Frustrated/Lonely

[IrradiatedFish]

Good day/afternoon/evening/morning! You can call me Chris (because it's my name!)! Well, let me just preface this by saying I don't know what I expect to accomplish by posting anything here. That said, I am sort of at my wits end, and I figure it can't hurt to turn to the internet; I suppose I am potentially hoping for a variety of replies that may or may not give me a boost to keep on "going".

(Also, I am going to try and keep things brief for the sake of those who aren't interested in the nitty-gritty; if you really want more detail and/or my life story, feel free to send me a message or use any of my contact info linked to my profile)

Well, as the subject line suggests, I am both frustrated and lonely! Go figure. More or less frustrated BECAUSE I'm lonely I suppose. Simply put, lately I feel like I'm short on friends... There is a fair handful of people whom I'd like to consider my friends, but I don't feel very well liked in return.

Again, without trying to explain this through painting a picture of my life story (if you really want more details, contact me), I've found myself being the only one trying and stay in contact with any of the people I consider friends. I'm frustrated because of this; I consider these people my good friends, and I thought that good friendships were mutual. By being the only person to make any effort to keep in contact, I feel like people are trying to cut ties with me.

When I say that I'm the only one trying to initiate any contact with anyone, I mean that I am the only one organizing time to hangout, sending emails, making phone calls, or even sending text messages (which I'm personally not big on, because I don't feel you can really express oneself properly this way - my text messages always end up being a dozen parts long). I've tried thinking that I simply wasn't giving anyone enough of a chance to contact me first, but I went 4 months without hearing from anyone once, and at that point, I gave in on wanting some social interaction and went back to being the one to take the initiative.

At this point I'm kinda getting depressed and feeling rather lonely. I want to try to explain more, but my head is sort of a mess from thinking about it so much. I'm frustrated, because I don't understand why people just don't seem to like me. I guess now is the time for mandatory mention that I've never had a significant other in my life either. I consider myself friendly, and it's not like I just sit around moping. I'm hygienic too, so I don't think my apparently repellent nature is due to smelling bad.

There's a long list of other issues I feel I'm struggling with, but again, I'm trying to keep this brief to what I think my biggest underlying problem is. The problem being that I'm trying so hard to be a good friend, but no one seems to want to bother returning the favour. I feel like my self-esteem is sort of taking a big hit, and well, yeah, I'm rather lonely (and thus fairly consistently depressed). So that's basically it.

Also, I hate to add this, as it's going to sound awful when I'm here asking for help from you who is reading this, but pleeeease don't give me a "psychology textbook" style of reply. I went to a therapist once because I thought there was something wrong with me, and it was the most agonizing thing ever (in otherwords, they sounded like they were reading out of a textbook and I gained absolutely no insight that I hadn't already figured out on my own). Guess I'm looking for more a more personal/practical take on things. I hope I don't sound like an asshole by adding this .

Anyway, I appreciate the time anyone took to read my vague and brief series of paragraphs. I hope to hear back. (Also, I can be busy at times, so I apologize in advance if it takes me several hours to post my own reply)




Captcha: dream big -> That's certainly something I'm a culprit of.
Second Captcha (because the first one failed for some reason...): sacred cow -> lol, can't relate to this one :S

 

[Wolf-AUS]

Hey man!

I went through a phase exactly like that in high school, right towards the end of it. I had a group of "friends", but I never used to get invited to anything except big parties which nearly the whole year was invited to, it used to upset me a little bit too. Luckily I had one close friend and we would always hang out together. I know exactly where you're coming from though

Ahahah, I'm identical to you with text messages. I have so much to say, ask anyone who's tried to have a pm chat with me or through facebook, it always ends up ungodly long. I too, much prefer to talk to someone in person. On top of that, I have a very dry sense of humour at times and I can accidentally end up insulting people when I try to make jokes through text

My advice to you would be, if your current friends don't talk to you, or if you're feeling neglected. Take a break from them, get out and start meeting new people, try to find people with common interests, you might make a few casual friends here and there which is always nice, eventually you'll hit a gem and find someone you really connect with. If not, just go out and have fun, I really enjoy hanging out by myself, just relaxing, listening to music, etc. I think the biggest thing, as cliche as it is, be yourself, don't try to mold yourself to people you want to be friends with, be confident in who you are, embrace it, try to better yourself, real friends will come

In the meantime, I'm happy to be your friend and chat with you, I'll even skype so we don't end up clogging each other's inboxes up

 

[manic_depressive13]

I'm in the exact same position. I met my best friend in primary school and we were together all through high school. She ended up going to uni in a different state and she didn't even call to say she was leaving. Weeks passed and eventually I called her parents to find out what her new phone number was. I confronted her fairly directly and asked if she deliberately didn't give me her number. She insisted that she still considers me her best friend and she just hadn't gotten around to calling me. For the rest of the year I was the one making the phone calls and putting in the effort to keep in touch. If I didn't months would pass and I wouldn't even cross her mind. It felt like shit. The person I considered my best friend couldn't even be bothered to keep in contact with me. She didn't care whether or not I called. I felt pathetic since I would tell myself that if she couldn't be bothered keeping in touch then I wouldn't bother either, but I inevitably would because I was so desperately lonely. We still talk but only about once a month, sometimes less, where we used to be together every day for almost as long as I can remember.

Anyway, this isn't really going anywhere. I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted you to know I can sympathise.

And that my life sucks.

 

[IrradiatedFish]

Thanks to everyone who has replied thus far!

Incoming gargantuan wall of text!!! :O

Hey man!

Hello!

I went through a phase exactly like that in high school, right towards the end of it. I had a group of "friends", but I never used to get invited to anything except big parties which nearly the whole year was invited to, it used to upset me a little bit too. Luckily I had one close friend and we would always hang out together. I know exactly where you're coming from though

Yes, that sounds similar to my experiences with high school. I had a couple different groups of friends I was tagging along with, but unfortunately I never really became close with any of them I felt. I was essentially the extra or the tag-along. I only really ever got invited along last minute if it was viable for an extra person to come (same thing goes for group activities at school - always in the leftovers group!).

That said, I had a couple of friends in high school I considered really close; one of them being my "best" friend (it's actually starting to get complicated, so I'll explain that later), someone since I had known since kindergarten, but hadn't really became friends with until middle school. The other one was a really great guy too, but he had a girlfriend whom he was together with for almost all of high school, so that translated to me inevitably being the third wheel (I can remember countless lunch hours spent following these two around :\).

