Friends scary relationship

[Yoshi178]

So me and my friends all go to this gaming bar/nightclub every friday night. good times are had.

However about 2 months ago, my friend recently met this girl and they started a relationship. He's 26 and the girl had recently just turned 18. the age gap is a bit odd but hey, they're both legally adults and can do what they want whatever. no harm done.

however over the last couple of months we've seen their relationship develop, things started off normal, everyone says i love you and such to each other. but they post all this lovey dovey stuff and speak like it in person to each other so much that it's actually starting to be unhealthy. not only are they now saying things like "i love you" to each other. they're starting to constantly say things "you're my entire world bae" "nothing will ever tear us apart" "i'll love until the day i die" and the girlfriend has even made facebook posts about wanting to Marry my friend and even going so far as to say she wants to have his babies, and seriously too, not just for jokes.


it's gotten to the point where my group of friends and i are actually extremely concerned for them both and what shit might happen if things between them blow up at all. it's really worrying what this girl might do if they ever break up, whether it's to my friend or even bringing to herself. the both of them are being bad. she's acting way too clingy, and my friend is really encouraging her clingyness and given that he's 26 and she's only 18, he should know so much better by now.

So basically my question is, what's a good way my group of friends could maybe help things slow down on their relationship? we don't want them to breakup per say, but we do really think they need to slow things down quite a lot before someone could seriously get hurt.

 

[Frezzato]

This is going to be hard for you to accept, but it's your friend's life and any mistakes are his to make. Yes, if his girl tries to convince him to do something stupid, like robbing a bank, getting a face tattoo or amputating a limb, you need to intervene, but so far nothing you've described sounds bad.

A lot of guys go through this at least once in their lives. It will be a big decision based on something that might have been gnawing at the back of their brains for a while. This could be anything like joining the military out of sheer curiosity (that was mine) or jumping headfirst into a relationship. Just point out any warning signs you might see--and I mean REAL warning signs, not just "I don't like this"--and leave it at that. You don't want your opinions to influence the outcome of a perfectly fine relationship, because only assholes do that.

On the other hand, having kids is a bad start. Once that happens, it's full commitment time, so keep an eye out for that.

.

There was this girl once who was crushing on me hard, straight out of left field. It all felt wrong to me so I ignored her. Turns out she had just broken up and her now ex-boyfriend was kicking her out. She needed a place to stay and was willing to do anything to get out of there. She immediately grabbed onto a co-worker of mine after I turned her down. They were together for several years, but only after my co-worker refinanced his house to buy them two new RR motorcycles, and then she moved out.

There's plenty more firsthand stories I could tell you, but that's life. Everyone's got at least one 'big lesson' to learn, only we don't want to hear it.

Who knows? Maybe things will work out for your friend. Be there for him.

 

[Saelune]

I thought someone was trying to use someone, but I have to agree...let them be. Its their lives, and people are allowed to love each other.

Independence is overly rated. I have a friend who values independence to an unhealthy degree, just as you feel these two are valuing co-dependence.

Clinginess isn't a bad thing when both are ok with it. Reminds me of that SNL couple played by Will Ferrel and Ratchel Dratch who refer to eachother creepily as "Lovers". They are creepy and weird, but they seem to be happy, so why ruin their happiness because you perceive it to hinder yours?

 

[Yoshi178]

Like i said, we don't want to break them up. we just think they should slow things down because that shit could get extremely ugly if anything goes wrong with them.

 

[Saelune]

Like i said, we don't want to break them up. we just think they should slow things down because that shit could get extremely ugly if anything goes wrong with them.

Honestly, I cannot really imagine anyway for you to step in without being the bad guy. If one of them comes to you, sure, you can say how you feel about it, but, for good or bad, you probably have to just not get involved. It might go terribly awry, and you may have to pick up some of the pieces, but if it doesn't, well...then good for them.

Plus any relationship can go terribly. They're old enough to make this decision on their own. Until something shady starts going on, if it is just too much emotional investment, Id have to say just let them be.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

She's clearly a succubus, and if cartoons have taught me anything, there's only one way to defeat her.


Play this and it should banish her back to the nether realm.

 

[The White Hunter]

I sense a jilted love

It's pretty normal, leave em to it, they'll cool off eventually.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well that sounds like full on hormone/honeymoon stage, people just do weird shit like that because hormones.
Ya it is very likely they will do something extremely stupid and it all blows up in a spectacular way, but it is after all their relationship to work out. Even if you tried to intervene at this stage you would be completely ignored because they couldn't spot an iceberg in front of their nose currently.

It is fair to warn your friend before he stumbles into any accidental family/marriage arrangements, but it is their shit to figure out.

 

[Silvanus]

I don't think this is anything to worry about. Sounds like the honeymoon stage; the most vomit-inducing stage of a new relationship, when the partner's many flaws aren't yet obvious, and everything seems like the best thing ever. It won't stay like that.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

I'd Estimate waiting 4 more months, see what they're like with each other then. Infatuation is often a short, bright fuse; which is kinda what it sounds like. 2 months is still too early to make any judgements based on the lovvles alone. Really, unless there's anything abusive or controlling going on, you're going to have to just sit this one out and let them do their thing. Allow them to find themselves their own way, even if you may not find it comfortable. It is another unavoidable part of life. Humour them, if nothing else.

 

[BadNewDingus]

They are both still young enough to mess it up. Heck, I don't think there is an age limit on messing up a relationship?

 

[DeliveryGodNoah_v1legacy]

Chemicals man, they do stupid things to our brains.
Infatuation like that can last as short as a few months to maybe three years, and even that is just an estimate.

I'm inclined to agree with most everyone else here, let them go. I can appreciate that as their friend, you want their relationship to slow down so they can keep being happy without rushing through it, but interfering could have even worse consequences depending on how they react to it. The best thing you can do as his friend is to comfort him when things do get rough.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Sounds like you care too much. Which is a trait of a good person but leads them to breakdowns as they try to help all their friends and its too much.

Just say to yourself "I am not my brothers keeper" here IMO