*sigh* Alrighty, here goes my fourth or so attempt at writing this. Sorry if my post seems rushed and frustrated. I just want to get my thoughts across as quickly and as best I can before I proof read it to death and ultimately delete the whole thing all over again (because I'm a perfectionist like that!). Also, I apologize if my train of thought seems extremely discombobulated. I have so much on my mind, I'm not entirely sure how to write it all out in a coherent fashion.
First and foremost, I want to apologize for cluttering up the forum with more of these sort of topics; it seems that a lot of people look down on these sort of threads.
Secondly, yeah, this is indeed an alternate account. Perhaps it was unnecessary, but I suppose there is no harm in giving myself additional anonymity. Anyway, to get to the point...
I'm not sure what I hope to gain by posting this here. Maybe all I want is someone to talk to without feeling like I'm being evaluated, something that I feel I direly lack. Either way, I hope that I may get some perspective from an outside source.
You see, I'm a 20 year old guy (in case that point is relevant), and as my username suggests, I've recently fallen for a friend. During the past few months, I've been developing increasingly stronger feelings for her. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with these feelings though. I'd very much like to hang out with her more often and get to know her even better, and it's not like I'm necessarily too socially decrepit to do so either. Alas, the thing is, this semester I've opted to go to a different college 4 hours away, as my previous courses just weren't 'doing it' for me(I'd already be in my third year if I had just stuck with my original program!).
I try to keep in contact with her as much as I can. I want her to know that I appreciate and respect her. At the same time, I'm not sure how much contact is too much. I don't want to send her IMs or texts every hour of the day and make myself seem super clingy or desperate, but at the same time I don't want to appear as if I'm not truly interested in her as a person. This is often where I'm conflicted with asking for advice; none of you here are going to know her as a person, so how can someone such as yourself reading this possibly give me sound advice without knowing her temperament? I just don't know how to maintain the perfect balance.
Something interesting that I may have neglected to mention until now is that she just got out of a relationship herself; additionally, this was probably just before the time that I started crushing on her (perhaps I let a natural barrier down when I found out that she was no longer taken?). Luckily, it was a mutual breakup, and everyone is still friends. Her ex is actually a very good friend of mine too, and I've already mentioned to him that I've started to develop feelings for her. Thankfully, he seems to be cool with it. Anyway, the reason why I brought this up is because it has also played into my current outlook on the situation. I definitely do not want her to feel like I'm trying to pick her up right after a breakup. That is certainly not my intention in the slightest. Unfortunately, I honestly just happened to realize I had feelings for her now. I feel what I feel, and there's no easily changing that.
I think she also wants to take a break from relationships. After all, she just got out of quite the long one herself (at least 4 years I think?). I definitely respect that. She has expressed to me that she wants to work on personal growth and to try to improve herself. Again, while I totally respect that, and I think highly of anyone to set themselves such goal, I think she's a very wonderful person already.
It's not very often that I drive home, attending school as far away as I am. However, when I do, I can't help but want to fish for opportunities to visit her in person. I'm unsure whether or not it is a good thing for wanting to go see her every chance I get; would she be flattered that she is a big reason for my long travels home, or would she potentially weirded out by that? Again, I guess I can't really expect someone to answer that, because none of you know her in person.
But wait, there's more! While it has never been officially diagnosed, it seems that I suffer from some sort of seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder?). I tend to have occasional bouts of depression from time to time regardless (sometimes very bad ones, I have been suicidal before; once when I was 14(15?), once at 18), but the symptoms tend to worsen during the winter months. I'm going through a little streak right now, and I can't help but feel that my lack of recognition from her is contributing to it. I don't blame in her in the slightest, mind you; I hope that didn't come off as if I have been expecting her to go out of the way to make my life feel a bit more significant or something. That is simply not the case. Alas, I still can't help but long for some sort of recognition. You see, she has been quite open to me about her personal life. I always try to lend an ear, and give her my best two cents, and I really realy appreciate that she trusts me enough to do so. She has actually been open to me too. Oddly enough, there IS one person I can feel safe talking to, and it's her. However, I don't want to put a damper on her mood all the time by passing on all my negative energy into her life. So here I am at the mercy of the internet... Lost my train of thought again.
Well... Shit. I guess I just want someone to vent to that's not going to directly impact my relationships with people I care about. There's SO much more I could talk about, but I just get overwhelmed by my own thoughts and derail my own train of thought. I'll be sure to edit and post more when I think of things, but right now I just want to get out there what I have, and maybe get some feedback so I can get some direction back to this rant; I swear there was a point to it! (again, this is like my fourth attempt at typing something up, and it's getting frustrating re-attempting to write something more coherent)
Bottom line is, I hope I get some feedback that helps me get myself on track with my own thoughts! I WANT to post more, but I'm swimming in a mess of cognitive functions at the moment. Boy am I all flustered. I guess you could call this a 'teaser'; If anyone feels like they're up to hearing more, please let me know.