Ahahah, I'm identical to you with text messages. I have so much to say, ask anyone who's tried to have a pm chat with me or through facebook, it always ends up ungodly long. I too, much prefer to talk to someone in person. On top of that, I have a very dry sense of humour at times and I can accidentally end up insulting people when I try to make jokes through text

Yeah, I always feel I have much more to say than what I can easily summarize in a little bit of text. I've commonly sent 20 part texts before, but I've sent some that were so long that my phone actually refused to send the whole thing (which sucked because I lost about 2000 characters worth of text, and I didn't feel like trying to remember what I said and re-type it :\!). I also refuse to use all that text lingo/short forms; makes me feel illiterate when I look at all that gobbledygook (<- wow, this is actually word, cool beans) afterwards, so everything is always typed out in full, hahah!

My advice to you would be, if your current friends don't talk to you, or if you're feeling neglected. Take a break from them, get out and start meeting new people, try to find people with common interests, you might make a few casual friends here and there which is always nice, eventually you'll hit a gem and find someone you really connect with. If not, just go out and have fun, I really enjoy hanging out by myself, just relaxing, listening to music, etc. I think the biggest thing, as cliche as it is, be yourself, don't try to mold yourself to people you want to be friends with, be confident in who you are, embrace it, try to better yourself, real friends will come

In the meantime, I'm happy to be your friend and chat with you, I'll even skype so we don't end up clogging each other's inboxes up

Well, in terms of taking a break from my friends, well... I haven't been left with much of a choice in that regard! Currently, I live anywhere from 1 to 2 hours or 4 to 6 hours from anyone I knew. Part of the reason why I'm feeling lonely I guess. I sort of live in two places, and regardless of where I'm currently residing, I don't really have much in the way of quick access to people I know. Sort of depressing when I try to arrange to drive to meet people, or otherwise send some form of greeting, and I get very little in the way of replies in return .

I've been to multiple post secondary institutions due to my indecisiveness regarding what I want to do with my career, so that's why I'm so spread out from my friends. I've got them all over the place from different schools, but no one really seems interested in keeping touch after I've moved away. Some of them aren't even in school and have graduated already. I get the impression that they already have friends close by, so no one feels like I'm necessary and it's just extra work for them to try and stay in contact with someone far away. I dunno. I've also never made friends at any of the jobs I've had for whatever reason. I guess I'm too focused on the work? Meh. Anyway, point is, I haven't made any friends at my current location, which is unfortunate, because I've past the one year milestone, and being in a place for some long without much social interaction aside from the occasional casual greeting with an acquaintance, has proven to be... difficult.

Also, being confident and being myself isn't a problem. Which, I kind of wish it was, because that would be a good self-explanatory problem to target. Because that's NOT my problem though, I simply don't know what my problem is! I just don't make friends easily I guess :\. Though, admittedly, I think my confidence has been waning as of late. I spent the last two weeks doing nothing but assignments and torchlight 2; as such, I haven't really left my room much lol.

Anyway, that was a long reply, I've still got a couple other people to respond to ! I'd be happy to be your friend, because I can use all the friends I can get, and I mean that genuinely; if you're willing to make the effort, so am I ! Different forms of contact info are in my profile, so feel free to add any/all of them! Thanks again for the prompt reply , cheers!

I'm in the exact same position. I met my best friend in primary school and we were together all through high school. She ended up going to uni in a different state and she didn't even call to say she was leaving. Weeks passed and eventually I called her parents to find out what her new phone number was. I confronted her fairly directly and asked if she deliberately didn't give me her number. She insisted that she still considers me her best friend and she just hadn't gotten around to calling me. For the rest of the year I was the one making the phone calls and putting in the effort to keep in touch. If I didn't months would pass and I wouldn't even cross her mind. It felt like shit. The person I considered my best friend couldn't even be bothered to keep in contact with me. She didn't care whether or not I called. I felt pathetic since I would tell myself that if she couldn't be bothered keeping in touch then I wouldn't bother either, but I inevitably would because I was so desperately lonely. We still talk but only about once a month, sometimes more, where we used to be together every day for almost as long as I can remember.

Ugh, that sounds sucky . I see we can relate though. There IS one person whom I've had a little bit of success in keeping touch with, but that in itself has become complicated due to the nature of our brotherly relationship (which is again complicated within itself <_<). Unfortunately, I don't feel have too much to reply to you with at the moment, because I'd basically be echoing what I already said in my initial post about being the only one really making the effort. You certainly seem to know where I'm coming from, and boy is it frustrating isn't it ?

Anyway, this isn't really going anywhere. I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted you to know I can sympathise.

And that my life sucks.

Hey, that's ok, I'm happy that you took the time to reply, and I'm glad decided you wanted to lend me your support via sympathising with me. It makes my world feel a bit more, hmm, what's the right word... connected?

I'm more than happy to continue talking if you yourself are looking for a friend. Just let me know and I'll be happy to hit you up! If you feel your life sucks, well, that sucks, because I'm not going to tell you otherwise, that's something you have to control yourself... but damn, I'm here to lend my support if you need it! Maybe we can make each others lives less sucky together ! Hope you have a great day/night! Thanks again for the reply !

PS: I like your avatar! It looks really neat!

Good morning to you too, Chris. My name is Aylaine! I'm going to share a bit about my experiences with 'friends who don't initiate conversations'. I sincerely hope they give you insight on your own situation!

Hello , thanks for the little introduction!

This starts back to when I was in high school. At that time, I had a lot of friends. More then I have now anyways. But quite a few weren't really my friends. Some people will spend a little time with you, then cease any kind of communication unless you start it on your end. Why? A lot of reasons. People change, people get busy...sometimes, people just stop caring enough to really give that small notion back. It can be quite painful to someones sense of self because they feel the issues may be on their end, when that isn't always the case. Friendship is a 2 way street for sure. Both people have to be on that same street, going in that general direction. One person could be doing their absolute best, being the best friend possible, always showing care and consideration but it won't do any good. The person on the other side just isn't there. :/

I definitely agree with what you've said. And yes, I adamantly believe that any proper relationship is two way deal. I guess you could say I'm struggling to find that balance with any other person, thus my lack of true friends.

I guess I'm having trouble with finding people who want to put in the same effort. Especially since I'm typically located several hours away in driving distance from most of my friends. With that distance, I'm increasingly finding that people don't seem to want to make the effort :/ . I guess it's easy for other people, when they have someone they can spend time with right down the street; why would they want to get in touch with the guy several hundred kilometres away when there's someone 2 minutes away? I guess it hurts the most though because I've already expressed that I'm happy to make the drive if someone would just invite me down. Even still though, that just covers physically hanging out (which addmittedly, is a bit more tricky given that everyone is dispersing a bit as we get older), but that doesn't explain why no one even wants to text me, send me emails, or skype me.

