Female Friendzone?

[Dragonbums]

My best friend got "Friendzoned" by someone she really admired for 3 months. However she never called it friendzoning she called it rejection, and she never threw a ***** fit about it on the internet. Was she hurt? Of course. Was she depressed? Definitely. Did she hate him for it? No.
In fact she went to him later and told him that at least they can just be friends. Because she values their relationship together, and even said good will to his new girlfriend.
The people who complain about friendzoning on the internet are the guys who feel entitled to win a woman's affection after being nice to them. When that doesn't work, they get angry, and suddenly the "Nice Guy" facade disappears.
I'm not saying getting rejected by the one you love hurts. It does. There are countless books, comics, and tv shows that revolve around that.
However it's how you act that defines you as a person.

 

[Smeatza]

I'll just edit your post so it appears as if somebody with empathy wrote it.

The people who complain about friendzoning on the internet are the guys who think it will help win a woman's affection by being nice to them. When that doesn't work, they get confused and feel rejected, and suddenly the they get depressed and act out.

However it's how you act that defines you as a person.

Including how you act on online forums.

Also, if you feel the need to externalise but don't want to be a dick, isn't ranting anonymously on the internet one of the more responsible things you can do?

Let's have a bit more sympathy for these socially clueless nerds shall we?

 

[Dragonbums]

I'll just edit your post so it appears as if somebody with empathy wrote it.

The people who complain about friendzoning on the internet are the guys who think it will help win a woman's affection by being nice to them. When that doesn't work, they get confused and feel rejected, and suddenly the they get depressed and act out.

However it's how you act that defines you as a person.

Including how you act on online forums.

Also, if you feel the need to externalise but don't want to be a dick, isn't ranting anonymously on the internet one of the more responsible things you can do?

Let's have a bit more sympathy for these socially clueless nerds shall we?

I have empathy. Like I said getting rejected does hurt, and it can be emotionally taxing.
I don't have empathy for those who act like assholes about it on the internet under the facade of "Nice Guy". I've seen enough posts by pages on Facebook relating to "friendzoning" and see enough of the comments relating to those posts to know they are complete asses to begin with.
Most of the comments usually are guys who call woman all sorts of slurs for rejecting them (or those who have rejected men int he past), or pick up artists that have mastered the "Nice Guy" tactic, and act like they are the all knowing authority on what woman want and don't want like we are some sort of machinery to figure out with slight difference in variations, and not a human being with complex tastes, and dynamics.

 

[Smeatza]

I have empathy. Like I said getting rejected does hurt, and it can be emotionally taxing.

So you just don't act on your empathy?

I don't have empathy for those who act like assholes about it on the internet under the facade of "Nice Guy". I've seen enough posts by pages on Facebook relating to "friendzoning" and see enough of the comments relating to those posts to know they are complete asses to begin with.

Does getting a little bit self-centered qualify somebody as an "asshole."
You are generalising greatly.

Most of the comments usually are guys who call woman all sorts of slurs for rejecting them (or those who have rejected men int he past),

I've never encountered this.

or pick up artists that have mastered the "Nice Guy" tactic, and act like they are the all knowing authority on what woman want and don't want like we are some sort of machinery to figure out with slight difference in variations, and not a human being with complex tastes, and dynamics.

Pick up artists don't respond emotively to a particular person not being attracted to them.

 

[Dragonbums]

I have empathy. Like I said getting rejected does hurt, and it can be emotionally taxing.

So you just don't act on your empathy?

I don't have empathy for those who act like assholes about it on the internet under the facade of "Nice Guy". I've seen enough posts by pages on Facebook relating to "friendzoning" and see enough of the comments relating to those posts to know they are complete asses to begin with.

Does getting a little bit self-centered qualify somebody as an "asshole."
You are generalising greatly.

Most of the comments usually are guys who call woman all sorts of slurs for rejecting them (or those who have rejected men int he past),

I've never encountered this.

or pick up artists that have mastered the "Nice Guy" tactic, and act like they are the all knowing authority on what woman want and don't want like we are some sort of machinery to figure out with slight difference in variations, and not a human being with complex tastes, and dynamics.

Pick up artists don't respond emotively to a particular person not being attracted to them.

> First off, you claimed that I have no empathy. You can choose to act like a child about your emotions and spew garbage on the interenet, or you can choose to act like a mature adult. If you really loved someone I don't think spewing insults and slurs at the target of your attraction for rejecting you as a love interest is a mature way to handle anything especially not love. All it does is make you bitter inside. Don't try to twist this conversation into something I hadn't implied. You started this.

> Acting like a self centered asshole for what exactly? Not caring about people hurling rude insults because they got rejected? I'm not generalizing anything. I am talking about the conversations I have seen happening on Facebook posts relating to "friendzoning" Nice of you to conventionally ignore that part and claim that I'm "generalizing" things.