Thanks in advance for any prompt replies :/ ...
First and foremost, I want to apologize for cluttering up the forum with more of these sort of topics; it seems that a lot of people look down on these sort of threads.
Secondly, yeah, this is indeed an alternate account. Perhaps it was unnecessary, but I suppose there is no harm in giving myself additional anonymity. Anyway, to get to the point...
I'm not sure what I hope to gain by posting this here. Maybe all I want is someone to talk to without feeling like I'm being evaluated, something that I feel I direly lack. Either way, I hope that I may get some perspective from an outside source.
You see, I'm a 20 year old guy (in case that point is relevant), and as my username suggests, I've recently fallen for a friend. During the past few months, I've been developing increasingly stronger feelings for her. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with these feelings though. I'd very much like to hang out with her more often and get to know her even better, and it's not like I'm necessarily too socially decrepit to do so either. Alas, the thing is, this semester I've opted to go to a different college 4 hours away, as my previous courses just weren't 'doing it' for me(I'd already be in my third year if I had just stuck with my original program!).
I try to keep in contact with her as much as I can. I want her to know that I appreciate and respect her. At the same time, I'm not sure how much contact is too much. I don't want to send her IMs or texts every hour of the day and make myself seem super clingy or desperate, but at the same time I don't want to appear as if I'm not truly interested in her as a person. This is often where I'm conflicted with asking for advice; none of you here are going to know her as a person, so how can someone such as yourself reading this possibly give me sound advice without knowing her temperament? I just don't know how to maintain the perfect balance.
Something interesting that I may have neglected to mention until now is that she just got out of a relationship herself; additionally, this was probably just before the time that I started crushing on her (perhaps I let a natural barrier down when I found out that she was no longer taken?). Luckily, it was a mutual breakup, and everyone is still friends. Her ex is actually a very good friend of mine too, and I've already mentioned to him that I've started to develop feelings for her. Thankfully, he seems to be cool with it. Anyway, the reason why I brought this up is because it has also played into my current outlook on the situation. I definitely do not want her to feel like I'm trying to pick her up right after a breakup. That is certainly not my intention in the slightest. Unfortunately, I honestly just happened to realize I had feelings for her now. I feel what I feel, and there's no easily changing that.
I think she also wants to take a break from relationships. After all, she just got out of quite the long one herself (at least 4 years I think?). I definitely respect that. She has expressed to me that she wants to work on personal growth and to try to improve herself. Again, while I totally respect that, and I think highly of anyone to set themselves such goal, I think she's a very wonderful person already.
It's not very often that I drive home, attending school as far away as I am. However, when I do, I can't help but want to fish for opportunities to visit her in person. I'm unsure whether or not it is a good thing for wanting to go see her every chance I get; would she be flattered that she is a big reason for my long travels home, or would she potentially weirded out by that? Again, I guess I can't really expect someone to answer that, because none of you know her in person.
But wait, there's more! While it has never been officially diagnosed, it seems that I suffer from some sort of seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder?). I tend to have occasional bouts of depression from time to time regardless (sometimes very bad ones, I have been suicidal before; once when I was 14(15?), once at 18), but the symptoms tend to worsen during the winter months. I'm going through a little streak right now, and I can't help but feel that my lack of recognition from her is contributing to it. I don't blame in her in the slightest, mind you; I hope that didn't come off as if I have been expecting her to go out of the way to make my life feel a bit more significant or something. That is simply not the case. Alas, I still can't help but long for some sort of recognition. You see, she has been quite open to me about her personal life. I always try to lend an ear, and give her my best two cents, and I really realy appreciate that she trusts me enough to do so. She has actually been open to me too. Oddly enough, there IS one person I can feel safe talking to, and it's her. However, I don't want to put a damper on her mood all the time by passing on all my negative energy into her life. So here I am at the mercy of the internet... Lost my train of thought again.
Well... Shit. I guess I just want someone to vent to that's not going to directly impact my relationships with people I care about. There's SO much more I could talk about, but I just get overwhelmed by my own thoughts and derail my own train of thought. I'll be sure to edit and post more when I think of things, but right now I just want to get out there what I have, and maybe get some feedback so I can get some direction back to this rant; I swear there was a point to it! (again, this is like my fourth attempt at typing something up, and it's getting frustrating re-attempting to write something more coherent)
Bottom line is, I hope I get some feedback that helps me get myself on track with my own thoughts! I WANT to post more, but I'm swimming in a mess of cognitive functions at the moment. Boy am I all flustered. I guess you could call this a 'teaser'; If anyone feels like they're up to hearing more, please let me know.
Thanks in advance for any prompt replies :/ ...