I'm not sure, but it seems as if I can relate a wee bit with what you're saying about your experiences in highschool. I felt as if I had a great deal many friends back then too, but they were only friends on the surface; no more than really a wee bit more than acquaintances. It was as if no one really hated/disliked me, but I wasn't really anyone's good friend either. I had a few people that I considered good friends for a while, but since I was seemingly so distant from anyone else, I stopped getting invited to do things, because I only ever really related to one person out of an entire group.

So I learned that those types of people are usually not worth spending time on. However, I've come to realize that some people are just not good at setting things up, or communicating. It may sound like one of those issues you could easily fix, but sometimes things aren't as they seem. Upon contacting a few 'friends' and asking them why they never asked me to hang out, or go to the movies or any kind of initiation like that, I was told that they simply couldn't talk to me as easily as I could talk to them. At first I was stumped, because I felt that someone could easily get over that or change that. Everyone is different though. What's easy for me might be a huge obstacle for someone else. Taking that into consideration, I decided to ask people why from there on. This way, I could see into their reasons first before deciding that they don't like me, or that something might be wrong on my end.

Actually, yeah, I get where you're coming from, and it's something I have given much thought to. However, there's really only one person I can fit the bill to and because of this, I don't really blame him. He's a bit on the quiet side, and as far as I can tell, he never really is the one to organize or invite people to do anything. So I feel kinda awful if I try to put any blame on him, because it's really just not his personality type. That said, he's always been popular with his friends, and he never has a shortage of people to hang out with himself as far as I can tell (he even had a girlfriend of 3 or 4 years or something, and I've yet to have a single one!). Can't figure out why I haven't been so lucky myself :/.

My advice is to ask your friends why they don't initiate communication first to hang out. This can give you some direct insight on why. It also lets you easily choose what to do next. If you feel their answer isn't good enough, then you don't have to talk to them anymore. If they have legit reasons, then you can keep them around. At the same time, you should consider meeting new people. There are people out there who see friendship the same way you do. It's worth looking into if you want to meet more people who will genuinely show you the level of friendship you would show. Try going out to places you like, or enjoy. Can be anywhere that people with shared interests will be. Connect with people and see what's out there besides what you've known up until now. Being yourself is a good start too. As Wolf said, changing who you are to get friends always, always ends badly.

Actually, that's something else I did do... Unfortunately I didn't really get a very useful reply. I asked a person I considered a good friend why I seemed be relatively ignored, and I was told that I shouldn't be upset, that everyone is busy with school/work/relationships/etc., and that I shouldn't expect to hear from everyone all the time. Either that was a major case of miscommunication, or I took that as a pretty big insult, because she certainly didn't look at things from my perspective. Around the time I asked this, I was working close to 100 hour weeks (often 14 hour days, 7 days a week), and I was using all the free time/days off I had to try and get in touch with people. I'm fairly certain that no one was as busy as I was, and even in the case that they were, I was still managing to find time to communicate with people, yet I wasn't being given anything in return. And it's not as if I was expecting to hear from everyone "all the time" either. But to hear from someone at least ONCE in a blue moon would certainly be a big improvement :/.

That's where a lot of my frustration comes in. I've really tried hard to maintain these "friendships", and it is as if no one could really give a damn. In terms of trying to find other friends, well, I kinda replied to Wolf in that regard, so kindly see what I typed up to him . If you want more details though, just ask, and I'm happy to get back to you.

You honestly sound like a wonderful sincere friend so it really makes me believe that this isn't a problem with you, but rather a problem with them. I'm the same way as you are. I talk to all of my friends that I have now, even ones on this website. It might not be a lot, but it's enough to stay in touch, schedule things to do and be involved in their lives. I'd like to be your friend too.

I hope this helps!

Wow, thanks for saying that, but I must say, you hardly know me! Thanks for the compliment nonetheless. All the same though, that seems kind of harsh, I don't really think there's a problem with these people per se. I dunno, I'm starting to wonder if I just having higher than normal expectations for life. *shrug*

Cool though, I'd be happy to have you as a friend too if you're interested . I'm always looking for someone who's interested in putting in the effort !

And yes, it does help, it's always nice to get a well thought out reply! Cheers!

EDIT: PS: Sorry if this seemed rushed at the end. Was going to be late for class if I didn't draw things to a close quickly!

 

[IrradiatedFish]

I see. Well, aside from everything else I've said, you should definitely try to hang out with that one friend when you can.

Not really sure what/who you mean by "that one friend" (unless I really messed up rereading what I wrote). :/

Beyond that, you said that you haven't really met anyone in your new area. Having people spread out can really restrict your social life, especially if they're hours away in every which direction. My advice is to try and meet people where you live now. If people far away can't deliver the type of friendship that you want, it's time to look somewhere else. I know that it's not an easy task, but you won't know who is out there until you start looking.

Mhmm, my head is not too deep in the sand yet, and I realize that really my best option is to just "make new friends". And I know that of course you know that I know (hopefully you followed that, hahah)that it's not necessarily an easy task; however, that said, I've been in this area for just over year already, and my efforts so far have yielded minimal success. While that in itself isn't a huge problem, the thing is, I will probably be moving elsewhere AGAIN in another 2 years or so (possibly less). Once more, that's still not really an excuse, and I'm still hoping to meet a valuable friend or two... But things haven't really been looking up for me . *sigh* *lonelyface*

I just don't know what more I can do other than keep persisting with what I've already done. Maybe I need some new revolutionary strategy or something. Not that I haven't tried different things already, but I haven't met with much success regardless of how I swung at it before. One thing though, is I refuse to change who I am, and I'll never resort to that to be someone elses friend; because than what would be the point, right?

Well, whatever, don't have much else to add at the moment. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far though. I appreciate the time anyone has taken to read and/or reply to my mess. Wasn't expecting any cold hard solutions to my situation... But thanks nonetheless

 

[IrradiatedFish]

You mentioned a friend who could not help it. Not communicating, I mean. That's who I was referring to.

Oh, ok, I know what you're referring to now. My bad. Unfortunately, he's not really any more viable to stay in touch with anyone else. While I know that he's not one to really initiate communication with others, it's still debatable whether or not he's in the same bag as the rest of my friends. I probably sound like I'm being a negative stick in the mud now, but even regardless of how he sees thing, he's hours away with everyone else, and he's got his own friends that, as far as I'm aware, he's more than satisfied spending time with. Perhaps I'm being a little bitter from feeling excluded... But damn, I've analysed everything to death... And to be honest, I dont feel very well liked.

