Friendszone (Not how to get out of it)

[hyperhammy]

Basicly, I've had some experience with relationships and you could barely call one mildly succesful. Either I get the dreaded *maybe* or *just friends*. Now I have started to hang out with girls but I stopped making the first move. Then I noticed that girls NEVER openly show their affection... at least wear I live. I'm screwed any way I approach a girl.

So, how do you approach a girl? Do girls ever take the first step?

 

[||XIII]

Ehr, well, the usual way I meet new people is at private parties.. So the people there are almost certainly friends of friends, and it comes rather natural to introduce oneself and get a conversation started. If that doesn't work, play a drinking game (If you're in the proper drinking age of course *Ahem*).

 

[rosemystica]

I'm a girl, and I've taken the first step several times. However, I have the same problem (or I have the same problem, but slightly worse, because nobody's ever agreed to go out with me, and dudes don't ask me out). I'm always stranded in Little-Sister-Figure Land or The Just-Friends Zone. Oh well. XD At least if something happens to my real big brother, I'll have tons of replacement big brothers to choose from...

And it's nice having tons of dude friends, anyway!

I just make friendly conversation with folks I want to be friends with and see where that goes. And if I get really attached, I make an attempt to ask the guy if he wants to go out. Sadly, like I said, I'm almost always rejected, but there's something to be said for trying anyway.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

I make friendly conversation and when i get the damn nervousness off me.

 

[Matt_LRR]

Basicly, I've had some experience with relationships and you could barely call one mildly succesful. Either I get the dreaded *maybe* or *just friends*. Now I have started to hang out with girls but I stopped making the first move. Then I noticed that girls NEVER openly show their affection... at least wear I live. I'm screwed any way I approach a girl.

So, how do you approach a girl? Do girls ever take the first step?

At the risk of sounding sexist: No, girls won't take the first step.

Now, in the interest of clarification: Don't expect girls to take the first step. For one, culturally, it's expected that the male will initiate, so girls who do (and they do exist) are bucking that social expectation. The safe assumption is that you're going to have to initiate.

Girls are tough to read. Buck up and ask. The disappointment of rejection will not be anywhere near as bad as you anticipate.

-m

 

[the_pleasure_is_mine]

I basically so something that you would only do if you were together then ask them out after >.> It makes me sound more ass-holey when I say it.

 

[JanatUrlich]

I hit on everything that moves. So yeah, in some cases girls make the first move.

I reckon you should just walk up to whoever you want to try it on with and ask if you can buy them a drink. Easy enough, right?

 

[Veleste]

Women will hint they like you a lot but I don't think I've ever made the first move so much as maneuvered the dude into making the first move.

I tend to stand close to them, smile at them a lot, touch their arm, find excuses for them to spend time with me doing something innocuous like fixing my computer, helping me roll up a D&D character, assisting me with some translations and ofc I'll make them some coffee and segue them into conversation.

If you notice a girl likes to invade your personal space, it's a pretty good indication they like you. Or if they are randomly mean to you and no one else, that's also a good - albeit very backwards - indication. We're all kids inside

 

[Matt_LRR]

I hit on everything that moves. So yeah, in some cases girls make the first move.

I reckon you should just walk up to whoever you want to try it on with and ask if you can buy them a drink. Easy enough, right?

I'm gonna guess that the OP is not in "buy a drink" age-territory.

-m

 

[Soxafloppin]

Im usually drunk, so im not very sure!

Whatever it is it seems to work.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Basicly, I've had some experience with relationships and you could barely call one mildly succesful. Either I get the dreaded *maybe* or *just friends*. Now I have started to hang out with girls but I stopped making the first move. Then I noticed that girls NEVER openly show their affection... at least wear I live. I'm screwed any way I approach a girl.

So, how do you approach a girl? Do girls ever take the first step?

Oddly enough im dating my best friend, we were really good friends for about half a year, now my girlfriend of a year and bit. I guess you can escape by some weird mirical. I have one successful tactic for picking up random girls, this depends on age really. Go to a music shop like HMV in the UK and browse your favourite bands, strike up conversation with any girl who also takes interest in them. ta da. Not only have you met someone but you know you have a shared interest. My main tip would be if you think someone is right for you try and establish that "im a possible date" relationship from the offset. After a while it should be pretty easy to see if you get on well enough for them to be a potential girlfriend and then strike quickly and work from there. When you meet a girl and really get on with her ask yourself "is this good friend material or girlfriend material" and act acordingly. My girlfriend took the first step with me kinda, i asked her out, she said no because we were friends, and then proceeded to be as good as my girlfriend for a month before saying yes out of the blue.

