Feeling really bad

[Doclector]

As much as I find it pathetic that I must turn to posting here again, here I am. I've only been away from college for two days, and already the lack of human interaction is driving me mad. I feel like a weakling to say this, but I fear I've become dependent on said interaction.

Not helped by the fact that my xbox live friends are gone, most of them i don't blame, but one of which previously forced me to keep near constant suicide watch on him, only for him to disappear once everything got better. Gratitude incarnate, there.

I feel depressed, angry, and lonely, and I only usually have purpose for anger. These other emotions make me feel physically ill, even though I know damn well that such emotions are useless anyway. Something without remedy should be without concern.

What's worse, this is just one week. Once I get back to college and get the final few pieces of work done, I will have lost the friends from college forever, as they will forget about me, and i will have three months of complete isolation.

I would go out, but even if getting drunk was my idea of a good time, the local thugs will not accept my id, conveniently requesting the form of I'd that costs 50 pounds. I wonder who set that little deal up...aside from pubs, there's sports. None of which i'm good at, and I don't feel like giving steroid junkies a chsnce to laugh at my abominable body.

I can occasionally invite my one local friend over, but this only lasts so long.

I dunno what I'm asking for, really. Ideas on how to escape this hell, techniques on ignoring these pointless emotions, or just some way to stop this pain, if you'll excuse the emo phrasing.

 

[Vonnis]

If it's human interaction you seek, maybe joining an IRC channel for instance can provide that. Not quite the same as actually being around people, but there's communication at least.
You could try turning your negative feelings into something creative, like music.
Not sure what else I can tell you, I have my own ways of dealing with such feelings but I can't recommend them to anyone.

 

[yellingatpixels]

I would talk with a councellor at university. I think you could use someone professional to talk to. Nothing wrong with it at all and you will feel much better. They will be able to offer you better advice than anyone here can offer.

Good luck.

 

[PleaseDele]

I'll be a bit blunt here. I think you're wrong and already lined-up excuses. let me explain.

Emotions are not worthless. They're a vital part in human interaction. Something you seem to desire. But now you want to shut it all down because you don't want to be dependent on it? You're afraid of losing friends, perfectly normal. It's also a clear sign you need to do something about, considering the anxiety appears to make you physically ill.

But when you weigh your options, you've got your excuses ready. "The bar won't let me in" and "Steroid junkies will laugh at me." If I heard people talk about me in a similar way, I'd be quite sure I wouldn't want you on my team either. Not that I'm a jock, it's just a poor attitude.

However, think about it in another way. So you suck at sports. Even if they're steroid junkies (which I doubt) who would they laugh it first: The guy who's bad at sports and excludes himself from society, or the guy who's bad at sports but seeks helps from the jocks to get better at it?

But it is your emotions that are in the wya. Or rather: your lack of accepting them. You feel like shit right? Well accept it. You must have accepted it a little cause you posted here. But now it's time to no longer find that pathetic. You want help and you seek it. That's something to be proud of!

But you need to stop with excuses. It's hard because we like to believe them but just ask yourself why that excuse is valid.

I dont wanna do sports. Why?
They'll laugh at me? You sure?
Yeah they're all steroids and stuff. What has that got to do with anything?
Well.....

If you find yourself stuck on a similar well, you know you're trying to find a reason not to do it, even if you might want to.

All in all I think you're on your way to feeling better, but right now the thing that's stopping you is yourself. Food for thought.

Good luck!

 

[Doclector]

But it is your emotions that are in the wya. Or rather: your lack of accepting them. You feel like shit right? Well accept it. You must have accepted it a little cause you posted here. But now it's time to no longer find that pathetic. You want help and you seek it.

When I was in school, it was always weak people, emotional people, who were the first targets for people. I don't want to be a target again. Truth to be told there is not much I fear more than people irl knowing my weaknesses. I always said, you always call it stupid when a boss lights up their weak spot for you to hit, so don't do it in real life.

As for my excuses, I wish I was lying about the id. Local pubs saw a few counterfiet citizen cards, so instead of local police getting off their arse and finding the source of the problem, local pubs just stopped accepting citizencards. I'm thankful the local entertainment stores and cinema weren't as ignorantly moronic. I'm genuinely terrible at sports, aside from perhaps fighting, and that is not something I wish to do again anytime soon. I do work out quite a bit though at home, which helps, but I'm f*** ugly whether I work out or not. The gym is, therefore, an uncomfortable option, as said places seem to be frequented mostly by people who look really good. Whether they laugh or not, it's a blow to my self esteem I don't need. Fencing always seemed appealing to me though. I could try to look for that, as it seems far less intended to harm than other fighting sports. Strange considering it involves swords, albeit blunted ones.

Is there a specific reason why you can't keep in contact with the friends you have at college? While I'd understand if there was (this would be a leading contributor to the whole situation I had), if possible, it would be best to try to keep some contact with them if at all possible. If not, I'm sure you could find some other people who share interests with you. I mean, being interested in film is more mainstream and acceptable than my whole being interested in automotive engineering, or militaria, or obsolete computer systems, or even politics.

