It brings to mind something I overheard a man at a movie theater say once durring a trailer:shadyh8er said:
"Not even jesus could make a pile of shit smell like roses."
Escape to the Movies: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
- Thread starter MovieBob
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"Not even jesus could make a pile of shit smell like roses."
THANK you Bob for nailing what has always gotten to me most about this piece-of-shit franchise. Twilight DESERVES every single iota of outright hatred that it garners because it is EVIL. I was a little saddened that your review of this one wasn't as funny as your review of the first two because your anger was showing through in your opinions more, but I still appreciate that. I enjoy watching you express your opinions on things you get worked up about and this certainly deserves to suffer your full wrath.
He's a movie reviewer. It's his job. Even Yahtzee had to review Final Fantasy XIII.SirCannonFodder said:
Actually, that was just plain bad writing. Stephanie Meyer went into the third book with the startling realisation that she'd made Jacob actually a much nicer and more likeable guy than her supposed "perfect Adonis prince" Edward and that as things stood even SHE wouldn't be able to write Bella choosing Edward without making her seem like an outright masochist as well as a complete idiot (or at least more of an idiot than she already did). So what she ATTEMPTED was what is known as an Author's Saving Throw [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ptitlehr8d6bdwnwsk?from=Main.AuthorsSavingThrow] in an attempt to steer the story back to the path she wanted it and used the unfortunate method known as Character Derailment [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CharacterDerailment]- turning Jacob into a creepy borderline-psycho-rapist asshole in order to justify Bella choosing her perfect stalker/boyfriend instead.Meemaimoh said:
Bravo Bob.
I knew when two college peers started talking about the books over 2 years ago that it was going to be bad. They've got the tastes of ... well worse than garbage ... and garbage likes more garbage right? Bigger garba... yeah I'm sorry.
I'm sorry people have to see this and I'm sorry to those guys that have to take their tween girlfriends to this... Or apparently their over 18 year old girlfriends to this terrible, terrible movie.
I knew when two college peers started talking about the books over 2 years ago that it was going to be bad. They've got the tastes of ... well worse than garbage ... and garbage likes more garbage right? Bigger garba... yeah I'm sorry.
I'm sorry people have to see this and I'm sorry to those guys that have to take their tween girlfriends to this... Or apparently their over 18 year old girlfriends to this terrible, terrible movie.
THANK YOU, jesus i was tired of my cousin telling me that these are good movies. I knew people who read the books, i say "knew" because i have now severed all ties with those idiots. This whole twilight shit-storm has been out of control, so Movie Bob I thank you from the bottom of my heart for kicking these metrosexual sparkle fucks in their place.
P.S. good luck enduring the tidal wave of 13 year old hate mail.
P.S. good luck enduring the tidal wave of 13 year old hate mail.
I hate this shit, I'm just not sure how the movie's supposed abstinence message is supposed to create a bunch of domestic abuse victims. I thought that the series as a whole was more of a "OMG TEH MAIN CHARACTERS CAN'T MAKE TEH LOVEZ SO TRAGIC".
I imagine the problem will be more for anyone around the age 8-16 who will eventually be looking for a girlfriend around his age. To be honest, this crap just means that every girl who reads it will be looking for the perfect supernatural douchebag... and not one exists.
So, ultimately, perhaps this is an abstinence message. Nobody in my generation is ever going to get a girl again.
I imagine the problem will be more for anyone around the age 8-16 who will eventually be looking for a girlfriend around his age. To be honest, this crap just means that every girl who reads it will be looking for the perfect supernatural douchebag... and not one exists.
So, ultimately, perhaps this is an abstinence message. Nobody in my generation is ever going to get a girl again.
Thank you for your insightful review of this mess. It also cements the fact I will never give any money to this idiocy EVER. Real vampires don't sparkle! GAH.
I guess if you want some bad ass monster fighting, go play some Castlevania and skip watching this series.
I guess if you want some bad ass monster fighting, go play some Castlevania and skip watching this series.
I couldn't have said it better myself Bob. Hmm, Toy Story 3's review had the vibe of an overall feeling of sadness, whereas this one... well I'm surprised you were able to go as long as you did without a rant that would make Lewis Black seem calm and serene.
Really? This episode released two days early? Is there some huge Twilight fanbase on this site that I'm just not seeing?
and this is another shining example of why i gave up watching Hollywood films, i think I'll stick to underground films for my entertainment thank you very much.
I'm just going to say that Twilight werewolves suck, not because they don't act like werewolves, but because their transformations are so pathetic, all they do is change into giant wolves, this isn't a case of "Oh they can choose between that and a hybrid form.", they DON'T HAVE A HYBRID FORM! As for the vampires it has been said over and over, Twilight has shitty vampires, if you want AWESOME vampires go watch Hellsing Ultimate.
As a recent high school graduate, I can confirm that Twilight's messages are being put into the minds of many stupid teenage girls. Not all, mind you, just the stupid ones.
All the girls that love Twilight do the following things:
1) Put up with bullshit from their boyfriends, including some abuse
2) Obsess with the idea of having a boyfriend
3) Want to get married almost as soon as they get out of High School
4) Think Edward is the perfect boyfriend.
