Girlfriend Zone!

[FieryTrainwreck]

Very ironic satire. She's trying to turn all of the friendzone posts on their collective head, but she's also fueling the argument that men and women are rarely ever "just friends".

The "friendzone" is simply a more recent and specific descriptor for the age-old problem of not getting what you want, and it happens to everyone. Why won't he date me? I'm in the fuckbuddyzone. Why won't he marry me? I'm in the girlfriendzone. Why can't I get a promotion? I'm in the middlemanagementzone. Why won't she date me? I'm in the friendzone.

If the fuckbuddy no longer wants to have sex, does that mean she didn't enjoy it? If the girlfriend dumps you, does that mean she didn't love you? If the middle manager quits, does that mean she hated her job?

If the friend stops being your friend, does that mean he only wanted to get into your pants?

This backlash against the "friendzone" concept, this notion that guys see themselves as entitled and sulk away like babies whenever they don't get their way in a relationship... it's reductive of the human condition. Everyone feels entitled in some sense at some point regarding some thing. We are willful creatures seeking pleasure. A lot of people riding the "death to friendzone" train come off as hypocritical because the underlying attitude seems to be one of exemption from the lowly desires that clearly define our species.

Edit: I found this response in the comments section of the linked post. It illustrates precisely the sort of thing I'm talking about.

"She's not complaining about being propositioned by friends; she's complaining that they suddenly stop being friends when she says no. Which means they were only ever pretending to be friends to get sex.

Yes, it's possible to be intimate with friends. But if a guy can't take no for an answer... then he was a lying douchebag all along, he was never a friend, and the woman has every right to complain about what a jackass he is."

This is idiotic. Every interaction you've had with this man, every joke and meal you shared, every experience, isn't suddenly invalidated because he responds to your rejection with distance. Expecting a person who is emotionally hurt to maintain the exact same level of affection and attention is myopic bordering on masochistic. Maybe he did only want sex. Maybe he can't be around you without stirring up painful emotions. How could you tell the difference? Seems like something you'd have to, you know, ask him.

 

[Me55enger]

Managed to solve this supposed issue by surrounding myself at uni with unobtainable/undesirable girls. They are great friends and great company.

This is a construction based on predefined and expected roles of masculinity in western culture. But thanks for assuming we're all dicks.

 

[Realitycrash]

Summa summarum: Poor satire, and people who get friendzoned should buckle up and realize that life isn't all about being with a special someone. And if you don't, please suffer in silence.

Also:

The "friendzone" is simply a more recent and specific descriptor for the age-old problem of not getting what you want, and it happens to everyone. Why won't he date me? I'm in the fuckbuddyzone. Why won't he marry me? I'm in the girlfriendzone. Why can't I get a promotion? I'm in the middlemanagementzone. Why won't she date me? I'm in the friendzone.

God-damnit, I'm in the middle-of-education-zone!

(Seriously, thumbs up).

 

[SonicWaffle]

This backlash against the "friendzone" concept, this notion that guys see themselves as entitled and sulk away like babies whenever they don't get their way in a relationship...

It's odd how it always seems to be perceived as sulking when a guy doesn't get a date, and rarely is it considered that maybe the guy just feels embarrassed and awkward about being shot down. Admitting your feelings towards someone puts you in a vulnerable state, and if those feelings aren't reciprocated you may well end up feeling like an absolute tit.

Since we're speaking of the human condition, nobody particularly enjoys rejection, and it isn't particularly surprising that being rejected is going to drive someone to avoid the person who rejected them because they act as a painful reminder of their embarrassment rather than because they view themselves as entitled to affection and resent not receiving it.

EDIT - Ha, you edited yours while I was typing my response

This is idiotic. Every interaction you've had with this man, every joke and meal you shared, every experience, isn't suddenly invalidated because he responds to your rejection with distance. Expecting a person who is emotionally hurt to maintain the exact same level of affection and attention is myopic bordering on masochistic. Maybe he did only want sex. Maybe he can't be around you without stirring up painful emotions. How could you tell the difference? Seems like something you'd have to, you know, ask him.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

Ah, a friendzone thread.

..I'm sorry, I just feel no sympathy, nor do I care. You got friendzoned? Too bad. Go find someone else.
It's just. That. Simple. Don't try to force someone into liking you that clearly doesn't.

I'm friendzoning four different girls right now. They seem to manage it just fine. Why can't you?

who is this directed at?
I mean, specifically, who is this directed at? if you're not going to add to the conversation, why bother posting these comments that are, quite frankly, quite rude and judgemental?

 

[Realitycrash]

Ah, a friendzone thread.

..I'm sorry, I just feel no sympathy, nor do I care. You got friendzoned? Too bad. Go find someone else.
It's just. That. Simple. Don't try to force someone into liking you that clearly doesn't.

I'm friendzoning four different girls right now. They seem to manage it just fine. Why can't you?

who is this directed at?
I mean, specifically, who is this directed at? if you're not going to add to the conversation, why bother posting these comments that are, quite frankly, quite rude and judgemental?

They are directed, in general, to every person who complain about being friendzoned.

