Ever thought of "I give up!" in relationships?

[Rewdalf]

I'm 21 and losing my hair.

If a girl doesn't want to go out with me because I'm balding, then clearly I'm way too good for her.

My last girlfriend actually broke up with me because I "didn't give her enough attention."
There was plenty of guilt tripping and asking for favors too, but that wore pretty thin pretty quickly.
If sex and utility is the only thing you're going to base a relationship on, then clearly there shouldn't even be a relationship.

There ain't too much wrong with me either.
I'm losing my hair, but compensating by focusing on a kick-ass beard.
I have terrible eyesight and wear glasses, which shouldn't even be a put-off factor.
I mean, worst is probably that I'm a hypocrite and cynic, but that doesn't stop me from having plenty of friends.

My thoughts on this are; As long as you've got friends, then you're a good person in their eyes.
You aren't going to be fitting in to every group, but there's always the one.

Right now, I'm not even bothering with going out of my way to find a relationship. I'm not down on girls, it's just all of the bad experiences with stuck up, over-righteous, and high maintenance ones that have put me off of taking any effort.
"Oh, but not all girls are like that."
Fine then, prove to me that girls feel the same way about guys, because most of the time (in my experience), all men are misogynistic pigs to them, even if they're the perfect gentlemen when asking for a date.
Why put in the effort when it's almost always wasted? It seems like a lot of trouble on one end, and just a quick 'cover-of-the-book' judgement on the other. That ain't fair.

Again, it's the bad experiences that put me off. I've stopped giving everyone the benefit of the doubt because I don't get the same favor.
Which just makes things worse because then I seem like the misogynistic asshole that I assume I'm seen as.
Maybe I am in some ways, but you're not ever going to find out.
So, case closed.
I haven't given up on relationships, but it's pretty far down on the priority list.

 

[thoughtwrangler]

Though I'll have been married for 11 years in a couple months, I can understand the sentiment. It's better to do your own thing and just have cool friends than to feel "stuck" with the wrong person because you felt you had to do it. And if you're cool with that, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. Of course, it's hard to get away, as Society always has a way of finding those who are content and generally ruining their day.

In addition to societal pressures telling everyone they *must* have a significant other, there's also of course the biological and emotional urges to copulate and to form an intimate bond. Some people will feel that second one a lot less strongly, of course, but usually people pursue the two in tandem.

Still, there are a lot of people out there who would be just as happy occasionally hooking up and just being perpetually single. And really that, like just not being in a relationship in general *should* be okay. But despite our technology and our looser and more adaptable social structures, we're still rooted in a very primitive mindset when it comes to dating, courtship, marriage, etc. Those pressures come from the foundations of civilization where the continued survival of the community was dependent upon everyone making babies, and no one fighting about who gets to sleep with whom.

It's getting better to where we're not letting tribally-rooted strictures dictate who can do what with whom, but we still have a long way to go. And that's just if you're privileged enough to be cisgendered and hetero (also known as Human Sexuality's "Easy" difficulty setting) -- for anyone whose gender and orientation don't line up in those neat little categories, it's much more difficult.

Okay, sorry for the tangent, but as long as you're being social in some aspect-- you've got good friends, you're taking care of yourself, and just having fun, you're doing fine. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

And like everyone else said, maybe while you're having fun and making good friends, you'll meet someone that you would like to be in a relationship with. Take that as a bonus, not as a necessity.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Stop looking for a relationship. If you are social and put yourself into social situations you will eventually find a person that you are interested in and the feeling is mutual.

This guy gets it..

Please listen to this advice. Please.

Actively looking for a relationship can actually be more trouble than it's worth - stressing out over whether someone's 'right' for you or not can put a lot of pressure on a relationship that likely hasn't formed its roots yet.

Be open to meeting people, be open to connecting with them, but don't make a relationship your priority. Go into each new connection with a view to see where things go, and nothing more.

Even if you go on a bad date, at the very least you've got an interesting story to tell your friends.

If you're really, really concerned with finding someone, start by working on yourself. Do what you need to to be the happiest with yourself you can be. The rest will fall into place after that.

 

[Phasmal]

Right now, I'm not even bothering with going out of my way to find a relationship. I'm not down on girls, it's just all of the bad experiences with stuck up, over-righteous, and high maintenance ones that have put me off of taking any effort.
"Oh, but not all girls are like that."
Fine then, prove to me that girls feel the same way about guys, because most of the time (in my experience), all men are misogynistic pigs to them, even if they're the perfect gentlemen when asking for a date.
Why put in the effort when it's almost always wasted? It seems like a lot of trouble on one end, and just a quick 'cover-of-the-book' judgement on the other. That ain't fair.

Again, it's the bad experiences that put me off. I've stopped giving everyone the benefit of the doubt because I don't get the same favor.
Which just makes things worse because then I seem like the misogynistic asshole that I assume I'm seen as.
Maybe I am in some ways, but you're not ever going to find out.
So, case closed.
I haven't given up on relationships, but it's pretty far down on the priority list.

I dunno, dude, that seems pretty down on girls for someone not down on girls.

Nobody can `prove to you` anything about girls, seeing as they're individuals.

Not knocking your decision to not seek relationships, but ... I dunno, seems a bit of a harsh way to view women.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

My relationship experience is entirely of the online variety. I've thought "I give up" several times IN a relationship, but I haven't done so to the idea of having a relationship. In almost every relationship I've had I've put up with quite a few lies. I've also had to deal with my SO getting upset for me attending to real life obligations instead of spending all my time with her. But that doesn't make all women terrible people, nor does it make a possible relationship acidic to me.

I try to stay optimistic in general even though I've never been very self-confident.

If I never have a more substantial relationship I probably wouldn't be that upset. I like where I am right now and like that I have full control of how I spend my time. I guess some would call that selfish. They're probably right, in all honesty. But that's how I feel right now.

 

[Tiger King]

I'm not doing this because I feel unworthy, I'm just extremely paranoid and I'd hate to burden someone else with that paranoia. A relationship means constant scrutiny and I just cannot deal with that, partially because I'm transgender, partially because I'm just a weird introvert. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

Just do what feels right. Unless it hurts other people, then don't.

That last part caught my eye because I think a lot of people would agree that a relationship should be about acceptance and support on both parts and not scrutiny.

If you are being scrutinised then I would advise you to bail out of that relationship.
I hope one day you find that kind of person dizzy, unless you are comfortable being independent/free.

As for me I have only said 'I give up' once and that was because she was extremely spiteful after we had 'moved on'.
sigh, people be crazy

 

[someonehairy-ish]

Well, I can't really relate to that situation, but I've had horrible dry spells a couple of times. I've found that the way relationships tend to start is quite non intuitive.

Asking people on a date is rarely the best route, it's too artificial. In that kind of situation, both parties are going to be very conscious of themselves and each other. Neither is going to feel very relaxed, and you're probably going to feel like everything you do is under scrutiny.

Plus inviting people out from work is probably a bad idea.

You're better off joining clubs or hobby groups or societies or whatever in the area and seeing what happens. I know a lot of people who got together through a kickboxing society at uni, and I met my current girlfriend through a gaming society.