To be fair, im pretty sure everyone who's a dick to someone feels they deserve it in some way; points of view and all that.TheRightToArmBears said:
O.T., yes it does, being a dick is cathartic, it wouldnt be so popular otherwise
Do you think it feels empowering or good to be a jerk/mean?
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O.T., yes it does, being a dick is cathartic, it wouldnt be so popular otherwise
It can, it's about being in control of your environment. It's not as personal as a lot of people take it.Sung-Hwan said:
To put it this way, society trains everyone to be nice, polite, and accepting all the time... to take the feelings of others into account regardless of how you actually feel or how annoyed you might get. This is largely because you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end, and/or might need other people later. While everyone can understand the logic and agree with it, everyone gets annoyed with being nice and polite all the time.
When someone winds up in a position where they are strong, and don't have to worry about repercussions, because for whatever reason they are beyond reprisal, it can be liberating to be a general jerk and just not caring about what anyone else thinks.
I used to see this all the time when I worked at the casinos (where as security I occasionally got to be "Mr. Reality Check") where it was even encouraged as both the Casinos I worked for subtly encouraged the attitude that if you were throwing money around the sky was the limits. So basically we'd fill the place up with rowdies who save up all kinds of money to come down for a night or two and act like king shit. They treat everyone like garbage, go home without repercussions, but at the end of the day my employers have all their money. There are of course limits, hence people in my profession. While I worked in Connecticut, Las Vegas even seems to promote itself similarly with the whole "what happens in vegas, stays in vegas" schtick.
This also applies to bars and clubs and stuff where for a lot of people half the point is to head out for a night and not give a crap what other people think. You might even consider it sort of intrinsic to the idea of "adult entertainment" which in many cases whether it's porn, or heading out for the night, doesn't mean maturity but rather a venue where you can put aside a lot of maturity.
To me it might just be that I'm not thin skinned, but I tend to judge people on how they act normally. If someone is ALWAYS a rude jerk and lords being able to get away with it over everyone all the time and goes out of their way to make others miserable, that's a bad thing. However I don't tend to judge people for occasionally being assholes in the right environments. As some of us Casino employees used to pessimistically used to put it (along with defining Security's Mission Statement as "Holding up your uniform and taking the blame for things that go wrong"), part of what the Casino was doing was taking money from people in order to endure them acting like jerks and being able to go home and not have to deal with the repercussions. Of course as I sad, there are still rules to how that game is played.
I'm not sure if the term "empowering" is how I'd describe it, though I imagine some people revel in being a bully. I think it's more accurate to say it's relaxing to simply not have to care what other people think all the time.Happyninja42 said:
Honestly? Yes. Yes it does. It feels great.
For instance, there's this site for authors. Aspiring authors, to be precise. You can give each other feedback there. Here's my new hobby: I log on to the site. I find a horrible manuscript. I criticize the shit out of it.
Wait. Hold on. Just to be clear: I'm never rude about it. I point out what's bad, yes. But I always keep a nice tone. Or at least a neutral tone.
For instance, there's this site for authors. Aspiring authors, to be precise. You can give each other feedback there. Here's my new hobby: I log on to the site. I find a horrible manuscript. I criticize the shit out of it.
Wait. Hold on. Just to be clear: I'm never rude about it. I point out what's bad, yes. But I always keep a nice tone. Or at least a neutral tone.
Does being absolutely apathetic to people who piss you off count as being a jerk? If not, then I find that solution to be infinitely more satisfying.
Being cruel to innocents seems to be something I do by accident, so it's a case-by-case basis on whether I feel "empowered" by it or not.
Being cruel to innocents seems to be something I do by accident, so it's a case-by-case basis on whether I feel "empowered" by it or not.
there are varying degrees
being assertive and not taking shit...or even just sticking to what you believe without being shamed into silence.. is a very important thing to get your head around, particularly if you're one of those people who cringe at the very thought of conflict
and then there's just being a jerk
I admit there are times where I've known I'm being a jerk and not cared, righteous conflict (the safe online kind) is like a drug to which I am not immune
of coarse if someone then apologises or is nice to me I crumple because I feel like such a jerk
being assertive and not taking shit...or even just sticking to what you believe without being shamed into silence.. is a very important thing to get your head around, particularly if you're one of those people who cringe at the very thought of conflict
and then there's just being a jerk
I admit there are times where I've known I'm being a jerk and not cared, righteous conflict (the safe online kind) is like a drug to which I am not immune
of coarse if someone then apologises or is nice to me I crumple because I feel like such a jerk
I've been both and I honestly don't like being a jerk, even if I feel its warranted. I may be too decent a person to enjoy it at all. However, I'm good at it so when its needed its super effective. I just don't like how I feel afterward so I only use the jerk inside me on special occasions.
