Girlfriend and her close Guy Friend.

[Scarecrow1001]

I have a friend, one who tends to flirt with anything or anyone that moves. Recently, as I live hours away from her, my girlfriend and him have started to hang out. I find out from my friends and her, that they are cuddling a hell of a lot. They have even been described as a couple by people. On the other side, she's going though tough times, and he is there for her. Am I justified at being pissed of at the both of them?

 

[hazabaza1]

You could, god forbid, talk to them about it.
But from the somewhat limited OP it looks like you're just looking for a reason to be pissed off, so much so that you're willing to go off complete hearsay just to complain.

 

[BARQ]

Sounds possibly fishy but you won't know a proper thing unless you bring it up, man.

 

[game-lover]

Yeah... what they said.

You could call it a confrontation but maybe not so aggressive.

I will say that there are a huge amount of relationship boundaries that have been crossed at this point. So I don't blame you for being somewhat annoyed.

 

[Risingblade]

Confront the bastard, this reeks of suspicious behavior.

 

[FFP2]

That seems a little suspicious... I'd be upset too if my girl was cuddling with another guy.

Talk to them. If they don't stop doing that shit - dump both of them.

 

[Ickorus]

Ditch her and get some new friends while you're at it.

Sorry for being so frank but theres no need to sugarcoat this. From what you've written in your post it doesn't sound like they're just friends.

EDIT: But obviously you should talk to them about it first - that is selfexplanatory. Just don't let either of them bullshit you.

Sadly going to have to agree with all of this, I was in a similar situation once and it didn't end well.

I hope I'm wrong but confronting them about it and as Smash says, not letting them bullshit you is the best bet.

 

[Harlemura]

Do you permanently live hours away from your girlfriend or is it a temporary thing?
I ask because even if you resolve everything now, if you're still miles away from the two of them, the problem might just repeat. But yeah, as has been said, try and talk it out before you do anything.
But then I ain't real good at relationships or advice or nothin' so I dunno.

I think you are justified to be pissed off at them though. Regardless of the situation, repeated cuddling seems like something that would cross a line.

 

[Ratties]

Yeah he wants her. Of course it doesn't even matter if he is telling you about it. You know most guy friends know where the line is that they can't cross. Almost no reason he should be over there without you. Really feels like something is going on and you need to bring it up. Eventually you know if hes lying or not by how he responds.

 

[Abomination]

Sleep with his mother and/or sister(s) - just to be sure.

Then sleep with your girlfriend's mother and/or sister(s).

I really shouldn't be considered a valuable point of relationship advice.

To be honest, there is too much background knowledge that we do not have and advice from strangers on the internet is the last thing you should use to resolve the situation.

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

Yea, sounds like you need a new friend. And maybe a new girl while you're at it. If what you've heard is true (though I'm assuming you don't have anything concrete) then it's a huge betrayal by the both of them.

Definitely call them on it, but be prepared for the worst.

 

[J Tyran]

Being a bit pissed off or jealous in a situation like this is normal, how you deal with it is another matter. It is much better to try and clear the air and talk to both of them, if you feel that you might go over the top do it in a semi public place. Like a semi secluded place in a park or public plaza, you will be much less likely to boil over in my experience.

If they are honest and she does feel that she is getting closer to the next guy you will have to just suck it and move on, you can do little to salvage the situation. Make it clear in the conversation that you understand that may be a possibility and can accept it. Or the other option in this case and depending on how close to her and how much of a friend your friend is you could have an open relationship, this isn't for everyone but if you feel you could handle that it may be a suggestion. It can even be... entertaining in certain circumstances if you all feel comfortable with some experimentation. Never knock something until you have tried it, you would also be free to cast your net a bit wider and meet other partners.

If nothing funny is going on just explain how uncomfortable it makes you feel, then you just work it out. Either you try and get more comfortable with the flirting and body contact assured in the knowledge that nothing is going and its just the way they are or you can express how difficult it is for you to cope with it and ask them too stop. After that if it continues you may want to consider breaking up if its a real problem for you, getting frustrated and jealous will turn things very sour and bitter over time. Better to make a clean break and get it over rather than risk a poisonous relationship. If they are being dishonest and something is going on just break contact with both, no other way to handle that in a civilized way and can turn ugly fast. Fists often get involved then, they are not friends worth having if they do that to you.

You will either have to salvage your relationship with the dude or accept the friendship is over, how you handle that can be as hard as breaking up with your girlfriend if he was a good mate.

 

[Jamieson 90]

As a guy I'd say the alarm bells would be ringing but hey maybe that's just me.

 

[LetalisK]

I find out from my friends and her, that they are cuddling a hell of a lot.

Yes, I'm sure cuddling is all they do.

Dump them both and move on. You can "drown your sorrows" in the embrace of many, many women. Make sure you make note of it on your Facebook.

[sub]I kid, Facebook is the devil.[/sub]

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Right, what we need is a lot of rope and torture equipment, I can supply the van! We pick them up and make them spill the beans on what is really going on between them...

Or you know, just talk to them, say it is making you a bit uncomfortable, if they get defensive, say others have been thinking they are a couple to reinforce your worries and see if they work it out.

I got the torture equipment the inventiveness, cruelty and the necessary understanding of human physiology to be able to sustain the pain. I also got some rope lying around, if you're willing to ignore the stains that totally aren't blood from my last victims...


On topic:

TALK to them before you do anything else. Confront them but be nice about it, mention that others have described them as a couple to you and see where this leads you. Base your reaction on this, not on what others tell you about them.

 

[Dogstile]

Yeah, that's a line crossed, you should be pissed. I would be.

 

[likalaruku]

Well, if you don't mind taking the advice of a woman with unconventional thinking....

If he puts the hoe above the bro, then he's a foe. Though she is not without blame. It really depends on wh initiated flirtation the most.

I value friendship over lovelife. If your friend is hitting on your girl behind your back, he's not a good trustworthy friend. On the girl's end; you date an openly loose woman, can you honestly say you're surprised she cheats on you?

You could let her hook up with him. That way when she cheats on him too, you can both say you learned something & put it behind you. If they go steady & she doesn't cheat on him, it just means they had better chemistry together.

No matter how avidly society promotes monogamy/monoandry, it really goes against human nature. Jealously is such a useless emotion. If you can't trust your current partner, it's time to cast the line & hook another fish.

But then you still have the problem of having a friend who can't be honest with you & does things behind your back; that's less forgivable.