Even after saying all that though, believe it or not, I'm still trying to be fairly positive, and I'm hoping things will turn around somehow. I'm persistent to a fault sometimes though, and for all I know I'm relying on false hope. I want to believe that there's still a place for me with these people, because I do like them. I just can't shake the feeling that the feeling isn't very mutual, 'cause as I already explained, no one keeps in touch with me, and while I don't think any of them really dislike me, I don't believe any of them would really care if I disappeared either. They probably wouldn't notice as evidenced by my attempt earlier this year to get someone to "miss" me, when I personally tried to stop communicating with them; I never heard anything for a good 4 or 5 months at which point I gave in and started talking to them again out of sheer loneliness. It's like they never noticed I was gone.

Anyway, enough of that, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, even though I suppose I am :/.

I would keep trying. Maybe not necessarily trying the same strategy though. If you are able, can you go into more details on exactly what you've done so far? That way I can accurately suggest something new for you to try. Having to move again is unfortunately, but think of it this way: the kinds of friends you desire could be in your area now. If you don't try everything you can possibly do before moving, you may not meet them. You would be back to square one once you move. Even if you don't find anyone by trying, you still can say you gave it a shot. It would be easier to look in your next area as a result because you've already done it before.

Hmm, well, I guess this is going to be difficult to explain... Not really sure how to describe my different behaviours in terms of social interaction, but I'll see what I can expand on. I mean, basically I do my best to just be friendly and likeable. Obviously different people are going to see/interpret me slightly differently, but I don't think I ever appear repulsively unfriendly (unless I happen to be in a particularly bad mood, and lets face it, everyone has their day).

There are a few people I see on a fairly regular basis that I'm actually very fond of because they seem like genuinely great people, and I've held conversations with them before, but despite that, they don't seem like people I could really develop a good friendship with. Realistically they'll probably only ever be peers. I know the obvious answer to that is to just make a move, invite someone to do something, and maybe a friendship will stem from that. I dunno though, it's hard to explain why I don't think that'll work. To be quite honest, I think I am, or at least can be, a very likeable guy. Having said that though, I only really see that in the sense that I'm not very dislikeable, as I'm a fairly agreeable person, and I do my best to be a pleasant individual; and while that's all fine and dandy, the biggest problem I think, is I'm viewed as a very boring guy.

Despite my positive attitude towards wanting to find some good friends, I'm still very very introverted. I just don't do exciting things. I'm the kind of person who has a glass of wine or two for dinner, not someone who gets together with a group of people and sits around drinking for the sake of it. I don't like big social gatherings; I much prefer to get together with one or two others (threes not bad I suppose, but more than that, I feel like I start to sink into the background), and maybe just sit around talking, watch a movie, play a game (board, video, card, just about anything), or go for a stroll around outside.

I dunno, this feels sort of embarrassing to say, but I've considered the idea that maybe I just want someone special to share time with; a "significant other" per se. As lame as it sounds I've never had a girlfriend before, thus I can't really say what the experience would be like. That said, being with someone I could be comfortable and at ease with (not expecting to do something new and exciting every day - maybe watching movies, going for walks, and just sitting around talking) sounds like a very ideal thing (and maybe fitting with my apparently boring personality). On that note though, I've only developed two serious crushes over my life, and neither amounted to anything. Both times I was essentially turned down with "you're a nice guy/not interested in a relationship".

As a result of being introspective on this whole thing, I think I'm sort of straying from the main point again. Anyway, thing is, I definitely agree with what you said; no sense in giving up, and you'll find that I'm far from a quitter (see previous statement about being persistent to a fault). I'm going to continue to try and make friends, but unfortunately this town doesn't really support my social lifestyle very well. I've already had better luck at making friends as a result of creating this thread than I have in a years time in the real world. Go figure.

Correct. Don't change who you are; you want people to befriend you for you. Anything less would be a fabrication of yourself and a betrayal to them since they believed a lie. No one likes that guy.

Don't give up. Situations like yours definitely don't come with a magic fix it button, but we should try everything first.

Glad we're in agreement about that point. That's sort of the issue with the whole social layout of this town, and somewhat of a barrier to really finding any social venues that I could possibly meet like-minded people at. If I "went out on the town", and tried to meet people at bars (seems to be a common reply when someone is asking how to "meet people") or at some other place where people gather, I wouldn't be being myself. That's not the sort of thing I do, therefore, meeting someone similar to myself seems fairly unlikely. I could elaborate, but I'm not sure if that's necessary(?).

Anywho, sorry for adding another massive hunk of text to this thread. Gonna break everyone's scroll wheels! Definitely won't be giving up though, and I refuse to let myself succumb to depression the way I have in the past, but damn, where's that "easy button" when you need it; I've got enough issues on my plate without being, well, lonely all the time :|...

Anyway, cheerio! Hope to hear back from you again, however, this seems like a mostly dead thread, as no new voices are being contributed, so I don't know if we should bother bumping this to the top of the board any longer. Don't really wanna clog up this forum unless there's another individual who is finding this insightful or useful.

 

[IrradiatedFish]

I see. Something else I wanted to mention is, perhaps you are analyzing things too much? At times, people will microscope their problems or things they tend to over think about. In most cases, I think that's harmless. After a certain threshold is broken though, it can blur what you were originally focused on with how you feel, or think. Just making sure this isn't one of those instances. It could be a different kind of mutual though. Everyone treats their friends differently, so communication is also different from person to person. I know people who are like you, but at the same I also know people who aren't. It may be a simple case of incompatibility. Still, based on what you've said it sounds like they may have drifted apart from you. It happens unfortunately. :/

Hahah, actually, that's something I haven't mentioned yet (not intentionally mind you, I just didn't think of brining it up) and perhaps I should have. I am indeed guilty of being one of those people that analyses the snot out of just about everything. That said, while I am definitely a culprit of this tendency, I believe I'm being fairly reasonable with my thinking at the moment.

I'm more or less coming to the conclusion that you're probably correct in saying that they're drifting away from me though. Again, I don't think anyone really dislikes me (with one possible exception, but that's another messy topic entirely), but they've all got everything they need socially, so why would they take the extra effort to stay in touch with me? Unfortunately, that seems to be a common theme in my life. I always seem to end up being the leftovers; I'm there for someone when they have no choice but to come to me for sustenance, but otherwise I'm tucked away at the back of the fridge. Hopefully that Metaphor made some kind of sense to you (ehhh, oh dear, you know you're tired when :/...).

You don't think it will work, but you aren't sure. It'll continue to be this way until you try though. I know that has a chance of not working, but at that point you can look back and say you tried, rather then looking back and thinking what if. I have made a lot of friends that way. Just talking to them, inviting them to hang out or go see a movie, anything that shows initiative on your part. You won't know what these people are like or if they'd develop a connection with you unless you take the time to get to know them. My advice is to just go for it. You might just be surprised.

