This is the cover they probably should have stuck with, but I guess the new box art fits well with with the rest of the game.
I was expecting to really tear this game apart. And when I say that, I mean, do it in such a way to show that this was pretty much the one of the worst things ever done in pretty much the entire gaming industry. There was no way to justify the long wait of this game, and after seeing all the reviews, I thought "Man, they really screwed up!" They couldn't even come out with something decent to at least make it fun to play.
Now, that's what I thought I was going to think about this game. Now that I've finally played it, well, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean, it barely makes to at least enjoyable. But at least it was a pleasant surprise. It wasn't too pleasant, I mean, what they could have done is come out with a game that justified the wait we were put on and come out with something truly unique to the gaming medium. But no, we just have a game that was cancelled(and probably should have remained cancelled) and picked up by a couple of twats who probably thought "Hey, as long as this game is finished, then we'll definitely get sales on it since so many people are waiting for it to come out!"
In interviews, they claimed they tried to pick up where 3D Realms left off and finish they're project, but if that was the case, then what the hell were 3D Realms were doing in that time span they were supposedly working on it? Well, not much, I can tell you that after seeing the final product of the game. I can also tell you that Gearbox wasn't doing much either, because I'm pretty sure all they did was took what ever the state the game was in and slapped an awful ending to the that even Duke has to announce how bad the ending was.
Maybe they did other things too, like, I guess they added in the ego bar at the last minute where you just do a bunch of interactive stuff, like lifting weights or looking into the mirror to increase your ego, which is really just a health bar. Oh, and you can only carry two weapons at once. I guess they thought it was a good idea at the time because they didn't even think about it until people started complaining when they played the demo. Their response? Well, they said it was dumb down for console users, because, apparently, console users will most definitely not have an easy time going through that many weapons. Man, I feel so reassured right now that developers take issues like that into mind and instead of trying to work around it, they just drop the idea completely. They could've made a weapon wheel, where you hold the button to switch your weapon and use your analog stick to select which weapon you wanted. They could have also mapped the weapons on the d-pad so you can control which weapon you wanted to choose. C'mon, this is just pathetic. Also, there's recharging health. Their response? Nope, we don't even get an explanation for that one!
The biggest problem with this game is that it feels like it's been tugged along through a couple of years of bullshit and can't decide what it's trying to do. It feels like it wants to be a retro shooter but at the same time also wants to belong with all of the other shooters. Once again, the problem was resolved with everyone throwing their hands in the air and saying "Fuck it, we have a release date to meet" There could've been ways to work with this. I mean, all they had to do was take out all of the stuff that doesn't work and use the things that could work and making sure it works. But no, they just wanted to get this game out of the way as soon as possible. Gearbox! Here are a couple of things that don't work!
1. Making it to where Duke can only take a couple of bullets before he keels over and dies.
This is all thanks to the regenerating health system. Sure, I'm exaggerating how bad this is, but still, it feels like these battles are pretty much like every other shooter, particularly like Halo's. And that's ironic, because this game makes fun of Halo at one point where this one guy shows the power armor that Duke can use, and Duke says "Power armor is for pussies!" And looking at the armor, it looks EXACTLY like the armor the Master Chief uses. So, there we have it, a game that makes fun of other shooters, but still wants to fit in with them because of lazy development.
2. Boss fights
They could have made this part work, but they didn't. All of the boss fights are pretty much beaten in the same way. Circle strafing while rapidly tapping on the fire button. There's no real strategy to them, and all the bosses do is just end up getting in the way. At least the finishers are pretty cool though.
3. Out of gas
There's this one section in the game where you drive this really big truck, and three times during that section, you run out of gas, so you have to go out and find some. This probably would have been fine if it was once, but no, they thought that they needed to make the truck run out of gas enough times to make it annoying. "How many times is that?" Well, pretty much just once, but I probably would have forgotten about it if that were the case. But no, it's just one of the problems that sticks out in my mind right now. At least the driving sections are decent though.
