Everything's gone bad to worse.

[Doclector]

Uni this term has been awful. Things have been poorly organised and scheduled, and I'm struggling with the workload. That's usual enough, but with things in my head not getting any better, I'm not coping well.

Hell, I wanted to see a proper psychologist through the uni, but it got put off due to never having time. I've already had a couple of points where I've completely broken down, both part of one particular module where my team threatened not to put my name on the final piece, and wouldn't tell me exactly what I did wrong. I emailed the tutor after the second major incident last friday, which resulted in a counsellor being called to calm me down, but she hasn't responded.

I don't think anyone I work with understands how hard things are for me, which isn't honestly surprising considering that mostly, I never dare mention it outside of jokes. I think something's seriously wrong with me, but I don't think anybody will care. If I use too much time trying to get it under control, they'll fail me anyway.

I find myself completely dreading uni. This is a position I haven't been in since school. I haven't found myself thinking "I just want to go home" so much since then. It feels like every bit of progress I made last year is being undone. I'm too miserable, worried, and busy to go out much anymore. I feel paranoid about everything and everyone.

The only thing that might be a way forward is that I have an appointment to see the counsellor again this friday, and that's only if I can make it. This week, I have to get an experimental piece done by myself, but my team want me working on their project again, which I put off everything else to try and get done sooner.

I just feel like I'm at my limit. Even my good days are ruined by worrying about the next one. Today was a good day, and now I find myself barely even able to try and enjoy myself before tomorrow. I don't know what I'm even looking for here, I guess coping mechanisms, some other way of looking at things that makes things look less shit, I don't know, I just needed to let it out.

 

[Basement Cat]

Hi.

I think the cultural slang is keeping me from grokking some of what you're saying.

What's a module? What kind of school are you attending: Uni==college? A 4-year school? What's your year/major?

I can understand what you mean about things getting screwed up if your schedule's mixed up and/or poorly organized.

Want to hear an embarrassing story of mine? Years ago I started taking graduate courses in biology at the local state university. As is standard in graduate school I was assigned a professor from the Graduate Biology Dept. to act as my Adviser and make sure I had a plan for grad school, etc.

The problem was that I NEVER met my Adviser. He got a job at NASA at the local space center and left the college the very same week I started, so my class schedule for the term (summer) was practically random!!!

I ended up in a course (which I wasn't qualified for) taught by a nutcase paleontologist who needed me in his class solely for the purpose of having enough students to teach the class and prove that he was needed! He was----grrrrr----long story short: It sucked. *deep breath* He was an idiot whose idea of assigning a paper was "write something interesting" but wouldn't give any hints or details about what he expected. Two of the other students just turned in their completed DISSERTATIONS and he was so impressed he FLUNKED the rest of us for not producing anything as impressive. I ended up almost flunking the class and the grade I did get in it was so low it nearly got me put on probation--you have to maintain a 3.0 GPA to stay in Grad school.

Fortunately one year later I went to one of the university's VP's who, being a very easy fellow to deal with and having common sense, had the class struck from my record, practically saving my graduate career in the process.

But it gets BETTER! *rolls eyes with shudder*

You want disorganized? You want STUPID mistakes?

Again, during my first summer in grad school I signed up for a 12 week class--but mis-read the schedule and ended up arriving at the class FIVE WEEKS LATE!!!

The professor teaching the class--once she stopped howling with laughter--just 'forgave' me the course, which means it basically rendered my having signed up for her class moot, so I didn't flunk out of graduate school straight away.

P.S. I never finished my Masters in Biology. I took all the classes and had the GPA necessary to graduate. I only had to pass my Orals and defend a paper I wrote.

I never finished. I can't exactly say why. But it's too late to go back now, the credits dropped away after too many years.

 

[BrassButtons]

My first piece of advice would be to see a counselor or therapist, but you're already on that, so good for you.

Second piece of advice: spend some time working out what all you need to do, and roughly how long each thing will take. Write this all down. It is very important that you get this information out of your head and onto a piece of paper (or computer screen, if you prefer). When that information is just rattling around in your brain it's easy to imagine that everything is worse than it is. Having a written list makes everything seem much more manageable.

Then, once you have everything written down, start working on a plan of attack. Consider how long each item takes, when each item is due, what you can work on yourself vs what you need to wait for other people on, etc. From there you should be able to figure out the best way to move forward. I would try to tackle any really small projects first to get them out of the way so that you have fewer deadlines looming over you.

