Funnest Conversations Heard During Online Multiplayer

[soren7550]

Just put conversations that you've heard during an online match (or whatever else you can do online w/ a headset on a console.) on PSN or XBL. Please put down what game it was and try to enjoy.

From the first day I played online while playing Call of Duty 4:Modern Warfare :

Dude 1-"I was watching American Idol recently and noticed that at the bottom it said 'Closed captioning for the hearing impaired'. Why are deaf people watching a show about singing?"

Dude 2-"Maybe they should make one for deaf people where the singers use sign language or something."

Me- "There was this one guy a couple years back who sung and used sign language, but he lost."

Dude 1-"That's messed up man"


---------------------------------------------------------------

Dude 1-"I once watched this movie 'Rape in the Congo' that was about these African rebels that went around raping all these women, and they asked this one guy 'how many women did you rape?' and he said 'I don't know, I've raped so many that I lost count'. I was just like 'oh my god.'"

Me- "That's messed up. Why are they patronizing these people?"

Dude 1- "What'd ya mean?"

Me- "I mean that they're making these people look like what they're doing is a good thing by making a movie about them"

Dude 1- "You got a point."

Dude 2- "You'd watch it if it was a movie called 'Rape in L.A.' or something similar to that"

Me- Ok, [laughs] "OK, I'd be interested in that."

Dude 2- "Uhhh..., you know I was kidding right?"

Me- "No, what I mean is that I'll be interesting because it'll be like 'So what happened after yo raped all those women?' and he'll say 'Oh, I ended up getting the AIDS'"

 

[goodchild]

Playing Halo 3, over XBL:
Me: Where you from?
Dude: Alabama.
Me: Oh, fuck no.
Dude: Why, where you from??
Me: New York City. No offense meant, I just had a bad experience in alabama.
Dude: Well, I'm in Birmingham ...
Me: That's where it was! Just outside, anyway - at the Sloss Furnaces, these fucking cops threw me down and started fucking with me, pushed me around and threatened to beat the hell out of me with their nightsticks for no good reason - didn't like folks from NYC. The cops in your town are fucking assholes.
Dude: I'm a cop.

 

[Bofus Teefus]

This was in a GTA Deathmatch. Myself, some guy from the South, and a British guy were talking about Twinkies. The British guy had no idea what they were...

British Dude- Well what to they taste like?

Me- Take a sponge from your kitchen. You've got those in Britain, right? Anyway, take a sponge, and inject lard and sugar into the middle of it. Then just eat it.

British Dude- Why do Americans eat them. Does it make you happy? I don't understand.

Southern Dude- Nah, they kind of make you feel sick.

British Dude- No wonder you're all so fat.

 

[Meado]

Guy 1: That round was a piece of cake.
Guy 2: What kind of cake?
Guy 1: Chocolate.
Guy 3: Oh, I don't like chocolate cake.
Guy 2: Yeah. How about cheesecake?
Guy 1: Sounds good.
Guy 3: Mm-hm. And now I'm hungry.

 

[Ranthus]

One during Gmod RP

"Wait, cops, don't arrest me! I'll bribe you!" *Is hit with the arrest stick*

 

[TaborMallory]

Some Dude: YOU MUST NO TBAGGING
Me: YOU MUST BETTER ENGLISH SPEAKING

I was then promptly banned from the server. I guess tea-bagging wasn't allowed.

 

[Major_Sam]

Some guy: "I prefer smooth over crunchy"
Dude: "Nah crunchy all the way. Smooth is boring"
Some other dude: "What are you guys talking about?"
Dude: "Peanut butter"

I laughed.

 

[ElephantGuts]

Playing Halo 3, over XBL:
Me: Where you from?
Dude: Alabama.
Me: Oh, fuck no.
Dude: Why, where you from??
Me: New York City. No offense meant, I just had a bad experience in alabama.
Dude: Well, I'm in Birmingham ...
Me: That's where it was! Just outside, anyway - at the Sloss Furnaces, these fucking cops threw me down and started fucking with me, pushed me around and threatened to beat the hell out of me with their nightsticks for no good reason - didn't like folks from NYC. The cops in your town are fucking assholes.
Dude: I'm a cop.

You should have ended the conversation-"Well you're a fucking asshole."

By the way, did that really happen to you? I hate corrupt cops. Can't stand abuse of power like that.

 

[Vrex360]

Well I remember there was one guy on Halo 3 who I think was lost in his own little world because he kept making random movie quotes and saying 'WEEEEE' all the time. No one called him out though because he was just so happy.

'Tis a happy land.

 

[Snotnarok]

Team Fortress 2:

me: Man everyone is talking at once, I'm installing an "over law"
guy: "over law"
Me: yeah you gotta say "over" when you're done speaking..........over
guy: oh, lawl, okay over.

