Escape to the Movies: Fast Five

[Dan Shive]

Generalizing an audience as douches is itself somewhat douchie behavior. Then, again, perhaps this comment is also douchie. We might be trapped in a mobius strip of douchousity.

 

[PunkRex]

Wow Bob, you always do it, I get back from seeing a movie to find you have reveiwed said film and REALLY grind my balls for finding even the slightest pleasure in it.

Dont get me wrong, the movies kinda crappy but Ive always thought Vin and Dwayne had a real charm to them and the only part of the film I liked was the chase scene through the ghetto and little scuffle they have in the workshop. HONESTLY theres this part were The Rock hits the floor and makes a sound like a building collapsing! I really get a kick out of a decent fight scene be it fast with skill or raw power... or maybe im just gay, I dunno? Theres also a part where The Rock clotheslines 3 PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME!

Still the movie is kind of pants. Theres a little bit of sort of funny banter but im not a massive car fan and thats kind of what this films about, derp.

As Bob says, it spits on the South American capital and the female characters are boring, actually most of the characters are boring but I feel that their the ones who will get the most negative feed back which is kind of dumb as none of the characters are very interesting or deep. In a film like this I would at least expect some Anime style "over the top" characters but no they just kind of faff about.

Apologies for the long post, I just got back from seeing it and im always SUPER oppinionated when I get back for an hour or so.

 

[Mangue Surfer]

I feel old. It seems that nobody use "Point Break with cars instead of surfboards" anymore. Point Break is already an old and forgotten movie.

 

[Lightbunny]

... and by Speed racer you mean the Anime not the movie right?
RIGHT?

No, he meant the movie.

Best Fever Dream 2009, if you ask me.

 

[Red Albatross]

AH, its da Favela! Come on Roach, we've got to stop Alejandro Rojas!

Sorry, when bob said "Favela" I had a CoD flashback.

Me too, and I wanted to throw something, because I hated that part of MW2.

Being mostly a douchebag who likes car porn, T&A, GTL, and other ridiculous shit, I'm probably going to see this movie.

I also found this review hilarious, especially the cardboard cutouts. "Caaaaaaaaaaaaars."

Lighten up, people. Entertainment is entertainment. Are you not entertained?

 

[franzieperez]

Kinda hard to shit on Brazil,

Gangsters running the country? Check.
One of the biggest income gaps between rich and poor? Check.
Sprawling favellas larger than proper cities? Check.
Highly corrupt police forces? Check.

I am Brazilian and I love the culture and most of the people, but it's a mess in terms of government.

ALSO, I still really wanna see this movie. I watch these movies to vent my douchiness rather than increasing it, just like playing violent video games helps me keep down homicidal urges.

 

[ecoho]

Fast Five

More Pinto than Porsche.

Watch Video

bob i love your show but im getting a little sick and tired of you calling anyone who watched and liked a certen movie a "douchebag". We get it you didnt like it but dont insault people who like different things then you.

 

[Resonantscythe]

I love your little one-frame reviews that you insert into these. What better endorsement for Torque could there possibly be than "One word: Bike-fu"?

At least I got one must-watch movie out of this!

Torque was good, I found it enjoyable. I'm also a fan of the Fast and Furious series, but then again, I don't watch it because I take it super-seriously. I watch it because it's fun. Bad-ass people driving cars and stealing shit. You don't go to this kind of movie for an intense story, though I'd like to point out that the first movie was pretty damn good.

I'm just disappointed Bob went back to the 'I hate it so I'm going to crush it' mentality like he did with the Michael Bay references a few months ago. Regardless of whether he actually likes it, he doesn't need to go this far in terms of telling people how badly he dislikes it. Hell, he wasn't even this harsh on The King's Speech, and from what I gathered he hated that one, too. It just smacks of losing sight of your reviewing objectivity in order to flame something you don't like.

snip

agree alot with this. however, i think its important to review whats fresh, however uninteresting it might be for him personally. but instead of leaving us with a review about a film he thinks is not worth our time, he could maybe spare 1 minute to give us a recommendation about a older film which we should not miss. Some kind of curiousity which is not too obscure but might have slipped our mainstream eyes.

Edit: really think that Yahtzee should do the same.

Funny thing is, I've now seen enough of Yatzee's straight-up bash vids to be able to find games I'd still enjoy, even if they did nothing awesome. And even then, yatzee bashes the games, not the audience.

Except when it comes to the Wii.

I'm man enough to admit you got me there.

