Doclector said:
This may seem sad, but I don't have many friends outside of xbox live. I've tried so hard to succeed socially irl, but I'm just never good enough for anyone, it seems. The problem is, that lately, the people I talk to most don't seem to come online much, if at all.
People will spend a lot of time playing games or talking with friends online, then none, then some, and so on. It isn't because you're worthless or boring, it's simply because they have a life outside of XBL (or whatever). You can't allow yourself to take that personally. Telling yourself that you're not good enough for anyone isn't doing you any good, so stop.
Tbh, this has been a long while coming. My friends have had "a life" for a while now, but it's reached a point at which I feel like an imaginary friend no-one needs anymore. I'd like to get a life of my own, but I don't think that's possible for the reason stated above.
Getting 'a life of your own' doesn't mean having many friends in real life, it means finding the things you enjoy, partaking in them, and moving your life toward, through school, work, experience. Stop focusing on your lack of friends, it's doing you no good. If you've been making an effort to socialize more, but it doesn't seem to be working, it's 'cause you haven't found the right people. Just because you're friendly and social doesn't mean you'll make genuine friends. Those friends will come naturally, regardless of whether or not you're looking for them. So, accept that, and focus on what you enjoy in your life.
If you sit there telling yourself that the reasons you stated above will make it impossible to get a life of your own, you're only stopping yourself before even trying. The more you focus on what you think you've done wrong, or what can't work, the more hurdles you're giving yourself. You'll eventually reach a point where you can't even bring yourself to try. A failure to try means nothing will change, means you're gonna continue feeling lonely and miserable. What's the point in mentally putting yourself down to such a point in which you can't even bring yourself to try?
It's just typical, I suppose. I barely just came out of a long period of feeling depressed, and now no-one wants to talk to me anymore.
Telling yourself it's 'typical' isn't doing you any good. You're putting all the blame on yourself for not finding what you're looking for, when in reality, it's nearly beyond your control. You've made an effort, it hasn't panned out, but it isn't the end of the world.
So I guess I'm asking, how do you cope with koneliness? I know I ain't gonna stop feeling lonely anytime soon, no matter how useless an emotion I feel it is, and I hate myself for feeling it, so I may as well just get used to it.
I'm someone who prefers to be alone most of the time, but when I'm feeling lonely, I reach out to those I care about, whether they by family, online friends, friends from my old town (I just moved), or simple interaction with randoms in an online game/community. There doesn't necessarily have to be direct communication, it's more the feeling of being a part of something that I enjoy.
But most of all when I'm feeling lonely, I actively force myself to not focus on it, but rather something I enjoy, or am looking forward to. The more you allow yourself to focus on the negatives, the more stressed and shit you're going to feel. The more stressed and shit you feel the more down and generally unapproachable you're going to seem to others. Really, all that negativity you're focusing on will only make it more difficult to socialize.
Chin up, 'cause things will get better if you want them to. Don't expect an instant improvement when you make an effort though, 'cause that's rarely how it works. Focus on what you enjoy, do not allow yourself to dwell on the negatives, and move forward with your life.