I had a sneaking suspicion you would say something to that end, and I understand where you're coming from. However, as harsh as it sorta sounds, I don't really see anything coming from trying to make friends with these people (and I feel awful saying that, because it sounds terrible, but listen to my reasoning at least). It relates to what I feel was one of the biggest problems I had in the past.

I believe that after a certain point people become happily situated in little groups, and if I try to break into a group at a later point, after the group has already been established, I'll end up becoming the outcast. I think that if it was the other way around there would be a better chance of there being a positive outcome, because they're collectively welcoming me into the group. If I try to wedge my way in though, I might only be accepted by a portion of the group, and then that non-unanimous group identity keeps me on the outside. That pretty much sums up my experiences with high school. I'd often get invited to spend time with a group only aboutt 1/5th of the time; because only 1/5th of the time are the activities being hosted by a member of the group that likes me.

That can even describe some of my difficulties concerning online games. I've dabbled with MMOs before, and I usually end up treating them as singleplayer experiences because I have a hard time breaking into a group where there's already an established balance. I'm impressed by how some people seem to be so adept at seamlessly merging themselves with a new group of people. I just don't manage it well :S.

Also, apologies in advance if this is all becoming nonsensical gibberish! Takes me forever to get my thoughts down in text sometimes, and it's getting progressively later, thus my thought process has become sort of backwards and inside out. Boy am I sleepy X_X. Sorry if my next replies seem a bit rushed because of this.

That's normal. Genetically even. I think people are hot wired to desire that level of affection, even if it's only just a little. However, a lot of people enjoy change. It really sounds like you might be very deeply rooted in your current life style. While that's fine, it might not be what "Person B" is looking for. However, "Person C" may like to keep things simple too. In my experience with relationships, both being in them and observing others in them, people will bring their interests & things they like to do along with them. They might want to do them with you, thus exposing you to something new. Someone who isn't too big into change will have big problems with this. It's foreign territory. Something they aren't used to. Everyone handles that feeling differently, but it's pretty important to at least try new things in that scenario. Because then, like I said, you can say that you tried it and it wasn't for you.

I'm assuming this is a reply in terms of what I mentioned regarding a 'significant other'? Sorry, if I'm totally off the mark; blame my stupidity for waiting until it was so late to reply! Anyway, if that's the case, then I can totally agree with what you're saying. I'm not really actively looking for anyone at the moment per se, and actually that's another topic completely. Put simply though, I don't really like the idea of "searching" for someone; I think an ideal relationship would be built off a mutual interest developed over time. That way each person is emotionally invested, and are in it for the right reasons. I'd never want to "hunt" for someone, because I'd ultimately feel that I'm in the relationship because that's all that I was looking for (to be in a relationship), not because I developed a bond with said person and enjoyed their company. Not that the latter can't work, because I'm sure it's worked for a lot of people, but I'm weird and picky about things like that. I guess I want to ensure that in the end life is meaningful.

Annnnyway, the point is, I get what you're saying, but ultimately I'm not sure if this is an aspect of my life I should be allowing myself to focus on at this point in time, because I have so many other things on my plate. That said, if this is a big underlying issue that I'm not really aware of because I'm trying to distance myself from it, then I'm potentially in a world of trouble.

One last point: You actually missed the mark there this time (just teasing of course)! I'm actually not very deeply routed in my lifestyle at all. Particularly in the last couple of years - between moving a lot to go to several different post secondary institutions, having my parents house burn down, working different jobs, and this whole deal with my vanishing friends - my lifestyle has been completely turned on its head over and over and over again (simply from the fact that I keep having to adapt to managing my time differently). It's been pretty wacky for sure. My values however, maybe that's what you were thinking of; those are pretty much set in stone.

I'm glad you aren't going to give up.

Who me? Never. "Persistent to a fault" should be my middle name or something.

It's fine. There is no rule against that, and in all honesty, the PM's are large enough so if it's all the same to you, I'd like it if we continued to talk here.

Ok, cool beans, works with me. That said, yikes! This thread should get an award for sheer volume of text relative to having such a small post count. I feel sorry for anyone stumbling across this thread and trying to read it all in one sitting! There's probably some cringe worthy stuff in there!

Anyway, I shall await your reply once more. In the meantime, I need to sleep before my eyes remove themselves from my skull.

(Once again, I apologize if there is an excessive amount of grammatical errors, typos, gibberish, or just plain nonsense - super tired at the moment x_x...)

 

[IrradiatedFish]

It's good that your way of thinking is agreeable, but..I was thinking more along the lines that 'analyzing every little detail' itself might be a problem. Some people really dislike being under a microscope, or having their actions looked into with such detail. Likewise, In school, I used to know a lot of people who wouldn't bother with people because they often talked quite long about one little thing or aspect of another person, when a shorter, more to the point sentence can do that much easier, while still letting others talk and socialize. Does that sound like something you've done before?

Oh, I think I see what you're saying now. While, yes, I think I do tend to do that sometimes (analysing everything), I wouldn't suspect that it would an issue for anyone else, simply because I don't really share that sort of stuff with others. I'm not much of a gossiper, and when I do think about this sort of stuff, I tend to keep it to myself (present company excluded obviously). Not that I haven't shared more details with a handful of people before, but it's a rarity.

I'm not totally sure what you mean by that last bit. If I understand you correctly though, I don't think that's really an issue either. Particularly back in high school I was a fairly quiet guy, and I didn't really start opening up until post secondary. And even today, after I've become a more confident and social person (well, social to the extent that I WANT to be social, even though I'm not really surrounded by friends or anything at the moment :/...), I'm still not the guy to do all the talking in a group (in other words, I'm a bit more concise in person than my massive walls of text on the forum may suggest). So, if I understand what you're trying to say, then no, I don't really think I'm the person that everyone gets tired of because I have a loose tongue, and certainly on the topic of other individuals, I'm actually usually one of the last people to being talking about "such and such" about "so and so".

That is true. Sometimes, tight knit groups can be pretty hard to break into. Like you said, you may not become close to everyone in there. Some people may not interact with you as well as others. Still, if we go by that chance...you've still made some friends within that group! What's more, not everyone has little clique's like that. Some of those people who you described may in fact be people who have few friends, or lots of friends but still manage that aspect. They could be part of no big groups at all. Everyone befriends and includes people within their lives in very different ways. It could be the same choice, but for different reasons for example. To top all of that off, these things aren't something you can pick up or second guess on. You usually have to get to know someone to see how they really are. Which is why it's so important that you at least try, otherwise you won't ever know for sure. All you will have is the same feelings you have now, coupled with a lot of 'what if's.

