Funnest Conversations Heard During Online Multiplayer

[pliusmannn]

i don't play online much but in Fallout 3 (i play as a very stealthy guy with scoped guns, and enjoy exploding someones pants) i hear a random NPC conversation which made me laugh pretty hard :
Super Mutant #1: I've been thinking...and it hurts! I remember i had a girlfriend...or something...we used to...i don't remember what but i felt good...i don't know.
Super Mutant #2: Good!? What the hell that means?
Super Mutant #1: I don't know...
then i come from behind of first SM and rip off his head with Combat Shotgun, because i was in stealth mode and equipped with Stealth Boy other SM didn't saw me
Super Mutant #2: What happened to your head? Aghhhhh, WOUNDED
when he said that he lost both of his legs and remained standing on fleshy knees

 

[13lackfriday]

Some guy on a TF2 server had the name Fuckin' A.
One of my teammates thought that was awesome, and he just kept saying his name while they were playing together.
Believe me, you had to be there.

American Gamer:
'Dude you suck, I'm going to rape you so bad'
Me:
'Really? Maybe you should get laid, you might feel less need to rape people'
AD:
'Fuck you noob I fucked your mom'
Me:
'Really? You're my long lost father? I love you Dad'
AD:
'Shut the fuck up you fucking freak, I'll fucking kill you'
Me:
'Can I have a hug? Where's all the child support you owe me? Can I have an ice cream?'
AD:
Getting really angry and shouting: 'Fag gay moms a whore etc etc etc etc'

It made me and my buddies laugh so hard... nothing winds an angry asshole up like total calmness...

This is win.

I can't believe it, I've officialy won the internet twice in one week!

I would like once again to thank my family, my fans, angry American gamers and Serena Williams who both helped facilitate winning this award twice consequtively.

*Background band begins to play music obtrusively*

 

[DanDanikov]

While playing the EVE beta, in orbit around a planet, one of my corp-mates exclaimed 'I can see my house from here!' to great amusement of the rest of the corp.

 

[Karlott]

XBL, ESPN NFL 2k5 a few years ago, my friend on the headset, 2v2 game.

Opponent, speaking in a DEEP Southern drawl: "We gonna show these city boys how to play some FOOTball.

Friend: Hey, you guys ever seen Deliverance?

Opponent: That ain't right.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

This one time a friend and I pretended to be a gay couple while playing Halo 3. All the macho frat-boy types playing at the time freaked out. We won.

Nothing like warping people's minds...

Now that is funny... I am so doing that one.

 

[whiteonrye]

me and my cousin, playing left4Dead on hard:

*Louis dies*
me: wow how steriotypical, the black guy dies first...
cousin: thats okay just leave him, but yeah i know, its always the balck guy... than usually the hooker
me: you know your Zoey right? you might wanna *cousin dies* watch out.
cousin: DAMN WITCH!
me: and yet you didnt see that coming?
cousin: ... no

 

[Gamer137]

Halo 2
Kid who sounds like hes 12: Hy everyone! You can suck my balls!
The line itself is pretty standard, but the way he said it was priceless.

CoD4

13 year old 1: Hy kid. Do you want me to rape you?
13 year old 2: What?
1: I said, "Do you want me to rape you?"

It become unclear after that, but he "accepted" and three little kids spent the whole game in a corner jumping, crouching, and knifing each other trying to make there best virgin sex noises. I was unlucky enough to spawn right behind them at one point.

 

[DM.]

It will always be this.

Markuz: Crap my I dropped my coke on the floor.
Me: If you tap it 3 times on the top the fizz goes away.
*some girl gamer enters*
Markuz: Oh god it exploded its everywhere, on the monitor, the keyboard and the floor
Me: Oh wow Im so sorry.
The girl gamer that just entered: ...Sick bastards
*girl leaves*

I planned it to go bad, but that was something else.

 

[soren7550]

I remember a bit back I was playing 2Fort on Team Fortress 2, I was the scout on the red team and I took the enemy intel. The moment I get said intel, the ENTIRE enemy team is barreling down on my ass. I run out of the intel room screaming into the headset that the entire blue team was on my ass. As I'm running back to my base, I don't think I saw a single teammate of mine. So I'm hauling ass, screaming that I'm gonna die and somehow I make it to my base alive, return the intel and win the match. Nobody said anything after that.

 

[BolognaBaloney]

Playing GTA 4 online, some guy starts singing "lollipop, lollipop, oh lolly, lollipop" and me and about seven other people join in, singing and humming a song about candy, while performing vehicular genocide.

 

[BolognaBaloney]

snip

Im totaly stealing this story and making it my own

I would rather you took it and used it on live when some asshole is bullying his team!

I'm absolutely going to use it again, as it seems to send the assholes into a blind rage when you make affectionate fun of them.

What's sad is the American guy sounds like someone i know...

 

[Scrythe]

I can't recall the details of the conversation, but I used to play Halo: CE under the username "ishotcobain". On day during a slayer match, someone logged in as "curtcobain". He started freaking out as I killed him mercilessly over and over again.

OH WAIT, I've got one!