You are right, it's quite rude and judgemental. I apologize. I just have a load of steam built up when it comes to hearing people complain and complain and complain (and complain) why oh god why they aren't entitled to a special someone just because they like them.
I judge these people because they need to grow up. I've gotten friendzoned myself (by the love of my life, or at least the sole love of my past seven years), but I keep that to myself and just accept that she doesn't love me back.

And the topic? 'Why do people girlfriend-zone me'? Yeah, it's poor satire.

But I'll edit my original post. I am, afterall, a proponent of internet-understanding.

 

[TrulyBritish]

It's called wanting to get into their heart.

-An expert.
OT: Huh, it's nice to see a post from the other point of view which isn't just "you're whiny entitled brats". Although, I've always been rather confused as to why this is a big issue to other people. I mean logically you ask someone out, they say "I'd prefer to be friends", mope for a bit, go back to having a good time as friends, and yet somehow it's this big thing that apparently people are falling out over.
Hmm...BONUS THINKING ROUND: I guess if we go with the idea that people can't choose who they're attracted to (and thus somewhat absolving the friendzonee of guilt) we then have to admit that the friendzoner doesn't have to go out with them unless they are attracted to the friendzonee which is presumably also not a choice. So I guess neither side is guilty...?
Alternatively, we consider that these people are somewhat choosing who they are attracted to, where we then say the friendzoner has the right to choose...?
I think I've lost myself... at any rate someone's probably said all the versions, at least at some point in these threads.
Captcha: "sweety pie"- Yeah, don't think you can get closer to me captcha. We're just friends.

 

[generals3]

The satyr was pretty good until: "This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I've been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date."

What's this idea that wanting a relationship somehow means you're being seen as an object?! So when i see couples i should see two people who see each other as sex objects. Because obviously if you want more than friendship that's the rational explanation...

And I don't understand the hatred towards the whole "friendzone" concept either. The reason why "friendzone" is a thing is because it describes a particularly painful rejection. Being rejected by a random person who you barely know and barely knows you is much easier to cope with than someone who knows you a lot. The random stranger probably judged you based on superficial characteristics and as such it is much easier to rationalize the rejection. On the other hand if it's a good friend it's quite clear (s)he sees you, as a person, as unfit to be a bf/gf. Which is obviously a bigger blow. And the friendzone merely describes this specifically harsh type of rejection.

 

[Daveman]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not. We're already unnerved enough by the fact that we are sexually attracted to virtually everyone and what does NOT help is you rubbing your breasts against our chests.

In fact, just steer clear of all physical contact. Also never go in his bedroom, or if you must, do not sit on his bed. Also never compliment him, we also do not do this with our friends, only people we fancy.

I mean this should be bloody obvious.

 

[Realitycrash]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

 

[Combustion Kevin]

You are right, it's quite rude and judgemental. I apologize. I just have a load of steam built up when it comes to hearing people complain and complain and complain (and complain) why oh god why they aren't entitled to a special someone just because they like them.

While there is certainly some sense of entitlement, from where I'm sitting, the whole "friendzone cry" seems to be more about confusion than entitlement.

I mean, consider this, you're taught to be a gentleman, you've been told girls are all about the inside of a person, not about looks (that's what guys supposedly do), but no matter how nice and understanding or funny or supportive you are, they won't have you, so what did you do wrong?

The answer, of course, is that noone did anything wrong, something doesn't have to go wrong for a relationship to fall flat, and for some people, and mostly teenagers, that is a hard concept to grasp, their only experiences are expectations pushed onto them by their social environment.

there is no use in getting angry at them, especially if you're not even involved, calm debate usually offers some perspective on both sides, and that's the best remedy, what are your thoughts?

also, if they won't listen and start acting like little assrats, you can smack 'em to your heart's delight.

EDIT:

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

we share confusion on this matter, what's wrong with hugging your friends?
it's not like we stand close enough to touch d*cks anyway.

 

[Fodder Aplenty]

It's odd how it always seems to be perceived as sulking when a guy doesn't get a date, and rarely is it considered that maybe the guy just feels embarrassed and awkward about being shot down. Admitting your feelings towards someone puts you in a vulnerable state, and if those feelings aren't reciprocated you may well end up feeling like an absolute tit.

This is exactly how i feel. I don't mean i feel embarrassed and awkward, just that that is what is most likely happening when someone who has just been rejected is feeling. Hypothetically speaking, however, if there was a girl i liked, and i somehow mustered up the courage to talk to her about it, only to be rejected. i can't imagine myself feeling anything BUT embarrassed and awkward. So much so that i wouldn't dare show my face to her or anyone she knows out of fear of them bringing it up.

Despite what i think of the Escapist, the people here are usually pretty empathetic of others, but it seems whenever it comes to the friend zone, there is always this... hostility isn't the right word. yeah, i'm not really good at this whole communicating thing so i don't know how well i managed to get what i wanted to say across.

 

[Realitycrash]

You are right, it's quite rude and judgemental. I apologize. I just have a load of steam built up when it comes to hearing people complain and complain and complain (and complain) why oh god why they aren't entitled to a special someone just because they like them.

