Ever thought of "I give up!" in relationships?

[Kevlar Eater]

I've less "given up" on relationships, and more "never bothered to ask anyone out due to the horror stories I've been given by friend and family". Makes me think that people in general are les horribles, myself included, and I know it's for the best that I not be in a relationship

 

[DementedSheep]

I haven't given up on relationship. I've just stop worrying about why I'M not interested in them.

I've never had a crush, never meet anyone I actually want to go out with and the few dates I've been on I accepted because I figured might as well try but it doesn't get very far. The only time I ever wanted to go on a date was not out of a genuine desire to date but rather because I was worried about being a freak for not dating. I've have had people tell me I'll just meet the "right guy" but I'm 22 as well and have never been interested in anyone like that. I don't like romance, I don't really care about sex and the idea of having a kid is repulsive and terrifying to me so I'll stay single and people can think what they like.

 

[Ariseishirou]

...sometimes a "no" is an absolutely given and there's no _way_ the guy doesn't realize this (e.g. we're at work or he's old enough to be our dad)...

Or both. XD Sadly, though, substantial numbers of relationships fit at least one of those criteria; guys don't think that a no is an absolute given in such circumstances because they know lots of people who've made it work. XD

I wouldn't call the numbers in the daddy/daughter age gap criteria "substantial"; ten or so years (big brother/young uncle criteria?) is extremely common but 25+ is almost unheard of unless the guy is loaded. Usually, though, in both the work/May-December cases and the work relationship cases, at least in my experience, the man in question made absolutely sure there was some mutual interest first before making an overt move. Just doing up to a girl half your age, on the job, or both, and macking on her is almost going to result in irritation, if not disgust, otherwise. So I still don't recommend the OP does that, even if small numbers of those relationships do exist successfully. If you're going to go slow and be a gentleman about it, that's a different story.

 

[DanielBrown]

Yes, but not in the same way.
When I was a teenager I jumped from girl to girl constantly. I was very confident and pushy, so I never had any problem getting their attention. My longest relationship ever was two weeks since as soon as I got the girl I grew bored with them... So yeah, I was an extreme douchebag. After a "humbling" experience that brought me back to earth I realised what an ass I was and decided to quit my behaviour. Now it's been seven years since I had a girlfriend and I think I've lost all my game. Well, while sober. When I'm drunk I tend to revert to the old asshole again.

We'll see how it goes in the next few years. It's far from a priority in my life, though I'm starting to feel it would be nice to try an actual relationship with someone.

 

[ZZoMBiE13]

I kinda did give up. I got married kinda young (24). My daughter came along the following year (nine and a half months after we were married!). Not too long into it things started to go wrong of course, and we ended in divorce. Angry about being a damned statistic, I tried dating again for about 5 years or so after divorce and I kept running into the same kinds of problems, mostly because I kept falling for the same kinds of women.

Then, I just gave up. I focused on raising my daughter, focused on friends, focused on self improvement. Stopped dating for several years. Finally, at 40, I found someone who truly makes me happy. Funnily enough, it was a woman I went to high school with. We got back in contact through Facebook of all places and ended up dating. That was almost 3 years ago now, and we both want to get married and it's been pretty great. It sucks I had to reach 40 years old before I found her, but it was worth the wait. I needed to go through all the crap so I could appreciate a good thing when it came along.

That's probably not a very inspirational story, I realize. But it's my story. And I'm pretty happy with it.

Good luck in your own romantic endeavors. I wish everyone could find someone who makes them truly happy.

 

[CrystalShadow]

I'm 32, have social anxiety, and I've never so much as been asked on a date (or managed to ask someone else).

I've resigned myself to the fact that ever meeting anyone in that sense is incredibly unlikely...

Then again, I don't help myself at all there, because I'm oblivious to subtle things (such as flirting), and generally scared of people that are more direct.

Not that many are... I guess I'm not... I don't even know...

 

[pearcinator]

You sound a bit like me mate! Only I am 24 and the only kiss I've had was with a stranger while drunk (she was pretty hot though). I've never been actively 'searching' for one though. I pretty much chill and do my own thing (play games, watch movies, read books etc.). The first time (and only time) I asked a girl out (who was probably out of my league) was only about a year ago and she rejected me so I shrugged it off. I mean it would be nice to have a girlfriend but I don't see the point unless there's at least some mutual interest.

Right now I am more focused on trying to find work. I graduated a year ago and lo' and behold there's too much supply! So priority 1 is to get a job. Girls can wait, they aren't going anywhere.

 

[Dizchu]

I gave up on relationships as soon as I found out that I was transgender (early to mid-teens, which is unusual from what I have heard). Not because I don't think transgender people can't be in loving, fulfilling relationships, nonono that is not what I am implying. It's because I was never very social to begin with, I get extremely self-conscious when it comes to human contact (a night is fine, months? That'd be agony.) I have poor self-esteem which has simultaneously gotten better and worse over the years (I have learned to present the façade of confidence). Basically figuring out that I hated being a boy and that my body fills me with intense disgust was the final nail in the coffin.