Now, I have personally dealt with an abusive boyfriend before, but I stuck with him because I wanted to help him get through hard times, not because "Oh, he's giving me attention so it must mean that he loooves me!" For the other mentalities, I can attest that there is no explaining some of this bullshit. It's sickening.
Some girls think that moping over a boyfriend for extended periods of time and going suicidal over it is okay because Bella did it. FUCK NO it is not. They see Bella as a role model and think she is absolutely amazing and anything she does is okay. Why? Because Twilight is the BEST BOOK EVARRRR.
I hate Twilight because it has turned some girls into batshit crazy lunatics that are spreading a message that it's okay to be treated like dirt if it's your boyfriend. Bella makes me cringe, I would never want a boyfriend like Edward or Jacob and Twilight is just awful.
[/long rant]
All the girls that love Twilight do the following things:
1) Put up with bullshit from their boyfriends, including some abuse
2) Obsess with the idea of having a boyfriend
3) Want to get married almost as soon as they get out of High School
4) Think Edward is the perfect boyfriend.
Now, I have personally dealt with an abusive boyfriend before, but I stuck with him because I wanted to help him get through hard times, not because "Oh, he's giving me attention so it must mean that he loooves me!" For the other mentalities, I can attest that there is no explaining some of this bullshit. It's sickening.
Some girls think that moping over a boyfriend for extended periods of time and going suicidal over it is okay because Bella did it. FUCK NO it is not. They see Bella as a role model and think she is absolutely amazing and anything she does is okay. Why? Because Twilight is the BEST BOOK EVARRRR.
I hate Twilight because it has turned some girls into batshit crazy lunatics that are spreading a message that it's okay to be treated like dirt if it's your boyfriend. Bella makes me cringe, I would never want a boyfriend like Edward or Jacob and Twilight is just awful.
[/long rant]
My girlfriend just came home from seeing Eclipse. She went on at length about how the movie was 'absolutely perfect', 'incredible', and how she is now 'totally obsessed'
I feel like crying
I feel like crying
Try working at a movie theater where all but one of the auditoriums are playing this movie. I have to work five days straight (part-time) including the 4th cleaning up after people who make messes that would make a 2 year old blush. It is in part remedied by the attractiveness of the women coming to see the show, but at the same time I can't help but question their taste in cinematography. Now excuse me while I go wash my eyes out with Hellsing Ultimate.
You certainly weren't the first to say what you did about Twilight's message, but I don't think you're any less right for it.
I can tolerate stuff like Harry Potter that I don't like. It was a fad, I didn't get into it when it was big, okay. But yeah, crap like Twilight is just bad. Bad in a serious way. Bad in a "let's try to bring society back to the Nuclear Family 1950s crappy model." Bad in the sense that we've taken the cool thing about vampirism being a metaphor for sex (the fact vampires acted like powerful, sexually confident individuals, if a bit sadistic or overtly carnal) and completely sterilized them.
That last bit has nothing to do with Twilight's message, it's just something I hate about Stephanie Meyer. Yes, I KNOW vampires have always had sexual subtext going on there, Stephanie. No, I DON'T think they could be improved by you Mormonizing them. If you want to put a fresh spin on an old idea, the first thing to do is at least try to understand why the classic model worked. Say what you will about Anne Rice, Interview with the Vampire is probably the best vampire movie ever made (I'm willing to give second place to Blade, however.)
Twilight is one of the most women-hating franchises I've come across. It's right up there with Gor in terms of misogyny, and that's saying something. Gor was a series of books about how all women want to be sexual slaves to men. Twilight is a series about how all women want to be emotional slaves to men.
I can tolerate stuff like Harry Potter that I don't like. It was a fad, I didn't get into it when it was big, okay. But yeah, crap like Twilight is just bad. Bad in a serious way. Bad in a "let's try to bring society back to the Nuclear Family 1950s crappy model." Bad in the sense that we've taken the cool thing about vampirism being a metaphor for sex (the fact vampires acted like powerful, sexually confident individuals, if a bit sadistic or overtly carnal) and completely sterilized them.
That last bit has nothing to do with Twilight's message, it's just something I hate about Stephanie Meyer. Yes, I KNOW vampires have always had sexual subtext going on there, Stephanie. No, I DON'T think they could be improved by you Mormonizing them. If you want to put a fresh spin on an old idea, the first thing to do is at least try to understand why the classic model worked. Say what you will about Anne Rice, Interview with the Vampire is probably the best vampire movie ever made (I'm willing to give second place to Blade, however.)
Yeah, crappy movies are one thing. There are crappy movies all over the place that I don't give a rip about. One might say, "Oh, well you just hate it because it's popular" but that doesn't fly because as I said before, Harry Potter was a fad I didn't get into, but I could understand why people liked it.Vrex360 said:
Twilight is one of the most women-hating franchises I've come across. It's right up there with Gor in terms of misogyny, and that's saying something. Gor was a series of books about how all women want to be sexual slaves to men. Twilight is a series about how all women want to be emotional slaves to men.