Escape to the Movies: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

First time watching Escape to the Movies. Just putting that out there.

The thing is, does it make a person elitist to want a film with effort put into it? Does it make a person elitist to want the giant robots, estensively the whole idea behind this movie, to be the center of the plot? Does it make a person elitist to want a mature story with characters we care about?

Then damnit, call me an elitist, because apparently my standards are too far above that of normal people as to be considered rational. And that's fine by me.

It makes you eltist when you suggest that people who like entertainment that you don't, shouldn't be allowed to vote. Can you see why that is kind of offensive and feels like an attack? People like the franchise, heck while I don't like them, I don't dislike them. It is the assumption here that people aren't capable of choosing what entertainment they wish to watch that is incredibly patronising.

People offended by a web-series need thicker skin.

Commercial media is no kind of meritocracy. Whilst it's touchy-feely and kind to act as though all films are created equal until judged by the consuming public, it's also falacious. Soulja Boy isn't one of the best musicians of recent years, Paris Hilton has no discernable talent, and if you're old enough to work...you probably feel that your boss is ill-suited for his job too...that's just life, shit floats and gold sinks alot of the time.

That can be very frustrating...

 

[Scappo]

I hate to say it, but I kinda disagree with MovieBob on this one...I'm not saying this movie is incredible and awesome, and that it makes up for the franchises' previous two screw-ups. What I'm saying is that I think Bob's opinion on this movie may still be colored by a previous experience he's had this summer.

...and that color is green.

Green Lantern I must admit was pretty damned terrible, and coming off the heels of seeing that tripe and seeing the latest iteration of Transformers was probably a bad idea anyway (even though that's precisely what most of us did).

They finally got rid of a lot of the tripe that was bogging down the second movie (i.e. mudflap and his idiot buddy whose name escapes me, the stupid weed/ fart/ sex jokes, and a villain that actually /outranks/ Megatron? Ridiculous...).

Although I still absolutely hate the designs of the Transformers themselves, this time the writers stayed true to the spirit behind the franchise, and didn't put any useless shite in there this time. All in all I had a lot more fun in this one than in the previous two.

Again, I'm not saying I love the movie, but it was definitely a lot more tolerable than Green Lantern, which I was getting ready to walk out of by the end of it.

 

[commasplice]

What are people upset about here? I just find it hilarious that this is the one that has people running for their pitchforks. The movie is trash, people who like it clearly don't have much appreciation for good cinema. Which is fine, but don't go throwing your toys out of the pram when that's pointed out to you.

You know .....something just hit me

What if .........What if all the comics and cartoons based on Transformers

were never good to begin with?

Even if they weren't(they were great). What would the relevance be?

I've read (just about) every post in this thread and I can tell you that most (not necessarily all) of the people who are railing against Bob are saying that he only feels the way he does because he wants to do Optimus in the tailpipe. More or less.

The reason this bothers me is because it implies that you can't be a fan of the source material for an adaptation and give it anything but a perfect score without being accused of being biased. Now, I'm sure Bob is biased. Even if he wasn't a fan of the original series, he probably would have been biased against this one simply by merit of the fact that he thought the other ones were terrible.

All that being said, does that make any of his criticisms wrong? I don't think so. If MovieBob hadn't grown up with the Transformers, that would not make Shia a better actor and it would not have made me give more of a shit about Sam Witwicky's relationship problems.

Edit:
Oh yeah, and just because you (the general "you," not you, specifically, hendoben) didn't hate the movie (or possibly even liked it) doesn't mean that you are unbiased or that it was not, in fact, shit. I've heard a lot of excuses for it and most of them amount to "I just wanted explosions" or "I just wanted robots" or "I just wanted something to occupy my time for a couple hours." That's cool. Really, there's nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is pretending that, just because your standards for the movie could have easily been fulfilled by ANY mediocre action flick, this movie is not a piece of garbage.

 

[Condiments]

Ahh, Micheal Bay movies.

His movies are so bad where the audience goes, "Its slightly less awful than the last, so that is good enough for me." I honestly don't care about these movies enough to rage, but the sheer amount of money on such a weightless endeavor(BIG ROBOTS FIGHTING EACH OTHER) is mind boggling. Also he doesn't get points for the blatant pandering to teenage males audiences this movie is obviously targeted towards. Hell, Bay is GENIUS for being able to be so brash and given so much money AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. And he has a substantial defense force who will defend his right to repeatably do this. Bay isn't stupid, he's a chessmaster playing the pawns of hollywood and american's anti-intellectualism tendencies.

What I can't wrap my mind about is, if they can just as easily throw money around to blow shit up....how hard is it to hire competent screen writers? How hard is it really? Do they get in the way of Bay's explosions and action scenes? Do good stories not sell?