I dunno, perhaps I'm just being a stick in the mud, and I think a lot of it simply has to do with my past/future-oriented self worrying about what's going to happen next (rather than living the moment), and concerning myself too much with what didn't work in the past (in this case, totally failing to situate myself comfortably within my own group of friends). This is going to sound slightly off topic, but it has a purpose...! I am trying to expand a bit socially, even if it's been slow going. I was never really one of those people to get into social media for example. I'm the kind of person who is highly resistant to peer pressure; I have a pretty firm reign over my own actions. A couple of years ago though, I gave in to everyone having "Facebook" accounts, and I eventually made my own... And then I deactivated it a couple months later. That said, fast forward a couple years later to the present day, and I actually willingly reactivated it about a month ago (on my own accord). Anyway, point is, someone asked me to add them on Facebook a while ago. I didn't have my account open at the time; but now maybe I should just get with the times, suck it up, and do it. Maybe that'll get his attention, and at the very least give me an opening to say something to him. "Hey, remember when you asked me to add you on facebook? Well I finally opened my account back up and I did it! So how are you doing?, etc" (yeah, that was kind of lame, but whatever works, right?).

That might sound harsh, but I'm speaking from experience here. I know it might seem fruitless on the outside, but sometimes what's really there requires that extra bit of effort. It's a risk assessment too. Some might not want to take the risk. Others may choose to do so. It's worth noting that in most situations, only one of those choices will have the ability to gain based on your actions.

*sigh* Yep, don't worry, ultimately I know you're right, even if it seems I'm being a bit hard-headed. I guess I'm just frustrated with myself, because I wish things would happen naturally more often. I suppose I just don't really like the idea of hounding people to try and make friendships with them, because it'll make me feel like I'm only friends with them because I made all the effort (which wouldn't necessarily be true, nor a bad thing; I'm just being a pessimist again -_-...). I guess I sometimes wish I was of those people that others gravitated towards. Wishing won't accomplish anything though, and I know that. It's just frustrating thinking that this is possibly something I'm going to have to really work at, whereas it just happens naturally for others. Such is life I guess. Just need to keep at it.

Yeah, I was mostly referring to this part though,

(not expecting to do something new and exciting every day - maybe watching movies, going for walks, and just sitting around talking)

That sort of have me the impression that you'd want someone ideally like you. That's all. If you weren't prone to change, but expected the 'significant other' to follow what you would normally do, that could cause problems. I was throwing that out there, just encase it's spot on. Basically, you can keep your values, but exploring differences is a big part of relationships.

Oh Ok, slight misunderstanding then, my bad. I think there needs to be some common ground to build off of, but otherwise I totally agree with what you've said. Not that it couldn't work, but I don't think I would want someone who is too similar to me anyway. I'd think that there should be enough differences that things are kept interesting. That's actually a part of a relationship that I find appealing; exploring differences. So yeah, certainly no disagreement there! When I listed off those things, that was just something I threw in there as something I know I'd probably enjoy, not something that is a requirement. Definitely wouldn't want someone to follow my lead all the time, that would get stale pretty fast I think. Again, this is all pretty hypothetical, as I've never been with someone before... So I don't really know what I'm talking about, hahah!

Well, that's all for now. I'm sure I'll hear back from you again before too long. Toodles!

 

[IrradiatedFish]

Yeah, that message at the end would work perfectly in my opinion. To the point, polite...I say go for it. I realize you are making an effort, and for that I'm glad. Just think about what I said though. Things like this won't ever turn out perfect. One who dwells on that might be focusing their energy and thoughts in the wrong area. I.E. the past, not the here and now like you said. I still believe my example to be accurate though. The whole group may not accept you, but even if only 1 person does, you've now made a friend where you live. A friendship that can grow and prosper would be a step up from what you are feeling right now, wouldn't it?

Yes, unfortunately I must admit that I have been a culprit of being one of those people to focus too much on the past or the future, rather than to just concentrate on the now. I have been far far better in the last couple years though in that regard. I still think about the future a fair bit, because I guess I like to know where I'm heading with my life, but I don't dwell on the past as much any more, unless I'm in a particularly bad mood for some reason. A few rather significant things happened to me in the last couple years though; while objectively, they were pretty bad things, I think they had some positive ramifications that have ultimately helped me.

Ugh, I think I'm overthinking things again. It took me half an hour to write that last paragraph, and I've been trying to think about how to convey what I want to say next for another half an hour.

Bottom line I guess, is I've made fairly big personal advances in the last year or a half. I used to be very negative about things, and while I feel that I get stuck in ruts more often than I'd like (which is more or less what prompted me to start this thread in the first place), I've definitely been heading in the right direction with my life, with the one exception being that I'm not really happy with my social life at the moment. I still haven't really been able to determine if it's my own fault, or if it's just "the way things are". I'm certainly not a quitter though.

I agree that the world is a very imperfect place though. Perfection is a very... unrealistic thing I think I would say, and I believe it's something that can only exist conceptually, or in a very objective, sort of convoluted sense. I realize nothing is ever going to be "perfect", but I think that it's OK to shoot for the stars as long as I have a firm grasp on the idea that I have to be realistic at the same time. Kind of a contradictory statement I think, but hopefully you see where I'm coming from. Ultimately, I guess I'm determined to do what it takes to make sure I'm going to be happy in the end. Cause if one isn't happy, then what's the point?

Anyway, way to be long-winded and anything but to the point Chris, good job, good job, >_>. Wee, convoluted thought process! Ok, but seriously, I guess I wasn't sure how to reply, but at the very least, perhaps you have a clearer picture of me now... If you can consider mud clear .

Not everyone has the same chances, in my opinion. I think of it like this. Everyone has a string. It propels in the direction of their interests - sometimes, two strings intersect. They twist with each other. Nothing really caused it out right, it was just chance. I know at times that it's not chance, but intentional. Still, I've noticed that things just happen because that's how life is. It happens. I have a very strong grasp on this, having lost both parents when I was very young. You learn to accept that aspect of life easier when it affects you so profoundly.

That's an interesting way to view things. It actually reminds me of a book I read. It had a similar concept where every character and person in the world was a thread in this great big web, and the web would be pulled in different directions as a result of different peoples actions tugging on the threads of others. People with more power, and people who exerted themselves more, would have a greater tug on the web which would shape different events. At least that's sort of the concept I think... It was quite a while since I last read it. Bah, getting off topic again... But yeah, I think we're very much in control of our lives; but while we control the direction we go, or the path we take, we can't control the unforeseen events, or what other people intersect our path.

