Female Friendzone?

[JokerCrowe]

So, I was thinking... The internet seems to be completely full to the brim with guys who have been put in the "friendzone", this relationship Limbo where a girl you like only thinks of you as a friend.

I just realized that I've hardly ever seen any girls talk/complain about being in the friendzone when it comes to their guy friends, so I was just wondering whether this is less common.

I mean if a guy has a lot of chick buddies, surely that chick has at least One guy buddy, and since supposedly "girls and guys can't be friends", the "Fall-In-Love-With-Friend"-Meter must come up on the female side once in a while...

So Ladies of the escapist, have you ever been put in the "friendzone"?
And to everyone else, (females included of course) How do you think the division of One party of a male/female friendship ending up in love with the other is looking?
Do Guys just have an easier time falling for their Chick buddies?
Or do they just complain about it on the internet more?

 

[Colour Scientist]

I've fancied friends before but I've never considered myself as being in "the friendzone".
Either I asked them out and they said yes/no or I said nothing and was content with being friends.

The friendzone is something you do to yourself. Usually when you pretend to care about someone as a friend so you can get in their pants.

I don't think I've ever met a girl who had friend zoned themselves, I'm sure it happens though.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

eh guys are usually more open/straight forward in the fact about being friend zoned, most girls i know wait for the guy to make a move or have 5 other guys hitting on them anyways, so they usually never end up getting "friend zoned", they just pick the 2nd draft pick instead

(harsh way of putting it, but hey it happens on both sides.)

however i have "friend zoned" girls before, so coming from a dude i will say i have put girls in that zone before, more so to make sure they knew that i DID NOT like them at all, because they were overly aggressive in the fact of getting a leash on me

 

[generals3]

Men can't friendzone women because obviously we can't "just be friends" (reference to a typical internet myth).

Anyway it probably happens but my guess is to a lesser extend. From what i've noticed it seems men are not that interested by female friends to begin with (well, less than male ones) so there is no need to "friendzone" them, just reject and say goodbye.

 

[Phasmal]

I've fancied friends before but I've never considered myself as being in "the friendzone".
Either I asked them out and they said yes/no or I said nothing and was content with being friends.

The friendzone is something you do to yourself. Usually when you pretend to care about someone as a friend so you can get in their pants.

I don't think I've ever met a girl who had friend zoned themselves, I'm sure it happens though.

I've had friends I fancied but I never made a big moany deal about it because they didn't fancy me.
I just dealt with it.

There is no friendzone, it's just something people make up when they feel bad that they were rejected.

 

[Jacco]

Goddamnit I hate this "friend zone" bullshit about it being about getting into someone's pants. FUCKING STOP ASSUMING THAT.

Yes, that is the case sometimes, but to just unequivocally make that statement is a gross misrepresentation of the entire issue. A friend zone can be anything and it is indeed a legit problem for some people.


As for the topic, yes. Girls get friend zoned all the time. Half the albums Taylor Swift puts out addresses that. It's just not as big of an issue for them normally because they don't have to go through the "first move" stuff. And there is always another guy waiting in reserve who would happily take her. So more often than not, they can settle instead of being outright rejected.

And I say this as a social psychology major.

 

[senordesol]

Goddamnit I hate this "friend zone" bullshit about it being about getting into someone's pants. FUCKING STOP ASSUMING THAT.

Yes, that is the case sometimes, but to just unequivocally make that statement is a gross misrepresentation of the entire issue. A friend zone can be anything and it is indeed a legit problem for some people.


As for the topic, yes. Girls get friend zoned all the time. Half the albums Taylor Swift puts out addresses that. It's just not as big of an issue for them normally because they don't have to go through the "first move" stuff. And there is always another guy waiting in reserve who would happily take her. So more often than not, they can settle instead of being outright rejected.

And I say this as a social psychology major.

Don't you think that's a bit of a generalization?

I will say, though, that I agree in that I don't understand the outright hostility taken toward people in the 'friendzone'. I've been in the friendzone. Alot. It sucks. And had nothing to do with sex.

Is it really so inconceivable that you'd like someone as a person so much, that you'd like to know them better as a potential mate? Is the frustration and angst that stems from the knowledge or the fear that making a move might push them away forever really so unrelatable? Is the notion that someone could be so socially awkward and lacking in confidence (or looks) that the idea of seeking out other prospects is too daunting really so foreign?