Girl and Guy were talking endlessly about absolutely nothing during Left 4 Dead, and I was getting sick of the chatter:

Guy: SIEG HEIL!
Girl: Sieg heil! Actually, I'm Russian. I used to have a German boyfriend, but that didn't work out
Me: Why, because he tried to invade you, but failed because you were too cold?

Dead silence for the rest of the match. It was refreshing.

 

[BolognaBaloney]

I can't recall the details of the conversation, but I used to play Halo: CE under the username "ishotcobain". On day during a slayer match, someone logged in as "curtcobain". He started freaking out as I killed him mercilessly over and over again.

OH WAIT, I've got one!

Girl and Guy were talking endlessly about absolutely nothing during Left 4 Dead, and I was getting sick of the chatter:

Guy: SIEG HEIL!
Girl: Sieg heil! Actually, I'm Russian. I used to have a German boyfriend, but that didn't work out
Me: Why, because he tried to invade you, but failed because you were too cold?

Dead silence for the rest of the match. It was refreshing.

HAHahahahHAA... that's amazing. Great job *tosses a cookie*

 

[walls of cetepedes]

Ha, an arguement on GTA IV, one kid was pretending to 'gangsta' and adding 'dawg' onto the end of every sentence. The other guy spent 20 minutes just belittling his every sentence. However, someone yelled "WOULD YOU GUYS JUST FUCKING SHUT UP!", which was met by silence for a moment, then Gangsta kid said "You shut up, you English bastard, dawg." (Really quietly), to which everyone else (including myself) proceeded to shoot the Gangsta kid. He then began to cry. Which was good.

Hmm... now I read it, it doesn't seem that funny when typed, but believe me, it was the best thing I'd ever overheard.

Girl and Guy were talking endlessly about absolutely nothing during Left 4 Dead, and I was getting sick of the chatter:

Guy: SIEG HEIL!
Girl: Sieg heil! Actually, I'm Russian. I used to have a German boyfriend, but that didn't work out
Me: Why, because he tried to invade you, but failed because you were too cold?

Dead silence for the rest of the match. It was refreshing.

Medal, get this guy a fucking medal, I just fell out of my chair laughing.

Nah, get him a trophy. And a bridge named after him.

 

[TundraWolf]

A friend of mine was playing World At War, and was on sniper detail. He was doing really well, popping guys left and right, and keeping safe with bouncing betties. This one guy kept trying to sneak up on him and shank him, but kept getting blown up. Even after the betties were gone, my friend would manage to get him with his sidearm or grenades before he could get a shot off. It was pretty stellar.

This entire time, the guy trying to kill my friend was swearing at him, bad-mouthing him, and just generally complaining. There might've been calls of "haXorz", or something
along those lines. This went on for about five minutes, with the guy dying about fifteen times therein, before he finally made some remark about my friends mom and ragequitting.

My friend, who hadn't said anything this entire time, turned on his mic and said very calmly: "Well that was rude."

Everyone just burst out laughing. It was amazing.

Girl and Guy were talking endlessly about absolutely nothing during Left 4 Dead, and I was getting sick of the chatter:

Guy: SIEG HEIL!
Girl: Sieg heil! Actually, I'm Russian. I used to have a German boyfriend, but that didn't work out
Me: Why, because he tried to invade you, but failed because you were too cold?

Dead silence for the rest of the match. It was refreshing.

Medal, get this guy a fucking medal, I just fell out of my chair laughing.

Nah, get him a trophy. And a bridge named after him.

How about a boat? A really nice cruise liner, or something. Jesus, that was amazing.

 

[Terramax]

*Long drawn out arguement that was going nowhere*

Me: I'm fucking telling you! IRELAND IS NOT ITS OWN CONTINENT!

Damn right! It's on its own, other planet

 

[Froobyx]

I have a few...

I used to play Halo 3 custom matches with my ex a lot and because I was good with swords I'd make it sword match with no grenades/ weapons and pick ups. He went for the turret on one of the maps and I was running round and died a couple of times because of it I screamed down the mic
"THIS IS SWORDS, NOT SWORDS AND A BIG FUCK OFF CHAIN GUN!" I don't care if it's not a chain gun.

Another one what he said

"You have the destroyer of worlds and all I have is a shitty spud gun"

With my current boyfriend, we dick around on his live sometimes just cos we find it funny.

On L4D we had 2 people on our team and the other lad was british and was like "oooh Amy I love you so much"
Lass - "I hate you"
Me being the sort of female gamer to hate other female gamers - "losers"
Guy - "Are you a guy"
Me - "No I'm a girl"
Boyfriend takes headset of me
BF - "Hi"
Guy - "Oh dude your voice changed!"

Same happened playing PGR4

I was playing Halo 3 hide and seek on Sandtrap and there was another lass thinking she was the shit and she heard me talking:

Her - "Oi you're shit you're going down! I'm gonna beat you"
Me - "Ok"
Her - "Are you a guy, you sound like you're a guy blah blah"
Me - "I'm english"

Game starts, game ends (I beat her on points, was last man standing and came second overall) Lobby comes and she leaves straight away.

I generally hate talking on Live unless with some friends because everyone seems to think I'm a guy... :/