I'm really sorry to hear about your parents... That's awful. I won't say anymore, because I know that sort of thing can be a topic people don't want to discuss, and I don't want to make any assumptions. That said, I kind of feel bad about saying what I'm going to say next, because it's nothing near as awful as that. My family lost our house though a couple years ago when I was still living at home. It was in the middle of winter, and because of the conditions the fire department couldn't get water on it in time. Because of this, it was a total loss, and nothing was salvageable. We also lost all 5 of our pets. After living comfortably for my whole life, all of a sudden having nothing was a big eye-opener. While it certainly wasn't easy initially, I think that once I came to terms with it, it actually gave me a big boost, and I sort of came back to tackle life with a vengeance. So while I don't think my experience could possibly be as profound as yours, I think I have a bit of understanding where you're coming from; you just can't control stuff like that, and you have to take it as you come. Life is what you make it.

Wishing won't make it happen, as you said. But trying might. The person who does nothing usually isn't noticed. But that guy who tries? Someone will notice him.

Guess I'm going to have to keep the momentum going then, and just keep on trying harder and harder.

Never would have thought as a kid that life was going to be so complicated. I want to go back to chasing butterflies and caterpillars.

, alright! Thanks for clearing that up then. Sorry if I seen it the wrong way.

Oh, psht, nothing to apologize for. I started this volumetrically massive forum conversation less than a week ago; I wouldn't expect you to understand my inner workings that well already (actually, I think I'd be a little concerned if you already knew me a that well haha!). No worries though, I'm confusing as all hell anyway .

 

[Mourne]

Well, the night is slightly past its peak, so I'm going to keep this relatively short. (I read half-way down the page until I started getting that urge to post something).

I could say that I'm in a similar situation. I am an introvert, and unless I do something about it, I feel like my friends could just leave me in the dust (with an exception or two). I don't get invited to anything, and I'm usually the one having to plan anything if I want friends over.

And now I preach my not-exactly-healthy solution. My way of bypassing this is for me to escape into the video game world (not healthy if done for long amounts of time). But as well, in my time of this gaming world I've allowed myself to be enveloped by, it's almost like I developed a family. Daily, I get onto TeamSpeak (voice chat program) for the gaming community that I'm in, and I'll talk and play games with. And sometimes, it's nice just to chat with them, especially once you hang around for a month or two and you start getting to know the people.


And some other advice, just kindly explain to them how you feel about your friendship with them. Personally, I've always tried to be direct with my friends, if I don't like you, I don't like you. If I do like you, I'll keep talking to you. Whether if it's my introversive ways or not, I keep an eye on who my friends are. And by friends, I refer to people I actually talk to, not one of those randoms that just want a bunch of people want. It's this kind of behavior that really cuts me out of the drama, which is really nice, but also feels like it could use a bit more. (Not sure where I was trying to get with this paragraph)

Oh right! Directness. I'd say just ask your friends, and see whether or not you feel it needs to be fixed. This year, I've made it a little project of mine to "repair old bridges" (whilst humming the song "Burning Bridges"), where I force the anxiety into my chest and talk to my friends again, try to see if I can fit, which isn't working too badly. Perhaps you should try a similar tactic?


My apologies if this seems jumbled, as it's 3 in the morning. =P

 

[Superlative]

I normally don't post on this part of the forum but I can relate to your situation. when i left for uni i was the only person from my nearly 3000 member graduating class to go where i did. While i manged to make friends where i was (I'm good at making friends...except on forums), I lost contact with all my friends from my hometown. it is to the point where going back home the only people i have to hand out with are my family. It happened again when i stayed at school longer to finish off a masters and a lot of my friends from freshman year moved on without me.

While i am good at making friends and keeping them while they are around, i am not so good at letting people go. I herd a sermon that said not everybody is meant to be in your life forever, sometimes they are only meant to be there for a season or two and trying too hard to keep them around causes trouble in your life. I also found the whole keeping people around thing is very easy to do thanks to facebook.

luckily i still have friends at school i hang out with every so often. I don;t have a lot of friends, but the ones i do have are good ones. also, if your looking for friends on The Escapist, please feel free to add me

 

[Substitute Troll]

I always try to live by this one phrase: "keep it simple, stupid!" Doesn't matter if it's a plan to score brownie-points with a girl or if it's the quickest way to make breakfast. However, this phrase also applies to your situation. If you feel like none of your friends want to stay in touch, perhaps that's actually the case. The simplest explanation is that you aren't very likeable, by them. If you wish to change this, become a better person in their eyes, or find new friends who appreciate you for who you are.

(This speculation was brought to you by Sub.Troll Inc. Sub.Troll Inc. is in no way responsible for hurt feelings and/or misinterpretation of the speculative text)

 

[IrradiatedFish]

Well, the night is slightly past its peak, so I'm going to keep this relatively short. (I read half-way down the page until I started getting that urge to post something).

That's ok, I'm happy to read anything and everything. It's good to hear from a new individuals point of view !

I could say that I'm in a similar situation. I am an introvert, and unless I do something about it, I feel like my friends could just leave me in the dust (with an exception or two). I don't get invited to anything, and I'm usually the one having to plan anything if I want friends over.

And now I preach my not-exactly-healthy solution. My way of bypassing this is for me to escape into the video game world (not healthy if done for long amounts of time). But as well, in my time of this gaming world I've allowed myself to be enveloped by, it's almost like I developed a family. Daily, I get onto TeamSpeak (voice chat program) for the gaming community that I'm in, and I'll talk and play games with. And sometimes, it's nice just to chat with them, especially once you hang around for a month or two and you start getting to know the people.

I can relate. I used to be that way with video games as well, particularly in middle and highschool. It was definitely an effective escape, but I grew tired of "escaping", and more and more as I've gotten older I find myself wanting to remedy all my problems instead of hiding from them. It's frustrating though when I get stuck in a rut and I can't seem to help myself with anything any longer. In particular, my social life seems to have progressively gotten worse in many aspects. Though, just by making this thread I've made a couple friends it seems, so in other ways I'm heading in the right way .

I've actually tried audio communication (teamspeak included) a couple times before with groups of people in games that I've been apart of the community for. Alas, this hasn't really worked for me :/. I've met a couple really seemingly swell people, but I usually find that I don't end up assimilating myself well into these groups, and I usually end up being on the outside of the conversations. It's kind of difficult to explain, but I find that I'm never someone that anyone is eager to partner up with in a game (it seems like everyone always has their game-buddy but me), or someone that anyone jumps at the opportunity to talk to. I try to put myself out there, but it's as if I'm just not approachable or enjoyable to talk to or something. I dunno. I can theorize about it all day (and I certainly have), but I just don't know *shrug*.

