Epic fail flirting stories

[Evilbunny]

Hitting on my friends 15 year old sister once, in my defence I was a tad drunk and she was wearing a lot of makeup.

She has to be 18 by now though right? Or just move to Canada with her lolz

Excuse me? Are you implying that Canada is some kind of redneck state? I'm sorry, but you're looking for the country that's way south from here.

No, he's implying that in Canada the age of consent is 15, which was true until last year. I think it's 16 now.

 

[Golden Gryphon]

Being nice.
Seriously.

I was turned down 9 times last year for being nice. Not creepy nice, or overly nice, or whipped. Just average nice. Goodbye, self-esteem.

I hate hearing that one. Used to happen to me all the time too, then I turned into a bitter ass hole (from unrelated events) so at least I don't hear that anymore.

Girls do not turn down guys because they are too nice. They turn them down because they are too boring. If you can manage to be nice and interesting and exciting at the same time they will flock to you.

 

[Oneirius]

Tarot crads. Very very pathetic.
And the most amazing thing?
It might have actually worked, because she asked ME out six months later.

 

[Emperorpeng]

I'm oblivious to flirtation, my friends usually point it out later on, after the fact.

Apparently girls like me more than I'm aware of.

There was one incident where a friend of mine was over watching a movie, along with some other friends. Everytime something funny happened she would laugh a little too hard and nudge me, one time she collapsed into my lap laughing...THAT was obvious, but unwelcome...

 

[Antlers]

Tarot crads. Very very pathetic.
And the most amazing thing?
It might have actually worked, because she asked ME out six months later.

Did you forsee that she would ask you out 6 months later?

 

[Thespian42]

Ah, yes. I remember this one time I found a really hot Latina girl at a water park, and spent like two hours trying to figure out the best way to approach her.

So, after a long, long day, I went up to her and asked:
"Do you speak English?"
"No."


...Whack the Frog.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

I once used the line "Set phasers to stun-ing!" (said in your best Pauly Shore impersination) on a pair of nice looking young ladies in a car. The car in question was a convertable. The top of said convertable was down at the time. After exchanging a subtle glance at one another, they both turned and looked straight ahead and without saying a word, rolled up their respective windows. The top of the convertable was still down.

That said, I didn't expect it to work but I was a bit suprised at just how badly it failed.

In my own experience, flirting really only serves to broadcast one's interest and a pickup line at best might serve to get a laugh. All you really need is something that gets a conversation started. "Set phasers to stunning" probably isn't a good way to go - just saying hi and introducing yourself works well enough.

 

[Oneirius]

Oneirius:
Tarot crads. Very very pathetic.
And the most amazing thing?
It might have actually worked, because she asked ME out six months later.

Did you forsee that she would ask you out 6 months later?

All was as planned.

 

[Hikikomori Ookami]

Yea but if I start calling myself boring and worthless then people start talking about self pity and such.

I guess talking about my bottle cap collection within five minutes of meeting someone is a bad idea...

 

[Lynx]

Haven't tried to pick anybody up that way. Though I have been picked up by someone else in funny ways. F.ex. when I sat waiting alone on a bench passing the time by reading, a dude walks up, sits next to me and asks what I'm reading. After I answer he asks if it's any good. After I answer that he asks what time the buss leaves. Next he asks if I have a boyfriend.
A very bizarre situation where I come from.

 

[Ray De Ation]

"Oh, surely a guy like you [i ]must[/i] have a girlfriend..." as the girfriend was walking up behind me and heard the whole thing. Whoops. Always scan the room first...

 

[quiet_samurai]

I once hit a a girl that was the friend of the girl I just broke up with. She foound out who i was after she came to my lace and saw a picture of us on my PC. I use the screensaver that just displays random pics I have saved. She was sitting there all close to me with one of her legs over my lap and just happens to glance at the screen and sees her friends face. She was all like "Oh my god! how do you know Amanda?" It was akward, and she left after that.

I've had other doozies though, usually just typical drunk guy trying to get laid type of stuff so it's not that special.

 

[hidden walls]

once was trying to get over a ex by flirting with random guys

well after a few drinks i find a guy and like him alot so we go to his house

only for me to walk into the door and notice it was my ex's

needless to say i ran away very fast

 

[Jharry5]

A girl came up to me in a club once and said something to me. I couldn't hear (and was slightly drunk) and asked her to repeat what she'd said. This happened about four more times; the last one she rolled her eyes and walked off. A friend had to tell me afterwards that she was interested.

There are others (got quite a talent for non-flirting), but that's possibly the worst...

 

[Jirlond]

Being nice.
Seriously.

I was turned down 9 times last year for being nice. Not creepy nice, or overly nice, or whipped. Just average nice. Goodbye, self-esteem.

I hate hearing that one. Used to happen to me all the time too, then I turned into a bitter ass hole (from unrelated events) so at least I don't hear that anymore.

Girls do not turn down guys because they are too nice. They turn them down because they are too boring. If you can manage to be nice and interesting and exciting at the same time they will flock to you.

Apparently so....

 

[Fairee]

singing to a chick while under the influence is a horrible way to go.

Only if you're bad at singing. It worked when I sang a disney song to one girl.

Mustafa? Is that you?

I kid, the only reason I say that is because my friend sung A whole new world to a girl.

He's not a great singer. And you better sound like Usher/Gareth Gates if you're singing that to a girl.

I can honestly say that the Cap'n is a brilliant singer. Trust me, he'd make it work...

singing to a chick while under the influence is a horrible way to go.

Only if you're bad at singing. It worked when I sang a disney song to one girl.

If it's from the Golden Age then any Disney song is straight away acceptable. Provided you can sing. If so, then go for it... (starts humming Circle of Life)... hmmmmmmmm

Ahem.

Anyway, moving on. I don't have any funny stories because I'm too shy to chat girls up, I usually wait for them to make the first move. Which usually never happens. The one time I did make the first move it went well until the girl in question had to go back to her home in Scotland. Fortunately we're still friends though

However, I did once muck things up with one girl who was actually the ex of another friend. I'd actually met her only once before when they were together, then we got in touch when they split up. Anyway, she came over to my house once and we went out, but again my crippling shyness kind of drove her away. I really need to get some more self-confidence...

You're not the only one, I've never flirted with anyone in my life. I automatically assume I'm gonna be rejected, and that's never let me down before....

Actually, it would help if I knew what counts as flirting. I've never really got the difference between casual friendly chat and trying to get someone to date you...

 

[systhicsfg]

I'm not to good with that whole business.

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

I can honestly say that the Cap'n is a brilliant singer. Trust me, he'd make it work...

Is that a fact? Hmmm, he'll be useful in my empire, I need a singer. Now all I need is a Jester and a Sage...

 

[Fairee]

I can honestly say that the Cap'n is a brilliant singer. Trust me, he'd make it work...

Is that a fact? Hmmm, he'll be useful in my empire, I need a singer. Now all I need is a Jester and a Sage...

As long as you're not sexist, I can be a sage. Something about my calm relaxed and thoughtful aura...

 

[Xerosch]

Walking over to a girl and getting hit in the face with a football halfway there.

Oh God... This is tragic, but it made me laugh... sorry...