It feels like every bit of progress I made last year is being undone.

In what way? Also, it's important to realize that feelings are lying pieces of shit. It's not uncommon to "feel" that things are a certain way and be completely wrong. This is especially true if you have anxiety disorders, depression, or anything similar. I'm not saying you should ignore these feelings, but you shouldn't accept them as correct either without some examination.

For coping mechanisms, I recommend watching/reading/playing things that make you laugh. It's difficult to be anxious and upset while also being happy--the emotions are incompatible.

Also, something I've recently discovered is needle felting--a craft that consists of taking felt or loose wool and then stabbing it repeatedly with a barbed needle. It's an excellent way to relieve stress, and you get something cool at the end of it. And for me, concentrating on the needle (because you never take your eye off the needle) helps me achieve a somewhat calmed mental state, so I don't experience negative thoughts as much while doing it. That goes for most crafts that require detailed attention, but needle felting is the only one that offers the bonus of letting you stab things into art.

 

[Doclector]

It feels like every bit of progress I made last year is being undone.

In what way? Also, it's important to realize that feelings are lying pieces of shit. It's not uncommon to "feel" that things are a certain way and be completely wrong. This is especially true if you have anxiety disorders, depression, or anything similar. I'm not saying you should ignore these feelings, but you shouldn't accept them as correct either without some examination.

During my first year, I made a lot of progress as a worker and as a person. I came out of my shell alot. Now, I feel more and more like I'm going backwards. I barely go out with friends, I'm finding it harder to speak out in groups, it's just all falling apart.

My advice is to take a step back and assess what you can do in order to get organized. Take steps to insure that you don't get overwhelmed again. Vent any frustrations you have in a positive way, so that they don't overbear you during school or tests. Making a schedule would also help, but in order to do that you really need to stay on top of it. As a last resort, you may want to take a break from rushing into Uni if it will cause further problems for you. I don't say this lightly either: learning is important, but I would say that being in a fit position to learn in the first place is equally important. In my opinion, If I am not ready, or there is a condition in which I would fail or waste my time in Uni going now, then that would immediately tell me to sit back and work out my internal issues or problems before I do anything else. I see people flying off to higher education, only to give up or have to back out because they weren't ready or in a position to go, yet went regardless. :/

It's a very common occurrence. Taking steps to prevent problems down the road is generally a smart idea. Especially when it comes to school. If you are being sent by your parents, talk to them about this. I realize that for many individuals, that isn't the easiest plan of attack. But parents want a good reason for their child not to go. If they know what's going on, it might help them see the situation from your perspective in a more accurate, sympathetic way.

I hope this helps!

I was worried I wasn't ready, that I needed to be more stable. However, thanks to David bloody Cameron, if I went a year later, I'd be in a significant amount more debt than I am now. I had to make the choice fast, and although last year I was glad to do it, this year I wonder whether even all that good was worth this shit.

I'm starting to get more and more pissed off that I keep hearing "Everyone else is coping with the workload". Part of me wants to say how shit I feel right now, that every goddamn morning is a struggle to force myself out the front door, and that's something I kinda doubt someone else on my year is struggling with as well. It's not impossible, but it'd be damn coincidental. Thing is, I doubt anyone'll care, I'll have just embarassed myself, and without a proper diagnosis, which I have no time to seek out, there's nothing the uni could really do to help me grades-wise.

 

[Basement Cat]

I was worried I wasn't ready, that I needed to be more stable. However, thanks to David bloody Cameron, if I went a year later, I'd be in a significant amount more debt than I am now. I had to make the choice fast, and although last year I was glad to do it, this year I wonder whether even all that good was worth this shit.

I'm starting to get more and more pissed off that I keep hearing "Everyone else is coping with the workload". Part of me wants to say how shit I feel right now, that every goddamn morning is a struggle to force myself out the front door, and that's something I kinda doubt someone else on my year is struggling with as well. It's not impossible, but it'd be damn coincidental. Thing is, I doubt anyone'll care, I'll have just embarrassed myself, and without a proper diagnosis, which I have no time to seek out, there's nothing the uni could really do to help me grades-wise.

I'd hoped my self deprecating stories would have lifted your spirits and given you hope that you can pull through even when you make mistakes as big as I did. I think I understand what's troubling you better now.

