First Date, Gifts From The Guy

[SaetonChapelle]

So I just got done with a first date with a nice young man, although in the end we both decided that it was probably for the best to remain friends. That being said, I have a curious questions for both the males and females of the forum.

During the date, the man in question decided to purchase me a video game which of course I was happy about (Psychonauts finally). However, I always feel awkward when receiving gifts, even during Christmas. When I attempted to refuse, he said that it was annoying when a girl refuses a mans gifts during a date. As the date continued he kept trying to give me more items, but I was able to refuse all of them.

So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

 

[Duck Sandwich]

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

1)I do, to some extent. But not right away. It's more like, if I'm on vacation, or I'm at someplace I know she never goes to, and I see something I think she'll like from that place (like some kind of souvenir), I'll buy it.

2) I don't find it annoying at all. I think it shows that she enjoys my company, and not that she just wants to be with me so she can have free food/drinks. On the other hand, I'm not really opposed to me paying for the whole thing, especially if I'm the one who made the initial plans for the date in the first place. As for a girl refusing what I give her, I might feel dejected to some extent, but in the end, I respect her choice.

 

[DANEgerous]

I find the rejection of gifts in no way offensive doubly so for a first date. Further thoughts on the subject I simply do not have. I have never been a materiel person I was never the kid screaming "Mommy get me a thing!" and was the kind of person that always got a rather nice gift at Christmas as I hardly ever wanted something over $5.

 

[madwarper]

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts?

It depends... But, in general, no. Not really.

I'd rather my potential partner like to be with me because they like my personalty, not because what material goods I could provide.

Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill,

No. Frankly, I'd rather there be separate checks. This first date should be about two people trying to get to know each other, not one person getting a free meal.

or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Personally, if she wanted to pay, I'd offer assistance. If she refused, I'd ask if she was sure. If she said she was sure, I'd let the matter drop.

 

[BRENDOG28]

I just had a First date with an amazing women the other day, I personally believe that on a date the Gentleman should pay for the activity (whether it be a movie, bowling or what have you) and the food (if you have lunch or dinner) On a first date you can't buy a gift for someone, I mean you hardly know each other (even if you have been friends for a long time and decided to start dating, you may think you know each other but you don't) It is in no way rude for your date to refuse receiving a gift off of you, as much as the person may or may not want the gift, giving someone a gift carries alot of weight to it (if that makes sense?) With all that said if your date offers to pay for something it is entirely up to you how you handle it though.

 

[DementedSheep]

I don?t really like receiving gifts on dates.

I don?t particularly like being given gifts most of the time. I don?t like feeling in debt or like I?m a burden so if I want something I?d rather buy it myself and if I can buy it myself there is no reason for someone else to pay for it.

A lot of my friends are like this to. It actually kind of funny. We are always trying to give each other gifts or shout each other food while at the same time hating receiving gifts.

On dates, especially first dates I really hate it. Unless you were friends prior to dating you wouldn't know what type of gift to give anyway. I just want hang out and see how things go, no pressure and no obligations. It puts me in awkward position because refusing the gift seems rude. It also kind of makes me feel like the guy thinks I can?t look after myself or I?m a whore who needs to be paid for my time though logically I know that?s probably not the reason he wants to pay or buy me stuff. Guys who try to prevent you from paying piss me off. You know what I would appreciate more than you throwing money at me? actually respecting my desire to look after myself

Guys paying for dates is an outdated concept in my opinion. It?s not like woman can?t earn decent money now.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

If somebody gives you Psychonauts as a present, I'd say that person is a keeper.

OP: I always pay for everything, food, tickets, whatever. But I don't go randomly giving presents away. And if the girl refuses to be catered with the bill, that usually inspires me all the more to get it. That's like standard issue right?

 

[Jux]

Gift giving is strange for me. Other than reciprocal gifting days (birthdays, xmas, valentines, anniversaries, souvenirs) I tend not to just gift women things randomly. Once in a serious relationship, I see nothing wrong with the occasional 'I'm thinking of you' flowers or what not, but just starting out? Eh, doesn't feel appropriate.

As for paying for dates, it also is dependent somewhat on the stage of the relationship. Just starting out, I always assume I'll be paying, though if a woman wants to pay half, I am not offended. It is a little confusing though, as sometimes I get the feeling she offers to pay half out of courtesy, but doesn't really want to. Could just be in my head? My general workaround for this is that the first time she offers I'll politely decline, or offer to let her catch the next bill, but if she insists I'll aquiesce.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

It depends... I'm of the opinion that when someone offers something, I take it at facevalue that the person means what they say.

If I say to my date, "Noooo don't worry about it, I got this" Its cause I genuinely don't care about taking the monetary hint. I actually don't think it's annoying when a girl rejects it.... So long as again, they're being genuine and not being polite.

 

[Caiphus]

On the first date? I'm a poor student, no presents from me. I'll pay for dinner. If she offers to split the bill, maybe do that. But yeah.

