Gamers and empathy

[Nickolai77]

I usually enjoy meeting new people and old friends- making small talk and introducing myself to strangers became less and less bothersome for me as I grew older- I'm 23 now.

Gamers arn't necessarily introverted, but introverted people tend to be gamers, and quite understandably so.

 

[bearlotz]

Well this thread popped up at a really convenient time. ENGAGE THE TEXT-WALLINATOR

Once the conversation-ball gets rolling I can usually manage to not completely halt it, but getting to that point is much more of a challenge. Maybe I'm just doing this whole thing wrong, but it seems like I have a really hard time talking to people who
A) aren't involved with some kind of technical discipline/study/career, or
B) don't also have gamer/generally nerdy hobbies.
The first one comes from the fact that I often have trouble reading between the lines; I'm awful at picking up subtext in conversations (or else I make a bunch up where there wasn't any), and people who are trained in an analytical mindset and/or technical writing tend to be much more precise with using the right words in the right situation, which eliminates a lot of the need for subtext and makes my life much easier. The second is more of a mutual agreement that society at large seems to have reached with me: I can't really be asked to take much of an interest in sports, celebrity happenings, or local gossip and in exchange society can't really be asked to take much of an interest in gaming, computer-related anything, or reading books that aren't Twilight and Harry Potter (not that the second one is bad, just that it's been out a while and I don't really remember the details anymore). I will say that sometimes people break that agreement and actually pay more than polite attention to my ramblings about game theory and programming jokes, and I try to return the favor in those cases (sports don't have to be boring, just don't tell me about a player's life story and stick to the games themselves). Those are the people I really appreciate, and the world needs more of them.

That was the general stuff, talking to the ladies has its own problems. The biggest one being that I panic about letting this happen:

I end up going too nerdy on accident

and end up being really awkward because my mind is going a thousand miles a minute (~1600 kilometers/minute, to you non-Yanks) trying to find ways to seem more "normal" and I can't focus on what's happening in the conversation. I realize that's a counter-productive way to do things, but it's damn difficult to stop the process once it gets going. And yes, I realize the wisdom in "just think of women as normal people rather than some kind of mystical and separate 'other'", but historically they have been much more likely to give me shit about having nerdy hobbies than men have and it's just a reaction out of habit at this point. But sometimes the stars will align and I will find myself conducting a conversational symphony with a young lady, getting some good flirting in and even getting a positive response to it...and that's where things fall apart. It seems that once past the initial hurdle I'm pretty good at generating interest and building sexual tension, but only as long as I'm not even remotely thinking about doing that. I can usually just kind of screen-off that part of the process from the rest of my mind, but once a lady starts flirting back in more obvious ways the reality of the situation can't remain hidden any longer and this happens:

Romantic advances, however, can leave me with a bit of a panic sensation.

 

[Barbas]

I have great difficulty in understanding what is 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' in conversation, so sometimes I just say whatever I want and attract a lot of stares. When insistent people do manage to pull me out of my shell, what they end up with is almost invariably a vitriolic rant on one subject or another.

People have commented too me that when I'm standing alone and thinking to myself, my facial expressions seem to change several times a minute without me realising, depending on what I'm thinking. This causes some concern on their part. Sometimes there is so much unnecessary aggravation attached to talking to people that I just fire up a few rounds with 'Akinator' or type a question to 'Cleverbot' instead. They're often more amusing and interesting.

 

[Moloch Sacrifice]

Oh God, I'd forgotten about this thread. I really shouldn't post on forums when I'm drunk. There's definitely an element of intoxicated self pity in the OP, but at least I've stimulated some form of discussion on the subject.
I definitely wouldn't say I shut myself in, but I do find that I feel very uncomfortable talking about myself and my interests; unless I know for certain the other person is interested as well, I will not mention videogames etc, and will even downplay or avoid direct questions on the matter. This obviously makes finding common ground somewhat difficult.
Until recently, I also found introducing myself to strangers almost impossible, although the trial by fire that is university seems to have cured me of that. However, I will outright admit that even basic flirting is beyond me; I've noticed that even when completely wasted the thought of approaching anyone with romantic intent fills me with terror, and being approached leaves me so bewildered that they soon lose interest.

 

[II2]

I don't think gaming has much to do with empathy at all... One might be tempted to argue that at points in time most 'gamers' were not typically people in possession of high social intellect and innate extroversion; choosing instead to focus inward on imagination and escapism. Videogames have become ubiquitous though, so the range of people participating kinda nulls that observation.

All that said, empathy is something that develops between networks of people at all manner of rates and isn't something you can put a personal gas gauge on. Sparing, from that description, individuals who's brains development simply does not process empathy / emotion in manners neurotypical.

 

[CannibalCorpses]

Real life interaction is easy, it's internet communication that i struggle with. I can find no way of judging people's true intention via text but in the real world i can tell by tone of voice, body movements and eye contact. The internet interactions seem to be more about weak willed people shouting over and over again in the hope that someone takes interest long enough to berate or agree with them. I can find people who agree with me in the real world, online i can find people who parrot my words or constantly tear what i say apart because my view impacts on their own in a way they have no wish to explore.

I feel at my most isolated when i'm only interacting online.

 

[Someone Depressing]

It's my nature to be withdrawn and shy; I do brighten up a lot when I actually get to know people though.
But yeah, I really hate communicating with people on the internet.

 

[Muspelheim]

I'm much better at social interaction than I thought, considering the trouble I had with it while I was a teen. Suppose it's just experience. I've also got a talent for being polite and tactful, oddly. People tend to like or tolerate me rather well. It's difficult to explain exactly how it works, it's more or less on autopilot. Thankfully. It was hell on earth being around people before I "got" it.
I rather like pleasant little chats and cold talk, with people I vaguely know or just people in general. It doesn't mean much, but it's comforting and polite.

I'm rather intoverted. I don't have many friends, certainly not by the current standard. But I never understood why some extroverts assume it means I can't talk, and sit around planning a series of dreadful murders because I can't get along with my own species. Things aren't as binary as that.

Now, I'm not sure gamers in particular have empathy or social issues. Many certainly do. But that is because gaming mainly attracts young people, and young people tend to mostly be the ones who does have those issues. And most of them grow out of them (unless they place that status on a piedestal, like I'll explain below) as they continue to grow as a person.

The only thing I might have an issue with reguarding the gaming/internet community in general is the whole jaded Dr. House pastiche that seems to be rather popular. The whole "I am a cynical misanthrope, I've seen the truth, I say the truth and I do not care for anything or anyone" act.

Some people have reason for it. Everyone has reason to be jaded about something. There is not anyone who's life has been an effortless cakewalk with no troubles or personal disasters whatsoever.
It's when self-diagnosed misanthropy becomes an excuse to turn everything your back and act like a rude, killjoy prat that it becomes an issue. There is a difference between being sceptical to a healthy degree, and just not giving anything a chance, because it's easier to assume everything and everyone is shit at all times.

It just seems a bit too simple a conclusion to make.

 

[FalloutJack]

I'm actually quite an outgoing and conversational person. I care about others, I've helped people through troubles, and I've even stopped a few suicides. Empathy? I have it...if you deserve it.