First Date Advice! Please Help!

[Thenextgenotaku]

I'm a 16 year old junior in high school. Around 29 hours ago, I asked a girl out for the first time, and she said yes, so yay! I've been wanting to since I met her last spring, and I'm like 95% sure she's interested. We're going to a movie over the weekend if all goes well (she might have family over and my mom might be coming back from the hospital on Sunday, so scheduling is a *****). My only concern, apart from not looking like a jackass, is this: I'm not totally sure she will think of it as a date. On one hand, I didn't use the words "date" or "go out", I just asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. On the other hand, I think its probably obvious, after all, how many guys ask girls to movies if they're not interested in that person romantically. Anyway, my questions are:


1. Is there something I can say, maybe seriously, maybe as a joke, to gauge if she considers it a date or not?

2. I don't want to overdress, but I don't want to look like a shmuck. Is a t-shirt and jeans good?

3. Anyone know any movies out or coming out this week that would be good for a first date? Neither of us are 17, so its gotta be PG-13 or lower.

I appreciate any and all advice.


The Next-Gen Otaku

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

If anyone needs any clarifications or details in order to give advice, I'll explain whatever questions you might have.

 

[Slash Dementia]

The more nervous you are, the worse things will be. If it's your personality, try being flirtatious/funny. Make her laugh, but not too much because then she'll probably just think that you're funny. Compliment her in a casual way (ex. You look really nice) and then change the subject. Have a good time and be yourself with her, treat her well and as if you have no intention of being with her.

Dress however you dress, but be clean.

As for the movie, just choose whatever generic romantic comedy or chick flick is out now. Compliment on her laughter if she laughs ("It's really cute when you laugh.")

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

Alrighty. I'm just a bit confused by "Treat her well and as if you have no intention of being with her." I get the "treat her well" part, but not so much the second part


Thanks for the advice!

 

[Slash Dementia]

I mean to just treat her like any other person, not like if you have an intention of being in a relationship with her. I guess, just make the fact that you like her not so obvious.

And good luck on your date; I hope it goes well.

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

Alright, thanks. I'll update this if the plans change or when (not if. When. OPTIMISM!) it goes well.

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

If anyone else out there on the big wide internets has anything else to say (you'd think a thread with the words "please help" in the title would get a bit more traffic, but I digress), I'd be happy to hear it.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

I'm a 16 year old junior in high school. Around 29 hours ago, I asked a girl out for the first time, and she said yes, so yay! I've been wanting to since I met her last spring, and I'm like 95% sure she's interested. We're going to a movie over the weekend if all goes well (she might have family over and my mom might be coming back from the hospital on Sunday, so scheduling is a *****). My only concern, apart from not looking like a jackass, is this: I'm not totally sure she will think of it as a date. On one hand, I didn't use the words "date" or "go out", I just asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. On the other hand, I think its probably obvious, after all, how many guys ask girls to movies if they're not interested in that person romantically. Anyway, my questions are:


1. Is there something I can say, maybe seriously, maybe as a joke, to gauge if she considers it a date or not?

2. I don't want to overdress, but I don't want to look like a shmuck. Is a t-shirt and jeans good?

3. Anyone know any movies out or coming out this week that would be good for a first date? Neither of us are 17, so its gotta be PG-13 or lower.

I appreciate any and all advice.


The Next-Gen Otaku

Remain calm and don't stress out about it. Just relax and have fun with it. Don't be nervous or stiff. Be fun and funny, just not too funny. But, also maintain a calm and easy-going demeanor. Also, when y'all are in conversation, ask her questions and listen to the answers. Don't dominate the conversation.

 

[Lvl 64 Klutz]

1) Whether or not she considers it a date is irrelevant. The first date is for each person to gauge the other person, find out if they're really someone they'd want to be around. As long as you end with a "We should do this again sometime" or something, you've got your bases covered.

2) Yes. This is the real world, not an Archie comic.

3) Arrange a time, go to the theater, see what's playing then and ask her what she wants to see. And offer to pay. Each to their own on the ethics of modern dating, but on a first date it's the right thing to do.

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

Thanks, Man with the Soap and Lvl 64 Klutz. I already knew I was going to pay for it. I think that if I lived under a rock until 2024, guys would still be paying for dates when I came out.

Also, I'll update on how it goes if anyone's interested. I had to postpone to weekend after next (October 29-30) since my mom gets out of the hospital Sunday and she has family over so this weekend's no good.

 

[sir.rutthed]

I'm a 16 year old junior in high school. Around 29 hours ago, I asked a girl out for the first time, and she said yes, so yay! I've been wanting to since I met her last spring, and I'm like 95% sure she's interested. We're going to a movie over the weekend if all goes well (she might have family over and my mom might be coming back from the hospital on Sunday, so scheduling is a *****). My only concern, apart from not looking like a jackass, is this: I'm not totally sure she will think of it as a date. On one hand, I didn't use the words "date" or "go out", I just asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. On the other hand, I think its probably obvious, after all, how many guys ask girls to movies if they're not interested in that person romantically. Anyway, my questions are:


1. Is there something I can say, maybe seriously, maybe as a joke, to gauge if she considers it a date or not?

2. I don't want to overdress, but I don't want to look like a shmuck. Is a t-shirt and jeans good?

3. Anyone know any movies out or coming out this week that would be good for a first date? Neither of us are 17, so its gotta be PG-13 or lower.

