Escape to the Movies: Red Riding Hood

[bojac6]

My interest in this one started when I found out Michael Shanks had a role in it and died when I found out he was pretty much a glorified extra.

My interest in this film started with the first half of your sentence and died by the second half. Way to get my hopes up for nothing, myrmidon.

 

[MovieBob]

Quick answers to recurring questions:

"Battle LA's" only screening conflicted with other pressing business, so don't take my lack of attention as an indicator of quality - people have told me its pretty awesome.

At this time, no one is making a Goldilocks movie that I know of. However, someone IS making "Hansel + Gretel: Witch Hunters." Really.

 

[bojac6]

I really wanted to hate this one though. Is there going to be a dark, gritty reboot of Goldilocks & the Three Bears next? I mean come on, it would have bears ripping apart people that tried to take their porrige, while trying to get across the message that sometimes you just have to be happy with what you've got and not ruin other people's(or bear's) stuff in your search for perfection.

Actually, the original oral tradition of Red Riding Hood was a rebellious adolescent getting/almost getting (depending how evil the storyteller was) raped by the wolf that disemboweled her grandmother.

"Goldilocks and the Three Bears" isn't a logical next step.

http://www.google.com/recaptcha/api/image?c=03AHJ_VuuQIFmaUbZ67xOz65JsiR9SIhUwaQ9E_9y_3VMN7tXk0aDfv1XFnx8Aj74BcSMWbNVhFL6sHFz95d6IzFETyWz3VyzGGNI3BljyavxaClQZA28DNjzxau6e5p6TB5-tKC55PUg_UTsXlCYrHff_0GD22_QCIQ

Oh I'm not saying logic was involved in the least. I just find the desire to make dark films out of children's tales completely absurd. It could easily be done with most any of them. Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, etc. could easily be made into something horrible with just a little imagination. Hell, I think that's already been done a few times hasn't it? Taking old tales like these and filming them is just an inevitable recipe for a cinematic abortion. We could be on a slippery slope. Hence, the above horrible idea for a movie.

Mind you this is all just rampant, baseless speculation. Mostly I just find the idea of an actual Goldilocks flick hilarious.

You've got it completely backwards. Those story all started out as horrible and dark tales that have since been turned into much nicer ones. Hansel and Gretel is still pretty dark, with abandoning children and a cannibal witch that gets burned to death in an oven. In the original Snow White, the step mother is actual Snow White's mother, who attempts to kill Snow White through strangulation and stabbing her in the head with a comb before poisoning her with an apple. At the end, the mother is forced to put on cast iron shoes that have been heated to red hot in a forge and then forced to dance until she dies. In the original Cinderella, the step mother cuts off parts of the step sisters feet so they fit in the glass slipper and all three of them are blinded when doves peck out their eyes. The original Little Mermaid ends when the Mermaid attempts to get legs back by cutting her own tail in half up the middle and bleeding to death, the moral being a woman shouldn't marry beneath her station (she's a princess after a mere ship captain).

These aren't modern reinventions of friendly children's tales, they are more a return to form. The word "grim" in English actually derives from the Brother's Grimm, who recorded most of these Fairy Tales. It's not absurd at all.

Goldilocks is a much more modern story, though, and would make a really stupid movie. I agree with you there completely.

 

[Random berk]

Really bob? You chose to review red riding hood over Battle for LA? It just seems like an odd choice. I don't know I just felt like you would have enjoyed B4LA way more then this; also I feel like the escapist community has had more interested in it as oppose to this movie. Just my opinion though, its your show.

I suspect that means B:LA will be bad news, like Skyline.

Vatican sponsored Monster hunter? Does he wear the pelts of his slain prey as armour? That'd be great.

Yeah, I have a bad feeling about B:LA after the train wreck that Skyline was.

For some reason I keep thinking of the Inquisition from Warhammer 40K and how they have people's whose job is to hunt down monsters.

That being said, can someone PLEASE get Gary Oldman a suit of power armor and a power hammer for his role in this?

It made me think of Monster Hunter. Now if he was wearing Silver Rathalos armour and carrying a Fatalis Ancestor sword, then he'd be badass.

 

[CrystalShadow]

Say what you will MovieBob, I still refuse to see such a stupid premise.