4. Pretty much ignoring everything that made Duke Nukem 3D a kick-ass game.
Duke Nukem 3D kicks this games ass so hard that it would have hurt less if it was just flicked in the crotch. And that game is FUCKING 14 YEARS OLDER THAN THIS GAME! Now, you might be asking "Jeez Sean! What was so cool about that game? A game that no one really cares about anymore because it's a fucking dinosaur of a game" Well, first off, dinosaurs are cool! Second off, playing the game was actually fun. Shooting aliens was pretty much all you did in that game, but it's light humor set itself apart from games like Doom and Quake. Sure, there were the occasional puzzles and times when you had to look around for stuff, but it didn't get in the way of anything fun. Here, this game wants to make sure that your doing anything but shooting bad guys. I appreciate a little variety, but you know, the variety has to be fun in order to make it worthwhile. Also, the last game had a jetpack. The only time when you even get near a jetpack is when this guy grabs you off a building while he's wearing a jetpack and you have to fight him off only to get thrown back into boring land again. Or building floor or whatever. They didn't completely ignore everything. It's still Duke Nukem and it still has somethings it kept. At least the humor is still there, even though the professional reviewers complain about it like someone just spat in their drank. IGN put it like the game hasn't grown up even though the rest of the world has. Seriously, what the fuck is that suppose to mean?
Now, with all of that said, this isn't the worst game I've ever played, nor is it particularly bad. Sure, you could definitely play some better games out there, but there are things that actually are somewhat fun. Blowing up bad guys is actually decent. I've heard people complaining about how the shooting was awful, but those were console versions, which I haven't played, so who knows how badly they screwed up there. Maybe they thought they needed to dumb down the controls for console users by making them shittier. But as far as I know on the pc version, the shooting is ok. There are things that are pretty cool in this game. Seriously, even though there were parts that were stretched out for too long and I kept on getting lost, I was actually having fun with this game.
So, I enjoyed it more than I thought I was going to, but that scares me though. Because, one person said that you just need to check the game out and if you enjoy it, then this game is for you. Well, I guess it's actually kind of for me then, but the thing is, I don't know why I actually liked this game. Maybe there's I'm more affected by nostalgia than I think I am, but how does that work? Me going in thinking this game is going to be crap, but I enjoy because of nostalgia, even if I don't realize it's nostalgia? Hmmmmm.
So, I guess, just give this game a rent if you really want to see what it's like. Don't buy it though. As much as I actually did enjoy this game, I have no intention on going back and playing it through again. So, really, if you want to, just play to see what it's like. But if you already don't want to play this game, then I'm not changing your mind, because you're probably not going to enjoy it anyway.
Now, that's what I thought I was going to think about this game. Now that I've finally played it, well, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean, it barely makes to at least enjoyable. But at least it was a pleasant surprise. It wasn't too pleasant, I mean, what they could have done is come out with a game that justified the wait we were put on and come out with something truly unique to the gaming medium. But no, we just have a game that was cancelled(and probably should have remained cancelled) and picked up by a couple of twats who probably thought "Hey, as long as this game is finished, then we'll definitely get sales on it since so many people are waiting for it to come out!"
In interviews, they claimed they tried to pick up where 3D Realms left off and finish they're project, but if that was the case, then what the hell were 3D Realms were doing in that time span they were supposedly working on it? Well, not much, I can tell you that after seeing the final product of the game. I can also tell you that Gearbox wasn't doing much either, because I'm pretty sure all they did was took what ever the state the game was in and slapped an awful ending to the that even Duke has to announce how bad the ending was.

Maybe they did other things too, like, I guess they added in the ego bar at the last minute where you just do a bunch of interactive stuff, like lifting weights or looking into the mirror to increase your ego, which is really just a health bar. Oh, and you can only carry two weapons at once. I guess they thought it was a good idea at the time because they didn't even think about it until people started complaining when they played the demo. Their response? Well, they said it was dumb down for console users, because, apparently, console users will most definitely not have an easy time going through that many weapons. Man, I feel so reassured right now that developers take issues like that into mind and instead of trying to work around it, they just drop the idea completely. They could've made a weapon wheel, where you hold the button to switch your weapon and use your analog stick to select which weapon you wanted. They could have also mapped the weapons on the d-pad so you can control which weapon you wanted to choose. C'mon, this is just pathetic. Also, there's recharging health. Their response? Nope, we don't even get an explanation for that one!