Anyways, this ensuing clash of bay defenders, and his haters will be epic.

 

[Buizel91]

Snip.

Well, I admire the fact that you're trying to help The Escapist, but honestly, sitting around and insulting Bob in the hopes that it somehow fixes the things you don't like about him is more or less what he was doing in this review. He bashes Transformers and many other terrible movies because he thinks they're blights on the industry and he's trying to get the word out as much as he can. He gripes because he cares.

In addition to that, I'd submit to you that berating your audience and generally being a dick is practically a requirement of being a media critic. Just look at Roger Ebert and his treatment of video games. He could have easily made all of those points without being an asshole about it. But he didn't. And that's what he gets payed for. As far as these things go, Bob is actually fairly tame.

You must hate this film then huh?

Actually, no. I love Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Shaun of the Dead is one of my favorite movies, and I was looking forward to seeing Paul, as I have heard good things about it. There's a difference here, though, between Jazz's part in the Transformers clip and that trailer for Paul. For one thing, just because something is silly does not necessarily mean that it is funny. And, honestly, for a character that is so overtly "not-Black," it strikes me as vaguely racist in a sort of "I see what you did there" kind of way.

Jazz acted like that in the cartoon (ok he didn't swear etc but you get my point) I see your point now though, i thought you got offended just because of how he swore, hence i introduced Paul into the picture. My bad!

 

[Trace2010]

Nimoy did the voice of Galvatron in 1986. Why wouldn't they go back to him now?

 

[Moeez]

I will not support this movie with money. Transformers 1 made me angry, so I never went to see Transformers 2 in the cinema. Then I hear people actually THINK that Transformers 1 was good?!?!??!

I will not waste 2 hours and 30 minutes just to wait for the last 30 minutes action scene. Like seriously, X-Men First Class was all I needed from a blockbuster this summer and that's it. Now to watch maybe some comedies (Bridesmaids out now in UK), thrillers or anything else (Tree of Life out on 8th July WOOT) that won't bore me to death. Yeah, funny how a movie with so much visual stimuli can bore you. Your brain just gets tired, your neurons start looking at their watches waiting for some other stimuli.

 

[Feylynn]

I'm with ya Bob, I really don't want to have to sit through this one so hopefully none of my friends end up liking it.

And now I know you don't really mean it and you're just tired, frustrated, and besieged at all sides (And by all means continue tearing any movie you want to pieces) but maybe just a tiny~ bit less hate for the folks that liked it? The ones that didn't make the movie that is.
I'm sure many of them are intelligent and likeable people despite the schism of opinion, the brain doesn't work logically, people just like what they like.
Be that good or bad.

 

[JWRosser]

My review, in short:

Awesome action sequences, albeit too human heavy (goes for the whole film); very mediocre, clichéd, flawed, continuity-less script; average acting.
Also, there are too many hot girls . Seriously, in all of the films, why are all the girls that seem to be involved with anything to do with Sam so stunning? It's ridiculous.

 

[brinvixen]

I'm not going to watch this. I'm with Moviebob in that saying something "is better than the last one" does not equal "good enough". That's like saying because Twilight: Eclipse was better than New Moon, we should all watch New Moon. Fine, if the last movie was great, and the second is better, then of course we should watch the second. But if the last one was a smelly turd, and this one is just a regular turd ... well you get it.

Oddly enough, I think it's funny that people who want to watch Transformers movies always say "Fuck the plot! I wanna see giant robots fight!" Because I find that not only are the action scenes a little too busy to comprehend (read: Revenge of the Fallen, couldn't tell good bots from bad bots) but there's only snippets of robot fights, slipped in between long scenes of humans running from one end of the set to the another. Just what I've grasped from seeing the first two.

 

[WinterOrbit]

You mentioned the hole "Dude, I just want to see robots fight and not think for a few hours" but you never said anything about it after that. Why? Could you not give a reasoning behind those who like that sort of thing? I'm definitely more into movies with deeper messages, subtext, believable/developed characters, and an original story, but come on. Are you telling me you've never watched a movie just for fun? You gave props to fucking Parana 3D. Is this not similar albeit to a less degree of mind numbing, poorly written fun?

Also, what do you have against the robot design? I've never understood that. The original ones frankly kinda suck, at least if they were made to look real. I guess I'm just one for over-complex design. I like all the moving parts and sort of almost tribal motif.

In short, I like you MovieBob. You give chances to those who normally don't. But it's movies like these that really show how much bias you have. You might be totally right, but you tend to blow things out of proportion and start attacking people verbally.