I mean seriously, Little Red Riding Hood? C'mon!

Lol. Do you even know how messed up most 'fairy tales' actually are in their original forms?
They've just been cleaned up repeatedly throughout the years.

The original tales that inspired Red Riding hood had a lot to do with rape and sexual assault, more so than an actual, literal wolf.

But... Yeah. We turn things like that into 'childrens' stories.
That's the real joke here.

 

[Sir-Bearus]

OK Bob, I have all admiration and respect for your work (+ you love Zelda, and liking the TLOZ makes you cool in my book, I know, not very popular book)
But quit stalling! gives us what we want! either battle:LA or the adjustment bureau.
thank you, have nice day.

 

[Aptspire]

I'm surprised MovieBob liked this one, although it does seem 'story-packed'

 

[Shjade]

At this time, no one is making a Goldilocks movie that I know of. However, someone IS making "Hansel + Gretel: Witch Hunters." Really.

This would probably surprise me more if I hadn't already seen that point of view touched upon in Fables [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fables_(comics)], where Bad Guy Inquisitor Hansel is fairly convincing.

...granted, he's convincing outside the context of the Hansel & Gretel story itself, but I have to think that comic's portrayal is either an influence on or inspiration for such a movie.

Gary Oldman is the only reason I might rent this when it hits DVD. Big fan of his ever since 'The Professional'.

Fair enough. I guess we should probably ask Gary what he thinks.

Spoiler: Mr. Oldman, who do you think should go see this mov-

._.;

 

[Sir-Bearus]

Quick answers to recurring questions:

"Battle LA's" only screening conflicted with other pressing business, so don't take my lack of attention as an indicator of quality - people have told me its pretty awesome.

At this time, no one is making a Goldilocks movie that I know of. However, someone IS making "Hansel + Gretel: Witch Hunters." Really.

Hee, hee, sorry, shoulda read this post.
Additionally I may give this one a chance since, it seems interesting.

 

[Furbyz]

I'm aware of all that, except Cinderella I never read that one. It's just that in the modern perception by going back to the truth we're rebooting the story. And they've already been done perfectly, in my mind. Once someone goes about trying to translate them to screen as they were originally told they'll fail and fail hard.

I really wanted to hate this one though. Is there going to be a dark, gritty reboot of Goldilocks & the Three Bears next? I mean come on, it would have bears ripping apart people that tried to take their porrige, while trying to get across the message that sometimes you just have to be happy with what you've got and not ruin other people's(or bear's) stuff in your search for perfection.

Actually, the original oral tradition of Red Riding Hood was a rebellious adolescent getting/almost getting (depending how evil the storyteller was) raped by the wolf that disemboweled her grandmother.

"Goldilocks and the Three Bears" isn't a logical next step.

http://www.google.com/recaptcha/api/image?c=03AHJ_VuuQIFmaUbZ67xOz65JsiR9SIhUwaQ9E_9y_3VMN7tXk0aDfv1XFnx8Aj74BcSMWbNVhFL6sHFz95d6IzFETyWz3VyzGGNI3BljyavxaClQZA28DNjzxau6e5p6TB5-tKC55PUg_UTsXlCYrHff_0GD22_QCIQ

Oh I'm not saying logic was involved in the least. I just find the desire to make dark films out of children's tales completely absurd. It could easily be done with most any of them. Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, etc. could easily be made into something horrible with just a little imagination. Hell, I think that's already been done a few times hasn't it? Taking old tales like these and filming them is just an inevitable recipe for a cinematic abortion. We could be on a slippery slope. Hence, the above horrible idea for a movie.

Mind you this is all just rampant, baseless speculation. Mostly I just find the idea of an actual Goldilocks flick hilarious.

You've got it completely backwards. Those story all started out as horrible and dark tales that have since been turned into much nicer ones. Hansel and Gretel is still pretty dark, with abandoning children and a cannibal witch that gets burned to death in an oven. In the original Snow White, the step mother is actual Snow White's mother, who attempts to kill Snow White through strangulation and stabbing her in the head with a comb before poisoning her with an apple. At the end, the mother is forced to put on cast iron shoes that have been heated to red hot in a forge and then forced to dance until she dies. In the original Cinderella, the step mother cuts off parts of the step sisters feet so they fit in the glass slipper and all three of them are blinded when doves peck out their eyes. The original Little Mermaid ends when the Mermaid attempts to get legs back by cutting her own tail in half up the middle and bleeding to death, the moral being a woman shouldn't marry beneath her station (she's a princess after a mere ship captain).