I appreciate any and all advice.


The Next-Gen Otaku

1. Don't worry about it. Just pay for her ticket/dinner if you get some after and she should get the message.

2. I'd go jeans and a good button up shirt. Ladies love a man who dresses well.

3. This is a terrible time of year to catch a movie unless you have a drive in or dollar theater. Just see what she wants to see, and if she doesn't have a preference just make the best call you can.

Also, just remember to relax. Have some fun, be bold but not too forward, and be yourself.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I'm a 16 year old junior in high school. Around 29 hours ago, I asked a girl out for the first time, and she said yes, so yay! I've been wanting to since I met her last spring, and I'm like 95% sure she's interested. We're going to a movie over the weekend if all goes well (she might have family over and my mom might be coming back from the hospital on Sunday, so scheduling is a *****). My only concern, apart from not looking like a jackass, is this: I'm not totally sure she will think of it as a date. On one hand, I didn't use the words "date" or "go out", I just asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. On the other hand, I think its probably obvious, after all, how many guys ask girls to movies if they're not interested in that person romantically. Anyway, my questions are:


1. Is there something I can say, maybe seriously, maybe as a joke, to gauge if she considers it a date or not?

2. I don't want to overdress, but I don't want to look like a shmuck. Is a t-shirt and jeans good?

3. Anyone know any movies out or coming out this week that would be good for a first date? Neither of us are 17, so its gotta be PG-13 or lower.

I appreciate any and all advice.


The Next-Gen Otaku

Just be natural, if you are nervous that's fine, and if you start freezing up or stammering just laugh a little and explain that you are nervous.

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

1. Don't worry about it. Just pay for her ticket/dinner if you get some after and she should get the message.

2. I'd go jeans and a good button up shirt. Ladies love a man who dresses well.

3. This is a terrible time of year to catch a movie unless you have a drive in or dollar theater. Just see what she wants to see, and if she doesn't have a preference just make the best call you can.

Also, just remember to relax. Have some fun, be bold but not too forward, and be yourself.

I think button down is a little too formal formal for a movie. I think I'll go with jeans and maybe a polo or nice t-shirt.

 

[Owen Robertson]

I think button down is a little too formal formal for a movie. I think I'll go with jeans and maybe a polo or nice t-shirt.

Polo's the way to go. Whether or not you like modern fashions, most girls do. Also, don't wear cologne (this includes Axe/Tag/Frag etc) because it looks (or smells rather) like you're trying too hard.

 

[EzraPound]

1. Is there something I can say, maybe seriously, maybe as a joke, to gauge if she considers it a date or not?

2. I don't want to overdress, but I don't want to look like a shmuck. Is a t-shirt and jeans good?

3. Anyone know any movies out or coming out this week that would be good for a first date? Neither of us are 17, so its gotta be PG-13 or lower.

Given the median age on this forum, I imagine I'd have a thing or two worthwhile listening to. . .

1. Go with your instincts on this one--if you're "95%" sure she likes you, then treat it as a date unless she's giving you contrary signals. If she likes you, she'll respond positively to your overtures. If she doesn't, it's unlikely the outcome would've been improved by keeping your head low.

2. Don't overdo it--no colognes, no dress clothes. If you give the appearance of exerting yourself too much, you risk driving her away (unless she really likes you, in which case it won't matter). Go casual, but look like you nonetheless put a dash of effort into it.

3. This is entirely relative to her taste--if she's bookish, don't force her into a hokey romantic comedy because you think it'd be appropriate; if she's not, don't take her to a documentary on Swahilian transvestites. I recommend asking her opinion, while making some honest suggestions about what you might like to see.

Of course, generalizations can only be so helpful--women are different, y'know?

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

...No Swahilian transvesties...

Oh well, anyway, she texted me back around 6:30 EST (I'm on Eastern Standard Time, just so everyone's on the same page), but I was out and didn't get home till around 12 am EST, so I repsonded, and I'm just waiting for her to text back. So ya, she's still interested. Awesomeriffic.

 

[Mr_Red7]

dont stress and have fun... if you hit it off great and a 2nd date will be on the cards, if not no worries youve had some experience of your first date and wont be as nervous with the next girl.

good luck

and remember to just enjoy it

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

Going to see Footloose now! Thank you all for your help. Wish me luck!

