Escape to the Movies: After Earth

[WhiteTigerShiro]

So.....I was....wrong...there's no twist? There's no "this was Earth in the past" ending?

That...that is depressing.

Actually, the way the movie bills it, "This is Earth" is supposed to be the twist. An early-movie twist, sure, but the script does everything it can to not tell us where they're crashing, just that Cypher is both shocked and horrified at the odds of ending-up where they did. Basically, it does the Terminator: Salvation thing of putting the twist in all of the promo material, then playing it straight-faced like we're not supposed to see it coming; maybe even throwing-in a few "but wait" moments to try and get us thinking about what's coming... except we already know.

I was able to see a pre-screening of the movie on Wednesday, and oh my god... I just couldn't stay in it. The plot was just terrible, and the desperate attempt to make their names sound all sci-fi ended-up making it hard to remember what their names were from the few times they were mentioned to the point where I just called them "Will" and "Jayden" because it was the best I could work with. Of course, then the movie ended and there it was: "Directed by M. Night Shyamalan". They had effectively tricked me into going to an M. Night movie, though I don't really blame them for keeping his name out of the promo material. Still, it really makes you think: When a director has such a bad reputation for putting together terrible movies to the point where you need to hide the director's name from your audience... why did you hire him in the first place?

 

[cefm]

When I first saw the trailer in the theater I was thinking "Will Smith and son trapped on hostile alien planet, battle for survival?" Ok, a bit unimaginative and by-the-numbers but hey maybe they can do something with it.

But every single thing I found out about it since has made it LESS appealing, not more. It's frickin' EARTH? Will is out of the action the whole time? His frickin' name? Shayamalanananana? Oh GOD make it stop.

 

[LostintheWick]

Yeah... I think most of us saw this one coming. I didn't know M. Night was involved, but it still fits my expectations.

 

[socialmenace42]

Thought this was gonna suck.

It was hard not to recognize the Signs.

Yeah I have a sixth sense about this kind of thing.

anyhoo, I'm sad that my fears about this film were right, I like the hell out of Will Smith but haven't actually enjoyed him in a film since 'I, Robot' and the whole setup for this film seemed clustered and disorganised from the beginning.

Oh and also; Cypher Raige? Realy? Name sounds like it was stolen from Farcry 3: Blood Dragon...

 

[DeaDRabbiT]

Stah Trek Into Dahkness

I love Bob's accent. It's like the Hulk. It only comes out in moments of intense emotion.

It's played up. That much is obvious. Just like the feigned bemusement that lingered through the intro of this review, and was peppered throughout.

You know what's nice about Yahtzee, is that he doesn't need to play the dancing pig routine to solicit laughs. Bob has been trying too hard lately, and unfortunately it makes the series difficult to watch.

 

[DeaDRabbiT]

So are all of Bob's reviews this summer going to include a jab at Star Trek Into Darkness? Because it looks like he may be headed that way.

Just let it go, Bob. You didn't like the movie; most people did like it. Just like The Amazing Spider-Man.

Also, why spend so much time on making fun of the name "Cypher Raige"? I get it, it's a stupid name for a character, but surely there are better things to spend time on in your review.

He got jammed up on Katniss Everdeen as well, which in retrospect is a damn fine moniker compared to Cypher Raige. Honestly that name is something a nerd comes up in high school while taking his first swing at Sci-Fi writing.

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

I wish escapist would use video formats that work on my phone. Was looking forward to this

 

[Chris Mosher]

I think that we shouldn't judge Jaden Smith too harshly by this movies. M. Knight Shamalamadingdong has proven to be incredibly talented at making even great actors seem like they dropped out of drama school. Look at your fellow Bostonian Mark Walberg. Nominated for 2 Oscars, 2 Golden Globes and, 3 SAG Awards. The man is a very good actor. Now go watch The Happening. I rest my case and think that if anyone is at fault here it's Will Smith for allowing his son's first real lead to be at the hands of this idiot.

And I am fully behind your tearful plea at the beginning that Shamalan stop making movies.

On the other hand, M Night brought out two of the best performances that Bruce Willis has done and one of Mel Gibbson's best in years.

 

[WanderingFool]

I had no idea Shyamalan was involved either, guess marketing knows how much of a box-office drain it'd be to crow about that so avoided mentioning it, showing at least someone involved in the movie has some smarts.

