Funny stories about non-gamers playing videogames!

[Mersadeon]

So, tell us your story about family or friends (or just random people) that obviously didn't know how videogames work - but remember, this isn't a "point your fingers and say they suck" thread, it's all about the funny and heartwarming or stupid stuff.

So, my story is about my mum playing the Resident Evil 1 Remake for Gamecube. Now, to cut her some slack, the controls in that game are pretty unintuitive.
She barely got around that big table in one of the first rooms. But once she got up the stairs she saw her first zombie, gnawing on the other team member. He got up, slowly shuffling towards her.

She screamed "[My name] WHAT DO I DO? OH WHAT NO..." while spinning rapidly, not moving an inch away from the zombie. He comes closer - she's still spinning on the spot. Suddenly, he is right in front of her and bites her - and the pad vibrates. She THROWS it away from her with a gasp.

Apparently, she had not known that thing had a rumble function. She never played RE again.

(My captcha is super cool! It actually told me something interesting! Are all captchas like that now? And it's so readable!)

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

It's curious how people who have never played games will throw the controller away in self-defense. My girlfriend did the exact same thing when we played Kuon... and then Haunting Ground... and then Rule of Rose... and then Resident Evil 4... and most of the time there wasn't any rumble. People who aren't used to gaming feel vulnerable through the controller, it seems. They instinctively lose it, like a lizard would a tail, in an attempt to physically/emotionally distance themselves from danger. Even though it's all happening on the TV.

 

[sanquin]

Well, the friend this happened to IS a gamer. He just never ever played that kind of game. Stepmania, on a proper metal mat. He was stumbling like crazy, hardly able to keep his balance. Even at the 'light' setting. Yet at another rhythm game he rocks; guitar hero. His mind is so set on keyboards and other hand/finger controllers that he failed at feet control. Pretty funny to see.

Another time was my father playing pokemon red. He had never played games at all, outside of patience. My little brother had to walk him through every single step. From walking, to interacting, to fighting, to running from a battle, to catch a pokemon... Well, you get the idea. And my little brother was about 8 or 10 at the time. So try to imagine a mid 50's man getting pokemon lessons from an 8~10 year old.

 

[Frezzato]

I'm not ashamed to admit that, even after all this time playing games, once in a while I'll find myself trying to look up in real life when I can't look up in a game. I think it was Deus Ex: HR.

 

[BitterLemon]

My father saw me playing Mario Kart for SNES and for some reason, he wanted to play. I had consoles for years, but he never had any interest in playing with me, but that day he wanted. We started a versus race, only the two of us in the track. I taught him the controls and he picked up the basic turning and accelerating quickly, to my surprise. I was running behind him and when I thought that he was confortable enough with the basic movements, I decided to shoot a red shell on him and introduce the power-ups and the buttons required. We weren't competing for real, just speeding around the track, but he said "WHAT WAS THAT?!". I explained that he could use power-ups, etc, but he got very pissed and said "But it's WRONG! That's not how it works, this is unfair! You can't use that!"

So we had to play the most boring Mario Kart race ever, without using any power-ups. :/
He had a blast though, it was nice to see him playing, even though he missed the point of the game entirely.

 

[Auron225]

Both my sisters fail at games in general - I have a story for each but my little sisters is more understandable;

Little sister: So she was about 6-7 at the time. We were playing Crash Bandicoot 3 and she wanted to try a level - unfortunately for her she picked one that involved a massive dinosaur chasing after you (the objective was just to run away (toward the screen) in a straight line dodging obstacles. It seems she had no idea this was going to happen. So she's happily running along, humming to herself IRL, when all of a sudden this huge monster of a thing BURSTS from the wall behind her. She immediately screams, throws the controller across the room and starts panicking! We felt bad for her but we honestly thought she knew it was gonna happen (she'd seen us do this level before!).