Being "nice" to someone because you want to rile them up isn't taking the moral high ground. It's just being passive aggressive. Characterising it as "nice" seems a bit of a stretch.Vigormortis said:
No. It might feel good in the moment but afterwards I feel horrible.
Although it's fairly closely tied to the fact that I only act mean (and not just assertive or honest) when faced with something actually vile.
I guess even when I'm not mean about it, when I have to confront ignorance, stupidity or bigotry, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth because dealing with those kinds of things is not fun. Or being reminded they exist.
Although it's fairly closely tied to the fact that I only act mean (and not just assertive or honest) when faced with something actually vile.
I guess even when I'm not mean about it, when I have to confront ignorance, stupidity or bigotry, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth because dealing with those kinds of things is not fun. Or being reminded they exist.
Only if it's done with a particular flair and humor.
And then, only if not seriously what so ever, being a well meaning wiseass is one thing, being a dick is another.
And then, only if not seriously what so ever, being a well meaning wiseass is one thing, being a dick is another.
No, not at all. If I think I said something mean, I get sad. ;____;
I don't like it when people do it to me, so why would I like doing it to someone else?
I don't like it when people do it to me, so why would I like doing it to someone else?
Given that the person in question deserves it, being a jerk can feel great. But most of the time it's a trap that's just not worth falling into. Even in instances where it's justified, people tend to look distastefully at you for sinking to the same level as a common douchebag.
There's no question that it feels empowering, I imagine that's the reason so many people ascribe to it. Let's just be nice, yo.
There's no question that it feels empowering, I imagine that's the reason so many people ascribe to it. Let's just be nice, yo.
I don't get any particular satisfaction from it. I live by the Golden Rule and follow it even if other people are jerks to me. I freely admit I live life as a doormat which, at this point in my life, hasn't been detemental to my well being...not yet anyway.
I don't like being a jerk, however being a jerk is different than being assertive and standing up for yourself.
If a person is walking all over you or puts you in a position where you are being wronged, I see no shame in telling them to go screw off (or whatever else is appropriate action to get them to stop).
I don't particularly find joy in situations where an individual "had it coming" and "got what they deserved", for example, if a high ranking CEO were to go and mouth off on Twitter their controversial personal beliefs, the words get passed all over the internet and this person finds themself neck deep in death threads and possibly a ruined career, all because they made one stupid mistake.[footnote] this is a general scenario, there are specific versions, but I have no desire to bring them up[/footnote]
Being nice to people IMO is more effective. If someone is just angry, being kind can help calm that anger (or at least turn it in a direction that's not at you), if they're being a bully and just trying to piss you off, nothing makes a better reversal than showing them it's not working.
"Smile, you'll either fill their heart with joy or piss them off, either way, you win."
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As for the question, I'm sure some people find being a jerk empowering, otherwise there wouldn't be so many jerks. Some people find poking fun at others makes them feel better about their own shortcomings. I'm not immune to this behavior, but if I catch myself doing it, I tend to feel bad about it afterward.
If my years spent in retail have anything to say for it, there are people though, who seem to be jerks 24/7, rare, miserable individuals who must take some form of joy out of it, otherwise why would they keep doing it? I don't think I'd want to live their life, since I wonder what must have happened to them to make them that way.
If a person is walking all over you or puts you in a position where you are being wronged, I see no shame in telling them to go screw off (or whatever else is appropriate action to get them to stop).
I don't particularly find joy in situations where an individual "had it coming" and "got what they deserved", for example, if a high ranking CEO were to go and mouth off on Twitter their controversial personal beliefs, the words get passed all over the internet and this person finds themself neck deep in death threads and possibly a ruined career, all because they made one stupid mistake.[footnote] this is a general scenario, there are specific versions, but I have no desire to bring them up[/footnote]
Being nice to people IMO is more effective. If someone is just angry, being kind can help calm that anger (or at least turn it in a direction that's not at you), if they're being a bully and just trying to piss you off, nothing makes a better reversal than showing them it's not working.
"Smile, you'll either fill their heart with joy or piss them off, either way, you win."
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As for the question, I'm sure some people find being a jerk empowering, otherwise there wouldn't be so many jerks. Some people find poking fun at others makes them feel better about their own shortcomings. I'm not immune to this behavior, but if I catch myself doing it, I tend to feel bad about it afterward.
If my years spent in retail have anything to say for it, there are people though, who seem to be jerks 24/7, rare, miserable individuals who must take some form of joy out of it, otherwise why would they keep doing it? I don't think I'd want to live their life, since I wonder what must have happened to them to make them that way.
Do I think it feels good or empowering to act like a jerk? No. I avoid being bad. My definition of bad may be different from others', though.
Sometimes you have to give someone a piece of your mind, like when a telemarketer calls your workplace for the fifth time in less than an hour and you just really need them to fuck off so you can get some work done. I don't consider that "being a jerk." If they didn't get the message the first four times when you said it nicely, it's time to escalate. They have no one to blame but themselves. I don't feel happy after doing that, but it needs to be done from time to time.
