Dont know what to do with myself

[Siyano_v1legacy]

Hello escapist, well again I'm in this big torment of trying to find "myself" for the last few years I changed so much that I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like I have grown a lot of more cynic about basically anything around me except of having fun playing games.

I completed a degree but then I felt like I wasn't in the right spot, I left an very well paid job for mental health problem because of too unsatisfactory and boring job. Since I haven't did barely anything in my general life I feel like I know nothing, I don't know what I could like and feel like that I have trouble finding anything if its doesn't include fun and social.

Even now I feel like I'm not fit to go work as a "standard" job, I can't find myself fitting in any kind of structured schedule, I feel more like I want to do what I want and when I want. I have a big feeling of becoming an "artist" style of person, where I can only express my person through some kind of "art".

To refer to the Extra Credit Compulsion (http://penny-arcade.com/patv/episode/game-compulsion-part-3) I feel a lot that fit me so much.

Finally, the only thing I can now feel good doing and when I help doing "Boargame Animation", where I help explain board games to people in certain specific event, but there no "Boardgame animation" job around anywhere much

ps: I'm sorry if my ramble was everywhere its very hard to explain my situation

 

[teisjm]

Honestly, i don't think "do what i want, when i want" really applies for any job.
I can tell you for a fact, that art jobs doesn't work that way either.
Sure you get some nice creative tasks, but they usually involves a lot of work as well, also beyond the point where the project stops beeing new and exciting. And quite often, you'll be doing what they people paying you wants you to do, in time to meet your deadlines, not what you want to do, when you want to do it.
Unless of course you can make individual independent art, and live off of it, and hopefully will feel like making something for a large enough ammount of time, to be productive enough to make a living off of it, including keeping wanting to do it now, and not later, when you get to the parts not hyper-interresting needed to finish it up.

Sorry if i sound disillusioning, but excpecting everyday life to be solely fun and games seems kind of naive imo.
This is not meant to sound rough or condescenting, cause i can relate to what you're writing, but with all respect, based on what you write, i think you need to change your attitude and excpectations towards life. Some things needs to be done, and you have a job, because some role needs to be filled, and someone pays for for filling it, not because you feel like having this or that kind of fun at your terms, thats called hobbies.

I'm not saying you can't enjoy your job, but if you excpect the same freedom as you have in your spare time, and get paid for it, you're in for a disapointment.

Wiping my ass is not a thing i want do, but it needs to be done, to keep shit under control, and out of my underwear.

So basicly what i'm saying is, start seeing the job part of your life as something you need to do, and try to make the best of it, and not as something optional you can do when you feel like it.

 

[Siyano_v1legacy]

I know that I can't just do whatever I want, it was just a saying, I meant that I want to find the "perfect" where I can express myself through it. The thing is I just can't find that specific thing that "turn me on", because I feel like I can't find to like anything that is not "games"

 

[teisjm]

Pursue a career in the gaming industry then.

It's gonna be dissapointing if you think it's just gonna be all fun all the time. A lot of work, even there, requires, you know, work. Whether it's programming, artwork, sound, marketing, testing etc.
I can only give first hand knowledge of the art role in this, and i can tell you, it's not that much about expressing yourself, it's about delivering what your director asks of you. Sure you can get losely defined requests, where you get more room to be creative, but mainly you'll be relying more on your artistic crafts to accomplish the goals set for you by the team leaders, in order to create something awesome.
It's can still be really rewarding, when you get to see your part along with all the other parts, and how they make a game together.

If you really wanna get the more personally creative aspect to be as big a part of your job as possible, find something smaller to work on.
If you're one out of 20 artists, you're really gonna be put under constrains in your creative freedom, because all the art has to fit together.
but if for instance, you're on a small 5 man team, and you're say, in charge of characters or puzzles or AI, you're more likely to be calling the creative shots in that area.
If you really wanna go the self-expressing route, other artforms might be mroe up your alley. If you write stories, you're in charge of yourself, if you do "smaller" pieces of art (paintings, sculptures, verious design stuff etc) not requiring a team like games and film does, you get to call the shots yourself, but you'll also have to do all the work yourself as well, unless you can afford to hire someone to do the parts you find borring.

regadless, getting a fitting education, and starting out somewhere is prolly your best shot.
Noone is gonna offer your your specific dream job, without any experience or relevant education, so try to move towards it, instead of sitting back waiting for miracles to happen.
Unlike games with trophys, achievenemts, boss battles, loot, and scoreboards, life isn't full of instant rewards.
Life is grindy as fuck, and getting somewhere specific can easily take years. Get used to this idea, and don't excpect everyday life to be like a game. Get your gameing needs from games, or other stuff that works for you, and accept that life requires work as well.

 

[Siyano_v1legacy]

That the funny part, I just completed a degree in video games programming but can't find a job right now, I don't know why, the video games industry in my area seem slow and doesn't need beginner
so im quite out of luck there

 

[teisjm]

Try looking up sites where jobs in that industry is posted, or even facebook groups. Don't know any for programmers myself (havenøt looked since i don't program), but i've found some for CG artist, so i bet theres some out there.

Are there any game jams in your area? i know where i live theres some game jam weekends, and dedicated games-bar where you can get to network, and find the people needing your skills as well as doing fast prototype games over a weekend or something.

Ever considered trying to do app games, or small stuff like that, that can be handles single handedly? Dunno how good the market is, but it'll give you creative freedom, and independence, if you can manage to make money off of it.

Also, if you just completed a degree, have some patience. Everything i've been taught about the gameing industry includes, that it's not a cake-walk. Keep searching, possibly keeping a non-game-related job on the side to pay bills with untill you find something, and search actively, never just sit aroudn waiting for somethign to fall into your hands. that rarely happens outside of fiction.

 

[Beat14]

I know it's much easier said than done. You say that the places nearby don't need a beginner. If it's what you want to do volunteer, ideally to get your foot in the door but I imagine it's more likely to gain you the experience and contacts rather than a job straight after the volunteering.

Don't worry I saw you say you don't know what you want to do. It's just this was my knee jerk reaction to post #5 in this thread.

Best of look finding a coherent direction.

capatcha(w/e it is) cracked egg

See it's rebirth!