The biggest problem with this game is that it feels like it's been tugged along through a couple of years of bullshit and can't decide what it's trying to do. It feels like it wants to be a retro shooter but at the same time also wants to belong with all of the other shooters. Once again, the problem was resolved with everyone throwing their hands in the air and saying "Fuck it, we have a release date to meet" There could've been ways to work with this. I mean, all they had to do was take out all of the stuff that doesn't work and use the things that could work and making sure it works. But no, they just wanted to get this game out of the way as soon as possible. Gearbox! Here are a couple of things that don't work!

1. Making it to where Duke can only take a couple of bullets before he keels over and dies.
This is all thanks to the regenerating health system. Sure, I'm exaggerating how bad this is, but still, it feels like these battles are pretty much like every other shooter, particularly like Halo's. And that's ironic, because this game makes fun of Halo at one point where this one guy shows the power armor that Duke can use, and Duke says "Power armor is for pussies!" And looking at the armor, it looks EXACTLY like the armor the Master Chief uses. So, there we have it, a game that makes fun of other shooters, but still wants to fit in with them because of lazy development.
2. Boss fights
They could have made this part work, but they didn't. All of the boss fights are pretty much beaten in the same way. Circle strafing while rapidly tapping on the fire button. There's no real strategy to them, and all the bosses do is just end up getting in the way. At least the finishers are pretty cool though.
3. Out of gas
There's this one section in the game where you drive this really big truck, and three times during that section, you run out of gas, so you have to go out and find some. This probably would have been fine if it was once, but no, they thought that they needed to make the truck run out of gas enough times to make it annoying. "How many times is that?" Well, pretty much just once, but I probably would have forgotten about it if that were the case. But no, it's just one of the problems that sticks out in my mind right now. At least the driving sections are decent though.
4. Pretty much ignoring everything that made Duke Nukem 3D a kick-ass game.

Duke Nukem 3D kicks this games ass so hard that it would have hurt less if it was just flicked in the crotch. And that game is FUCKING 14 YEARS OLDER THAN THIS GAME! Now, you might be asking "Jeez Sean! What was so cool about that game? A game that no one really cares about anymore because it's a fucking dinosaur of a game" Well, first off, dinosaurs are cool! Second off, playing the game was actually fun. Shooting aliens was pretty much all you did in that game, but it's light humor set itself apart from games like Doom and Quake. Sure, there were the occasional puzzles and times when you had to look around for stuff, but it didn't get in the way of anything fun. Here, this game wants to make sure that your doing anything but shooting bad guys. I appreciate a little variety, but you know, the variety has to be fun in order to make it worthwhile. Also, the last game had a jetpack. The only time when you even get near a jetpack is when this guy grabs you off a building while he's wearing a jetpack and you have to fight him off only to get thrown back into boring land again. Or building floor or whatever. They didn't completely ignore everything. It's still Duke Nukem and it still has somethings it kept. At least the humor is still there, even though the professional reviewers complain about it like someone just spat in their drank. IGN put it like the game hasn't grown up even though the rest of the world has. Seriously, what the fuck is that suppose to mean?
Now, with all of that said, this isn't the worst game I've ever played, nor is it particularly bad. Sure, you could definitely play some better games out there, but there are things that actually are somewhat fun. Blowing up bad guys is actually decent. I've heard people complaining about how the shooting was awful, but those were console versions, which I haven't played, so who knows how badly they screwed up there. Maybe they thought they needed to dumb down the controls for console users by making them shittier. But as far as I know on the pc version, the shooting is ok. There are things that are pretty cool in this game. Seriously, even though there were parts that were stretched out for too long and I kept on getting lost, I was actually having fun with this game.

So, I enjoyed it more than I thought I was going to, but that scares me though. Because, one person said that you just need to check the game out and if you enjoy it, then this game is for you. Well, I guess it's actually kind of for me then, but the thing is, I don't know why I actually liked this game. Maybe there's I'm more affected by nostalgia than I think I am, but how does that work? Me going in thinking this game is going to be crap, but I enjoy because of nostalgia, even if I don't realize it's nostalgia? Hmmmmm.
So, I guess, just give this game a rent if you really want to see what it's like. Don't buy it though. As much as I actually did enjoy this game, I have no intention on going back and playing it through again. So, really, if you want to, just play to see what it's like. But if you already don't want to play this game, then I'm not changing your mind, because you're probably not going to enjoy it anyway.