Other times, contempt is the only reasonable response. For example, anyone who calls himself a "Christian scientist" not only knows absolutely nothing about any area of science, he also knows little or nothing about religion. Don't get me wrong, we all should have meaning in our lives. If you find meaning by believing in a spiritual creator figure, go for it. Hope it makes you happy. Not being sarcastic at all. But attaching the word science to something that is in fact the antithesis thereof is either a declaration of total ignorance or a blatant attempt to steal legitimacy. Either way, I just think of those people as idiots and ignore them henceforth. Again, doesn't make me happy. I'd like to be able to help them.
Do I think it feels good for jerks to act like jerks? Absolutely and without reservation. There was a regular customer and chronic complainer at my old work. Every time she ordered she said the last order was awful. There was no monetary gain in it for her. She didn't want a credit or a remake. She would use the most self-righteous, condescending tone she could muster, like she was doing you a favor by coming back after your countless egregious errors. The product was just fine. We knew it was fine, because when we figured out we had a chronic complainer, we paid extra special attention to making sure there was absolutely nothing they could possibly complain about. We had coworkers verify every item before packing it, like we were all a bunch of noobs. It didn't work, she complained anyway, but that's not the point. The point is if it had really been bad she would have stopped ordering. Short version, the only possible explanation is she simply got off by picking on people. Telling people who got paid not to retaliate that they were inferior, that they'd have to work harder trying to please her, all the while making it crystal clear that no level of quality or effort would ever satisfy was a source of great enjoyment to her.
Sometimes you have to give someone a piece of your mind, like when a telemarketer calls your workplace for the fifth time in less than an hour and you just really need them to fuck off so you can get some work done. I don't consider that "being a jerk." If they didn't get the message the first four times when you said it nicely, it's time to escalate. They have no one to blame but themselves. I don't feel happy after doing that, but it needs to be done from time to time.
Other times, contempt is the only reasonable response. For example, anyone who calls himself a "Christian scientist" not only knows absolutely nothing about any area of science, he also knows little or nothing about religion. Don't get me wrong, we all should have meaning in our lives. If you find meaning by believing in a spiritual creator figure, go for it. Hope it makes you happy. Not being sarcastic at all. But attaching the word science to something that is in fact the antithesis thereof is either a declaration of total ignorance or a blatant attempt to steal legitimacy. Either way, I just think of those people as idiots and ignore them henceforth. Again, doesn't make me happy. I'd like to be able to help them.
Do I think it feels good for jerks to act like jerks? Absolutely and without reservation. There was a regular customer and chronic complainer at my old work. Every time she ordered she said the last order was awful. There was no monetary gain in it for her. She didn't want a credit or a remake. She would use the most self-righteous, condescending tone she could muster, like she was doing you a favor by coming back after your countless egregious errors. The product was just fine. We knew it was fine, because when we figured out we had a chronic complainer, we paid extra special attention to making sure there was absolutely nothing they could possibly complain about. We had coworkers verify every item before packing it, like we were all a bunch of noobs. It didn't work, she complained anyway, but that's not the point. The point is if it had really been bad she would have stopped ordering. Short version, the only possible explanation is she simply got off by picking on people. Telling people who got paid not to retaliate that they were inferior, that they'd have to work harder trying to please her, all the while making it crystal clear that no level of quality or effort would ever satisfy was a source of great enjoyment to her.
When did I say it was taking the "moral high ground"?manic_depressive13 said:
For that matter, when did I say the intention was to "rile them up"?
All I said was that such behavior often does piss them off, not that that's the intended goal of such behavior.
What the hell is with posters around here attacking other posters on things those other posters didn't say? Cripes...
Being a dick to someone who 100% deserves it is the most satisfying sensation possible to humans.
I won't be a dick to people I like, though.
I won't be a dick to people I like, though.
I think landing a successful barb or a nicely calculated bit of sarcasm feels good - but it's rarely the best possible course to take. It's pretty rare that you'll find yourself with the option to be a jerk to someone who actually deserves it. As most people don't, not being a jerk is the safest course of action.
Then again, it makes me question the motives of most trolls. I've seen trolls keep mud-slinging YouTube comment threads awake and rolling for months on end, well past the average lifespan of most arguments. I mean, is there really a class of people out there who go "Aw yeah, I love seeing absolute strangers squirm; them calling me names is the best!"
It boggles the mind, honestly.
Then again, it makes me question the motives of most trolls. I've seen trolls keep mud-slinging YouTube comment threads awake and rolling for months on end, well past the average lifespan of most arguments. I mean, is there really a class of people out there who go "Aw yeah, I love seeing absolute strangers squirm; them calling me names is the best!"
It boggles the mind, honestly.