I could use Facebook, as much as hearing about everyone elses brilliant social lives depresses me, as does Facebook itself, and there is also someone on there I am desperate to avoid, my one and only ex, a heartless ***** who makes me want to destroy something every time i'm reminded of her. The problem is, I know they won't want to know me after college. It was a high pressure course, they've seen parts of me that are frankly unpleasant. They think I'm crazy, and I'd have to agree. For now I guess we're stuck together, but when we aren't I don't know why they'd be friends with me.

As for new friends, there isn't a local film club. I really don't know how I'd meet people with similar interests otherwise.

 

[KrubixCube]

I graduated last week and I feel your pain. I've been bored out of my skull. It's one of those weird paradoxical things "I can do ANYTHING I want..." and then you end up hanging out and doing nothing. Don't sweat it, just give yourself a bit of time to relax, maybe send out a mass text see if any of your friends want to catch up.

Trust me, your friends only forget about you if you don't make the effort in the first place. They're much more likely to remember to get in contact with you if you've pinged them a few times first.

Try to force yourself to do things to. I like to write and I've been thinking about forcing myself to write for a certain amount of time per day.

But yeah, chin up, free time is a ***** but there are ways around it!

 

[PleaseDele]

When I was in school, it was always weak people, emotional people, who were the first targets for people. I don't want to be a target again. Truth to be told there is not much I fear more than people irl knowing my weaknesses. I always said, you always call it stupid when a boss lights up their weak spot for you to hit, so don't do it in real life.

I must say, I am confused. I've had some time to think about your situation but something is missing. I understand your fears and all, but judging from your posts I wonder: how on earth did you end up with the friends that now end up leaving, and what did you do together you are dependent on interaction with them.

The story seems conflicting to me. If it's just the x-box live friends that are gone, why did this happen after leaving school for a bit? Seems to me you had some quality time there with people.

The thing is, it doesn't add up on this side. I think the error lies with you. You're probably selling yourself short. Considering you think your a hideous sight, a weakling for being in touch with your emotions and everything that comes with it.

It's time to start dealing with things. Time to check up on your strengths. Think you have none? Go out and find them! Got a lot of free time? That's because of you. But you can take the responsibility to fill it up.

We could tell you how to get through free time, what hobbies you could take on, but the truth is, you're the one who knows best. Either what you like or have never tried before.

But I'm just writing a bad motivational speech right now, so I'm gonna leave it at this for now.

 

[Doclector]

When I was in school, it was always weak people, emotional people, who were the first targets for people. I don't want to be a target again. Truth to be told there is not much I fear more than people irl knowing my weaknesses. I always said, you always call it stupid when a boss lights up their weak spot for you to hit, so don't do it in real life.

I must say, I am confused. I've had some time to think about your situation but something is missing. I understand your fears and all, but judging from your posts I wonder: how on earth did you end up with the friends that now end up leaving, and what did you do together you are dependent on interaction with them.

The story seems conflicting to me. If it's just the x-box live friends that are gone, why did this happen after leaving school for a bit? Seems to me you had some quality time there with people.

The thing is, it doesn't add up on this side. I think the error lies with you. You're probably selling yourself short. Considering you think your a hideous sight, a weakling for being in touch with your emotions and everything that comes with it.
We could tell you how to get through free time, what hobbies you could take on, but the truth is, you're the one who knows best. Either what you like or have never tried before. .

firstly, sorry for messing up the post a little. Deleting things on an iPod is a nightmare, and it doesn't show the full post in the reply window, so I had to delete a little to get it in.

When I said school, I meant secondary, before college.

And I know that my xbox live friends disappearing just when I left college is a bit of a coincidence. Or rather, it's a *****.

I

 

[PleaseDele]

snip

Than what did was it that college was all right? If you look into that you have a starting point

 

[Amarok]

YOU again? Look, requiring social interaction does not make you weak, and claiming it does doesn't make you cool. Humans are social creatures, even miserable bastards need someone to talk to.
Look, sports and bars aren't the only social places in the world. It doesn't seem like you're even trying. Like you're sort of hoping that you'll magically grow a big metal shell and become an island and you can revel in how "cool" or "awesome" or "strong" you are by being a hermit.

You say there's not a local film club in a post above and that you can't think of any way to access social interaction without that. Well then start a local film club . I'm reasonably sure it's not difficult to do, I've been to an anime club before (dragged there by a then-friend) that was run by a completely flighty 17-year-old girl, so these sorts of things can't exactly take balls of steel to run, just make sure everyone drops a [currency of choice] in a tub when they enter.

TL;DR - stop acting like a saturday morning cartoon villain and accept that desire for social interaction is normal, and if you want a local film club, be the one to start it. Just do a showing of the original star wars trilogy and I'm sure you'll pull in half the town.