I can easily see (and have seen) both males and females in the 'friendzone'. Be it a problem with your looks, social graces, or confidence; it's real fucking easy to land yourself there and stick.

 

[Gatx]

You see it in movies and stuff. The basic premise is a girl who doesn't necessarily conform to the "feminine ideal" and enjoys traditionally male activities and hangs out with guys, maybe one of them is someone she secretly likes. Her friends tell her that that guy will never like her because he just sees her as "one of the guys" or something. I'm sure it doesn't happen to be in those EXACT circumstances, so yeah.

Goddamnit I hate this "friend zone" bullshit about it being about getting into someone's pants. FUCKING STOP ASSUMING THAT.

Yes, that is the case sometimes, but to just unequivocally make that statement is a gross misrepresentation of the entire issue. A friend zone can be anything and it is indeed a legit problem for some people.


As for the topic, yes. Girls get friend zoned all the time. Half the albums Taylor Swift puts out addresses that. It's just not as big of an issue for them normally because they don't have to go through the "first move" stuff. And there is always another guy waiting in reserve who would happily take her. So more often than not, they can settle instead of being outright rejected.

And I say this as a social psychology major.

I don't anyone brought up sex before your post so not sure why you said that.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

This:

eh guys are usually more open/straight forward

Is a heck of a lot more accurate than this:

The friendzone is something you do to yourself. Usually when you pretend to care about someone as a friend so you can get in their pants.

The problem isn't one of guys lying to get into a girl's pants. The problem is one of communication. Namely that (particularly inexperienced teenage) guys are absolutely terrible at reading "signals" and pretty much need to be told straight out where they stand with a girl, while girls are encouraged from a young age to let guys down easy and never just outright tell them no.

Speaking as a guy: that was effing confusing when I was a teenager. I had a few girls tell me something to the extent of "you're a nice guy, but I'm just not interested in dating right now." What they meant was "I'm not interested in dating you," but out of a misguided fear of hurting my feelings, they didn't say that. They said something that translated to "if you wait long enough, maybe I'll be ready." Which is something that society tells us from a young age is a lovely romantic gesture, in everything from fairy tales to chick flicks. I figured things out eventually, but I went through a lot more heartbreak in the process than I would have if certain things had just been said outright.

TL;DR: Teenage guys are idiots when it comes to women. They need to be told things honestly and preferably in monosyllabic terms, not couched in innuendo in the hopes of not hurting their feelings.

Edit: And I just realized that was all on a tangent to the actual topic.

Girls definitely get friendzoned in the sense that they wind up wanting a deeper relationship with a friend than that friend wants. It's just that they tend to actually know where they stand, because guys are more honest about that sort of thing, making it easier for them to move on.

 

[loc978]

Imagine this: a woman asks one of her guy friends why another of their friends doesn't seem interested in her romantically, despite all of her attempts to catch his interest. The guy tells her: he's not attracted to you (name the reason. too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short... he's exclusively obsessed with fake orange-skinned fake blondes, whatever). Fairly common exchange, and the woman knows where she stands with the guy she's trying to attract. It hurts, she thinks both of her friends are shallow jerks... but she knows where she stands.

If you could reverse the genders there and have it be a common occurrence, there would be a lot less whining about the friend zone.

So I guess my point is... romance is bad for sex. Brutal honesty is a better policy.

 

[chuckman1]

This:

eh guys are usually more open/straight forward

Is a heck of a lot more accurate than this:

The friendzone is something you do to yourself. Usually when you pretend to care about someone as a friend so you can get in their pants.

The problem isn't one of guys lying to get into a girl's pants. The problem is one of communication. Namely that (particularly inexperienced teenage) guys are absolutely terrible at reading "signals" and pretty much need to be told straight out where they stand with a girl, while girls are encouraged from a young age to let guys down easy and never just outright tell them no.

Speaking as a guy: that was effing confusing when I was a teenager. I had a few girls tell me something to the extent of "you're a nice guy, but I'm just not interested in dating right now." What they meant was "I'm not interested in dating you," but out of a misguided fear of hurting my feelings, they didn't say that. They said something that translated to "if you wait long enough, maybe I'll be ready." Which is something that society tells us from a young age is a lovely romantic gesture, in everything from fairy tales to chick flicks. I figured things out eventually, but I went through a lot more heartbreak in the process than I would have if certain things had just been said outright.

TL;DR: Teenage guys are idiots when it comes to women. They need to be told things honestly and preferably in monosyllabic terms, not couched in innuendo in the hopes of not hurting their feelings.