 

[Lionsfan]

snip

Spot on man. When I watch a movie review I expect reasons why the movie is good or bad. You put in a post everything I was too lazy to write up. If it's a bad film or something that Bob doesn't like he doesn't explain it. He just goes off on a tangent about how the entire audience (of the film) must be a douchebag. He just say, "X is bad because the acting is forced/cliched and the story is boring." No he says, "X is made by douchebags, it's a shitty film and it's target audience is a bunch of homophobic/douchebags/stupid jocks/*insert characteristic from a cliche bully*. These reviews are becoming unbearable, Bob's flaming an entire grouping of people for no reason than they enjoyed a movie

 

[ROBO_LEADER]

I actually really enjoyed the first movie. I am a bit shocked though seeing as yeah, the other ones weren't very good.

 

[Metropocalypse]

I could have given the same review without even seeing the movies. They've taken a turn for the worst lately

 

[Digikid]

Now I am a fair person but I must say this:

I have concluded that you know SQUAT about good movies. The "Fast and the Furious" series are EXCELLENT MOVIES.

 

[Angelus SnV]

Y'know what...i like 'em...

I'm th'farthest thing you'll ever find from a "car guy", havin' virtually no real knowledge of the inner-workings of a car (i know how to change a tire, and i know where th'fluids go...that's about it)...this is even more bewilderin' by th'fact that i drive a taxi-cab for a living...havin' said that, i've been a fan of these movies from th'start. True i was in highschool when th'first one came out, and suffered a pretty f*ckin' scary accident along th'time it was in theatres (completely unrelated to said movies...nobody was racin' or nothin') which made me virtually "can't freaking function inside a moving car" scared of them for years, i eventually got over it and now have th'same dream most of us have from time t'time about just bein' able to get in a car and put th'pedal down for a lil' while...

This has nothin' to do with th'films though so i'll get back to th'point...it's just amazing to me how i can go with agreein' with every word bob has t'say in one review, then bein' on th'complete opposite end of th'spectrum with another...now do i think the FatF series is gonna win any "best story" awards in th'near future, no...but are they good ways t'kill a couple hours and be more than marginally entertained? Sure...i've watched every one of 'em (with th'exception of tokyo drift, simply cuz i didn't think it followed th'main story..) and enjoyed 'em all...(and for th'reccord, it has nothin' to do with Dom...that character annoys me...)...so yeah, i dunno what Bob's beef is with this franchise...*shrugs* maybe Jordanna Brewster was one of those girls he talked about in his old highschool, and since she wouldn't f*ck 'em....?

 

[Canadamus Prime]

You know how I know this movie sucks? It's got a 5 on the end. Very few film franchises that make it to a fifth installment are still good by that point.

I thought people hated Speed Racer

They did. So what does that tell you about Fast Five.

 

[Jumplion]

Oh god, Cars 2. Does not look like it's going to be one of Pixar's best...

 

[Wrds]

I guess this comes down to how you interpret what Bob said. I understood it to mean:"This movie is made for a demographic that just doesn't exist anymore. Anybody who once cared about the Rock and Vin Diesel enough to want to see them fight probably grew out of it." Taken that way, it would be calling out the movie rather than the audience.

But ultimately it's just his opinion, so I suggest you don't take it too seriously if that fight is something you want to see.

If he had worded it anywhere near the way you did it wouldn't have been antagonistic as I said. I'm not really upset, I've never liked the movie. It was just needlessly calling out and demeaning the audience.

Its probably my fault for wording what I said so personally.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I thought people hated Speed Racer

also near the end did I see two girls make out?

He could have added in Speed Racer just as a way of saying it was better than F&F. Or it could be that it was a mediocre B movie which quietly died off on it's own as opposed to doing what F&F did.

There's something that has been bugging me though about Fast Five and that is the film Faster staring The Rock. Is that part of the same continuity? It seems to fit the universe (says someone who has seen nothing of it other than commercials)

 

[enriquetnt]

im not gonna defend these movies, but for mod-car enthusiast theyr worth it just for the "cars" also the sheer amount of hot chicks parading around the cars doesnt hurt either, this movies are fun, even the 3rd one that nobody likes is a hell of a lot of fun to watch, all these things said if your not interested in cars and have an IQ of over 60 stay the hell away from all five of these, i watched them all out of being a videogame car entushiast (during the Need for Speed underground-carbon-most wanted era that im sure wouldnt even existed if it wherent for this movies) funny thing is im only interested in cars IN videogames in real life i dont care one bit

 

[Car-o-line]

Not sure you're getting the point here. Do any of those muscles, er, men take off their shirts? Here's ten dollars.