The entire match was played with this rule and even people in the text chat were doing it, it was hilarious, stupid and awesome. I'm not a mod so it was even more surprising when everyone did it.

 

[Matronadena]

2 hours of why having to pee while having morning wood is suicidal, and ways of how to stand precariously to pee...

yeah....I already can imagine the difficulties, but 2 hours of listening to the males of the team go off on it was quite funny

 

[MiracleOfSound]

American Gamer:
'Dude you suck, I'm going to rape you so bad'
Me:
'Really? Maybe you should get laid, you might feel less need to rape people'
AD:
'Fuck you noob I fucked your mom'
Me:
'Really? You're my long lost father? I love you Dad'
AD:
'Shut the fuck up you fucking freak, I'll fucking kill you'
Me:
'Can I have a hug? Where's all the child support you owe me? Can I have an ice cream?'
AD:
Getting really angry and shouting: 'Fag gay moms a whore etc etc etc etc'

It made me and my buddies laugh so hard... nothing winds an angry asshole up like total calmness...

 

[The Kind Cannibal]

Call of Duty WaW is a fun game to listen in on sometimes.

Dude 1:I'm just sayin' man, if I was given a choice I'd choose that plan.
Dude 2:You do realize That th-wait...*snipe*..at is the plan where you run into battle recklessly, right?
Dude 1:Eh, Blitzkrieg it is then. I'm flanking the enemy directly if you will. *charges*
Dude 2:I had no idea blitzkrieg meant suicide charge in German.
Dude 1:It's only suicide if I die.
Dude 2:And if your teammates *snipe* die in the process?
Dude 1:They'll only die if I shot them.
Dude 2:I'll be sure to add 'traitor' on your tombstone.
Dude 1:It's not like I'm going to tbag them afterward...*gets mowed down by enemy MG*...unless they're an enemy...
Dude 2:Necrophilia too.

 

[Racher]

Recently the following happened in Far Cry 2 lobby:

Two German were talking in their language, until someone interrupts by saying:

"In this chat we don't speak german, we speak american!"

 

[Osloq]

One day on our CoD4 clan server which we'd put onto TDM for some mindless shits and giggles a random guy got angry at us for "team stacking", ignoring the fact that it was our server and he had an equal number of clannies on his team.

Random "Fuck you wG bastards you always team stack on pubs"

Clannie "Mate this is our server, we can't help that there are clan members on the same team"

Random "I hear you guys do it on purpose so you can gang up on people"

Me "Nah we stack because we've got the Jenga nationals next week and our stacking skills have got to be top notch"

Clannie 2 "I work at a supermarket so stacking is all I can do"

Clannie "Yeah my can display is a sight to behold"

Random "Fuck you faggots!"

Random leaves the server


Good times

 

[soren7550]

I remember wwwwwaaaaaaayyyyy back one time that I was playing CoD4, me and a bunch of other dudes were stuck on the Op Four team. None of us were happy about it so we all decided to do our worst impersonations of terrorist. Once the match started, we all started screaming at the top our lungs the ol' terrorist war cry and continued hollering back and forth some really horrible "terrorist talk" (mainly consisted of doing something or other in the name of or for Allah, and camels.)

Once the match is over, we're still at it and one of the guys from the other team yells at us "Dude, shut the fuck up noobs!" One of us tells him that his camel will spit in his face and that Allah will be farting at his general direction. he then told him "Now, good day my friend." all in a bad terrorist impersonation.

(please note I left out most of the conversations because someone or other is bound to be offended by it, and I don't want to lose my account due to some overly religious zealot.)

 

[SsilverR]

on MGO (metal gear online)

**after i choked this guy out 7 times in a row**
guy: OMFG FUCK YOU
me: OMFG FUCK YOU
guy: SHUT UP NOOB
me: SHUT UP NOOB
guy: BAAAASTARD!!
me: BAAAASTARD!!
guy: i sucked my ugly mums dick
me: did you enjoy it?
guy: **couldn't really make anything out after that ... i just heard random profanity between screams**

 

[Kinguendo]

This was in a GTA Deathmatch. Myself, some guy from the South, and a British guy were talking about Twinkies. The British guy had no idea what they were...

British Dude- Well what to they taste like?

Me- Take a sponge from your kitchen. You've got those in Britain, right? Anyway, take a sponge, and inject lard and sugar into the middle of it. Then just eat it.

British Dude- Why do Americans eat them. Does it make you happy? I don't understand.

Southern Dude- Nah, they kind of make you feel sick.

British Dude- No wonder you're all so fat.

I had this exact conversation although it was on Cod4, I played the part of the British guy. But I didnt say "all", I said "No wonder you guys have an obesity epidemic."

 

[Grayl]

Just put conversations that you've heard during an online match (or whatever else you can do online w/ a headset on a console.) on PSN or XBL.

Why only on PSN and XBL? Why not the PC?

PC HATER! KEEEEEEEL!