Funny Quotes

[ssjbardock]

No real rules for this thread, just post funny quotes you like.

Try not to be offensive... well not too offensive... hell just put whatever.

From anywhere.

Family:

Peter:"Holy crip he's a crapple!!"

 

[Cherry Cola]

"We put poison in our air and water to weed out the weak! We detonate fission bombs in our only biosphere! We nailed our god to a STICK! Don't fuck with the human race!"

Apparently it's a 4chan quote

 

[uberman13]

"I may be going to hell, but at least all my friends will be there."

No idea who said it, but i discovered it in a bar full of cool stickers, rims, license plates, vests, shirts. (it's a biker gang's bar, quite the fun place though)

 

[GrimTuesday]

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein.

"Light a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett

 

[Sea Lumberjack]

V: [Evey pulls out her mace] I can assure you I mean you no harm.
Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey Hammond: Oh. Right.

Yay for V for Vendetta!

 

[Jedamethis]

I've got a load, but I can't remember who said them...

"Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink."
"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

 

[Rylot]

Stephen Stills: "Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it in the balls. Seriously."

-Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together

 

[Liam1390]

Here's something my mother used to say to me a lot

"Close only counts with horseshoes and nuclear weapons."

 

[Blemontea]

"I AM A MAN!" - Linkara

 

[Blemontea]

"You know what they say, all toasters toast TOAST." - Hotel Mario

 

[masterkeaton]

My personal favourite.

So my sister's friend gets a rabbit, and his brother (who isn't that smart) comes out with this chestnut

Brother: Ooh, now we can have some nice rabbit eggs
Us: ...

Honestly, hearing that makes me wonder about why these people get educations...

EDIT: Also, from TLoZ: Wind Waker

The wind... it is blowing

 

[ssjbardock]

Avenged Sevenfold Quotes:

The Rev:"I'm gonna kill you."

Mudrock(manager):"Why?"

The Rev:"Cause I have mental problems."

Mudrock:"But don't kill me."

The Rev:"Cause I need Lasik."

---------------------------------------

Unknown Person:"One day, I'm just gonna get off

this bus and run into the woods and I'm never coming back.

And when I come back, I'll be the knife master."