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bartholen_v1legacy

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Jan 24, 2009
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Another day, another "excuse for a rant" thread.

1. Equilibrium (aka Cubic, 2002). I knew I shouldn't have trusted MovieBob's recommendations, but this solidified it in diamond plating. This was the first movie ever that I couldn't keep watching just because of how stupid it was. It's about your average typical dystopian future dictatorship, where the catch this time is that people have been (somehow) convinced to keep taking medication that suppresses their emotions. So everyone is supposed to work purely on logic, until one man (Christian Bale) forgets to take his pills and starts to experience (to our knowledge) feelings for the first time in his life. Okay, a bit of a... no, a massive stretch, but sillier concepts have been explored in sci-fi.

However, when the movie actively goes against its premise on nearly every level, I just couldn't take it anymore. This was one of the most poorly thought out scripts I've ever seen, comparable to The Purge (as I've understood it, I haven't seen it but I know how weakly the concept is justified). If everyone is an emotionless automaton, why do they need to be fed propaganda constantly, 1984 style? Wouldn't the elimination of emotions eliminate the very purpose of rhetoric, ie. to sway one's convictions one way or another? If everyone is supposed to be an unfeeling shell, why do characters constantly express doubt, ambition, annoyance, sympathy and distress, albeit in a stiff, stifled manner? Why would anyone get married if love is no longer a thing? I could perhaps go on but the movie was so goddamned stupid I couldn't get past the 45 minute mark.

And the futuristic gun martial art they came up with because it's sci-fi is one of the silliest looking things I've seen in movies. It's basically just one guy standing in one spot, flailing their arms around and occasionally twisting left or right. And its justification was total horseshit as well: it's supposed to be based on mathematics and how through statistics the movement of projectiles and placing of combatants in every combat can ultimately be calculated based on averages, and that's why the guys just automatically know where to shoot and never get hit themselves. Fuck off.

One dumb, dumb movie that's worse than just dumb: it's massively pretentious.

2. Malazan Book of the Fallen. I read the first two books (well the second had like a 100 pages left and I did skim through the final chapter) after having seen glowing recommendations for it on this very site, and left almost angrily disappointed. it wasn't exactly badly written, but incredibly self-indulgent, confusing bordering on incomprehensible, horrendously bloated with little in the way of relatable or interesting characters, and had some of the worst handling of dramatic potential I've ever seen. In retrospect, it felt like reading a story the author had planned to the most minute detail in their head, but didn't know how to write it in a clean, comprehensibe way, almost as if it were meant for a different medium. For most of the first book I was just scratching my head wondering what was supposed to be going on, and while the second was better, it started to peter out 2/3 through, and I couldn't bring myself to finish it. Not a series I could honestly recommend to anyone.

There you go. Bring more!
 

Vendor-Lazarus

Censored by Mods. PM for Taboos
Mar 1, 2009
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I actually liked Equilibrium but I do agree with you, on all points. ,)

Mine was the new ..cylon thingie..Ah, Battlestar Galactica series (Suppressed memory successfully recovered).
It was being touted as a great Sci-Fi series with a massive following.
All I got was a frickin' soap opera. Same as SG Universe. Blech.

Other memories remain contained at this time.
Should any manage to escape, thanks to this thread, I will report them.
 

Extra-Ordinary

Elite Member
Mar 17, 2010
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The Witch, or "VVitch" if your so inclined.

I personally thought it was really boring. It's purely a personal taste thing because I can't nail down a single thing that's wrong with it; I think the acting's good, the writing's great, the atmosphere's well established, if I have to pick something, I'd say it's just that it doesn't escalate well for me.

But like I said, that's just me, if you like it, cool, it's a good movie, I just don't like it myself.

And as long as I'm here, this is more toward zealous fans than the movie itself but I hate how in some corners, our distaste for the movie is written off with "lol go back to Bayformers"
Dude, just 'cause we don't like it doesn't mean we can't like other good things and it doesn't automatically make you superior to us, quit jerkin' off to your own reflection.
Worse still is I used to act like that, sometimes still do so if nothing else, The VVitch is a nice roundabout lesson for me at least.
 

Silentpony_v1legacy

Alleged Feather-Rustler
Jun 5, 2013
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My brother recommended I watch Avatar: The Last Airbender show because he thought I'd love it. And I watched a few episodes and I felt like Cartman talking about Family Guy; personally insulted someone thought I'd enjoy it.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
Legacy
Jul 18, 2009
20,519
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No regret, but there have been times I checked something out due to a generally positive response, and then came to the conclusion it really didn't do much for me.

