Gamers and empathy

[Moloch Sacrifice]

I may have said it previously in other threads, but as a British, white gamer, I find human, face to face interaction and relating to other people somewhat difficult. My intention in starting this thread is to see how other members and participants in this forum find non-internet based communication, with specific regard to their emotional openness, and willingness to share personal views with others.

Perhaps this provides relevant context, but I have recently discovered that when drunk and/or with drunk people, I find it easier to respond to intimate communication (even romantic advances) with a blank stare than with an emotional or meaningful response. I am curious to discover whether or not others on this forum exhibit the same behavioural patterns, and whether this is a behavioural pattern that can be identified and named. Furthermore, I would like to know if there is anyone who has exhibited similar behaviour and has overcome it through some means.

 

[Hero of Lime]

It's not necessarily a gamer problem to have trouble showing emotion and communication problems. I don't drink personally, so I can't comment on what I'm like when drunk, but in general, I usually reserved and very unemotional in public. I have trouble loosening up I suppose, which would prompt most people to suggest I drink enough to get a little tipsy, but I would rather not. When I have direct contact with people in public, more of my normal slightly dynamic self comes out, but from the distance I probably look totally apathetic to most things. People don't seem to have any trouble approaching me, so I'm a bit unsure what kind of impression I give people.

I don't think there is a name for what you are experiencing, I would call it general emotional apathy, or being protective of emotions? Though I have little knowledge of psychology so maybe I'm not the best to be commenting on this. Not sure if this is the kind of response you were looking for, but reading your post made me think a little I suppose.

 

[Section Crow]

My empathy is quite stagnant but i have no qualms with social interaction, used to be a bit shy now i'm more confident in more actions due to having some like-minded friends.

It usually helps to have a healthy social life to deal with social interaction issues, specifically friends you don't need to hide parts of yourself where talking about interest X is a conversation starter more than a cause for queer looks. Empathy i got nothing on since I've never really strove to 'correct' it as i am quite fond of it myself, helps keep a clear mind.

 

[Adventurer2626]

I try not to fall into or support stereotyping/labeling/tribalism where I can but I'm sure like most folks around here we have our fair share of social awkwardness. The whole getting drunk to loosen up thing seems stupid to me. It seems too much like a crutch and an excuse. I do get a bit more socially active when drinking but I think that's more due to the environment of social gatherings where people are expected to actively communicate and are more open to conversing. I don't truly have that interesting of an approach or perspective. I guess I'm the nerd version of "normal." I don't communicate often and when I do I often mumble, stutter and otherwise trip over my tongue. My roommate, for one, thinks it's a miracle when I can communicate a thought effectively. It's not that I don't have empathy or emotions, I'm just reserved. Just because I understand (mostly) other people's emotions and personality's doesn't mean I express myself the same way. I generally just let others lead the show and only chime in when I need to or think I have something interesting or funny to say (of which I get right about 50/50).

 

[Estranged180]

I'm a gamer. I'm also a NY'er. Believe me when I tell you that face to face conversations (confrontations... I'll get to that in a few) are not an issue, because for some reason, being a NY'er trumps being a gamer 9 times outta 10.

The confrontation thing goes like this. Someone tells me something that's obviously wrong, as if it was fact. For example, they'll tell me the sky is plaid. This is when I get to tell them all kinds of things like that their thought was wrong, presenting it as fact, when clearly I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that the sky is NOT plaid. I can tell them to crank their neck in a upward direction to look for themselves, but then I wind up running into the one person that 'refuses to look God in the face'.

I shit you not, that part actually happened.

Confrontations come as a part of being human. Whether you're better at them in games or in life, you will experience some type of conflict, which will eventually become a confrontation, or a showdown if you prefer the term. The mere fact that you have trouble dealing with normal people on a regular basis would suggest that you get out of the house. You'd meet some truly interesting people, and have a chance to deal with each one of them with no fear of reprisal.

 

[Mr Fixit]

Well I'l put it this way. The other night I sat in a tattoo parlor watching a woman I did not know get a tattoo(I do know the artist quite well though) & talked to her friend about politics, religion, sexuality, our own family lives & pretty much any other topic that happened to come up. And I had the most fun doing that than I have had in a long damn time.