 

[JanatUrlich]

I hit on everything that moves. So yeah, in some cases girls make the first move.

I reckon you should just walk up to whoever you want to try it on with and ask if you can buy them a drink. Easy enough, right?

I'm gonna guess that the OP is not in "buy a drink" age-territory.

-m

Well then, he can offer to buy them a lollipop ;D

 

[Paksenarrion]

SNIP
So, how do you approach a girl? Do girls ever take the first step?

At the risk of sounding sexist: No, girls won't take the first step.

Now, in the interest of clarification: Don't expect girls to take the first step. For one, culturally, it's expected that the male will initiate, so girls who do (and they do exist) are bucking that social expectation. The safe assumption is that you're going to have to initiate.

Girls are tough to read. Buck up and ask. The disappointment of rejection will not be anywhere near as bad as you anticipate.

-m

Not sexist at all; this is an unfortunate cultural indoctrination of our society.

I actually took the first step with my bf after observing him for a month or so. He's the shy and gentle type, so I tried not to be too forward. I told him, "I find you attractive, do you feel the same way?" I thought he would be too shy to admit anything, but months later I find myself in bed with him, covered in sweat, thinking, "WTF just happened...was I just ninja'd?"

 

[Replay107]

If I tried to strike up a conversation with a girl about my music taste, I think I'd suggest an album and then...I'd have nothing else to say, and then SNAP! I'm now totally aware of every move the muscles in my face make, and WHERE DO I PUT MY HANDS!? I just get massively self-conscious.

 

[SturmDolch]

Just ask a girl out that you're NOT friends with. Avoids unnecessary drama later, too, if you break up with her because then all of your friends might turn against you. Happened to my one friend (distant friend. His group disowned him, basically).

Besides, getting to know each other is one of the most fun parts.

 

[Cody211282]

Basicly, I've had some experience with relationships and you could barely call one mildly succesful. Either I get the dreaded *maybe* or *just friends*. Now I have started to hang out with girls but I stopped making the first move. Then I noticed that girls NEVER openly show their affection... at least wear I live. I'm screwed any way I approach a girl.

So, how do you approach a girl? Do girls ever take the first step?

At the risk of sounding sexist: No, girls won't take the first step.

Now, in the interest of clarification: Don't expect girls to take the first step. For one, culturally, it's expected that the male will initiate, so girls who do (and they do exist) are bucking that social expectation. The safe assumption is that you're going to have to initiate.

Girls are tough to read. Buck up and ask. The disappointment of rejection will not be anywhere near as bad as you anticipate.

-m

I would also like to add to this that it's best to ask in privet and not when they are around a ton of their friends.

Also I got some really good advice once from a women I had no deal being with, confidence is sexy and be aggressive!

Edit: Also the friend zone is a *****, the only way I know of avoiding it is be a tad bit distant, still be nice but not available for their every whim.

 

[Wedlock49]

Quite often people get zone'd because you're much too nice. This isn't a treat 'em mean thing either. If you behave like a friend from the get-go, then you're going to be treated like a friend. The answer to this is flirting.

when you first meet them, flirt. Not aggresively that'll scare them away do it enough to let them know you're interested, find a subject that you both like and make sure you actually know something about the subject. Intelligence is sexy if you're caught on a subject that you don't know anything about say and ask them to explain it, that is also an attractive aspect in a man.

Biggest tip, you can look at her body after a while, don't oogle her breasts or arse but just look, this can be a deal maker or breaker so only use it after you've been talking a while. Do it descretly at a time where she might notice. If she does notice and likes the fact that that you're showing that you're attracted she'll blush or smile and most likely do the same to you.

Most of all, be yourself and talk to her like you would a normal person... it might take a little practise but eventually you'll learn how to go with the flow of things and once you're feeling comfortable with talking to strangers things will go a lot better, confidence is also attractive.

I've done this before and kicked myself for it, don't forget to take her number or her MSN or something!

 

[TOGSolid]

Basicly, I've had some experience with relationships and you could barely call one mildly succesful. Either I get the dreaded *maybe* or *just friends*. Now I have started to hang out with girls but I stopped making the first move. Then I noticed that girls NEVER openly show their affection... at least wear I live. I'm screwed any way I approach a girl.

So, how do you approach a girl? Do girls ever take the first step?

Yep, my girlfriend did. :3 It was kinda refreshing not having to do the work tbh.