Girls like me though. I'm not saying that because I think I'm a stud, just a necessary observation. They think I look nice, I'm funny, unique, caring, honest, etc. I treat girls so well that people in relationships ask me for advice, it's weird. I don't think I treat them well because I am a master at human interaction, I just have a way of ditching all the unnecessary additional "stuff" that people tend to add to the way they treat people that they fancy (if I am explaining this poorly, sorry. I'm knackered).

But even though I regularly talk to girls that have an interest in me that I reciprocate, I doubt I'll ever be in a proper relationship. The chances of me having sex are grim, due to my own choices. I might get to kiss a few girls again if I'm lucky, not holding my breath though.

I'm not doing this because I feel unworthy, I'm just extremely paranoid and I'd hate to burden someone else with that paranoia. A relationship means constant scrutiny and I just cannot deal with that, partially because I'm transgender, partially because I'm just a weird introvert. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

Just do what feels right. Unless it hurts other people, then don't.

 

[Ishal]

Never had sex, five years shy of wizard status. Been on a few dates, I'd say about half went well. Only kissed one girl, if you could even call it that. First attempts usually being shit and all.

That said, I'd say I'm straight average aside from the sex thing. 5'6" and toned. Not much muscle exactly, but not much fat either. I dunno if I'd say I have social anxiety, as I've gone to many social gatherings before. But it's taxing on me, and I have a very low tolerance for it. I don't really have a sex drive, as I've come to find out later in life. So that makes the virgin thing a bit more tolerable. Still, I'm a nerd/geek whatever by societies standards. My interests are generally not shared with many people around me, and it's been that way for a long time. Perhaps when I finish school and move somewhere else, it will be different.

As an only child I sort of grew up being independent. I think a lot of people underestimate how different you can be when you're immersed in an environment with a sibling. That said, I like my alone time. However, I'm a human. I'm a mammal, and mammals are hard wired to be social creatures. It's one of our great strengths. So when V-day comes around every year I'm left with a nagging sense that I'm doing something wrong, despite everything else.

 

[VanQ]

...sometimes a "no" is an absolutely given and there's no _way_ the guy doesn't realize this (e.g. we're at work or he's old enough to be our dad)...

Or both. XD Sadly, though, substantial numbers of relationships fit at least one of those criteria; guys don't think that a no is an absolute given in such circumstances because they know lots of people who've made it work. XD

Really?
You know people who got into a relationship by relentlessly pursuing another person who wasn't initially interested?

Jeez, I thought that only happened in the movies. What a bizarre way to start a relationship.

Actually, I know one couple where the guy pursued her for over a year before they eventually got together. Apparently she found his persistence flattering and grew to like him back over time. However, that's almost certainly a rare occurrence. I don't know of any other such couple that got together longer than 1 or 2 months after they first met.

Come to think of it, they're both exceptionally weird, and that's coming from me.

 

[Jarek Mace]

Most depressing thread I've seen. Not being rude but it feels like I've wrapped myself in superglue covered clingfilm and pulled myself through the worst parts of Tumblr. I'm 19. I've had various relationships, and one night stands. I avidly play video games, I work full time, I have glasses, I pay for university straight from my own pocket.

I look average at best.

The reason why you're not getting the booty is generally due to two things: personal maintenance and demeanor. Some people are naturally ugly, like myself. Make an active effort to get the most out of yourself. I always follow my golden rules for example; hair, face, and smell. Give your face a good scrub, your pits a good spray, and your hair a nice cut. Even if you look like bambi after a car crash, it'll still work wonders.

Second, be confident. Many people seem to percieve it as "women only like douchebags". No, women like confidence (sweeping generalisation), and before you even think of going there think up topics. Feed them the topics they like. Ask them questions. Get them talking.


Now fully back OT: Oh Christ yes, I've had some nasty dry spells outside of relationships. Although my last relationship was fucking awful. Not a day went by where I didn't consider loading a truck full of plastic explosive and driving it into her house. Constant emotional abuse and bullying. Absolutely horrible.
Also almost gave me an STI. So... yeah, felt pretty close to giving up then

 

[DayDark]

I have been in many relationships, and more non-relationships, and ive never really asked anyone on adate.i think it's the way you ask. What exactly are you saying when you ask them on a date?

 

[Shinkicker444]

As far as my experiences go you'll just watch as everyone else hooks up and in the end only you and the gay are left. I for one seem to naturally fill the role of that guy who's fun to hang around with and that's it.