> Just because YOU never encountered this, doesn't mean others haven't. Once again I have stated I saw this happening on Facebook pages relating to "friendzones". Once again you conveniently ignore point that to attack me as some self centered asshole.

> Where in that entire post did I state that Pick Up Artists react emotionally? Where?
I said that PUA's often they go into comment threads about friendzoning and speak with authority about what a woman does and doesn't want because they managed to hook up with so many. Not once did I ever imply they had emotion while saying that stuff. In fact, that wasn't even stated. At all.

 

[Vegosiux]

> First off, you claimed that I have no empathy. You can choose to act like a child about your emotions and spew garbage on the interenet, or you can choose to act like a mature adult. If you really loved someone I don't think spewing insults and slurs at the target of your attraction for rejecting you as a love interest is a mature way to handle anything especially not love. All it does is make you bitter inside. Don't try to twist this conversation into something I hadn't implied. You started this.

"Love" isn't "having the hots" for someone, or even "seeing someone as a love interest". "Love" is getting up at 3AM to help them out even if you were furious at them when you went to bed, the willingness to stick by them even when you want to strangle the living daylights out of them.

So this "if you truly loved them..." kind of falls flat because the rejection usually happens way before you can even get to that point.

Just thought I'd ring in with this.

 

[Dragonbums]

> First off, you claimed that I have no empathy. You can choose to act like a child about your emotions and spew garbage on the interenet, or you can choose to act like a mature adult. If you really loved someone I don't think spewing insults and slurs at the target of your attraction for rejecting you as a love interest is a mature way to handle anything especially not love. All it does is make you bitter inside. Don't try to twist this conversation into something I hadn't implied. You started this.

"Love" isn't "having the hots" for someone, or even "seeing someone as a love interest". "Love" is getting up at 3AM to help them out even if you were furious at them when you went to bed, the willingness to stick by them even when you want to strangle the living daylights out of them.

So this "if you truly loved them..." kind of falls flat because the rejection usually happens way before you can even get to that point.

Just thought I'd ring in with this.

That's a very true point.

However we ourselves don't know what kind of love the people I'm referring to have. I know there are a damn good amount of people who express love like this on a daily basis.
The same can be said about people with a strong platonic love for another.

I'm not really here to discuss the dynamics of love though.

I'm just really tired of seeing people handle rejection (or friendzoning as they like to call it) or the topic in general at such immense levels of childishness that I really don't feel any sympathy for them.

Perhaps Facebook isn't the best example of people in the rejection circle. Yet posting that kind of stuff on forums is one thing. At least you have a fake username to hide your true identity.
On Facebook however your full name is up on full display and more than likely your selfie as well.

The fact that even then your willing to say those things when your identity is exposed to everyone on that page to me shows one's true colors.

 

[Strain42]

I've never understood why people try to make the "friend zone" out as this big scary thing that's hard to explain, oh, or maybe it doesn't exist, maybe it's just something guys make up because girls don't wanna have sex with them, and blah blah blah.

The Friend Zone is a VERY simple concept. Now since this can happen to either gender, I'm going to avoid using gender specific pronouns here

Person A meets Person B (circumstances of this are irrelevant, maybe they met because Person A did just think they were hot, or liked their Pokemon t-shirt, or Person B is a friend of a friend, it doesn't matter)

Person A and Person B hang out, chat, find out they have a lot in common, enjoy each others company, etc. etc. until one day Person A starts to develop romantic feelings for Person B and wants to try and become something more.

Person A asks Person B out. Person B says No and would rather just keep what they already have.

That's the friend zone...that's all that it is. It's when you develop feelings for a friend, ask them out, and they say they just want to stay friends. I honestly have no idea how anyone can try to claim that's just something that people make up. It's a fairly common occurrence.

I admit that I get kind of annoyed when I hear people going "Stop complaining about being friend zoned just because they don't want to have sex with you." because lemme ask you something. Have you ever asked someone out on a date only for them to say No and then you say to yourself "Well that's alright. I just wanted them for sex anyways."

...You might have, I don't know you very well. But still, I imagine that's a pretty rare scenario.

I have been on all four possible sides of this odd 4 sided coin

I ask female friend out, we end up staying friends
I ask female friend out, we don't end up staying friends
Female friend asks me out, we end up staying friends
Female friend asks me out, we don't end up staying friends

There really is no good guy or bad guy in these scenarios. Every time I see a friend zone debate it just becomes an issue of whose right. There is no answer to that. Nobody is right in these scenarios, just varying levels of wrong.

For example, lets look at number 2 in that scenario list. Some of you are probably thinking "Why get all butthurt and stop being someones friend just because they don't want to ride your bologna pony?" well, usually one of two things happens here.

