Fictional Characters you'd like to punch

[GrinningManiac]

Disclaimer: If the character in question IS punched or gets physical comeuppance for his actions, he/she does not count

Many times in literature, film and gaming, we are introduced to characters, sometimes the good guys but mainly bad/minor characters, who really get on our nerves or antagonise us, and we feel need a good punching. A punching that they, sadly, never receive in the plot.

For example, many films have antagonists that tell the protagonist "Come on, Hit me!" and they've been such a bastard throughout the story that you really want the protagonist to, and he really wants to as well. But he dosen't, because 'Succumbing to rage will make me like him (the bad guy)'. This is true, but we still want a little bit of smug satisfaction in at least breaking his nose, right?

It's cathartic! Like when you imagine punching your boss/sibling/bully-at-school. You'd probably never do it, but it's nice to imagine doing it.

So, if you were given the chance, what ficitonal characters from any medium would you give a big (non-fatal) wallop in the face?

My list:

Mrs Wilson from the Great Gastby. Sure, she

Spoiler: spoilers to book! Do Not Read unless you've read the Great Gastby...which you really, REALLY ought to

dies horribly, but still...

Smug Bastard Boyfriend 101 in any RomCom

The coporate guy who plays miniture golf in Avatar

 

[Cherry Cola]

Nurse Ratchet.

I hate her! She's such an evil hag!

It's a shame she didn't die...

 

[_tinned_magpie_]

Micheal Berg from The Reader. I've had to study that damn book from back to front in two different languages, and all I can say about it is that I've never read of a more whiny, self-absorbed prat in all my life.

Spoiler

He had an affair as a teenager with an older woman who turned out to be in the SS, and spends the rest of the book trying to philosophise over it whilst screwing up every other good thing that comes his way. His constant moralising and excusing, whilst being totally unlikeable as a character made me want to walk up and clock him.

Plenty of the Mary-Sue characters in teen fiction deserve that treatment too, but that's a no-brainer.

 

[Acier]

Nurse Ratchet.

I hate her! She's such an evil hag!

It's a shame she didn't die...

her

as well as Catherine from Hemingway's A Farewell to Arms.

What a crazy delusional *****

 

[NeutralDrow]

Ohji Kamogawa of <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148564-Neutral-Drow-reviews-Little-My-Maid>Little My Maid.

Yes, he's the protagonist, and you more-or-less control his actions, but good lord did I want to deck the fucker every so often. At least, during some of those endings where I didn't want to excruciatingly disembowel him.

Other candidates include...well, Shinji Matou of Fate/Stay Night. Sure, he always gets his comeuppance, but he deserves everything he gets and slightly more. I'm not including his grandfather Zouken, though. Him, I'd like to start punching and never, ever, ever, ever stop.

 

[CouchCommando]

JAR JAR BINKS

 

[CoverYourHead]

HEY! LISTEN!

... Yeah.

 

[UberLemonBoy]

London Tipton from Suite Life of Zack and Cody
she just strikes a nerve since she's such a spoiled *****
even since its a kids show

 

[tristow]

J.D. from scrubs i'm with Dr Cox on that one

 

[EMFCRACKSHOT]

Prince Tykkin from the Iron Elves books. He is just a bit of a dick who is begging for a slap

 

[quiet_samurai]

Kratos, because nobody would fuck with me afterwards. Granted, I'd have to live through the experience.

 

[Internet Kraken]

Reaver from Fable 2.

What a prick. The guy acts so goddamn superior, flaunting his beauty and wealth constantly.He always talks about how much better he is and doesn't have an ounce of respect for your character. He kills innocents in cold blood right in front of you and doesn't even act like it's problem. On top of that, he sends you off to run his errands for him. Only this turns out to be a trap in which he attempts to steal your youth to replenish his. And if he succeeds, he acts like it was all just a big joke. Then he betrays you by trying to sell you out to your enemy. Because this guy definitely needs more money. I guess he wants a solid gold pillow to go along with his golden bed. Of course he gets betrayed as well, so he helps you escape. All while talking about how glorious he is.

The guy is a pompous, arrogant douchebag. He is not charming, smart, or clever. He's just a massive jerk. Usually this type of character gets what is coming to them near the end of the game. You get to punch them in the face or even kill them depending on just how bad they are. And yet Reaver, despite being the worst example of this kind of character, waltzes off without a scratch. Despite everything he does to screw you over, you don't even have the option to punch him. Hell you can't do anything that would prevent him from looking awesome and superior. I don't know what's worse; the fact that his character is like this or that you can't do anything about it.


So yeah, I'd hit him. Several times probably.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Saddler from RE4 he killed Luis and has a tentacle for a penis.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Reaver from Fable 2.

What a prick. The guy acts so goddamn superior, flaunting his beauty and wealth constantly.He always talks about how much better he is and doesn't have an ounce of respect for your character. He kills innocents in cold blood right in front of you and doesn't even act like it's problem. On top of that, he sends you off to run his errands for him. Only this turns out to be a trap in which he attempts to steal your youth to replenish his. And if he succeeds, he acts like it was all just a big joke. Then he betrays you by trying to sell you out to your enemy. Because this guy definitely needs more money. I guess he wants a solid gold pillow to go along with his golden bed. Of course he gets betrayed as well, so he helps you escape. All while talking about how glorious he is.

The guy is a pompous, arrogant douchebag. He is not charming, smart, or clever. He's just a massive jerk. Usually this type of character gets what is coming to them near the end of the game. You get to punch them in the face or even kill them depending on just how bad they are. And yet Reaver, despite being the worst example of this kind of character, waltzes off without a scratch. Despite everything he does to screw you over, you don't even have the option to punch him. Hell you can't do anything that would prevent him from looking awesome and superior. I don't know what's worse; the fact that his character is like this or that you can't do anything about it.


So yeah, I'd hit him. Several times probably.

Oh yeah, defiantly this guy. I so wanted to hit him. Well actually I wanted to shoot him, but punching him would've sufficed.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Replace punch with stab in the jugular (don't want to hurt my hand) and I'd go with Jack from lord of the flies. He beats up on the nerd character (Pigsy) he tries to lead a coup against Ralph, and he is the leader of a choir of all things. I mean, ************!

 

[Manhattan2112]

Lily from The Secret Life of Bees. Like, multiple times. And then maybe kick her. The only part of that book I liked was when T-Ray started beating the shit out of her at the end. I'm not gonna spoiler alert that because I'm confident nobody WANTS to see that movie/read that book.