I have no problems talking with complete strangers & being completely honest with them. Why would I care if someone I'll never have anything to do with again likes me or not. This was not always the case though. I was told recently that I seemed "unapproachable" back in high school & I apparently missed out on a possible relationship with a wonderful woman because of it. That made me stop & think about how I acted back then & I can see it so clearly now. It was all me, I kept everyone at arms length & I only stopped that because I met someone. She was so open & friendly & it made me realize what I was missing.

So yeah getting out & talking to people is great... Just do it, you'll say & do some stupid shit, but so has everyone else in the world so no biggie.

 

[Saelune]

It all depends on how they are presented. I have little issue terrorizing Los Santos, but I felt aweful earlier today in Scribblenauts when I made a ninja cry...

It all depends on how human the characters are, and how not jerky they are. Im very cold to jerky characters.

Its when undeserving people get hurt that I get upset. (If you cant tell, there is a real world relation to why those two things are)

 

[The Wykydtron]

Non Internet communication? What the hell is that?

Ok but seriously, I am pretty bad at communicating with people when first meeting them. For this reason, I hate shops, I write a little script in my head on the way in to minimise human interaction and get out as efficiently as I can. After the first two weeks I finally feel somewhat comfortable with my college classmates for another example.

Funnily enough, Internet communication has improved my ability to talk to people. Skype OP, pls nerf

I know why I can't talk to people and feel tense when in public, it's a self defense mechanism of sorts. One that I could do with dropping now but after years upon years of it you can't just up and change your entire mindset. I find it hard to argue properly with people, you get out of conversations quicker if you just nod along with everything, I know that sounds terrible by the way.

All that said, I am a very empathetic person. It's why I could only stick with a nursing "career" for about 2 weeks on a ward before I literally had a mental breakdown, the first and only one in my life. Like a proper "stuck in a room crying for 30 minutes" breakdown. You should try it sometime, it's good for the soul.

Ha, I couldn't have picked a better place for it though

 

[Bertylicious]

It's perfectly normal. Most people are raised to live their lives acording to 3 principles:

1. Live in fear.
2. Be ashamed of yourself.
3. Never, ever, tell the truth.

The internet just provides us with a sheltered corner and an infinite scrap-book we can write "down with big brother" in till we fall down amongst the trash and filth and become it.

Human interaction and closeness is massively overrated anyway, elbows are well nobbly.

 

[BitterLemon]

I feel okay communicating with other people. I'm a introvert and I'm shy, but nothing out of ordinary. I'm a little slow talking to strangers, but soon I loosen up. I don't hide my emotions but I hold my opinions until I know the person better, to avoid unnecessary conflict. With friends, I'm very sincere and open about emotions and I'm a empathetic person in general, people usually feel secure when talking to me and frequently open their feelings and opinions too. I enjoy talking and discussing face to face, is not a big issue to me.

I used to be more shy and social anxious when I was 15-20y old, but therapy helped me to cope with it and deal with others better. I was very dependent on internet communication back then, but nowadays I don't have much patience... guess I became used to live communication and got tired of the distance of virtual life.

 

[Something Amyss]

Non Internet communication? What the hell is that?

I think OP means radio?

On a more serious note: I don't find it difficult to have personal interactions, but I do often find it tiresome. People are kind of boring. The people I count as friends tend to be the most interesting people. Which sometimes gets me in trouble.

Romantic advances, however, can leave me with a bit of a panic sensation.

 

[Miss G.]

If its with people who like a lot of the same things, like how easy it is to make friends for life while drawing anime or discussing/playing Pokemon, then I'm a lot more open and talkative than would seem normal. If not, I'll be introverted until I've been around them long enough to warm up to them.

 

[teqrevisited]

Depends on the situation. I never give away anything, though I'm eternally the person that everyone tells their darkest secrets to. I only ever give away annoyance or amusement, depending on making light of a situation or finding common ground in annoyance to break the ice.

Fun fact: the first thing that the majority of British people mention when trying to converse with strangers is the weather.