Edit: And I just realized that was all on a tangent to the actual topic.

Girls definitely get friendzoned in the sense that they wind up wanting a deeper relationship with a friend than that friend wants. It's just that they tend to actually know where they stand, because guys are more honest about that sort of thing, making it easier for them to move on.

I like this post here I felt it spoke the truth.

I'm friendzoned right now actually I'm trying to get over this person who sees me as someone to confide her troubles not as a romantic partner but stuff's odd sometimes I'm called cute by her, among other random mixed signals that make it hard to remember I have been friendzoned.

Men and women think a bit differently fundamentally. I have rejected girls but they were usually acting creepy or just not my type at all. I do see friendzoned women but as people above has said they often then go to a "fallback guy".

 

[Zombie Sodomy]

On the radio I heard a poll saying that many more men have romantic feelings towards their female friends than women have towards their male friends. It probably happens, but not often.

 

[wulf3n]

I would think women get "friend-zoned" less than men because [at least where I'm from] the Onus is generally on the guy to ask the girl out. So if a guy only sees a girl as a friend he'll just never ask her out.

 

[Ariseishirou]

Of course it does. It happens all the time (it certainly happened to me quite a few times) and it happens disproportionately more often to girls/women who are unattractive and unpopular, in the same way it happens more often to boys/men who are unattractive and unpopular.

Thing is, though, that society and virtually all media doesn't tell girls and women that they are entitled to a relationship with a man if only they just act "nice" enough. It does tell men and boys this, repeatedly, and often. It's true in neither case, of course, but as a result you have women whose attraction or feelings are unrequited feel sad, go eat some ice cream, and then shrug it off and try again, and men whose attraction or feelings are unrequited scream and rage at the world about how dumb bitches only like jerks because damnit they're such a nice guy and she wanted someone else!!! How dare she!!!!

Of course, the Taylor Swift-esque "men only like shallow bitches!!!" exists as well, but it's much rarer.

 

[Lilani]

So, I was thinking... The internet seems to be completely full to the brim with guys who have been put in the "friendzone", this relationship Limbo where a girl you like only thinks of you as a friend.

I just realized that I've hardly ever seen any girls talk/complain about being in the friendzone when it comes to their guy friends, so I was just wondering whether this is less common.

I mean if a guy has a lot of chick buddies, surely that chick has at least One guy buddy, and since supposedly "girls and guys can't be friends", the "Fall-In-Love-With-Friend"-Meter must come up on the female side once in a while...

So Ladies of the escapist, have you ever been put in the "friendzone"?
And to everyone else, (females included of course) How do you think the division of One party of a male/female friendship ending up in love with the other is looking?
Do Guys just have an easier time falling for their Chick buddies?
Or do they just complain about it on the internet more?

The thing about the "friend zone" is that if you find yourself within it, there are several ways to get yourself out of it. If your love is unrequited because you haven't asked her out yet, then grow a pair and ask her out. If your love is unrequited because she says no or she's said no in the past, then either get over it or separate yourself from her until you can get over it. There really is no reason to be in the friend zone for any significant amount of time unless you deliberately wallow there because you can't summon up the courage to get yourself out of it.

As a female I have found myself in that sort of situation before--you started as friends, and you discover you want to initiate a relationship. I never thought of myself in the "friendzone" though, and I constantly took steps to test the waters and see if he felt the same. I have known other girls in similar situations as well, and they also didn't see it as a permanent state. And being girls they pretty easily found ways to get over the guys if they didn't reciprocate their feelings.

I guess that's the difference. While the "friendzone" can happen to either sex, it seems the main lot who come on the Internet and complain about it as though it's some disease they've caught and are completely helpless to treat are timid guys who have convinced themselves that because they fancy a girl, she MUST fancy them back, and just needs enough time to figure it out.

 

[Evil Smurf]

The "friendzone" does not exist: Man up, grow a pair and ask said person of desire out. If you are rejected, realise that not everyone want to get in your pants.

If you want to get laid so badly go to a bar and get some floozy drunk.


EDIT

*back peddles*
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/3820720/backpedaling-o.gif

After realising that some people don't have my social skills, I offer that I understand the problems they must face. Making friends is an important skill that I IRL take advantage of. Sorry if I upset you.

 

[senordesol]

The "friendzone" does not exist: Man up, grow a pair and ask said person of desire out. If you are rejected, realise that not everyone want to get in your pants.

If you want to get laid so badly go to a bar and get some floozy drunk.