The problem as I see it is that Transformers 3 is a huge time investment for such little payoff. You have to sit through 90 minutes of the bullshit human plotlines to get to the cool giant robot battle, and even when you get there, you spend much more time with the boring, annoying humans than with the Transformers.

Piranha 3D is just as turn-your-brain-off as the Transformers movies, but at least it didn't waste your time with boring subplots and annoying characters. You come to Piranha 3D to see piranhas eat people, and that's what you get the whole movie. You come to any of the Transformers movies, and what do you get? Loser falls for hot girl, dogs humping, racist robots, bumbling parents, military posturing, just scene after scene of unfunny, uninteresting filler, and then MAYBE 20 minutes of giant fighting robots.

What annoys me is that for fighting robots, there are so many better options. You could watch the Transformers cartoons. You could watch Gundam. Any of the Terminator movies. Ghost in the Shell. Megas XLR. Not to mention all the giant fighting robot games (Armored Core, Zone of the Enders, Metal Arms: Glitch in the System, etc). And this is just for fighting robots--you can Google "list of action movies" and find a better turn-your-brain-off movie. It's frustrating that people are paying for this when there are so many better options out there.

Also, I don't like the robot designs because I think it made the Transformers hard to tell apart.

 

[Oro44]

Instant flame war: Add one MovieBob. Mix with a healthy dose about a video game or movie "pandering to the base". Add an off-hand comment about Bioware, EA or CoD for flavor. Mix well and let stand for less than five minutes.

 

[Anchupom]

He's not "the kid from Disturbia"!
He's "that douche from Even Stevens". Always has been, and always will be.

So anyway, this film is dirt, just watch the trailer over and over again and you'll get the best bits.

 

[Canid117]

I like Transformers. AND YES. EVEN THE BAYSPLOSIONS. And I like Shia, too.

WHY SHOULD I NOT VOTE AND DRIVE BOB?

Because AJ you have trouble counting to six.

 

[cefm]

What a horrible film in all respects. And for the idiots who say "hey, it's dumb fun - why do you care so much?" I'll say this: If it's just a dumb fun action movie then WHY for God's sake can't it just be a dumb fun action movie? Why should that stupid bimbo even be allowed to speak, let alone be the focal point of the film's dramatic climax? Why am I asked to give two shits about Shia's little problems? Why can't it just be GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING? But no, Michal Bay is attempting to make this a "real" dramatic movie and forces us to sit though his abject failures of plot, comedy, romance, drama, editing and acting just so he can show us a pretty explosion. I'd rather have a cheese sandwich than a porterhouse steak slathered in pig shit.

 

[Jarlaxl]

I like watching big stupid explosions and saying "OH SNAP THAT STUFF JUST GOT BLOWN UP HARDCORE!!!1" but I watch those movies for the sake of watching those movies. I'll happily turn around and watch, um, "good" cinema, and enjoy it on the merits of it being a well-composed story. This isn't an ultimatum game, where you can like good movies or bad ones, like you seem to pitch it as.

So, yeah, I think that you *are* being an elitist, dude, because you're acting like a stereotypical elitist film snob. If anything, your review made me *more* excited to go watch this movie, because there will be explosions, and the characters don't have depth, and they just blow crap up. Good!

I paid for a movie ticket so that I can go watch some pretty explosions and cool action sequences, not so that I could emotionally connect with a Mack truck.

 

[Spencer Petersen]

Oh it gets worse, Bay even has the gall to try and involve serious tragedies in this awful movie to make it more "evocative" by claiming the Chernobyl disaster involved the Transformers. He also has scenes which remind us clearly of thing like the challenger explosion and 9-11 to make his movie look like its controversial when really, Bay is just a pandering douche who cannot think of a new concept to save his life. So he instead has to insult victims of real tragedies by making their suffering a punch-line with characters like Beavis-Bot.

Also, I get it. People with the name Wang are funny. Haha wang is a synonym for penis. You can stop now. Ok i get it. Ok Deep Wang? Seriously. Fuck off.

And shame on you for wasting Frances McDormand, Leonard Nimoy, John Turturro and John Malkovich, its like watching pro-baseball players trying to play with concrete shoes.

 

[Aprilgold]

I like Transformers. AND YES. EVEN THE BAYSPLOSIONS. And I like Shia, too.

WHY SHOULD I NOT VOTE AND DRIVE BOB?