Same, at best I seem to have conversations... plateau... I guess, its all fun and friendly and thats it. No progression from there. Yet, I've had friends, and seen my own brother walk up to someone totally random and like an hr later their off bumpin' uglies. Yeah I know 'casual fun times' and a relationship are two different things, but I've seen relationships bloom from such openers. Got to the point where I simply don't care, I'm just happy talking and if anything happens I'll be pleasantly surprised (and it probably won't be anything I initiated - which is one thing that annoys me, why is the onus on guys to initiate anything).

 

[Johnny Impact]

Absolutely. Never had a girlfriend. Last time I asked a woman out was (taps chin) I guess it's been sixteen years.

I'm at the point now where I don't think about it much. When I do, it's always in fictional, wish-fulfillment terms. What I mean is, it would be great to be a brilliant, capable, highly trained, chisel-jawed studmuffin protagonist like Commander Shepard (though as it happens I made my Shepard ugly, simian and pockmarked). Since I know full well the difference between fantasy and reality, this is never more than an idle thought. I could work out, and spend time at a shooting range, but I won't be traveling to the stars or romancing beautiful blue telepathic ladies. There's absolutely goddamn nothing that could ever make that dream real.

In exactly the same way, I feel it would be awesome to experience companionship, shared laughter, mutual support, slow lovemaking on some idle Sunday afternoon, and so forth. But I know from a decade of rejection, mean-spirited laughter, shame, stand-ups, and general humiliation that that can't ever happen. I indulge in the dream for an occasional moment, then throw it away and go back to my life. It's got no relevance to me whatsoever.

 

[Lightknight]

Hmm, I guess I sorta fell into your boat. I had kind of a long-ish (4-5 year) relationship that ended with me realizing what sort of qualities I really had to have (and that the other person didn't have). So I went on several dates over the next year or so. Not committed relationship dates but ones where I was just asking the girl out for coffee or a movie to kinda see who they were and what their goals were in life. So one or two dates at most with no intention of anything physical or further commitment unless the pairing proved .

After awhile I decided to take a break. I had the "misfortune" of being born intelligent to the point of social difficulty. From attending three universities while I was still in high school to having works published across multiple fields that set me apart in school from my peers. So I had trouble adapting to regular conversation and finding a person I could honestly enjoy the company of was difficult. I have an easy time with friendships due to the humor my parents instilled in me but an actual intimate relationship would have to be intellectual first and humor/other things second or I just wouldn't be happy in the long term.

So I gave up. Even the best candidate (a chemistry professor) ended up having drastically different goals than I did and if the conversation ever traversed from mole bridges to physics or some non-chemistry related topic I got blank stares and chemistry just isn't my cup of tea beside mild interest in the mechanics of it that I've already hammered out to the desired level.

However, out of the middle of nowhere I had a conversation with my now wife. We just hit it off and I was never so sure of anything in my life. Smart enough to make me consider things I never would have before and matching my brand of humor and ideals perfectly. It was great. One of those really cliche "when you know, you know" moments that nothing else had been close to.

So maybe it's best for you to kind of give up on trying to make things happen and just let things happen for awhile. Find yourself a girl that you're able to enjoy being friends with and let it take the organic route home. Aspergers can present a unique challenge for you and make it take a little longer to find the right person for you. Even if you think everything is under wraps, aspergers can make it difficult to really evaluate that about yourself. But any girl worth having will take the time to learn who you are beyond all of that and any quirks you may have that you are or aren't aware of are undoubtedly things she'll be able to handle.

So I'd recommend not necessarily giving up, but be open to the possibility while putting it on the backburner. Keep opening yourself up to new experiences and new crowds of people and that thing should come along on its own. It should, but no one can promise you that it will.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Jeez, 'Giving up' is the normal, sane thing to do. Not that I'd call it giving up, but stop giving so much of a damn. Go out, do things, meet people, put relationships to the back of your mind. I'm not bothered about finding any relationship but I might fall for someone, then I'll be bothered about being in a relationship with them. Going out looking for a relationship, for me, seems like putting the cart before the horse. Desperation isn't an attractive trait anyway.

 

[MrHide-Patten]

Turning 25 this year and in a similar boat, well actually the boat has tattered sails, skulls any other less feminine traits that would make your typical woman very uncomfortable (cannons shaped like boobies or something).

In so far as I've given up on a relationship entirely for having the introspection that I wouldn't make very good relationship material, so I at least get some form of smugness from knowing I'm better then those wankers who think their shit don't stink.

If a relationship happens then that's cool, but for all the pieces to fall into place for that too happen is just lunacy, I'd have a better chance of getting struck by an asteroid.

So in the meantime I get to enjoy all the valentines chocolate myself and being very selfish. I like being selfish, I'm often too giving on public transport or in the streets, suppressing my urge to push slow fucks aside Assassins' Creed style.

In the words of Steve Carrel; "I respect women, I love women, I respect them so much I completely stay away from them"

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm 33 and I don't even know how to ask women out on dates so you're better off than me. All the relationships I have had have either been online or the woman has approached me. It doesn't help that I don't get out much.