Out of what I can only believe to some deep-rooted self-loathing and clinical boredom, I?m sitting at work watching a Long Play of 1993?s The Adventures of Willy Beamish on the Sega CD. I must say, between the painfully long load times (literally loads between lines of dialogue,) not-so-subtle, inappropriately raunchy humor and washed out graphics and epileptic animations that cut my fond childhood memories of my then state-of-the-art videogame console to the quick, this walk down memory lane has been uphill death march on an unmaintained road paved with broken glass and lemon juice. But the absolute WORST of it all is this beyond horrific voice acting.
I know this game comes from an era long before the likes Nolan North could take a title from ?bland? to ?iconic? with a single, sardonic syllable, but that?s no excuse; this is bad by every standard from any point in time. Nevermind the voices sound like they were recorded on a Playskool tape recorder through a landline telephone 6 blocks away, it?s immediately apparent that the ?actors?? only previous experience was pretending to want the voice acting job on this game. The voiceovers were an add-in to the Sega CD port (not in the original ?91 release,) but for all the effort, you?d think they?d be able to find a talent pool a little more prestigious than ?a couple old roommates and that guy over there.? The writing is already typically ??90s Point-and-Click? bad, so the last thing it needed was to be delivered by people so bad at their job, they have to be faking it. One character?s voice actually changes depending on where you?re at in the game. Initially, he?s voiced by someone trying to imitate a prepubescent kid of 10-11 years old; one scene later, he sounds like he?s about 17-18, then in the next scene, he?s back to 10-11. Beyond that gross oversight, the rest of the characters are all voiced by people overdoing bad impressions of stereotypical accents (i.e.: Willy meets a Chinese family who not only speak broken English, but are accompanied by the ?oriental riff? music and turn out to be NINJAS of all things; you can?t make this shit up.) Ugh? 3 hours later and it?s almost done. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus; we?ve come a long way: from ?So bad,? to ?So bad, it?s laughably good? to ?So bad, it?s literally offensive.?
So, what other games have you come across with woefully pitiful attempts to bring the gift of voice to a videogame?
I know this game comes from an era long before the likes Nolan North could take a title from ?bland? to ?iconic? with a single, sardonic syllable, but that?s no excuse; this is bad by every standard from any point in time. Nevermind the voices sound like they were recorded on a Playskool tape recorder through a landline telephone 6 blocks away, it?s immediately apparent that the ?actors?? only previous experience was pretending to want the voice acting job on this game. The voiceovers were an add-in to the Sega CD port (not in the original ?91 release,) but for all the effort, you?d think they?d be able to find a talent pool a little more prestigious than ?a couple old roommates and that guy over there.? The writing is already typically ??90s Point-and-Click? bad, so the last thing it needed was to be delivered by people so bad at their job, they have to be faking it. One character?s voice actually changes depending on where you?re at in the game. Initially, he?s voiced by someone trying to imitate a prepubescent kid of 10-11 years old; one scene later, he sounds like he?s about 17-18, then in the next scene, he?s back to 10-11. Beyond that gross oversight, the rest of the characters are all voiced by people overdoing bad impressions of stereotypical accents (i.e.: Willy meets a Chinese family who not only speak broken English, but are accompanied by the ?oriental riff? music and turn out to be NINJAS of all things; you can?t make this shit up.) Ugh? 3 hours later and it?s almost done. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus; we?ve come a long way: from ?So bad,? to ?So bad, it?s laughably good? to ?So bad, it?s literally offensive.?
So, what other games have you come across with woefully pitiful attempts to bring the gift of voice to a videogame?