Anyway, I wouldn't get a girl presents just to impress her. I can do that with my sexual prowess!!!

Ha ha haaaaaaaa...

I wish.

 

[Zhukov]

Presents on a first date?

Nah. I mean flowers, sure, but actual present presents? Nah.

Presents come later, when 'we' is actually a thing.

I'll pay the bills of course. To me it's always seemed obvious that the person who does the asking should do the paying. Surely that's the whole idea, "Would you like to come and have a night out with me?" Not, "Would you like to buy me a night out?" If she offers to split the bill then that's totally welcome. If a woman asked me out (lol) then I'd definitely pay half the bill.

If I did give her a present though and she turned it down, I'd be mightily put out. That's a pretty heavy "not interested, clear off" signal right there. Besides, refusing gifts is just rude in basically any context. Sure, go through the whole "Oh, you shouldn't have, I couldn't possibly..." routine if you must, but one doesn't refuse a gift without very specific reasons.

 

[Lilani]

Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

Being a female, I feel obligated to answer this one.

I'm fine with receiving gifts, naturally lol. Though I think on the first date it might be a bit much, beyond maybe flowers or something. Perhaps when you feel like things are getting more serious. And I feel like they should be something you just do because you got a great idea or thought "Hey, I think they'd really like this." I did that once. It was a Minecraft themed gift, because I knew he liked Minecraft. I stained a wooden box I bought at Hobby Lobby, filled it with a few paperweights that looked like big fake diamonds, and baked some cookies and put them in there, too. So it was a treasure chest filled with diamonds and cookies--two rare delicacies in Minecraft.

 

[Nightmare99]

As a man, I used to bring flowers on first dates on occasion. I was very inconsistent though lol. A small gift is always nice. I don't like to show up empty handed, but times such as when I was a student that is how it was. Psychonauts is probably not very expensive by now, and if he knew you were a gamer, it is a small thoughtful gesture.

It is always a bit awkward if someone does not want to accept a gift, though not the end of the world. With something small, I always think the most gracious thing is to just accept it and say "Thank you". If the gift is over the top for a first date like jewelry or something you could say that you don't feel comfortable accepting it at that time.

As for your last question about paying for the bill. It is generally accepted that the man will pay for the first date at the very least. If a woman wants to pay her share she would need to speak up about it or I would jut assume that I was paying. This is not a bad thing, it just seems to be tradition I guess.

All of my dating stuff can be taken with a grain of salt however since I have now been married for 4 years.

 

[AlbertoDeSanta]

No, because I wouldn't be able to keep giving them gifts every time we go out for a meal or anything like that. Should it not be enough that, as a man, I've gone with this woman on a nice meal? Regardless of whether I pay, or she does, I don't feel it's necessary. If they can't deal with the fact that I don't want to buy them a gift, then they probably aren't worth dating in the first place.

 

[FrozenCones]

Personally its all circumstantial. If its someone ive only just met, say, off a dating website then I dont feel the need buy any extra gifts. If its dinner/coffee/drink/movie, I always insist that I cover the cost.
If its someone that ive known for a while and suddenly there is potential to take a friendship further then I would most definitely consider it. Nothing too outrageous. Flowers most likely.

The idea of buying something like a video game (especially a good one) just out of the blue is cool and quite cute.

This line got me thinking.....

As the date continued he kept trying to give me more items, but I was able to refuse all of them.

How many gifts was he buying you? It sounds like he was trying a little too hard to impress.

 

[The AmeriCanadian Gamer]

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

When I used to date I never felt that I had to impress a girl with gifts, but I have always liked buying things for my friends, paying for meals, etc. So its just somewhat in my nature to do so.

BUT when I asked a girl on a date, I paid for everything. Its rude imo to ask someone on a date and tell them "btw you have to pay your way" Maybe I'm a bit more old fashioned but thats how I was when I dated.

Nowadays my wife brings home the bacon so now she gets to treat me

 

[Colour Scientist]

I wouldn't take a gift from someone, especially not a game or something expensive, on a first date.
If I did, I'd feel like I was obliged to return the favour at a later date or would feel guilty if I didn't like the guy by the end of the date.

To be honest, I can't see myself being with someone who became offended because I refused a gift either. Especially if I was there while they were purchasing it.

I'd also probably be a little weirded out by someone who persistently tried to buy me things on the first date too. I'd feel like they were trying to buy my interest or something.

 

[Lorien077]

Wow um I gotta say OP that if I went out with a guy and he tried to push a bunch of presents on me like that I'd feel really uncomfortable.

But anyway to answer your question:
Gifts always make me a bit awkward, even on my Birthday I feel a little guilty for some reason. But something small from an actual boyfriend would be okay. On a first date the most I'd be willing to accept would be maybe a few flowers or a few chocolates, or other small things. (Like a pack of pokemon cards. Ya know nothing big)

Also I'd prefer to split the bill on most occasions. If I take him out somewhere special then I plan to pay the bill, and presume vice versa would be the same. But if its just a typical date I prefer to go dutch.