protect people I know are stronger than me if I see that they're not the sort to emotionally stand up for themselves. I don't really consider the situation all that much at all. Sometimes, something just flips and I act. I'm not trying to make out that I'm super brave or anything, because that might imply that I think about it more than I do. My only problem is sometimes I can be taken off guard. I've had people I know abused in the street right next to me and I've just been so 'what the fuck?' that I've been effectively paralysed.

It happens, I was victim to an armed robbery and I froze up. I stepped aside and watched dumbfounded as my cash register was robbed. The fight or flight response, stand your ground or leave. Some people will stand their ground more often some people will flee. It sounds like you try your best to stand up for people but there are times when natural response takes over. Maybe you are ashamed of yourself for that but you shouldn't be, sometimes it can't be helped.

 

[Dags90]

My strong desire to be independent and self-reliant has sometimes not meshed well with guys who want to be the knight in shining armor. I don't need someone else to feel safe, and I like it that way. I'd be terrible at protecting someone from a physical assault, my first reaction to violence is avoidance. In short, no.

 

[Da Chi]

If anything, I have more of an urge to be a protector, and not just to someone I'm dating.

Honestly, if horrible things are to happen, I try my hardest to make them happen to me instead of others. I'm already fucked up, and it hurts me more to think of someone else feeling like I do, than the thought of me getting worse.

That is a truly heroic mentality. Even though you are hurting yourself you are making others lives better. Maybe you can take some comfort in that thought.

 

[Da Chi]

Clipped

So by being the protective element in so many people's lives you in turn need a little help from someone you can look up to. I think that is the best mentality in any relationship, a give and take scenario where the two aren't getting any more or any less from eachother.

 

[Da Chi]

My strong desire to be independent and self-reliant has sometimes not meshed well with guys who want to be the knight in shining armor. I don't need someone else to feel safe, and I like it that way. I'd be terrible at protecting someone from a physical assault, my first reaction to violence is avoidance. In short, no.

So far you are the first person who doesn't feel the urge to be protected by someone. I feel the same about relationships where I don't like relying on someone for protection but I do feel the urge to protect someone I care about. Have you ever felt like someone needed you for support, and how did you act?

 

[AgentNein]

Yes. When I'm sharing a bed with a girl it just feels safer. I'm not sure why.

Then again my last girlfriend of five years had night terrors. I shared a room with her for about two years. I liked being able to be there for her, but man could that be creepy.

 

[InsanityBaronOfAtrocity]

Ah I know and love that feeling. My boyfriend is 6'7 (I'm 6'2 yeah we're a tall couple) and I just love the feeling of security when I'm with him.

 

[Distazo]

I don't know if I feel more physically protected persay, but emotional protection is always a big deal. I would hope that any girlfriend I have would feel safer with me around. There is something very romantic to me to be in a protector role.

Thats always something I've wondered. It seems like males are primarily the protector in most societies. Most societies are based around the male as the leader, and very few have histories of equal rights between the sexes. But I've never heard of a female lead society ever.
Do you think we are conditioned as men to be protectors?

We may well be, or it could be that men are 8% larger that women on average, our parcipital lobe which governs spatial reason develops faster in men than in women so early on in our lives we react to physical events faster than women. (By the age of 16 its a wash however)

So it could be some society, but we see similar behavoir in apes and gorillas so it maybe an inherant function.

 

[C95J]

I always feel safe, my avatar protects me

 

[Dags90]

Have you ever felt like someone needed you for support, and how did you act?

I'm all for providing emotional support, and I think emotional support is really at the center of all strong relationships. I also think its unhealthy for people to rely excessively on one person for support.

 

[lacktheknack]

I'd want to be the "protector" in the relationship (being 6'3" and 250 pounds, after all), but I'd like for the girl on the other side to be whatever she can be.

I like some of the points that people have been bringing up about different types of protection.

While I may feel 'protected' by a taller presence, I know my boyfriend feels 'protected' by how he can put trust in me.

He's 6'3 and I'm 6'. I've been teased and hassled all my life (just like everyone else in the world, lolol) about my height, and I've also assumed protective roles over my brothers (I'm the oldest, kinda comes with the job), my friends, and various other acquaintances. To me, it feels like a relief to just trust my boyfriend with that minor 'protection'. I'm generally the person my friends look up to, so being able to look up to my boyfriend may be a small thing, but something I feel protected by.

He, on the other hand, has major trust issues, so in return he feels 'protected' that I can keep him 'safe' and help him work out these issues he's had in the past.

Protection is not just in height, but is a large part of a relationship.

This sounds like something I'd agree with, from a male perspective.

 

[Shihan2]

I can't say I feel the need to be protected by a girl, but I can say I have an profound respect for their potential to totally wreck your day. I took six years of MMA and some of those girls scared the living hell out of me. But to get back on topic, it's all apart of the unspoken gender roles. Men generally act as a physical protector while women are better at emotional support. A good way to look at this is go to a high school and watch how each gender fights with their own members. Guys throw punches, wrestle around, get up and forget anything happened while girls tear peoples social lives apart with emotional and psychological games.

 

[Alon Shechter]

What is PTSD?

Really?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Basically: Bad shit happens. Brain breaks. Always expects bad, horrible things to happen.

Its more complicated than that, of sufficient for the purposes of this thread.

Well that explains why I never feel safe.

 

['Aredor]

I quite like it if I can protect other people, not only my girlfriend but whenever the situation arises. That means physically and emotionally, being the strong one when someone out of your family has cancer accounts as much as stepping in front of one of your weaker mates.

I don't mind being protected in the same way by someone I regard my superior in a situation, but physically speaking, I'm capable enough that this probably won't ever be a woman, I guess that would feel quite weird. Or to put it another way: a guy who has to be protected by his girl (be it emotionally or physically) is a wuss, man up! I know this sound macho, but some things are just unnatural.

But I do like strong women who can take care of themselves, and it's alright if my gf wants to "protect" me from things I can't/won't protect myself from, be it another girl hitting on me or her parents being passive aggressive bastards.

 

[NeutralDrow]

For the most part, I like people feeling safe around me.

Gotta admit, though, I do like feeling safe around someone, as well. I'm also far more comfortable around women, most of the time (barring some of my closer male friends).

 

[Hennofletch]

I don't feel a need to BE protected but I sure do like TO protect. I suppose it makes you feel needed. I also think it comes from being an older brother. It's also why I step in when bad stuff happens in front of me, not always to my benefit!

 

[Oh That Dude]

I feel safer hanging round with my best friend than most people, because I can be myself completely, and I guess physically I feel safer with a friend by my side because there's always safety in numbers. In terms of a relationship I'd like to think I'd be the protective one.