Final Fantasy 12 - An offline MMORPG.

[Splitter]

I actually found it more fun to let them all use gambits and intervene with them all whenever I thought it was necessary.

Actually just have Fran and Penelo heal and equip everyone with spears and you'll pretty much rape anything..

Except flying bosses.

The game didn't force you to do that, you're complaining about something you did by personal choice...

 

[Piston Effesca]

I always liked the final fantasy series but then there comes a time in our lives when everything we love is taken apart and thrown back at us. This is one of those times. Final Fantasy 12 got my hopes up after watching cut scenes and reading some happy reviews I went to go pick it up almost right away. Here is what I found

I actually hated every Final Fantasy VIII, X, sometimes XI, and stuff like FFX-2. I started out really liking FFXII, then hating it, and now I'm alright with the game. It did some things different from the other FF, and actually did them in intelligent and competent ways. Reading your review, I can see where you got some of your ideas, but as others have pointed out you don't seem all that knowledgeable about how stories are written, characterization and things like that. It's for those reasons that I'd suggest you spend a little more time thinking about why a decision in a story was made. There's a good reason Vaan is written the way he is, and it has a little to do with Rex and a little to do with Balthier. Also, as mentioned FFXII is a multiple-character narrative, similar to FFVI, but done a little bit better (FFVI had a tendency to focus mostly on Terra and Celes, whereas FFXII spends a lot of time on Ashe, but all of the characters get a little bit of story.) It's not perfect, but it's still pretty interesting.

Characters
Some of these characters shouldn't even be in the game. Let's take the main character Vaan. He looks like a deformed michael Jackson and he is only following around the other characters around for the ride, and for a fun fact. He is the worst character despite being the main character.
Some of the other characters are the uncreative and unoriginal but, the only character I really liked was Basch he seemed pretty calm through out the whole game and had scars...scars are cool right? Most of the other characters are cannon fodder which talk when they aren't suppose to and most of the time. I wishing I could play as one of the best races not a damn bunny girl. Why not the hulking lizard guy or the stuffed animal thing?

Already talked about Vaan so we're skipping that first paragraph.
I wouldn't say the characters aren't creative or unoriginal, especially if you're not going to give some reasoning for your argument, even just a little side-comment. The only characters I could see that being applied to is the villain who... Doesn't have much of a reason to be the villain, and is the only negative thing I can think of in FFXII (and a strong negative element.) The storyline is rehashed a bit from FFT, but FFT did its plot a lot better. Creepy spirits from another world controlling humans? At least FFT had patience, intrigue and stronger political allusions with its villains.

Also Baltheir and Fran are sort of bishounen/bunny girl versions of Han Solo and Chewbacca. In fact, the Star Wars references were pretty strong, but never overbearing or obnoxious. In fact it feels like that play around with dashing that assumption in the way Vaan, Ashe and Baltheir were inevitably written.

Lastly, in a multiple character story, each character doesn't have to have a 180º turn of revelatory brilliance. This isn't "Joy Luck Club."

Graphics and Soundtrack
The soundtrack of Final Fantasy is always excellent this time remixing some old final fantasy songs with new ones. One of the funniest moments while listening to the sound track was at the end one of battle. You hear a small "pop" what was this pop from? It sounds like someone opened a tube of pringles.
The graphics are pretty good to. Though I wish there was more variety in games. For example there are a majority of deserts through the whole game, and 90% of the enemies you will face are wolves with palette swaps. You got green wolf, red wolf, glowing wolf, and it just goes on.

I actually liked the consistency. I think a lot of people are tired of the "ice dungeon", snow town, "fire dungeon", island town, "water dungeon", asian town setup of most RPGs. And, as stated before, it isn't all desert. Also if you wound up fighting nothing but wolves you need to explore more. I was fighting giant birds, dinosaurs and crazy-ass alligators with heads in their mouths and shit.

Story line
The most important part of a game. This is what draws you in and keeps you there to make sure you keep going forward in the game. Now the story line is confusing here. First you're fighting this really big bad guy. I believe its emperor but then everything comes to a stop and you are fighting the empire now. Then you become a sky pirate!
Playing through this the first time there was almost no character development and near the end of the game everyone was pretty much done with Vaan and told him to go away. Seriously.

NOT the most important part of the game. Actually, that'd be gameplay. It's just a lot of RPG fans have convinced themselves of this and that's given RPG developers freedom to make shitty gameplay. Y'know, like "MMORPG" combat (which I actually enjoyed in this game AND in FFXI. The problem is it takes time to actually think about what to do ahead of time, especially in XI. Also an understanding of macros. No macros, no fun.)

Already covered most of this, so moving on.

Gameplay
The gameplay of this game plays like a MMORPG if you played Final Fantasy XI then this is nothing new because the battle system is exactly the same. Except that Spears - Are powerful beyond on all god. Dealing 200+ damage each attack and they move faster than daggers. This is good considering they are easy to unlock.
One of he biggest complaints I have is with the license grid system. Why the do I need a license to use a calculator. Thats right a calculator is a weapon and it's incredibly weak and incredibly slow. I can use a gun and sword but I can't use a damn calculator. The license grid is good for abilities and such but using it for equipment is the like using a puppy for a chimeny sweep.

Using a puppy as a chimney sweep would be cruel, but effective actually. And we've all already heard the jokes about "Oh, I can't equip a hat because I don't have enough hat points!" It's a game. You don't see Tetris fans complaining that they don't get anything but tall shapes every round do you?

Overall
Final Fantasy 12 is a ok game. It isn't as good as the rest of the series but it is fun to play if you don't care about the story, and the short instances when Vaan gets his ass beaten down by some guards is extremely satisfying. The game play is meh. It plays like an offline MMORPG an unfun RPG that should've died out long ago but it's still around so I ask myself why?

FFXII came out some time ago, so your jokes are either flat or old. If you want to use jokes it's better you go for reviews on current games or, like most funny reviewers, come up with your own jokes (also make sure your own jokes are good.) Other than that it was alright and I agreed with a few things.