Mostly he was saying people that like these movie's have less of a brain cell then the Squibillies. I don't think the movies are good because its just these mecha giant robots, who supposedly can rip planets in half... Let military guys do a large percentage of the fighting, while the once useful robots sit back and let this hopeless kid have sex with his girlfriend in every one of them. Mostly because of Bay's obvious love for the US military is what kills most movies he makes, its less about the source and more about the source being the title of the fucking movie, and doing literally dip shit nothing. Bob said it right, what if during a superman movie, instead of superman fighting Lex, he just was a whiny little ***** about everything in his back story, while kissing with a unbelievably hot Louis lane [cast as a superstar who has 0 capability to act, so Megan Fox] and let military guys do all of the fighting, see how wrong this is? The transformers could be stated as having the power of gods, and the resilience of gods, but they let army guys, with less technology then themselves to solve their problems. Its insulting to the military guys because of how much they do, while these robo gods sit back and watch, escorting a whiny little ***** and his really hot whiny little ***** friend throughout the world. This is my own opinion, but its really obviously not that great of a film unless you turn off your brain to literal 0, and watch it you'll have some fun, but if you turn it to the power of 5, then you'll probably hate it. Go see it if you want a dead brain movie, but don't if you want something that can actually qualify as a movie. [My opinion all the way up there]

 

[Instinct Blues]

You mentioned the hole "Dude, I just want to see robots fight and not think for a few hours" but you never said anything about it after that. Why? Could you not give a reasoning behind those who like that sort of thing? I'm definitely more into movies with deeper messages, subtext, believable/developed characters, and an original story, but come on. Are you telling me you've never watched a movie just for fun? You gave props to fucking Parana 3D. Is this not similar albeit to a less degree of mind numbing, poorly written fun?

Also, what do you have against the robot design? I've never understood that. The original ones frankly kinda suck, at least if they were made to look real. I guess I'm just one for over-complex design. I like all the moving parts and sort of almost tribal motif.

In short, I like you MovieBob. You give chances to those who normally don't. But it's movies like these that really show how much bias you have. You might be totally right, but you tend to blow things out of proportion and start attacking people verbally.

Bob gives very polarized reviews. Every movie is either the greatest thing ever to touch celluloid or the most execrable piece of garbage ever passed off as entertainment. It's almost like he's unable to be neutral.

But then, as a critic, he A) is required to find faults, and B) sees a great many movies, which present him with the same faults over, and over, and over. He's jaded to a greater degree than we are. It's part of the job description.

I suspect Bob's hatred of the Transformers live-actions comes from having been a boy when the toys were peaking. So was I. We both dislike seeing a beloved childhood icon taken into an alley by the goon that is Hollywood to be mugged for its shoes.

I would have greatly enjoyed a movie made for the thirty-or-sos who were kids during Generation 1, the kids who owned an original Optimus Prime not purchased on eBay. A film that could (in addition to action, of course) have delved into philosophical/moral questions such as the nature of life, the wastefulness of war, the self-defeating nature of evil, the burden of leadership, the difficulty of diplomatic relations across species, the epic scope of interplanetary conflict, those sorts of things. Instead we got a thoughtless, irreverent Michael Bay explode-a-thon a child of seven could comprehend completely. I think they really missed the boat on that one.

I agree with most of what Bob says about Transformers. Bay *is* wrong for the material. I *do* dislike the mecha design. Shia LeBoeuf and his absurd, unlikeable character desperately, desperately need to not be a part of this franchise. The military *is* too often seen in the forefront of a movie ostensibly about mechas.

Even feeling as I do I will see the movie and take from it what I can.

The thing is that MovieBob isn't a good critic because hes just a rabid fanboy incapable of doing an actual review. Most reviewers are capable of putting their fandom aside for the sake of giving a comprehensive and analytical review. There are plenty of reviewers of different media that don't like some of the things that they hear or see, but they don't just go about trashing it and the people who like it.

Spoiler: An actual good reviewer

I like this band and album, but I can see where hes coming from. Another thing is he doesn't just trash fans of it like Moviebob loves to do.

Also if you can find me evidence of any of those plots that you point out actually appearing in the old cartoon then maybe I'll see that as a legitmate way these movies could have gone. You have to consider that the source material might not be good or well-thought out idea in the first place because it was just meant to sell toys to kids. Maybe you and MovieBob don't like having that thrown in your face that you were basically sold the exact same thing as a child and you actually fell for it in your youth.

 

[commasplice]

Instant flame war: Add one MovieBob. Mix with a healthy dose about a video game or movie "pandering to the base". Add an off-hand comment about Bioware, EA or CoD for flavor. Mix well and let stand for less than five minutes.

Mind if I use that recipe? I'm making troll cakes.

He's "that douche from Even Stevens". Always have, and always will be.

This is the exact problem I have with him. I mean, I really liked Even Stevens when I was younger, but I have never been able to see Shia LaBeouf as anyone other than Louis Stevens. Not in Holes, not in Disturbia, not in Transformers and sure as SHIT not in Indiana Jones. In fact, that was my problem with all of those movies. Except Holes. It's just really, really hard for me to take him seriously.