 

[Thenextgenotaku]

Alrighty! So that happened. I'll give you all the details:

So I met her about 15 minutes before the movie started. We were in line for about 12 minutes, since there are a load of teenagers out on Saturday night. We talked for a while about how school is, how our lives are, how our respective school plays are going (we're both theater people), that sort of thing. She wouldn't let me pay for the ticket, but I pad for the snacks. And they were more expensive than the ticket, so I WIN! Anyway, we get in the movie, maybe 20, 25 minutes in, I ask if she wants anything. She says she's alright. In order to test the waters, I go out, get a popcorn, a big bag of twizzlers (trademark) and an icee WITH TWO STRAWS. Now, I could have just gotten her her own icee, but I figured, why not take a tiny risk? So I sit down with the foot and set it in the middle. About 5 minutes later she starts having the twizzlers. Another 5, she starts taking popcorn. I was really anxious to see if she would drink the slushee, since I chlorofoamed it. Not really, I was anxious because I figured that drinking from the same drink is a phsycological sign of trust, whether or not you realize it. First, its somewhat a sign of intimacy to share food. Second (and call me crazy on this), its a sign of trust because way back in caveman days, before Screwattack.com (trademark) existed, if you ate from the same plate or drank from the same bucket, it meant you trusted that person that they hadn't poisoned it. These instincts still exist today (why do you think its so cute when a bride feeds her groom cake, or when people share a soda?). Anyway, she drank from the slushee, so WIN for me. After the movie, we talked about it for a bit, and then went out one of the exits. The place we went to is an open mall, not in a building, there's just a bunch of stores and resteraunts and a theater. I was going to suggest coffee, but we weren't allowed to. Apparently, there's a curfew Friday and Saturday nights (we didn't know this at the time), so we went to the side of the big open mall thing, and her mom came to get her. I shook her hand, introduced myself, she asked about my mom who's in the hospital, and we walked to her car. We had to go around the place, so it was REALLY REALLY SKETCHY. Anyway, we walked over to her car, and I met her dad. I shook his hand firmly, looked him straight in the eye, introduced myself, called him "sir", the whole shpiel. Her mom shook my hand again and said, "We've heard a lot about you. I hope to see more of you.", and I thought, I GOT IN WITH THE FOLKS! Anyway, about 5 minutes later, I asked the guards why they were there, they said curfew, so I texted the girl telling her that was why we couldn't go back. I asked her if she wanted to do something again sometime, she said sure, I said goodnight. 10 minutes later, my dad picked me up, and here we are now.


Thanks to everyone for their advice.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Spoiler

Alrighty! So that happened. I'll give you all the details:

So I met her about 15 minutes before the movie started. We were in line for about 12 minutes, since there are a load of teenagers out on Saturday night. We talked for a while about how school is, how our lives are, how our respective school plays are going (we're both theater people), that sort of thing. She wouldn't let me pay for the ticket, but I pad for the snacks. And they were more expensive than the ticket, so I WIN! Anyway, we get in the movie, maybe 20, 25 minutes in, I ask if she wants anything. She says she's alright. In order to test the waters, I go out, get a popcorn, a big bag of twizzlers (trademark) and an icee WITH TWO STRAWS. Now, I could have just gotten her her own icee, but I figured, why not take a tiny risk? So I sit down with the foot and set it in the middle. About 5 minutes later she starts having the twizzlers. Another 5, she starts taking popcorn. I was really anxious to see if she would drink the slushee, since I chlorofoamed it. Not really, I was anxious because I figured that drinking from the same drink is a phsycological sign of trust, whether or not you realize it. First, its somewhat a sign of intimacy to share food. Second (and call me crazy on this), its a sign of trust because way back in caveman days, before Screwattack.com (trademark) existed, if you ate from the same plate or drank from the same bucket, it meant you trusted that person that they hadn't poisoned it. These instincts still exist today (why do you think its so cute when a bride feeds her groom cake, or when people share a soda?). Anyway, she drank from the slushee, so WIN for me. After the movie, we talked about it for a bit, and then went out one of the exits. The place we went to is an open mall, not in a building, there's just a bunch of stores and resteraunts and a theater. I was going to suggest coffee, but we weren't allowed to. Apparently, there's a curfew Friday and Saturday nights (we didn't know this at the time), so we went to the side of the big open mall thing, and her mom came to get her. I shook her hand, introduced myself, she asked about my mom who's in the hospital, and we walked to her car. We had to go around the place, so it was REALLY REALLY SKETCHY. Anyway, we walked over to her car, and I met her dad. I shook his hand firmly, looked him straight in the eye, introduced myself, called him "sir", the whole shpiel. Her mom shook my hand again and said, "We've heard a lot about you. I hope to see more of you.", and I thought, I GOT IN WITH THE FOLKS! Anyway, about 5 minutes later, I asked the guards why they were there, they said curfew, so I texted the girl telling her that was why we couldn't go back. I asked her if she wanted to do something again sometime, she said sure, I said goodnight. 10 minutes later, my dad picked me up, and here we are now.


Thanks to everyone for their advice.

Well played sir, I would say you are waaay overthinking things but I guess that works for you.

I do suggest you make further dates a bit more interactive, take her somewhere fun and where you can still talk.
You do want to get to know this girl not just love the idea of "yay girls are fun", which is what happens to most people then all of a sudden the "wait I don't know this person at all" moment drops like a stone.