It sounds like you're "Climbing the Avalanche".

When I was in college I ended up in Microbiology w/out taking a year of college level biology. I wasn't prepared for the sophomore level class in my freshman year. I was constantly struggling to catch up.

Climbing the Avalanche: When you're constantly playing catch-up do to being unprepared. As soon as you grasp a subject, detail or point you're bombarded with more to learn and you rarely get a sense of accomplishment and (in my case) your grades are marginal. Because you rarely get your feet under you your self-confidence and self-esteem can take constant blows, leaving you stressed and depressed. Essentially you're climbing a sheer rock wall in the middle of an avalanche.

Does this sound familiar? I honestly want to help.

One thing that I can assure you of is that you are in large company. Aside from the gazelles most people in college are under huge amounts of stress to succeed--but since we can't read minds we don't know how much stress others are feeling.

It feels like every bit of progress I made last year is being undone.

In what way? Also, it's important to realize that feelings are lying pieces of shit. It's not uncommon to "feel" that things are a certain way and be completely wrong. This is especially true if you have anxiety disorders, depression, or anything similar. I'm not saying you should ignore these feelings, but you shouldn't accept them as correct either without some examination.

During my first year, I made a lot of progress as a worker and as a person. I came out of my shell alot. Now, I feel more and more like I'm going backwards. I barely go out with friends, I'm finding it harder to speak out in groups, it's just all falling apart.

If you suffer from depression then breaking out of your old "Comfort Zone" can be one of the hardest tasks you'll ever face. The way it works is that when you're accustomed to messing up--like I was for most of my life--you'll subconsciously sabotage yourself when you're getting better or doing better because 'being miserable' or 'stressed out' is what your subconscious considers the 'norm' and strives to return you to, despite your conscious wishes.

This can necessitate counselling. I'm glad you're not adverse to seeking help--goodness knows way too many people are afraid of being looked down upon for seeking help despite the fact that most people frankly don't care what other people are going through in their personal lives. That's an important point to keep in mind whenever you may be feeling self-conscious about embarrassing yourself in front of others.

If this is case with you then consciously reminding yourself several times on a daily basis is one of the best and simplest ways to start reprogramming your subconscious mind towards accepting you developing a 'winning attitude'. If you know how to meditate I advise you meditate on the matter and use affirmations for 3 or 4 five-minute periods spread out through each day.

It takes 21 days to develop and instill a new habit. The good news is that the first steps are the hardest. If you can break through the first week then the following weeks will not only be easier but the habit will feel fulfilling. NOTE: You need to be mindful to continue the practice especially when you start feeling better and start feeling like you don't need to continue with the exercises any longer! The urge to quit before the new habit is firmly instilled is your subconscious trying to prevent you from changing out of the 'miserable Comfort Zone' that it is accustomed to.

 

[pigeon_of_doom]

I don't think anyone I work with understands how hard things are for me, which isn't honestly surprising considering that mostly, I never dare mention it outside of jokes. I think something's seriously wrong with me, but I don't think anybody will care. If I use too much time trying to get it under control, they'll fail me anyway.

I've been in the same position as you, nearly failing an entire year due to it. It's rough, really horrifically rough, but your uni's staff really will understand and try and help.

The main thing to keep in mind is that the university will absolutely provide support and a degree of academic leniency, they do accommodate issues like this, and they do have measures to try and make it easier for struggling students. They won't say "suck it up, you pussy" and show you the door, mental health issues are common at university, just not often openly discussed, especially not among students. But they can't do anything to take the pressure off you if you don't talk to anybody about it. Believe me, I know just how awful that feels when you have to admit that you just can't cope with what everyone around you swims through with a grin, but when I did it, they did understand, and they did give me guidance and advice on how best to cope with it.

People at your university will have dealt with people with issues meeting the workload, and a variety of mental issues before. Of course it's rarely outwardly apparent, other people struggling with it try to look like they're keeping their shit together.

You didn't say if your email to a tutor told them about your difficulties coping. I'd strongly recommend that you do so if you didn't. Email a tutor if you don't feel you have it in you to confide in them face to face, but just do something about it. I really cannot stress that enough. They can take steps to safeguard your grades to a point (the earlier the better) and rearrange deadlines or even how you hand work in (for instance, I was offered the option to hand in a written presentation instead of spoken when my social insecurities were far worse).