Big sister: Much less understandable. Big group gathering a friends house, he had a C.O.D. game that he had going for anyone that wanted to try so she tries it. She had absolutely no concept of cover and would run/walk/jump out in the open, proceeding to be outright murdered by anyone that happened by. She found a rocket launcher, ran up to a wall and fired it point blank range - it almost looked intentional but by her sudden surprise that this somehow killed her, we realised it wasn't. At one point she seemed to forget how to move and adjust the camera simulateanously which led to her running around in circles, aiming straight up at the sky, in the most open area of the map - while a friend of ours playing just walked right up to her and slit her throat from behind She realised he was there! But her attempt to escape included continuing to run in circles and not look at him - only now she was screaming a little

 

[emeraldrafael]

I cant say he's a non gamer since I see him playing some steam games with friends, but I asked my roommate for a anme for a pokemon (and keep in mind now he's a year younger tahn me), and he legit said, "What? I didn't know you could name them."

 

[krazykidd]

My little sister , doing the runing man on a ddr mat . I never laughed so hard in my life.

 

[Hypertion]

once had my mother play Super Mario Bros 3.. first time she kind of drunkenly walked off the first cliff... the second time she ran off it.

she has not touched a video game since. lmao...

 

[AnthrSolidSnake]

Once I was playing Metal Gear Solid 3 at my grandparents house. My grandfather was watching, and him liking military stuff, wanted to try. He started from the beginning, sat through the beginning cutscenes, got through the opening gameplay, and then was hit with another barrage of cutscenes. What seemed to be about 10 minutes later he looked at me with a seriously confused face and asked "A...am I playing the game?"

I laughed so hard and had to explain to him that the games were dialogue heavy, but had fantastic story, but you could skip the scenes if you weren't interested. He played for maybe another 15 minutes and handed it back to me.

 

[Feedmeketamine]

Whenever i play racing games i tilt the controller like its a real steering wheel

 

[Muspelheim]

My dad rather liked Operation Flashpoint, and would sort of play it in secret while I wasn't around. He was much better at it than I was, too, in the beginning.

He did give me a few tips that helped get me out of the Rambo mindset I'd carried over from previous games, which is about 90% of becoming good at Bohemia Interactive's games.

 

[VanQ]

I remember once my sister was trying to look around and reached the limit of the third person camera. So in stead of turning her character she tilted her head to the left like she was trying to angle her vision like you would through a window.

She didn't realize that this wouldn't work on the TV apparently.

 

[Mersadeon]

So, I essentially got my love for gaming from my father playing Playstation 1 games and letting me watch (oftentimes even though my mum told me not to). One day, he let me play a game (I think it was a Syphon Filter) against him. Now, I didn't really know much, but I quickly figured out an angle at which I could throw a grenade directly onto his spawn point. The desperation in his eyes... was just great. I was guaranteed as many kills as I had grenades every life.

EDIT: Also, I had a fascination for those old Tomb Raider walkthrough guides - even though I was too young to play, I would read them several times. So whenever my father played a Tomb Raider game, I'd just sit there and whenever he got stuck I'd recite the solution because I memorized it.

 

[hazabaza1]

I mention this whenever it comes up because it's funny. My dad used to enjoy doing games and shit back in the day but recent games aren't really his thing. So a few years back I was playing Borderlands on the 360 and I told him it had co-op and we should try it together. So we start playing and he enjoys the opening well enough. The problem gets to when it loads in.

See, he only ever played PC or N64 FPS games. So he ran forward, into a wall, and in an attempt to turn his head ended up strafing from side to side, wondering why he wasn't moving.
I believe his last words before putting down the controller was "this is shite."

 

[Mister K]

I don't know if it's a funny one, but I like it.
So, I invited my friend to my place (to watch movies, play games, etc.). We decided to play fighting games and he picked Blazblue (because he liked the cover, I think). He picks Ragna (whom he continued to call "Vampire guy") , I pick someone else and loose. Then I pick Makoto, he picks someone else and looses. The, he sits for a few seconds and says:
"OK, I'll pick the Vampire guy next. Could you play this sexy squirrel with tasty ass again?"

I dunno, somehow memory of this makes me smile.