Deadpool, for example, fell pretty flat for me. It seems your enjoyment of that movie depends on how much you're able tolerate Ryan Reynolds. And I've never really been able to. Also, any movie that uses the 'left the oven on' joke unironically instantly drops 40% in quality.

And Toradora could never hold my attention past the first episode, eventhough I often hear people praise it. As soon as the premise revealed itself it made me take into account the 25 following episodes that would no doubt be filled with 'will they, won't they' type situations, and I just sighed.
 

DefunctTheory

Not So Defunct Now
Mar 30, 2010
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I was told I had to watch The Girl Next Door (2007). So I did.

That was, by far, the biggest mistake you will find in this thread.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Jul 18, 2009
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AccursedTheory said:
I was told I had to watch The Girl Next Door (2007). So I did.

That was, by far, the biggest mistake you will find in this thread.
I was told to watch Snowpiercer. Check and mate.
 

DefunctTheory

Not So Defunct Now
Mar 30, 2010
6,438
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Casual Shinji said:
AccursedTheory said:
I was told I had to watch The Girl Next Door (2007). So I did.

That was, by far, the biggest mistake you will find in this thread.
I was told to watch Snowpiercer. Check and mate.
Snowpiercer was indeed another mistaken recommendation I followed.

However, the movie did not feature...

A pre-pubescent teenage girl who dies after being tortured, raped by other teenagers, and being circumcised with a heated wire.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Jul 18, 2009
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AccursedTheory said:
A pre-pubescent teenage girl who dies after being tortured, raped by other teenagers, and being circumcised with a heated wire.
Good God, what fucking movie is that from?!

When you say The Girl Next Door, you mean the rather vapid romcom about the pornstar, right? Or is there another movie under a similar title I'm not aware of?
 

DefunctTheory

Not So Defunct Now
Mar 30, 2010
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Casual Shinji said:
AccursedTheory said:
A pre-pubescent teenage girl who dies after being tortured, raped by other teenagers, and being circumcised with a heated wire.
Good God, what fucking movie is that from?!

When you say The Girl Next Door, you mean the rather vapid romcom about the pornstar, right? Or is there another movie under a similar title I'm not aware of?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Girl_Next_Door_(2007_film)

It's as close as you can get to a snuff film without actually being a snuff film. Pretty horrifying on multiple levels, and I seriously recommend you don't watch it. It's... unpleasant, and there's a good chance it'll fuck you up for a couple days.
 

Saelune

Trump put kids in cages!
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Mar 8, 2011
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I suppose "We need to talk about Kevin". Popped into my suggestions on Netflix. It stars Ezra Miller as Kevin, so that was the main reason I watched it. I did not finish it. Read the plot on Wikipedia, and glad I didn't. Its basically The Omen (with some Carrie mixed in), but more realistic, ie no Satan, just a Sociopathic kid.
 

Blitsie

New member
Jul 2, 2012
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Casual Shinji said:
AccursedTheory said:
A pre-pubescent teenage girl who dies after being tortured, raped by other teenagers, and being circumcised with a heated wire.
Good God, what fucking movie is that from?!

When you say The Girl Next Door, you mean the rather vapid romcom about the pornstar, right? Or is there another movie under a similar title I'm not aware of?
Holy shitballs after reading the synopsis on wikipedia (like hell I'll ever watch a film like that) I wish it was a vapid romcom haha. Its the film he mentioned, same title and all, just a different film.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm going to step on any toes here but 'It Follows' came highly recommended as this new horror film which turns the whole genre on its head. Now I must admit it was a pretty smart movie with what the horror and monster itself symbolized but the whole film was just so... boring. Like I'm trying to remember parts I can mention here but nothing comes to mind because it was just that forgettable for me. "Meet teenagers, teenagers do stupid stuff, teenagers die, oh look spooky ambiguous ending, credits" is about my best summary of it. Only difference being the themes are interesting but it just didn't compel me to look further into it.

While I don't wholly regret following the recommendation, the hype about it being the next best thing since sliced Cthulhu bread definitely left me much more disappointed. I might give it a second watch if convinced otherwise down the line.
 

McElroy

Elite Member
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Apr 3, 2013
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Finland
Regret sounds too harsh a word. I still live to tell about it after all. Well okay, there's The Sims 2 that I actually regret playing, but I managed to convince myself to buy the game.

Got some movie-related disappointments nevertheless: Guardians of the Galaxy was quite highly rated, but it was pretty bad. Big Hero 6 won an Academy Award despite being mostly just expensive garbage. Then there is Sin City: A Dame to Kill For about which I guess I had once read a good(-ish) review, but oh damn was that a crock of shit. No regrets though, Eva Green goes topless in it (once again).
 