These aren't modern reinventions of friendly children's tales, they are more a return to form. The word "grim" in English actually derives from the Brother's Grimm, who recorded most of these Fairy Tales. It's not absurd at all.

Goldilocks is a much more modern story, though, and would make a really stupid movie. I agree with you there completely.

I'm aware of all that, except Cinderella I never read that one. I've read most of the Brother's Grimm collection. It's just that in the modern perception by going back to the truth we're rebooting the story. And they've already been done perfectly, in my mind. Once someone goes about trying to translate them to screen as they were originally told they'll fail and fail hard. The original versions should stay as they are, in my opinion. Not messed around with and potentially ruined to make an "edgy," gimmick movie.

Nice discussion we've got going here.

 

[Kayevcee]

Is now a bad time to mention that the church in the period Bob's talking about were trying to distance themselves from self-proclaimed witch-hunters and spoke out against mob-executions born, as they were, out of sexist paranoia?

The church has done some bad shit in its time, and I mean some really bad shit, but the active witch-burning aspect is an invention of Hollywood.

Sounds like a groovy film though, and Oldman is always worth a punt.

-Nick

 

[CrystalShadow]

I really wanted to hate this one though. Is there going to be a dark, gritty reboot of Goldilocks & the Three Bears next? I mean come on, it would have bears ripping apart people that tried to take their porrige, while trying to get across the message that sometimes you just have to be happy with what you've got and not ruin other people's(or bear's) stuff in your search for perfection.

Actually, the original oral tradition of Red Riding Hood was a rebellious adolescent getting/almost getting (depending how evil the storyteller was) raped by the wolf that disemboweled her grandmother.

"Goldilocks and the Three Bears" isn't a logical next step.

http://www.google.com/recaptcha/api/image?c=03AHJ_VuuQIFmaUbZ67xOz65JsiR9SIhUwaQ9E_9y_3VMN7tXk0aDfv1XFnx8Aj74BcSMWbNVhFL6sHFz95d6IzFETyWz3VyzGGNI3BljyavxaClQZA28DNjzxau6e5p6TB5-tKC55PUg_UTsXlCYrHff_0GD22_QCIQ

Oh I'm not saying logic was involved in the least. I just find the desire to make dark films out of children's tales completely absurd. It could easily be done with most any of them. Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, etc. could easily be made into something horrible with just a little imagination. Hell, I think that's already been done a few times hasn't it? Taking old tales like these and filming them is just an inevitable recipe for a cinematic abortion. We could be on a slippery slope. Hence, the above horrible idea for a movie.

Mind you this is all just rampant, baseless speculation. Mostly I just find the idea of an actual Goldilocks flick hilarious.

You've got it completely backwards. Those story all started out as horrible and dark tales that have since been turned into much nicer ones. Hansel and Gretel is still pretty dark, with abandoning children and a cannibal witch that gets burned to death in an oven. In the original Snow White, the step mother is actual Snow White's mother, who attempts to kill Snow White through strangulation and stabbing her in the head with a comb before poisoning her with an apple. At the end, the mother is forced to put on cast iron shoes that have been heated to red hot in a forge and then forced to dance until she dies. In the original Cinderella, the step mother cuts off parts of the step sisters feet so they fit in the glass slipper and all three of them are blinded when doves peck out their eyes. The original Little Mermaid ends when the Mermaid attempts to get legs back by cutting her own tail in half up the middle and bleeding to death, the moral being a woman shouldn't marry beneath her station (she's a princess after a mere ship captain).

These aren't modern reinventions of friendly children's tales, they are more a return to form. The word "grim" in English actually derives from the Brother's Grimm, who recorded most of these Fairy Tales. It's not absurd at all.

Goldilocks is a much more modern story, though, and would make a really stupid movie. I agree with you there completely.

And Sleeping beauty involved the prince having sex with the sleeping princess, then leaving, and the princess only woke up when she was giving birth to twins.