1. I'm not the one that leaves. The girl gets a real boyfriend and suddenly stops talking to me entirely, I don't hear from her again until they break up. By that point, I've already realized this person wasn't a very good friend to me in the first place and

2. It's because believe it or not, it can be kinda emotionally stressful to be around someone you have strong feelings for who doesn't reciprocate them, and if they were a true friend, they would be able to empathize with the pain you're feeling and understand why you have to walk away instead of just going "Oh yeah, my ex-friend is all mad 'cause I won't fuck 'em...SO FUCK 'EM!" You have to realize that if someone is at the point where they can't be friends with you anymore because of this, they probably cared about you a lot, and this wasn't an easy decision for them.

And yes, I also sympathize with the person that gets left behind. They may have just lost a good friend out of this, despite the fact that they did nothing wrong. They just didn't see this person as a potential romantic partner, which isn't something anyone should have to apologize for. And that sucks too. So it can be a little selfish to expect someone to suffer through some emotional distress just so you don't lose your buddy, but it's also kinda selfish of the person leaving to turn to this friend and basically go "Sorry, I can't hang out with you anymore." with any luck the two can eventually talk it over, and maybe Person A will get past those feelings and they can be friends again. It happens. I've seen it happen. I've done it.

Now obviously a lot of this post is just generalizing and speaking from my own personal experiences. I'm not going to pretend that there aren't guys out there who basically saw a hot chick, wanted to bang her, started hanging out with her, asked her out, and when she said no dropped them like they just pulled a hot pan out of the oven sans mitt, Hell I'm not even going to pretend that I'VE never done that (usually when I do though it really was because I didn't have much in common with the girl)

Alright, I'm out

 

[Sakurablossom]

I have seen a situation where a male friend was head over heels for a women who knew it and strung him along emotionally to get what she wanted.

I friend zoned a guy once, I had no clue he liked me, he was being very subtle about it. When I found out I gave him the "you are like a brother" and he didn't talk to me for months. He was able to put that behind him though because I was upfront with him and we are still good friends years later.

I was friend zoned recently and I was up front and honest, sometimes it is the other persons lack of honesty with themselves that can cause problems, or maybe an attempt to let someone down so softly and try to avoid awkwardness that causes more awkwardness and hurt feelings with mixed messages.

I was friends with a guy, had no intention of being anything more when one day I realized I kinda did. I did nothing about it though as I was happy with being friends and I just took his flirting back as innocent. Friends started to comment on him liking me and how cute of a couple we were so I was upfront and honest with him as I often felt there was something between us. His reply was I was going through things in my life such as ending a 10 yr relationship so he wanted to be my friend "for the time being" in a tone that seemed to imply something. I asked him what does that mean? I don't like ambiguous I was up front with you. He just smiled and said "for the time being" So I got over the issues I was dealing with and we continued to be friends for many months. One night we got tipsy together and I said I wish I knew where I stood with him, he seemed genuinely confused. Said we were "good" friends. I point blank asked him if he liked me. He stuttered and said no, he didn't seem to remember our previous conversation, went on for awhile about how it is hard for him to fall in love. He said he wanted to continue the friendship. Many months later(I've known him a year at this point) I was still attempting to be his friend, he asked me out drinking and was all flirty. Was excited I was applying for a better job, said I should take him out and buy him drinks once I got it, we joked about me being a sugar mama. I finally went for broke, I was sick of his mixed messages and I kissed him. I tried a few times to talk to him about it after but we never did, and I realized he just wanted to ignore it had ever happened and continue being friends. I don't feel it is worth discussing at this point, every conversion has ended up with him being ambiguously answering my questions and me being more emotionally confused than when we started the conversation.

I do not know what is up with him but I had to make the decision to walk away. I know he has actively avoided relationships for almost years and he has never told me why, but it isn't worth trying to figure out his motivations at this point. Maybe in a few months I will feel differently and can put it behind me and we can go back to being friends. But at the same time why would I want to continue to be friends with someone who doesn't seem able to be honest with me? If he had just said "I am not interested in you" as other males have done to me before him, we could continue to be friends as I never would have harbored/let grow these feelings for him.

 

[aa]

so i am a very small breasted female i am very attractive got a nice butt.. so i couldn't help but notice that the past 6 potential relationships had been friend zoned.. it has gotten to the point that when something happens that i know for a fact that something is gonna lead up to that i no longer panic.. and we subsequently become friends.. so i tested a theory of mind out and sure enough there it went again. i can not help how my body has developed why is it that my aa's should stop a guy from wanting me? i am not even upset i am at this point blowing it off.. and to hear that bull crap of "he doesn't deserve you" hummm.. i didn't know that a woman's breasts really was all that big of a deal.. and it is really too bad i am a great person but i am not given the chance because of my small boobs... oh well