From the diaries of an Alien.

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kijo98

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Jul 29, 2009
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The little human seemed more fond of me as I was shot down, but it has also shown that humans are not prepared for peace with other planets. The family seemed so sad they have forgotten that I have been in their life for only 5 Earth minutes. The youngest human sat there and cried as it began to snow and as my corpse lie motionless in the ground, her relatives cared but they did not love me as much as she. But I did what I could to save them from the thing these humans call "The Military". It upset me that we still had not had time to make each others acquaintance but I was doing my best to shield all the bullets with my body. I was slowly getting weaker as Protoplasm leaked out of my wounds, the air was becoming blurry as I was slouching over the ground when I heard the girl crying. I was doing my best to keep up, I then saw the girl sitting in front of me with tears streaming down her face, "Mommy!" she yelled, "tell them to stop!" but the mother sat back and cried just as her husband and her son had done...it was over, one side of my face went black, then the other, snow was falling on top of me, it was no use, i couldn't stand up, I felt all the snow begin to lift off of me, I was being dragged. I felt a sudden stab in my left leg, i lifted up my head somewhat and saw that there was an syringe stuck in it,i saw my protoplasm rising into it while a human, in white and red (bloodstains), was extracting it, he said slowly, "You are going to be all right." I wasn't sure if he knew i could speak english. I then smelled something it was like bubblegum I was falling asleep, I was losing feeling in my legs, I fell asleep, but i could still here all voices even though they were mostly whispers. I heard the little girl walk in and squeal, I bolted right up and looked at her, she was being held down by a man in black coat with sunglasses. I got up and kicked him off her even though my legs were still numb and i was oozing protoplasm. I knelt down so she could get on my back, she hadn't hesitated and jumped on. She was heavier than she looked, I was still numb and I felt hungry, but I ran out and I didn't stop. The girl was scared I could tell. I saw a small cabin and did not hesitate to jump in, she stayed with me, I had a friend...

I will be adding on to it over time...
 

Jack and Calumon

Digimon are cool.
Dec 29, 2008
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Well... I'm half woozy... but time to go full fledged reviewer!

kijo98 said:
The little human seemed more fond of me as I was shot down, but it has also shown that humans are not prepared for peace with other planets. The family seemed so sad they have forgotten that I have been in their life for only 5 Earth minutes.Good start The youngest human sat there and cried as it began to snow and as my corpse lie motionless in the ground, her relatives cared but they did not love me as much as she. But I did what I could to save them from the thing these humans call "The Military".Still good It upset me that we still had not had time to make each others acquaintance but I was doing my best to shield all the bullets with my body. I was slowly getting weaker as ProtoplasmI would have picked a better word, as now it sounds like a Sci-Fi fan orgasm leaked out of my wounds, the air was becoming blurry as I was slouching over the ground when I heard the girl crying. I was doing my best to keep up, I then saw the girl sitting in front of me with tears streaming down her face, "Mommy!" she yelled, "tell them to stop!" but the mother sat back and cried just as her husband and her son had done...it was over, one side of my face went black, then the other, snow was falling on top of me, it was no use, i couldn't stand up, it was... The End.
Very good, but I am getting the feeling of familiarity. I feel like I've heard this somewhere before.

Calumon: ohhhh.... thats so sad...
 

Owlslayer

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Nov 26, 2009
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http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/alt-escape/7249-Alt-Escape-ImmorTall

ImmorTall, anyone :D?

It was a weird game, but at least original.
 

AvsJoe

Elite Member
May 28, 2009
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I really dislike the line
it was... The End.
That really needs to go. Otherwise you have a pretty decent ending to a short story. Some re-working and a lot of polish is needed but you've got the basics down.
 

kijo98

New member
Jul 29, 2009
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AvsJoe said:
I really dislike the line
it was... The End.
That really needs to go. Otherwise you have a pretty decent ending to a short story. Some re-working and a lot of polish is needed but you've got the basics down.
removed it :p