Now, if in no way does the advertising of a movie you are making, actually tells people that you are making the movie, you may just want to take a step back and think about where your career is going...

Oh, right... this is the same guy that put himself in a movie as a misunderstood genius that saves the world...

 

[Scrythe]

I feel like there was already a Grumpy Cat movie. It was called Garfield. And it SUCKED.

It sucked so hard it got a sequel. Which I watched.

This mistake is why I now appear to look 20 years older than I really am.

Thanks, Garfield.

 

[mrseriousguy]

I use to like M.Night's stuff back when he had like 50k budgets and had to use his hometown as a backdrop for his films. He's gone Hollywood and it shows, badly. He needs to retire or just be a write/produce only because his directorial "vision" is horribly impaired.

 

[daxterx2005]

oh jesus, a Grumpy Cat movie?
That blows my mind.

 

[saintdane05]

You know, I say that the worst thing to say to an artist is suggesting that he should quit his craft.
M. Night Shyamalan: Go to refrigeration school. Now. Save yourself.

 

[Lodus Rex]

Is anyone else getting tired of Bob's self-congratulatory vitriol masquerading as honest criticism? Honestly, I don't even like M. Night Shyamalan movies, and yet when Bob takes a good ten seconds to guffaw aggravatingly about the name of one of the characters in the aforementioned director's latest movie, I honestly want to reach through my screen and beat him over the head with a copy of The Sixth Sense.

I get that Bob is a critic and has to add some pizazz to his reviews to hook in the 18-34 demographic; it's his tone I object to...which is not unlike a seven year old wanting to be congratulated for pointing out how mean and shallow all the popular kids are just so that he won't feel so bad being part of the out crowd.

Bob, seriously, you need to consider two pointers before you alienate a good portion of your audience:

1). No one likes snark for snarkiness's sake. The reason why Yahtzee's video column is so popular is because he couches his criticism's in artful metaphor and clever wordplay. If you can't do this, then just stick to the clear, critical dissection of the movies currently under your microscope. Which leads me to my second point...

2). Remember your place in life. I have no problem with you ripping movies to shreds from a purely analytical standpoint - I'll even grant that you do this very well when you're on point. It's when you become personally overbearing in your commentary and assume a holier than thou attitude that you become exceedingly boorish. I leave you with the words of Brendan Francis Behan; hopefully, this should illuminate my point:

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves."

 

[emeraldrafael]

It feels like they could have just dropped jayden smith (who I have no interest in as an actor but then again I didnt care for him being int he karate kid) and used the ghosting technique to mroe or less make this the "black" (not in any terms racist, just a colour swap) pitch black riddick. and that probably would have been more enjoyable fromt he sounds.

anyawy, I get the feeling grumpy cat (the movie) is going to be like fred the movie. Just full of youtube/meme jokes that makes me really dislike the people that make it popular and would actually pay to see it.

But hey Bob, could always review the Hangover 3, just absolutely dying to hear the CLEARLY GLOWING comments you'll give it.

Though the elements bob says are vidgeo game inspired are kinda cool, at least the freezing cold night parts. If done in a better movie it would be much more interesting to watch that as survival flick rather than an action/survival flick.

 

[Izanagi009_v1legacy]

So.....I was....wrong...there's no twist? There's no "this was Earth in the past" ending?

That...that is depressing.

That's exactly what I expected the twist to be XD
OT: Man, that's sad. I mean, if only there was a good series about future post-apocalyptic Earth where a cool guy that fights aliens crash lands...
http://myanimelist.net/anime/16524/Suisei_no_Gargantia
Oh wait, there already is

Oh, yeah, that show is awesome and looks like that something bad is about to happen (thank Urobuchi for anything that makes our mouth drop)

 

[Tumedus]

This movie made me so happy because it combined several elements of suckage into one package so it only consumed one release weekend that I knew I had to avoid. I will not see a Will Smith movie anymore because, as much as he claims to not be a member, he gives money to scientology which I will not support. I won't see a Jaden movie until he proves that he deserves to be acting, and M. Night just sucks.

On a side note, I think Will is doing a huge disservice to his kid. It would be one thing if Jaden was getting some gigs based on being a Hollywood insider, people can kind of accept that. But the fact that his dad is essentially making films to force feed fans his son is just going to make people resent him. Let the kid work his way in. Do some TV or some supporting roles. Work for people other than your dad in a starring role and you may actually get a career out of it.