It's hard to believe on any campus full of carefree ultimate frisbee players, but the numbers of students asking for help with mental health issues is increasing every year. There are plenty of factors that can make it a stressful environment.

I never had the balls to see a psychologist myself, so maybe I shouldn't advise you to, but remember this is potentially your long term mental health at stake here, and your uni will want you to be happy and healthy as well as meeting your deadlines. If lack of time really is such an issue, something ought to be worked out if you have any faculty worth a damn.

Just remember there's a lot of people out there with expertise and experience to help you deal with these issues available to you.

Also, friends, anyone you trust, maybe it's worth confiding in them. I'm focusing on the academic side of it here, as it sounds like that's where most of your stress is coming from though, but any support and understanding you can get is invaluable.

Best of luck with whatever you choose to do to tackle this.

 

[pigeon_of_doom]

I don't think anyone I work with understands how hard things are for me, which isn't honestly surprising considering that mostly, I never dare mention it outside of jokes. I think something's seriously wrong with me, but I don't think anybody will care. If I use too much time trying to get it under control, they'll fail me anyway.

I've been in the same position as you, nearly failing an entire year due to it. It's rough, really horrifically rough, but your uni's staff really will understand and try and help.

The main thing to keep in mind is that the university will absolutely provide support and a degree of academic leniency, they do accommodate issues like this, and they do have measures to try and make it easier for struggling students. They won't say "suck it up, you pussy" and show you the door, mental health issues are common at university, just not often openly discussed, especially not among students. But they can't do anything to take the pressure off you if you don't talk to anybody about it. Believe me, I know just how awful that feels when you have to admit that you just can't cope with what everyone around you appears to swim through with a grin, but when I did it, they did understand, and they did give me guidance and advice on how best to cope with it.

People at your university will have dealt with people with issues meeting the workload, and a variety of mental issues before. Of course it's rarely outwardly apparent, other people struggling with it try to look like they're keeping their shit together.

You didn't say if your email to a tutor told them about your difficulties coping. I'd strongly recommend that you do so if you didn't. Email a tutor if you don't feel you have it in you to confide in them face to face, but just do something about it. I really cannot stress that enough. They can take steps to safeguard your grades to a point (the earlier the better) and rearrange deadlines or even how you hand work in (for instance, I was offered the option to hand in a written presentation instead of spoken when my social insecurities were far worse).

It's hard to believe on any campus full of carefree ultimate frisbee players, but the numbers of students asking for help with mental health issues is increasing every year. There are plenty of factors that can make it a stressful environment.

I never had the balls to see a psychologist myself, so maybe I shouldn't advise you to, but remember this is potentially your long term mental health at stake here, and your uni will want you to be happy and healthy as well as meeting your deadlines. If lack of time really is such an issue, something ought to be worked out if you have any faculty worth a damn.

Just remember there's a lot of people out there with expertise and experience to help you deal with these issues available to you.

Also, friends, anyone you trust, maybe it's worth confiding in them. I'm focusing on the academic side of it here, as it sounds like that's where most of your stress is coming from though, but any support and understanding you can get is invaluable.

Best of luck with whatever you choose to do to tackle this.

 

[Luca72]

If this is case with you then consciously reminding yourself several times on a daily basis is one of the best and simplest ways to start reprogramming your subconscious mind towards accepting you developing a 'winning attitude'. If you know how to meditate I advise you meditate on the matter and use affirmations for 3 or 4 five-minute periods spread out through each day.

It takes 21 days to develop and instill a new habit. The good news is that the first steps are the hardest. If you can break through the first week then the following weeks will not only be easier but the habit will feel fulfilling. NOTE: You need to be mindful to continue the practice especially when you start feeling better and start feeling like you don't need to continue with the exercises any longer! The urge to quit before the new habit is firmly instilled is your subconscious trying to prevent you from changing out of the 'miserable Comfort Zone' that it is accustomed to.

Copper, this is really great advice that I don't hear often enough. People tend to scoff at meditation or anything that sounds even remotely "hippy", but it absolutely works. And I rarely see people actually attempt to not only change things in their lives, but to change the way they think. Assessing your habits, and then recalibrating them, is a tremendously powerful tool for turning your life in a more positive direction

Doclector, if you don't mind me asking - what are you going to school for? And what do you want to do?