And some other advice, just kindly explain to them how you feel about your friendship with them. Personally, I've always tried to be direct with my friends, if I don't like you, I don't like you. If I do like you, I'll keep talking to you. Whether if it's my introversive ways or not, I keep an eye on who my friends are. And by friends, I refer to people I actually talk to, not one of those randoms that just want a bunch of people want. It's this kind of behavior that really cuts me out of the drama, which is really nice, but also feels like it could use a bit more. (Not sure where I was trying to get with this paragraph)

Oh right! Directness. I'd say just ask your friends, and see whether or not you feel it needs to be fixed. This year, I've made it a little project of mine to "repair old bridges" (whilst humming the song "Burning Bridges"), where I force the anxiety into my chest and talk to my friends again, try to see if I can fit, which isn't working too badly. Perhaps you should try a similar tactic?

I've actually been down this road already. I don't know how far you managed to get through this colossal text-heavy thread, but I'm pretty sure I mentionted that bit somewhere . I'm definitely picky about my friends though, and I try my best to make sure people know that I value them. Having said that, I sometimes wonder if I don't a very good job of that. I always end up having to take the initiative though, and that's quite disheartening over time.

I've confronted a small handful of friends though, and most of them seem to reply in such a way that it seems like they're effectively shrugging it off, or just don't seem to want to talk about it. It's sort of a touchy subject I guess, so in that case, I just drop it because I don't want to offend anyone. Either that or I get a response that ends up being something along the lines of "Of course we're friends, blah blah blah, etc etc etc"... Aaannnnd then I never hear from them for months :/...

I did have one person give me a more insightful reply, but it was something to the effect that people are busy with their lives and just dont have as much time to socialize anymore... But I can't wrap my head around that, because as far as I could tell, at the time that I asked her that, I was working between 12 and 14 hour days, sometimes up to 7 days a week; yet I was still finding time to try and get in touch with people. So I don't know what everyone else's excuses would have been... I guess I'm sort of making assumptions, but I know my "friends" are still managing to socialize with their other friends just fine... So I can only really conclude that they just have other things they'd rather be doing with their time (which is totally understandable... I just don't get why I can go months without hearing a thing, yet they still want to be considered my "friend" :/).

My apologies if this seems jumbled, as it's 3 in the morning. =P

Don't sweat it, seemed fine to me! It was a good read, and I really appreciate you taking the time to post something. Thanks ! Feel welcome to write back, I'm really open to anything you feel like saying.

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I normally don't post on this part of the forum but I can relate to your situation. when i left for uni i was the only person from my nearly 3000 member graduating class to go where i did. While i manged to make friends where i was (I'm good at making friends...except on forums), I lost contact with all my friends from my hometown. it is to the point where going back home the only people i have to hand out with are my family. It happened again when i stayed at school longer to finish off a masters and a lot of my friends from freshman year moved on without me.

Thanks for deciding to say hello, I appreciate it !

Wow, that is quite the large graduating class compared to where I was from. There would have been over 100 students I think, but I certainly don't think there would have been more than 200.

I'm certainly in the position of having difficult with friends because of school though. I'm actually in my third post secondary course as a result of my indecisiveness and dislike for my earlier courses. Because of this, I have a few friends who have already graduated, and the ones who are still in school are in completely different ones several hours away. Sounds like we are indeed in a similar situations though, because, likewise, when I travel back home I spend the time visiting with my family because no one is around any longer. Thankfully I actually like my family, so it's definitely not a bad thing. I just wish I got to hang out with some people too sometimes.

Unfortunately, unlike you, I'm not really great at making friends it seems. Thankfully though, in the last week I guess I've been gradually making friends with a couple individuals on this website. However, while I'm certainly very happy about that, in a way it's still sort of disheartening because I don't imagine that they are people that I'll ever likely to see in person. I just don't think there's really a way to substitute being with people in person. Eh, I'm just complaining now; I'm still very grateful that I seem to have made a couple friends here .

While i am good at making friends and keeping them while they are around, i am not so good at letting people go. I herd a sermon that said not everybody is meant to be in your life forever, sometimes they are only meant to be there for a season or two and trying too hard to keep them around causes trouble in your life. I also found the whole keeping people around thing is very easy to do thanks to facebook.

luckily i still have friends at school i hang out with every so often. I don;t have a lot of friends, but the ones i do have are good ones. also, if your looking for friends on The Escapist, please feel free to add me

That's admittedly something I don't think I'm good at either... Particularly at this place in time, I feel like if I let people go, I won't really have much in the way of any friends left at all. That said, it is something I've given a lot of thought to, and I do agree that it is likely a good thing in some situations. My friends mean a lot to me though, and they're my friends for a reason, and they've all been very important to me at different times in my life. *sigh* But yeah, I see what you're saying. And if I'm not as important to them anymore, maybe they've all moved on, and I'm the only one who hasn't. I've tried really hard to let them know they're important to me, but it sort of seems like it's become futile.

Anyway, hey, thanks again for taking the time to share your own experience; I really appreciate it. Also, I'd be thrilled to have you as a friend ! I'll be sure to send something your way just as soon as I post this. I look forward to hearing from you again!

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*** Also, apologies to both of you if there is a substantial amount of errors in those replies; so confusing to keep track of what I'm saying sometimes when I have so much to reply to! Thanks for understanding! ***

 

[IrradiatedFish]

I always try to live by this one phrase: "keep it simple, stupid!" Doesn't matter if it's a plan to score brownie-points with a girl or if it's the quickest way to make breakfast. However, this phrase also applies to your situation. If you feel like none of your friends want to stay in touch, perhaps that's actually the case. The simplest explanation is that you aren't very likeable, by them. If you wish to change this, become a better person in their eyes, or find new friends who appreciate you for who you are.

(This speculation was brought to you by Sub.Troll Inc. Sub.Troll Inc. is in no way responsible for hurt feelings and/or misinterpretation of the speculative text)

Haha, no need for the disclaimer. Sometimes the brute honesty is the best, and I appreciate your feedback very much. It's actually the most unique response I've had yet in that it's extremely simple and to the point, so it's definitely nice to get a new view of things!

That is something I should really try to focus on (keeping things simple that is). I try to be very thorough, but maybe I should consider being more simplistic and impulsive sometimes? I can see where someone would see the appeal to that, but having said that, I don't know if that's really something that I feel is very "me" :/.

In terms of viewing the overall situation that way though, I'm not sure if my brain is wired to handle that. I just naturally want to understand and make sense of things.

You may very well be right though. Unfortunately, I refuse to "change" myself for others, but becoming a "better person" is a subjective sort of thing. I've been definitely making an effort to improve myself as a person based on how I think I would be happy... but if they aren't interested in that sort of person anymore, I guess I'm sort of stuck.

Been working on the "find new friends" front for a while though. Don't seem to be having much success in the real world, but to my surprise I've started developing a couple new friendships over the internet.

I'll certainly take into consideration what you said though. Thanks again !