It's dismissals like these that make me sad. Dismissals like these that make the friendzone all the more lonely.

It's not about sex. It's not even about the object of desire. It's the crushing knowledge that you are not good enough -not for her- and, apparently, not for anyone.

The friendzone does exist. I have tread that lonely valley before. It is not a matter of 'sacking up'. If no one wants you; the sack gets you no further be it full or empty.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

So, I was thinking... The internet seems to be completely full to the brim with guys who have been put in the "friendzone", this relationship Limbo where a girl you like only thinks of you as a friend.

I just realized that I've hardly ever seen any girls talk/complain about being in the friendzone when it comes to their guy friends, so I was just wondering whether this is less common.

I mean if a guy has a lot of chick buddies, surely that chick has at least One guy buddy, and since supposedly "girls and guys can't be friends", the "Fall-In-Love-With-Friend"-Meter must come up on the female side once in a while...

So Ladies of the escapist, have you ever been put in the "friendzone"?
And to everyone else, (females included of course) How do you think the division of One party of a male/female friendship ending up in love with the other is looking?
Do Guys just have an easier time falling for their Chick buddies?
Or do they just complain about it on the internet more?

The thing about the "friend zone" is that if you find yourself within it, there are several ways to get yourself out of it. If your love is unrequited because you haven't asked her out yet, then grow a pair and ask her out. If your love is unrequited because she says no or she's said no in the past, then either get over it or separate yourself from her until you can get over it. There really is no reason to be in the friend zone for any significant amount of time unless you deliberately wallow there because you can't summon up the courage to get yourself out of it.

As a female I have found myself in that sort of situation before--you started as friends, and you discover you want to initiate a relationship. I never thought of myself in the "friendzone" though, and I constantly took steps to test the waters and see if he felt the same. I have known other girls in similar situations as well, and they also didn't see it as a permanent state. And being girls they pretty easily found ways to get over the guys if they didn't reciprocate their feelings.

I guess that's the difference. While the "friendzone" can happen to either sex, it seems the main lot who come on the Internet and complain about it as though it's some disease they've caught and are completely helpless to treat are timid guys who have convinced themselves that because they fancy a girl, she MUST fancy them back, and just needs enough time to figure it out.

Here's the problem, though. Like I said in my earlier post in this thread, girls are really bad about actually saying no to those timid guys. They tend to couch it in a lot of caveats in the hopes of not hurting their feelings, but let's just say leaving a sliver of hope is a really bad idea, for both parties. It's a product of the differences in the way boys and girls are socialized in Western society, combined with romantic inexperience. That is not a good mixture.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

This:

eh guys are usually more open/straight forward

Is a heck of a lot more accurate than this:

The friendzone is something you do to yourself. Usually when you pretend to care about someone as a friend so you can get in their pants.

The problem isn't one of guys lying to get into a girl's pants. The problem is one of communication. Namely that (particularly inexperienced teenage) guys are absolutely terrible at reading "signals" and pretty much need to be told straight out where they stand with a girl, while girls are encouraged from a young age to let guys down easy and never just outright tell them no.

Speaking as a guy: that was effing confusing when I was a teenager. I had a few girls tell me something to the extent of "you're a nice guy, but I'm just not interested in dating right now." What they meant was "I'm not interested in dating you," but out of a misguided fear of hurting my feelings, they didn't say that. They said something that translated to "if you wait long enough, maybe I'll be ready." Which is something that society tells us from a young age is a lovely romantic gesture, in everything from fairy tales to chick flicks. I figured things out eventually, but I went through a lot more heartbreak in the process than I would have if certain things had just been said outright.

TL;DR: Teenage guys are idiots when it comes to women. They need to be told things honestly and preferably in monosyllabic terms, not couched in innuendo in the hopes of not hurting their feelings.

Edit: And I just realized that was all on a tangent to the actual topic.

Girls definitely get friendzoned in the sense that they wind up wanting a deeper relationship with a friend than that friend wants. It's just that they tend to actually know where they stand, because guys are more honest about that sort of thing, making it easier for them to move on.

very true, i'd rather have it out on the table than reading goofy ass signals that mean absolutely nothing when going through my male eyes/brain, and giving gray answers tends to hurt my feelings more than just saying "fuck no" because it comes across like you don't think i can handle it/you wanna keep me as a backup just in case. (i've had that happen, haven't talked to the girl since, was disappointed as hell with how selfish of a person she was underneath)