Anyway... mostly you're correct about the general idea, but I'm really not so sure about the little mermaid, considering it's not an old legend.
Most of the 'cleaned' versions of old fairytales can be attributed to the brothers Grimm
(Hence Grimm's fairy tales)

Hans Christian Anderson however, appears to have made up a lot of his stories himself.

And in some ways, the little mermaid appears to be an allegory of his own life, more so than anything else.
(He had a failed marriage, and was very unlucky in love; He was poor, but as a famous writer, frequently saw how the rich lived their lives.
You could even argue that where he described the little mermaid as being treated like the prince's favoured pet, you could see how a poor, but very popular writer could get that kind of feeling about his life - The wealthy royalty that's very fond of him, but still don't see him as an equal.)

I've never heard the version you're describing. Maybe it does exist. Even so, the little mermaid is depressing enough as it is, given a translation of the (supposedly) original text, which involves her getting legs from the sea witch, but having her tongue cut out as payment, gaining legs (but having them be so sensitive that every step is like walking barefoot on sharp knives), spending ages living with the prince, but being treated as little more than a favoured pet, then finally being given the choice of dying and turning into sea foam, or stabbing the prince in the heart so she can go back to being a mermaid.

A really depressing story, ultimately. (or at least, it would be, if you ignore the essentially religious overtones of the ending; She dies, but gains a soul in the process, which mermaids don't have otherwise.)

 

[JoelChenFA]

Oooo Bob I continue to find it amusing that you seem to think that sexual freedom is the the same thing as social progress. Yet at the same time we both hate Twilight for the same reasons. Of course the message of Twilight becomes even more offensive if you understand the culture of Mormonism that is came from. Basically fitting into the letter of the law and not the spirit of the law category.

Keep the front clear but take it from the rear?

 

[solidstatemind]

For bonus points, not really related to current discussion, but a forerunner of this movie maybe? The Brothers Grimm [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0355295/]-- anyone else remember that turkey?

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

And then I went on Rotten Tomatoes and spotted the 7% aggregate score this movie has.

I'm not usually one for number based scores, but 7%? Damn.

 

[AssassinJoe]

Say what you will MovieBob, I still refuse to see such a stupid premise.

I mean seriously, Little Red Riding Hood? C'mon!

Lol. Do you even know how messed up most 'fairy tales' actually are in their original forms?
They've just been cleaned up repeatedly throughout the years.

The original tales that inspired Red Riding hood had a lot to do with rape and sexual assault, more so than an actual, literal wolf.

But... Yeah. We turn things like that into 'childrens' stories.
That's the real joke here.

That just proves my point! They've turned what was originally a really dark premise into a love story! I just think that's stupid!

 

[AssassinJoe]

Say what you will MovieBob, I still refuse to see such a stupid premise.

I mean seriously, Little Red Riding Hood? C'mon!

Ah, but the original medieval tale of Little Red Riding Hood is much darker than the fairytale that we know it as. In the original Red Riding Hood is a rebellious adolescent instead of a sweet little girl, there's much more blood and violence, and the whole thing is basically a rape metaphor. This film looks to have set it's tone on the original.

...except for the fact that the girl falls in love with the wolf instead of being raped. Excuse me if I don't see the resemblance.

 

[Jamash]

In an episode about camp films, I loved the use of a shot from The Story of Ricky as an example of gore... that film is probably the goriest camp film ever... or the most camp gory film ever... either way it's a masterpiece of camp and gore that everyone should at least attempt to watch.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

snip

snip.

These aren't modern reinventions of friendly children's tales, they are more a return to form. The word "grim" in English actually derives from the Brother's Grimm, who recorded most of these Fairy Tales. It's not absurd at all.
.

No it doesn't. It's been around since 900 AD, and derives from the Old German Grimm, or the Nordic Grimmr.

The Brothers Grimm just happened to have pretty much the most appropriate name ever.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Wow ever since the trailers for this came out I've been itching to see this movie.

But I could tell that it was going to be some Twilight knock off so I tried to stifle my itchiness through shame and self flagellation.

Thank you Movie Bob for setting the record strait. so now I can stop slamming my fingers in a door every time I see a trailer and say "That looks pretty good"