Chanticoblues

New member
Apr 6, 2016
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Saelune said:
I suppose "We need to talk about Kevin". Popped into my suggestions on Netflix. It stars Ezra Miller as Kevin, so that was the main reason I watched it. I did not finish it. Read the plot on Wikipedia, and glad I didn't. Its basically The Omen (with some Carrie mixed in), but more realistic, ie no Satan, just a Sociopathic kid.
That movie is such a disappointment when compared to Ramsay's previous films. So silly and dogmatic.

For me, one of the big things that just doesn't register are David Lean's epics. Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zhivago, Ryan's Daughter, A Passage to India; all mannered, bloated, 'proper' films that couldn't be more devoid of personality if they tried. Yes they're big, photographed in big places with big casts and big stories, but they're also hollow. There's no messiness, only a primness that seems to sit in defiance of what the films are trying to express.
 

Saetha

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Jan 19, 2014
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A friend of mine coerced me into watching RWBY, and still tries to talk to me about it like I didn't think it was an empty-headed action series with mediocre writing and awkward animation. Granted I don't have the heart to tell her that I think it's overrated garbage.

There are others, but RWBY stands out particularly.
 

Saelune

Trump put kids in cages!
Legacy
Mar 8, 2011
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Chanticoblues said:
Saelune said:
I suppose "We need to talk about Kevin". Popped into my suggestions on Netflix. It stars Ezra Miller as Kevin, so that was the main reason I watched it. I did not finish it. Read the plot on Wikipedia, and glad I didn't. Its basically The Omen (with some Carrie mixed in), but more realistic, ie no Satan, just a Sociopathic kid.
That movie is such a disappointment when compared to Ramsay's previous films. So silly and dogmatic.

For me, one of the big things that just doesn't register are David Lean's epics. Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zhivago, Ryan's Daughter, A Passage to India; all mannered, bloated, 'proper' films that couldn't be more devoid of personality if they tried. Yes they're big, photographed in big places with big casts and big stories, but they're also hollow. There's no messiness, only a primness that seems to sit in defiance of what the films are trying to express.
Never heard of anything she has done before, so I cant say on that. Though I think the stuff that bothered me too much to have me keep watching was stuff that came from the book its of.

Its less to do with the quality of the film or book, just that the content was too much for me.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Jul 18, 2009
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Saelune said:
I suppose "We need to talk about Kevin". Popped into my suggestions on Netflix. It stars Ezra Miller as Kevin, so that was the main reason I watched it. I did not finish it. Read the plot on Wikipedia, and glad I didn't. Its basically The Omen (with some Carrie mixed in), but more realistic, ie no Satan, just a Sociopathic kid.
That movie was good until Ezra Miller entered the stage. The scenes with pre pubescent Kevin and his mother are weird and uncomfortable, but then Miller comes along and turns the character into this almost scene-chewing villain. And the reveal of the final victims felt like the movie couldn't be bothered to depict the remaining family in the wake of the high school incident. It would've been interesting to see the family dealing with what happened, but eh, let's just kill 'm all so we can focus solely on the mother.
 

Saelune

Trump put kids in cages!
Legacy
Mar 8, 2011
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Casual Shinji said:
Saelune said:
I suppose "We need to talk about Kevin". Popped into my suggestions on Netflix. It stars Ezra Miller as Kevin, so that was the main reason I watched it. I did not finish it. Read the plot on Wikipedia, and glad I didn't. Its basically The Omen (with some Carrie mixed in), but more realistic, ie no Satan, just a Sociopathic kid.
That movie was good until Ezra Miller entered the stage. The scenes with pre pubescent Kevin and his mother are weird and uncomfortable, but then Miller comes along and turns the character into this almost scene-chewing villain. And the reveal of the final victims felt like the movie couldn't be bothered to depict the remaining family in the wake of the high school incident. It would've been interesting to see the family dealing with what happened, but eh, let's just kill 'm all so we can focus solely on the mother.
Again, more an issue with the book than the film. I don't think any of it is supposed to be comfortably anyways. Its about a mother trying and failing to bond with her sociopathic murderous son.
 

09philj

Elite Member
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Mar 31, 2015
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Saetha said:
A friend of mine coerced me into watching RWBY, and still tries to talk to me about it like I didn't think it was an empty-headed action series with mediocre writing and awkward animation. Granted I don't have the heart to tell her that I think it's overrated garbage.

There are others, but RWBY stands out particularly.
I do not understand why RWBY has such an obsessive fanbase and I actually like it.