While there is certainly some sense of entitlement, from where I'm sitting, the whole "friendzone cry" seems to be more about confusion than entitlement.

I mean, consider this, you're taught to be a gentleman, you've been told girls are all about the inside of a person, not about looks (that's what guys supposedly do), but no matter how nice and understanding or funny or supportive you are, they won't have you, so what did you do wrong?

I was more or less 'taught' this as well. I learned as early as the third grade that it is bullshit. Girls do care about looks, and would gladly abuse my kind and trusting nature if it means getting something I had (back then, it was candy, heh), all while pretending to care about me.
But you know, the whole 'girls are all about the inside' is horribly sexist. Girls aren't allowed to have a sexual nature? Or care about appearance? Laughable. We really, really need to stop teaching/implying children this.

 

[Vladimir Stamenov]

Some people in this topic say they can't be friends? 3 of my closest friends are girls and I've never felt sexual and romantic attraction to them (well I had a tiny crush on one, but it passed REALLy quickly). I think those are the key elements to a friendship - not feeling attracted to them and common interest. Which is why it's hard for a lot of girls to have guy friends - they just can't help themselves.

 

[Eddie the head]

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

HA! You don't know me vary well. I hug everyone. Even my current boss, he wasn't my boss at the time though. And my old supervisor. And my old boss.

Edit. Hell my nickname in high school was "hugsie."

 

[Daveman]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

Yeah overall it's a joke, but yeah, I don't hug my friends unless I haven't seen them in over a year or something. I mean just going off of my experiences, girls I know hug on a daily basis and they use it like waving. Guys don't do that.

 

[Realitycrash]

We can solve this easily.

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

We don't?

Though I assume your entire post is meant to be sarcastic, but still..We don't?

Yeah overall it's a joke, but yeah, I don't hug my friends unless I haven't seen them in over a year or something. I mean just going off of my experiences, girls I know hug on a daily basis and they use it like waving. Guys don't do that.

I think guys hugging should be more wide-spread. Might combat the whole macho-homophobia-thing a lot of males got going.

 

[SonicWaffle]

Girls. Do not hug your male friends. You hug your friends, we do not.

Some male friends are huggers. Some female friends are huggers. It's creepy and awkward and they don't seem to be aware that other people don't enjoy having to hug them all the time. Calm the fuck down, guys, and stop getting up in my face and then acting offended that I don't really want to cuddle you in public.

/rant

This is exactly how i feel. I don't mean i feel embarrassed and awkward, just that that is what is most likely happening when someone who has just been rejected is feeling. Hypothetically speaking, however, if there was a girl i liked, and i somehow mustered up the courage to talk to her about it, only to be rejected. i can't imagine myself feeling anything BUT embarrassed and awkward. So much so that i wouldn't dare show my face to her or anyone she knows out of fear of them bringing it up.

Bingo.

There's always that part of your brain which will point out that, even if you aren't talking about it, that friend looks at you in a different way now. Maybe the friend in question doesn't even think of you differently, but that isn't how paranoia works, and it's always going to be awkward for the rejected party to be confronted with that rejection.

 

[BanicRhys]

it's not like we stand close enough to touch d*cks anyway.

We don't?

[small](tohohohohoho I'm so original, I should write YouTube comments or something)[/small]

And because the mods will think I'm just trying to boost my post count for some reason I cannot fathom, I must form another opinion on this thread and then articulate said opinion with words.

I've never been friend zoned as badly as some people claim to have been (all the people who've rejected me have just been people from school that I've been somewhat familiar with), so I'm not sure I'm qualified to discuss this topic with any authority.

I will say this, Squall had the right idea. If you never let anyone get close, you'll never get hurt.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

I was more or less 'taught' this as well. I learned as early as the third grade that it is bullshit. Girls do care about looks, and would gladly abuse my kind and trusting nature if it means getting something I had (back then, it was candy, heh), all while pretending to care about me.
But you know, the whole 'girls are all about the inside' is horribly sexist. Girls aren't allowed to have a sexual nature? Or care about appearance? Laughable. We really, really need to stop teaching/implying children this.

I always thought certain characteristics were sexualy appealing as opposed to looks, huh...
then again, I have a weakness for tomboyish behaviour, in which case I quickly stop caring about looks, proves how similar both sexes are, I suppose.

gender politics is pretty screwed up nowadays, anyway, the idealised gender couple is the "capable man" and "beautiful woman", both of which raise unreasonable expectations or are out of touch with reality.

The fact is that it doesn't matter how capable of a man you are, if you look like quasimodo, you really have the odds against you.
If a woman has the "beautiful" covered, she's still not gonna make it in a modern day society, she'll need to be capable to stay afloat or be reliant on her partner, and set back women's rights about sixty years.

People argue that men and women are inherently different, I'd agree on a hormonal level, but it is our social environment that puts pressures and expectations on us, teaches us what to like and be like.
having a more gender-neutral way of raising our kids would solve a lot of this heartache (not all of it, let's be honest), so if you ever have kids: don't buy them a football, the sport sucks anyway, and don't buy Barbies or BabyBorn's either, get them lego's instead.