Until I got what I consider to be my best job to date recently (The work is easy enough and entirely doable independently, the people aren't arseholes and the managers aren't condescending flecks of shit that stain humanity as a whole purely by existing) I volunteered at a local charity shop. The staff there weren't what I was referring to: they spoiled me rotten with expensive chinese tea, cakes and all sorts of other stuff. The regulars were easy enough to talk to - they usually had all day to browse and talk with everyone in the shop - but the slightly more challenging part came with the unknown. It was always hard gauging the first time visitors or those few awkward regulars who would only talk freely to the managers. I couldn't even get some of them to return a greeting and a smile.

I'd say overall I vastly prefer being alone to being anywhere with anyone else at all, but a few drinks soon unhinges my dry humour and I end up becoming almost a polar opposite. Not the violent or obnoxious type though, thankfully.

 

[Euryalus]

I can be a chatterbox.

You made corn puns for a good thirty minutes in a skype chat once. I think that's an understatement.

OT: I'm not incompetant at social interaction, I just get really really anxious which trips me up a lot.

There are times where I've been talking to people and with out realising it I started flirting with people... Successfully! Seriously! Stop Laughing! It's true!

It just feels really natural, but for whatever reason, if I try to approach someone or flirt or do anything that takes initiative (strike up a conversation rather than just join in an already occurring one) I get worried, overthink things, and have panic attack (rarely since I can control it from going that far).

It's odd. It's also why I'm really really outgoing and bold when drunk. I can't overthink things so I don't.

 

[Euryalus]

I can be a chatterbox.

You made corn puns for a good thirty minutes in a skype chat once. I think that's an understatement.

Oy, I'm not the one who started it! I only worked with what ya gave me!

You giggled about corn for 30 minutes! 30 MINUTES!

I still corn't believe it. There we were having an aMAIZingly interesting chat about one piece and there you were combining words with corn related things.

I can't believe you worked yourself into such a Tizzy

It's odd. It's also why I'm really really outgoing and bold when drunk. I can't overthink things so I don't.

When we meet in person one day, you have to be my wingman and vice versa!

[sub][sub]Not that I need one, being the suave Irish hearts-rob that I am![/sub][/sub]

We'll get all the women! And do all the awesome things!

Or get so drunk we pass out in a corner somewhere. It can be a contest. Who brings back the most numbers or wakes up in the neatest place with the coolest trail of destruction and shenanigans.

 

[Tsukuyomi]

For me it's mostly a mixture of setting (I hate the bar scene) and the interests of the people around me. I try to know a little bit about most things that are in the common consciousness right now, so to speak. Stuff like sports, news headlines, etc. Only thing I refuse to do that with is celebrity gossip. I don't wanna be all-knowing and I try not to come off that way, I just want to be able to contribute to a conversation if the need arises. It works well most of the time with most of the people I run into.

My problem usually lies in that 9/10ths of the people I meet are just....boring to me. I don't know what their interests are, but we are usually WORLDS apart, if they even have any. A co-worker once criticized me and a friend for talking about games over our lunch-break, this woman and probably four others were laughing about what nerds we were before my buddy turns to them and simply goes: "hey, is there REALLY anything wrong with us talking about this? We have as much right to talk about what we do for fun as you do."

This led to the question of "what do you do for fun?". When asked, all five women went very quiet for a very long time and acted as if they didn't understand the question.

"What do you DO when you're not at work? You know, watch movies, read books, ride bikes..."
"I dunno."
"how do you not know? What did you do last night after work?"
"watched a movie."
"so you watch movies to have fun?"
"I dunno."

just....ugh. I've thought on it a lot and I think for me it's not just that my interests are drastically different from others, but I also feel no real passion from them. Sure they DO things, but it's like...what? Why do you do them? Just to fill your time? Do you even do things because you like them? The most passion I see out of many people around me is over sports. Particularly Football. For the months out of the year that make up the NFL season, it seems like people actually CARE about something.

In terms of romantic advances....I'm...pretty dense in that department. Or at least in the past I've been. I don't think any woman recently has shown signs of actually being interested in me, and I've tended to blow my chances with the ones I've been interested in because I end up going too nerdy on accident. I don't WANT to drive them away, but...well...this is who I am. Guess I just gotta find someone who's willing to put up with that.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I have trouble making new friends, so I desperately try and keep up the old ones. It's mostly one-on-one though, I never go out in groups because then I usually feel left out. As it stands I have three very good friends, two of who vaguely know each other and the third who has never even met either.